Chapter III: Knights of the Table Round

by Mark Twain

　　Mainly the Round Table talk was monologues --narrative accounts of the adventures in whichthese prisoners were captured and their friends andbackers killed and stripped of their steeds and armor.As a general thing -- as far as I could make out --these murderous adventures were not forays undertakento avenge injuries, nor to settle old disputes or suddenfallings out; no, as a rule they were simply duels between strangers -- duels between people who had nevereven been introduced to each other, and betweenwhom existed no cause of offense whatever. Many atime I had seen a couple of boys, strangers, meet bychance, and say simultaneously, "I can lick you," andgo at it on the spot; but I had always imagined untilnow that that sort of thing belonged to children only,and was a sign and mark of childhood; but here werethese big boobies sticking to it and taking pride in itclear up into full age and beyond. Yet there was something very engaging about these great simple-heartedcreatures, something attractive and lovable. There didnot seem to be brains enough in the entire nursery, soto speak, to bait a fish-hook with; but you didn't seemto mind that, after a little, because you soon saw thatbrains were not needed in a society like that, and indeed would have marred it, hindered it, spoiled its symmetry -- perhaps rendered its existence impossible.There was a fine manliness observable in almost everyface; and in some a certain loftiness and sweetness thatrebuked your belittling criticisms and stilled them. Amost noble benignity and purity reposed in the countenance of him they called Sir Galahad, and likewise in theking's also; and there was majesty and greatness inthe giant frame and high bearing of Sir Launcelot ofthe Lake.There was presently an incident which centered thegeneral interest upon this Sir Launcelot. At a signfrom a sort of master of ceremonies, six or eight of theprisoners rose and came forward in a body and knelton the floor and lifted up their hands toward the ladies'gallery and begged the grace of a word with the queen.The most conspicuously situated lady in that massedflower-bed of feminine show and finery inclined herhead by way of assent, and then the spokesman of theprisoners delivered himself and his fellows into herhands for free pardon, ransom, captivity, or death, asshe in her good pleasure might elect; and this, as hesaid, he was doing by command of Sir Kay the Seneschal, whose prisoners they were, he having vanquishedthem by his single might and prowess in sturdy conflictin the field.Surprise and astonishment flashed from face to faceall over the house; the queen's gratified smile fadedout at the name of Sir Kay, and she looked disappointed; and the page whispered in my ear with anaccent and manner expressive of extravagant derision --"Sir Kay, forsooth! Oh, call me pet names, dearest, call me a marine! In twice a thousand years shallthe unholy invention of man labor at odds to beget thefellow to this majestic lie!"Every eye was fastened with severe inquiry upon SirKay. But he was equal to the occasion. He got upand played his hand like a major -- and took everytrick. He said he would state the case exactly according to the facts; he would tell the simple straightforward tale, without comment of his own; "and then,"said he, "if ye find glory and honor due, ye will giveit unto him who is the mightiest man of his hands thatever bare shield or strake with sword in the ranks ofChristian battle -- even him that sitteth there!" and hepointed to Sir Launcelot. Ah, he fetched them; itwas a rattling good stroke. Then he went on and toldhow Sir Launcelot, seeking adventures, some brief timegone by, killed seven giants at one sweep of his sword,and set a hundred and forty-two captive maidens free;and then went further, still seeking adventures, andfound him (Sir Kay) fighting a desperate fight againstnine foreign knights, and straightway took the battlesolely into his own hands, and conquered the nine; andthat night Sir Launcelot rose quietly, and dressed himin Sir Kay's armor and took Sir Kay's horse and gathim away into distant lands, and vanquished sixteenknights in one pitched battle and thirty-four in another;and all these and the former nine he made to swearthat about Whitsuntide they would ride to Arthur'scourt and yield them to Queen Guenever's hands ascaptives of Sir Kay the Seneschal, spoil of his knightlyprowess; and now here were these half dozen, and therest would be along as soon as they might be healed oftheir desperate wounds.Well, it was touching to see the queen blush andsmile, and look embarrassed and happy, and fling furtive glances at Sir Launcelot that would have got himshot in Arkansas, to a dead certainty.Everybody praised the valor and magnanimity of SirLauncelot; and as for me, I was perfectly amazed,that one man, all by himself, should have been able tobeat down and capture such battalions of practicedfighters. I said as much to Clarence; but this mocking featherhead only said:"An Sir Kay had had time to get another skin ofsour wine into him, ye had seen the accompt doubled."I looked at the boy in sorrow; and as I looked I sawthe cloud of a deep despondency settle upon his countenance. I followed the direction of his eye, and saw thata very old and white-bearded man, clothed in a flowingblack gown, had risen and was standing at the tableupon unsteady legs, and feebly swaying his ancienthead and surveying the company with his watery andwandering eye. The same suffering look that was inthe page's face was observable in all the faces around-- the look of dumb creatures who know that they mustendure and make no moan."Marry, we shall have it a again," sighed the boy;"that same old weary tale that he hath told athousand times in the same words, and that he will telltill he dieth, every time he hath gotten his barrel fulland feeleth his exaggeration-mill a-working. WouldGod I had died or I saw this day!""Who is it?""Merlin, the mighty liar and magician, perditionsinge him for the weariness he worketh with his onetale! But that men fear him for that he hath thestorms and the lightnings and all the devils that be inhell at his beck and call, they would have dug his entrails out these many years ago to get at that tale andsquelch it. He telleth it always in the third person,making believe he is too modest to glorify himself --maledictions light upon him, misfortune be his dole!Good friend, prithee call me for evensong."The boy nestled himself upon my shoulder and pretended to go to sleep. The old man began his tale;and presently the lad was asleep in reality; so also werethe dogs, and the court, the lackeys, and the files ofmen-at-arms. The droning voice droned on; a softsnoring arose on all sides and supported it like a deepand subdued accompaniment of wind instruments.Some heads were bowed upon folded arms, some layback with open mouths that issued unconscious music;the flies buzzed and bit, unmolested, the rats swarmedsoftly out from a hundred holes, and pattered about,and made themselves at home everywhere; and one ofthem sat up like a squirrel on the king's head and helda bit of cheese in its hands and nibbled it, and dribbledthe crumbs in the king's face with naive and impudentirreverence. It was a tranquil scene, and restful to theweary eye and the jaded spirit.This was the old man's tale. He said:"Right so the king and Merlin departed, and wentuntil an hermit that was a good man and a great leech.So the hermit searched all his wounds and gave himgood salves; so the king was there three days, and thenwere his wounds well amended that he might ride andgo, and so departed. And as they rode, Arthur said,I have no sword. No force *, said Merlin, hereby is a[* Footnote from M.T.: No matter.]sword that shall be yours and I may. So they rode tillthey came to a lake, the which was a fair water andbroad, and in the midst of the lake Arthur was ware ofan arm clothed in white samite, that held a fair swordin that hand. Lo, said Merlin, yonder is that swordthat I spake of. With that they saw a damsel goingupon the lake. What damsel is that? said Arthur.That is the Lady of the lake, said Merlin; and withinthat lake is a rock, and therein is as fair a place as anyon earth, and richly beseen, and this damsel will cometo you anon, and then speak ye fair to her that she willgive you that sword. Anon withal came the damselunto Arthur and saluted him, and he her again.Damsel, said Arthur, what sword is that, that yonderthe arm holdeth above the water? I would it weremine, for I have no sword. Sir Arthur King, said thedamsel, that sword is mine, and if ye will give me a giftwhen I ask it you, ye shall have it. By my faith, saidArthur, I will give you what gift ye will ask. Well,said the damsel, go ye into yonder barge and row yourself to the sword, and take it and the scabbard withyou, and I will ask my gift when I see my time. SoSir Arthur and Merlin alight, and tied their horses totwo trees, and so they went into the ship, and whenthey came to the sword that the hand held, Sir Arthurtook it up by the handles, and took it with him. Andthe arm and the hand went under the water; and sothey came unto the land and rode forth. And then SirArthur saw a rich pavilion. What signifieth yonderpavilion? It is the knight's pavilion, said Merlin,that ye fought with last, Sir Pellinore, but he isout, he is not there; he hath ado with a knight ofyours, that hight Egglame, and they have foughttogether, but at the last Egglame fled, and else he hadbeen dead, and he hath chased him even to Carlion,and we shall meet with him anon in the highway. Thatis well said, said Arthur, now have I a sword, now willI wage battle with him, and be avenged on him. Sir,ye shall not so, said Merlin, for the knight is weary offighting and chasing, so that ye shall have no worshipto have ado with him; also, he will not lightly bematched of one knight living; and therefore it is mycounsel, let him pass, for he shall do you good servicein short time, and his sons, after his days. Also yeshall see that day in short space ye shall be right gladto give him your sister to wed. When I see him, I willdo as ye advise me, said Arthur. Then Sir Arthurlooked on the sword, and liked it passing well.Whether liketh you better, said Merlin, the sword orthe scabbard? Me liketh better the sword, said Arthur.Ye are more unwise, said Merlin, for the scabbard isworth ten of the sword, for while ye have the scabbardupon you ye shall never lose no blood, be ye never sosore wounded; therefore, keep well the scabbard alwayswith you. So they rode into Carlion, and by the waythey met with Sir Pellinore; but Merlin had done sucha craft that Pellinore saw not Arthur, and he passed bywithout any words. I marvel, said Arthur, that theknight would not speak. Sir, said Merlin, he saw younot; for and he had seen you ye had not lightly departed. So they came unto Carlion, whereof hisknights were passing glad. And when they heard ofhis adventures they marveled that he would jeopard hisperson so alone. But all men of worship said it wasmerry to be under such a chieftain that would put hisperson in adventure as other poor knights did."