Chapter V: An Inspiration

by Mark Twain

　　I was so tired that even my fears were not able tokeep me awake long.When I next came to myself, I seemed to have beenasleep a very long time. My first thought was, "Well,what an astonishing dream I've had! I reckon I'vewaked only just in time to keep from being hanged ordrowned or burned or something.... I'll napagain till the whistle blows, and then I'll go down tothe arms factory and have it out with Hercules."But just then I heard the harsh music of rusty chainsand bolts, a light flashed in my eyes, and that butterfly,Clarence, stood before me! I gasped with surprise;my breath almost got away from me."What!" I said, "you here yet? Go along withthe rest of the dream! scatter!"But he only laughed, in his light-hearted way, andfell to making fun of my sorry plight."All right," I said resignedly, "let the dream goon; I'm in no hurry.""Prithee what dream?""What dream? Why, the dream that I am inArthur's court -- a person who never existed; and thatI am talking to you, who are nothing but a work of theimagination.""Oh, la, indeed! and is it a dream that you're to beburned to-morrow? Ho-ho -- answer me that!"The shock that went through me was distressing. Inow began to reason that my situation was in the lastdegree serious, dream or no dream; for I knew by pastexperience of the lifelike intensity of dreams, that tobe burned to death, even in a dream, would be very farfrom being a jest, and was a thing to be avoided, byany means, fair or foul, that I could contrive. So Isaid beseechingly:"Ah, Clarence, good boy, only friend I've got, --for you are my friend, aren't you? -- don't fail me; helpme to devise some way of escaping from this place!""Now do but hear thyself! Escape? Why, man,the corridors are in guard and keep of men-at-arms.""No doubt, no doubt. But how many, Clarence?Not many, I hope?""Full a score. One may not hope to escape."After a pause -- hesitatingly: "and there be other reasons -- and weightier.""Other ones? What are they?""Well, they say -- oh, but I daren't, indeeddaren't!""Why, poor lad, what is the matter? Why do youblench? Why do you tremble so?""Oh, in sooth, there is need! I do want to tell you,but --""Come, come, be brave, be a man -- speak out,there's a good lad!"He hesitated, pulled one way by desire, the otherway by fear; then he stole to the door and peeped out,listening; and finally crept close to me and put hismouth to my ear and told me his fearful news in awhisper, and with all the cowering apprehension of onewho was venturing upon awful ground and speaking ofthings whose very mention might be freighted withdeath."Merlin, in his malice, has woven a spell about thisdungeon, and there bides not the man in these kingdoms that would be desperate enough to essay to crossits lines with you! Now God pity me, I have told it!Ah, be kind to me, be merciful to a poor boy whomeans thee well; for an thou betray me I am lost!"I laughed the only really refreshing laugh I had hadfor some time; and shouted:"Merlin has wrought a spell! Merlin, forsooth!That cheap old humbug, that maundering old ass?Bosh, pure bosh, the silliest bosh in the world! Why,it does seem to me that of all the childish, idiotic,chuckle-headed, chicken-livered superstitions thatev -- oh, damn Merlin!"But Clarence had slumped to his knees before I hadhalf finished, and he was like to go out of his mindwith fright."Oh, beware! These are awful words! Anymoment these walls may crumble upon us if you saysuch things. Oh call them back before it is too late!"Now this strange exhibition gave me a good idea andset me to thinking. If everybody about here was sohonestly and sincerely afraid of Merlin's pretendedmagic as Clarence was, certainly a superior man likeme ought to be shrewd enough to contrive some wayto take advantage of such a state of things. I wenton thinking, and worked out a plan. Then I said:"Get up. Pull yourself together; look me in theeye. Do you know why I laughed?""No -- but for our blessed Lady's sake, do it nomore.""Well, I'll tell you why I laughed. Because I'm amagician myself.""Thou!" The boy recoiled a step, and caught hisbreath, for the thing hit him rather sudden; but theaspect which he took on was very, very respectful. Itook quick note of that; it indicated that a humbugdidn't need to have a reputation in this asylum; peoplestood ready to take him at his word, without that. Iresumed."I've know Merlin seven hundred years, and he --""Seven hun --""Don't interrupt me. He has died and come aliveagain thirteen times, and traveled under a new nameevery time: Smith, Jones, Robinson, Jackson, Peters,Haskins, Merlin -- a new alias every time he turns up.I knew him in Egypt three hundred years ago; I knewhim in India five hundred years ago -- he is alwaysblethering around in my way, everywhere I go; hemakes me tired. He don't amount to shucks, as amagician; knows some of the old common tricks,but has never got beyond the rudiments, and neverwill. He is well enough for the provinces-- one-nightstands and that sort of thing, you know -- but dear me,he oughtn't to set up for an expert -- anyway notwhere there's a real artist. Now look here, Clarence,I am going to stand your friend, right along, and in return you must be mine. I want you to do me a favor.I want you to get word to the king that I am a magicianmyself -- and the Supreme Grand High-yu-Muckamuck and head of the tribe, at that; and I want himto be made to understand that I am just quietly arranging a little calamity here that will make the fur fly in theserealms if Sir Kay's project is carried out and any harmcomes to me. Will you get that to the king for me?"The poor boy was in such a state that he couldhardly answer me. It was pitiful to see a creature soterrified, so unnerved, so demoralized. But he promised everything; and on my side he made me promiseover and over again that I would remain his friend, andnever turn against him or cast any enchantments uponhim. Then he worked his way out, staying himselfwith his hand along the wall, like a sick person.Presently this thought occurred to me: how heedless I have been! When the boy gets calm, he willwonder why a great magician like me should havebegged a boy like him to help me get out of this place;he will put this and that together, and will see that Iam a humbug.I worried over that heedless blunder for an hour,and called myself a great many hard names, meantime.But finally it occurred to me all of a sudden that theseanimals didn't reason; that they never put this andthat together; that all their talk showed that theydidn't know a discrepancy when they saw it. I was atrest, then.But as soon as one is at rest, in this world, off he goeson something else to worry about. It occurred to methat I had made another blunder: I had sent the boyoff to alarm his betters with a threat -- I intending toinvent a calamity at my leisure; now the people who arethe readiest and eagerest and willingest to swallowmiracles are the very ones who are hungriest to see youperform them; suppose I should be called on for asample? Suppose I should be asked to name mycalamity? Yes, I had made a blunder; I ought tohave invented my calamity first. "What shall I do?what can I say, to gain a little time?" I was in troubleagain; in the deepest kind of trouble:..."There's a footstep! -- they're coming. If I had onlyjust a moment to think.... Good, I've got it.I'm all right."You see, it was the eclipse. It came into my mindin the nick of time, how Columbus, or Cortez, or oneof those people, played an eclipse as a saving trumponce, on some savages, and I saw my chance. I couldplay it myself, now, and it wouldn't be any plagiarism,either, because I should get it in nearly a thousandyears ahead of those parties.Clarence came in, subdued, distressed, and said:"I hasted the message to our liege the king, andstraightway he had me to his presence. He wasfrighted even to the marrow, and was minded to giveorder for your instant enlargement, and that you beclothed in fine raiment and lodged as befitted one sogreat; but then came Merlin and spoiled all; for hepersuaded the king that you are mad, and know notwhereof you speak; and said your threat is but foolishness and idle vaporing. They disputed long, but in theend, Merlin, scoffing, said, 'Wherefore hath he notnamed his brave calamity? Verily it is because he cannot.' This thrust did in a most sudden sort close theking's mouth, and he could offer naught to turn theargument; and so, reluctant, and full loth to do youthe discourtesy, he yet prayeth you to consider his perplexed case, as noting how the matter stands, and namethe calamity -- if so be you have determined the natureof it and the time of its coming. Oh, prithee delaynot; to delay at such a time were to double and treblethe perils that already compass thee about. Oh, bethou wise -- name the calamity!"I allowed silence to accumulate while I got my impressiveness together, and then said:"How long have I been shut up in this hole?""Ye were shut up when yesterday was well spentIt is 9 of the morning now.""No! Then I have slept well, sure enough. Ninein the morning now! And yet it is the very complexion of midnight, to a shade. This is the 20th, then?""The 20th -- yes.""And I am to be burned alive to-morrow." Theboy shuddered."At what hour?""At high noon.""Now then, I will tell you what to say." I paused,and stood over that cowering lad a whole minute inawful silence; then, in a voice deep, measured,charged with doom, I began, and rose by dramaticallygraded stages to my colossal climax, which I deliveredin as sublime and noble a way as ever I did such athing in my life: "Go back and tell the king that atthat hour I will smother the whole world in the deadblackness of midnight; I will blot out the sun, and heshall never shine again; the fruits of the earth shallrot for lack of light and warmth, and the peoples of theearth shall famish and die, to the last man!"I had to carry the boy out myself, he sunk into sucha collapse. I handed him over to the soldiers, andwent back.