Chapter XXXVIII: Sir Launcelot and Knights to the Rescue

by Mark Twain

　　Nearing four in the afternoon. The scene wasjust outside the walls of London. A cool, comfortable, superb day, with a brilliant sun; the kind ofday to make one want to live, not die. The multitudewas prodigious and far-reaching; and yet we fifteenpoor devils hadn't a friend in it. There was somethingpainful in that thought, look at it how you might.There we sat, on our tall scaffold, the butt of the hateand mockery of all those enemies. We were beingmade a holiday spectacle. They had built a sort ofgrand stand for the nobility and gentry, and these werethere in full force, with their ladies. We recognized agood many of them.The crowd got a brief and unexpected dash ofdiversion out of the king. The moment we werefreed of our bonds he sprang up, in his fantastic rags,with face bruised out of all recognition, and proclaimedhimself Arthur, King of Britain, and denounced theawful penalties of treason upon every soul there presentif hair of his sacred head were touched. It startledand surprised him to hear them break into a vast roarof laughter. It wounded his dignity, and he lockedhimself up in silence. then, although the crowd beggedhim to go on, and tried to provoke him to it by catcalls, jeers, and shouts of"Let him speak! The king! The king! his humble subjects hunger and thirst for words of wisdom outof the mouth of their master his Serene and SacredRaggedness!"But it went for nothing. He put on all his majestyand sat under this rain of contempt and insult unmoved. He certainly was great in his way. Absently,I had taken off my white bandage and wound it aboutmy right arm. When the crowd noticed this, theybegan upon me. They said:"Doubtless this sailor-man is his minister -- observehis costly badge of office!"I let them go on until they got tired, and then Isaid:"Yes, I am his minister, The Boss; and to-morrowyou will hear that from Camelot which --"I got no further. They drowned me out with joyousderision. But presently there was silence; for thesheriffs of London, in their official robes, with theirsubordinates, began to make a stir which indicatedthat business was about to begin. In the hush whichfollowed, our crime was recited, the death warrantread, then everybody uncovered while a priest uttereda prayer.Then a slave was blindfolded; the hangman unslunghis rope. There lay the smooth road below us, weupon one side of it, the banked multitude wailing itsother side -- a good clear road, and kept free by thepolice -- how good it would be to see my five hundredhorsemen come tearing down it! But no, it was outof the possibilities. I followed its receding thread outinto the distance -- not a horseman on it, or sign ofone.There was a jerk, and the slave hung dangling;dangling and hideously squirming, for his limbs werenot tied.A second rope was unslung, in a moment anotherslave was dangling.In a minute a third slave was struggling in the air.It was dreadful. I turned away my head a moment,and when I turned back I missed the king! Theywere blindfolding him! I was paralyzed; I couldn'tmove, I was choking, my tongue was petrified. Theyfinished blindfolding him, they led him under therope. I couldn't shake off that clinging impotence.But when I saw them put the noose around his neck,then everything let go in me and I made a springto the rescue -- and as I made it I shot onemore glance abroad -- by George! here they came,a-tilting! -- five hundred mailed and belted knights onbicycles!The grandest sight that ever was seen. Lord, howthe plumes streamed, how the sun flamed and flashedfrom the endless procession of webby wheels!I waved my right arm as Launcelot swept in -- herecognized my rag -- I tore away noose and bandage,and shouted:"On your knees, every rascal of you, and salute theking! Who fails shall sup in hell to-night!"I always use that high style when I'm climaxing aneffect. Well, it was noble to see Launcelot and theboys swarm up onto that scaffold and heave sheriffsand such overboard. And it was fine to see thatastonished multitude go down on their knees and begtheir lives of the king they had just been deriding andinsulting. And as he stood apart there, receiving thishomage in rags, I thought to myself, well, really thereis something peculiarly grand about the gait and bearing of a king, after all.I was immensely satisfied. Take the whole situationall around, it was one of the gaudiest effects I everinstigated.And presently up comes Clarence, his own self! andwinks, and says, very modernly:"Good deal of a surprise, wasn't it? I knew you'dlike it. I've had the boys practicing this long time,privately; and just hungry for a chance to show off."