Chapter XLIII: The Battle of the Sand Belt

by Mark Twain

　　In Merlin's Cave -- Clarence and I and fifty-twofresh, bright, well-educated, clean-minded youngBritish boys. At dawn I sent an order to the factoriesand to all our great works to stop operations and remove all life to a safe distance, as everything wasgoing to be blown up by secret mines, "and no tellingat what moment -- therefore, vacate at once." Thesepeople knew me, and had confidence in my word.They would clear out without waiting to part theirhair, and I could take my own time about dating theexplosion. You couldn't hire one of them to go backduring the century, if the explosion was still impending.We had a week of waiting. It was not dull for me,because I was writing all the time. During the firstthree days, I finished turning my old diary into thisnarrative form; it only required a chapter or so tobring it down to date. The rest of the week I took upin writing letters to my wife. It was always my habitto write to Sandy every day, whenever we wereseparate, and now I kept up the habit for love of it,and of her, though I couldn't do anything with theletters, of course, after I had written them. But itput in the time, you see, and was almost like talking;it was almost as if I was saying, "Sandy, if you andHello-Central were here in the cave, instead of onlyyour photographs, what good times we could have!"And then, you know, I could imagine the baby googooing something out in reply, with its fists in itsmouth and itself stretched across its mother's lap onits back, and she a-laughing and admiring and worshiping, and now and then tickling under the baby's chinto set it cackling, and then maybe throwing in a wordof answer to me herself -- and so on and so on -- well,don't you know, I could sit there in the cave with mypen, and keep it up, that way, by the hour with them.Why, it was almost like having us all together again.I had spies out every night, of course, to get news.Every report made things look more and more impressive. The hosts were gathering, gathering; downall the roads and paths of England the knights wereriding, and priests rode with them, to hearten theseoriginal Crusaders, this being the Church's war. Allthe nobilities, big and little, were on their way, and allthe gentry. This was all as was expected. We shouldthin out this sort of folk to such a degree that thepeople would have nothing to do but just step to thefront with their republic and --Ah, what a donkey I was! Toward the end of theweek I began to get this large and disenchanting factthrough my head: that the mass of the nation hadswung their caps and shouted for the republic forabout one day, and there an end! The Church, thenobles, and the gentry then turned one grand, alldisapproving frown upon them and shriveled theminto sheep! From that moment the sheep had begunto gather to the fold -- that is to say, the camps -- andoffer their valueless lives and their valuable wool to the"righteous cause." Why, even the very men whohad lately been slaves were in the "righteous cause,"and glorifying it, praying for it, sentimentally slabbering over it, just like all the other commoners. Imagine such human muck as this; conceive of thisfolly!Yes, it was now "Death to the Republic!" everywhere -- not a dissenting voice. All England wasmarching against us! Truly, this was more than I hadbargained for.I watched my fifty-two boys narrowly; watched theirfaces, their walk, their unconscious attitudes: for allthese are a language -- a language given us purposelythat it may betray us in times of emergency, when wehave secrets which we want to keep. I knew that thatthought would keep saying itself over and over againin their minds and hearts, all England is marchingagainst us! and ever more strenuously imploring attention with each repetition, ever more sharply realizingitself to their imaginations, until even in their sleepthey would find no rest from it, but hear the vagueand flitting creatures of the dreams say, all England -- all England! -- is marching against you! Iknew all this would happen; I knew that ultimatelythe pressure would become so great that it wouldcompel utterance; therefore, I must be ready with ananswer at that time -- an answer well chosen and tranquilizing.I was right. The time came. They had to speak.Poor lads, it was pitiful to see, they were so pale, soworn, so troubled. At first their spokesman couldhardly find voice or words; but he presently got both.This is what he said -- and he put it in the neat modernEnglish taught him in my schools:"We have tried to forget what we are -- Englishboys! We have tried to put reason before sentiment,duty before love; our minds approve, but our heartsreproach us. While apparently it was only the nobility,only the gentry, only the twenty-five or thirty thousandknights left alive out of the late wars, we were of onemind, and undisturbed by any troubling doubt; eachand every one of these fifty-two lads who stand herebefore you, said, 'They have chosen -- it is theiraffair.' But think! -- the matter is altered -- all England is marching against us! Oh, sir, consider! --reflect! -- these people are our people, they are boneof our bone, flesh of our flesh, we love them -- do notask us to destroy our nation!"Well, it shows the value of looking ahead, and beingready for a thing when it happens. If I hadn't foreseen this thing and been fixed, that boy would havehad me! -- I couldn't have said a word. But I wasfixed. I said:"My boys, your hearts are in the right place, youhave thought the worthy thought, you have done theworthy thing. You are English boys, you will remainEnglish boys, and you will keep that name unsmirched.Give yourselves no further concern, let your minds beat peace. Consider this: while all England is marching against us, who is in the van? Who, by the commonest rules of war, will march in the front? Answerme.""The mounted host of mailed knights.""True. They are 30,000 strong. Acres deep theywill march. Now, observe: none but they will everstrike the sand-belt! Then there will be an episode!Immediately after, the civilian multitude in the rearwill retire, to meet business engagements elsewhere.None but nobles and gentry are knights, and none butthese will remain to dance to our music after that episode. It is absolutely true that we shall have to fightnobody but these thirty thousand knights. Now speak,and it shall be as you decide. Shall we avoid thebattle, retire from the field?""NO!!!"The shout was unanimous and hearty."Are you -- are you -- well, afraid of these thirtythousand knights?"That joke brought out a good laugh, the boys'troubles vanished away, and they went gaily to theirposts. Ah, they were a darling fifty-two! As prettyas girls, too.I was ready for the enemy now. Let the approaching big day come along -- it would find us on deck.The big day arrived on time. At dawn the sentryon watch in the corral came into the cave and reporteda moving black mass under the horizon, and a faintsound which he thought to be military music. Breakfast was just ready; we sat down and ate it.This over, I made the boys a little speech, and thensent out a detail to man the battery, with Clarence incommand of it.The sun rose presently and sent its unobstructedsplendors over the land, and we saw a prodigious hostmoving slowly toward us, with the steady drift andaligned front of a wave of the sea. Nearer and nearerit came, and more and more sublimely imposing became its aspect; yes, all England was there, apparently. Soon we could see the innumerable bannersfluttering, and then the sun struck the sea of armorand set it all aflash. Yes, it was a fine sight; I hadn'tever seen anything to beat it.At last we could make out details. All the frontranks, no telling how many acres deep, were horsemen -- plumed knights in armor. Suddenly we heardthe blare of trumpets; the slow walk burst into agallop, and then -- well, it was wonderful to see!Down swept that vast horse-shoe wave -- it approachedthe sand-belt -- my breath stood still; nearer, nearer --the strip of green turf beyond the yellow belt grewnarrow -- narrower still -- became a mere ribbon infront of the horses -- then disappeared under theirhoofs. Great Scott! Why, the whole front of thathost shot into the sky with a thunder-crash, and became a whirling tempest of rags and fragments; andalong the ground lay a thick wall of smoke that hidwhat was left of the multitude from our sight.Time for the second step in the plan of campaign!I touched a button, and shook the bones of Englandloose from her spine!In that explosion all our noble civilization-factorieswent up in the air and disappeared from the earth. Itwas a pity, but it was necessary. We could not affordto let the enemy turn our own weapons against us.Now ensued one of the dullest quarter-hours I hadever endured. We waited in a silent solitude enclosedby our circles of wire, and by a circle of heavy smokeoutside of these. We couldn't see over the wall ofsmoke, and we couldn't see through it. But at last itbegan to shred away lazily, and by the end of anotherquarter-hour the land was clear and our curiosity wasenabled to satisfy itself. No living creature was insight! We now perceived that additions had beenmade to our defenses. The dynamite had dug a ditchmore than a hundred feet wide, all around us, and castup an embankment some twenty-five feet high on bothborders of it. As to destruction of life, it was amazing.Moreover, it was beyond estimate. Of course, wecould not count the dead, because they did not existas individuals, but merely as homogeneous protoplasm,with alloys of iron and buttons.No life was in sight, but necessarily there must havebeen some wounded in the rear ranks, who were carriedoff the field under cover of the wall of smoke; therewould be sickness among the others -- there always is,after an episode like that. But there would be noreinforcements; this was the last stand of the chivalryof England; it was all that was left of the order, afterthe recent annihilating wars. So I felt quite safe inbelieving that the utmost force that could for the futurebe brought against us would be but small; that is, ofknights. I therefore issued a congratulatory proclamation to my army in these words:SOLDIERS, CHAMPIONS OF HUMAN LIBERTY AND EQUALITY:Your General congratulates you! In the pride of hisstrength and the vanity of his renown, an arrogantenemy came against you. You were ready. The conflictwas brief; on your side, glorious. This mightyvictory, having been achieved utterly without loss,stands without example in history. So long as theplanets shall continue to move in their orbits, theBATTLE OF THE SAND-BELT will not perish out of thememories of men.THE BOSS.I read it well, and the applause I got was very gratifying to me. I then wound up with these remarks:"The war with the English nation, as a nation, is atan end. The nation has retired from the field and thewar. Before it can be persuaded to return, war willhave ceased. This campaign is the only one that isgoing to be fought. It will be brief -- the briefest inhistory. Also the most destructive to life, consideredfrom the standpoint of proportion of casualties tonumbers engaged. We are done with the nation;henceforth we deal only with the knights. Englishknights can be killed, but they cannot be conquered.We know what is before us. While one of these menremains alive, our task is not finished, the war is notended. We will kill them all." [Loud and long continued applause.]I picketed the great embankments thrown up aroundour lines by the dynamite explosion -- merely a lookout of a couple of boys to announce the enemy whenhe should appear again.Next, I sent an engineer and forty men to a pointjust beyond our lines on the south, to turn a mountainbrook that was there, and bring it within our lines andunder our command, arranging it in such a way that Icould make instant use of it in an emergency. Theforty men were divided into two shifts of twenty each,and were to relieve each other every two hours. Inten hours the work was accomplished.It was nightfall now, and I withdrew my pickets.The one who had had the northern outlook reported acamp in sight, but visible with the glass only. He alsoreported that a few knights had been feeling their waytoward us, and had driven some cattle across our lines,but that the knights themselves had not come verynear. That was what I had been expecting. Theywere feeling us, you see; they wanted to know if wewere going to play that red terror on them again.They would grow bolder in the night, perhaps. I believed I knew what project they would attempt, becauseit was plainly the thing I would attempt myself if Iwere in their places and as ignorant as they were. Imentioned it to Clarence."I think you are right," said he; "it is the obviousthing for them to try.""Well, then," I said, "if they do it they aredoomed."Certainly."They won't have the slightest show in the world.""Of course they won't.""It's dreadful, Clarence. It seems an awful pity."The thing disturbed me so that I couldn't get anypeace of mind.for thinking of it and worrying over it.So, at last, to quiet my conscience, I framed thismessage to the knights:TO THE HONORABLE THE COMMANDER OF THE INSURGENTCHIVALRY OF ENGLAND: YOU fight in vain. We knowyour strength -- if one may call it by that name.We know that at the utmost you cannot bringagainst us above five and twenty thousand knights.Therefore, you have no chance -- none whatever.Reflect: we are well equipped, well fortified, wenumber 54. Fifty-four what? Men? No, minds -- thecapablest in the world; a force against whichmere animal might may no more hope to prevail thanmay the idle waves of the sea hope to prevailagainst the granite barriers of England. Be advised.We offer you your lives; for the sake of yourfamilies, do not reject the gift. We offer youthis chance, and it is the last: throw down yourarms; surrender unconditionally to the Republic,and all will be forgiven.(Signed) THE BOSS.I read it to Clarence, and said I proposed to send itby a flag of truce. He laughed the sarcastic laugh hewas born with, and said:"Somehow it seems impossible for you to ever fullyrealize what these nobilities are. Now let us save alittle time and trouble. Consider me the commanderof the knights yonder. Now, then, you are the flagof truce; approach and deliver me your message, andI will give you your answer."I humored the idea. I came forward under animaginary guard of the enemy's soldiers, produced mypaper, and read it through. For answer, Clarencestruck the paper out of my hand, pursed up a scornful lip and said with lofty disdain:"Dismember me this animal, and return him in abasket to the base-born knave who sent him; otheranswer have I none!"How empty is theory in presence of fact! And thiswas just fact, and nothing else. It was the thing thatwould have happened, there was no getting aroundthat. I tore up the paper and granted my mistimedsentimentalities a permanent rest.Then, to business. I tested the electric signals fromthe gatling platform to the cave, and made sure thatthey were all right; I tested and retested those whichcommanded the fences -- these were signals whereby Icould break and renew the electric current in eachfence independently of the others at will. I placedthe brook-connection under the guard and authority ofthree of my best boys, who would alternate in twohour watches all night and promptly obey my signal,if I should have occasion to give it -- three revolvershots in quick succession. Sentry-duty was discardedfor the night, and the corral left empty of life; Iordered that quiet be maintained in the cave, and theelectric lights turned down to a glimmer.As soon as it was good and dark, I shut off thecurrent from all the fences, and then groped my wayout to the embankment bordering our side of the greatdynamite ditch. I crept to the top of it and lay thereon the slant of the muck to watch. But it was toodark to see anything. As for sounds, there were none.The stillness was deathlike. True, there were theusual night-sounds of the country -- the whir of nightbirds, the buzzing of insects, the barking of distantdogs, the mellow lowing of far-off kine -- but thesedidn't seem to break the stillness, they only intensifiedit, and added a grewsome melancholy to it into thebargain.I presently gave up looking, the night shut down soblack, but I kept my ears strained to catch the leastsuspicious sound, for I judged I had only to wait, andI shouldn't be disappointed. However, I had to waita long time. At last I caught what you may call indistinct glimpses of sound dulled metallic sound. Ipricked up my ears, then, and held my breath, for thiswas the sort of thing I had been waiting for. Thissound thickened, and approached -- from toward thenorth. Presently, I heard it at my own level -- theridge-top of the opposite embankment, a hundred feetor more away. Then I seemed to see a row of blackdots appear along that ridge -- human heads? Icouldn't tell; it mightn't be anything at all; youcan't depend on your eyes when your imagination isout of focus. However, the question was soon settled.I heard that metallic noise descending into the greatditch. It augmented fast, it spread all along, and itunmistakably furnished me this fact: an armed hostwas taking up its quarters in the ditch. Yes, thesepeople were arranging a little surprise party for us.We could expect entertainment about dawn, possiblyearlier.I groped my way back to the corral now; I hadseen enough. I went to the platform and signaled toturn the current on to the two inner fences. Then Iwent into the cave, and found everything satisfactorythere -- nobody awake but the working-watch. I wokeClarence and told him the great ditch was filling upwith men, and that I believed all the knights werecoming for us in a body. It was my notion that assoon as dawn approached we could expect the ditch'sambuscaded thousands to swarm up over the embankment and make an assault, and be followed immediatelyby the rest of their army.Clarence said:"They will be wanting to send a scout or two in thedark to make preliminary observations. Why not takethe lightning off the outer fences, and give them achance?""I've already done it, Clarence. Did you everknow me to be inhospitable?""No, you are a good heart. I want to go and --""Be a reception committee? I will go, too."We crossed the corral and lay down together betweenthe two inside fences. Even the dim light of the cavehad disordered our eyesight somewhat, but the focusstraightway began to regulate itself and soon it was adjusted for present circumstances. We had had to feelour way before, but we could make out to see thefence posts now. We started a whispered conversation, but suddenly Clarence broke off and said:"What is that?""What is what?""That thing yonder.""What thing -- where?""There beyond you a little piece -- dark something -- a dull shape of some kind -- against the secondfence."I gazed and he gazed. I said:"Could it be a man, Clarence?""No, I think not. If you notice, it looks a lit --why, it is a man! -- leaning on the fence.""I certainly believe it is; let us go and see."We crept along on our hands and knees until wewere pretty close, and then looked up. Yes, it was aman -- a dim great figure in armor, standing erect,with both hands on the upper wire -- and, of course,there was a smell of burning flesh. Poor fellow, deadas a door-nail, and never knew what hurt him. Hestood there like a statue -- no motion about him, except that his plumes swished about a little in the nightwind. We rose up and looked in through the bars ofhis visor, but couldn't make out whether we knew himor not -- features too dim and shadowed.We heard muffled sounds approaching, and we sankdown to the ground where we were. We made outanother knight vaguely; he was coming very stealthily,and feeling his way. He was near enough now for usto see him put out a hand, find an upper wire, thenbend and step under it and over the lower one. Nowhe arrived at the first knight -- and started slightlywhen he discovered him. He stood a moment -- nodoubt wondering why the other one didn't move on;then he said, in a low voice, "Why dreamest thouhere, good Sir Mar --" then he laid his hand on thecorpse's shoulder -- and just uttered a little soft moanand sunk down dead. Killed by a dead man, yousee -- killed by a dead friend, in fact. There wassomething awful about it.These early birds came scattering along after eachother, about one every five minutes in our vicinity,during half an hour. They brought no armor ofoffense but their swords; as a rule, they carried thesword ready in the hand, and put it forward and foundthe wires with it. We would now and then see a bluespark when the knight that caused it was so far awayas to be invisible to us; but we knew what had happened, all the same; poor fellow, he had touched acharged wire with his sword and been elected. Wehad brief intervals of grim stillness, interrupted withpiteous regularity by the clash made by the falling ofan iron-clad; and this sort of thing was going on, rightalong, and was very creepy there in the dark andlonesomeness.We concluded to make a tour between the innerfences. We elected to walk upright, for convenience'ssake; we argued that if discerned, we should be takenfor friends rather than enemies, and in any case weshould be out of reach of swords, and these gentry didnot seem to have any spears along. Well, it was acurious trip. Everywhere dead men were lying outside the second fence -- not plainly visible, but stillvisible; and we counted fifteen of those patheticstatues -- dead knights standing with their hands onthe upper wire.One thing seemed to be sufficiently demonstrated:our current was so tremendous that it killed before thevictim could cry out. Pretty soon we detected amuffled and heavy sound, and next moment we guessedwhat it was. It was a surprise in force coming!whispered Clarence to go and wake the army, andnotify it to wait in silence in the cave for further orders.He was soon back, and we stood by the inner fenceand watched the silent lightning do its awful workupon that swarming host. One could make out butlittle of detail; but he could note that a black masswas piling itself up beyond the second fence. Thatswelling bulk was dead men! Our camp was enclosedwith a solid wall of the dead -- a bulwark, a breastwork, of corpses, you may say. One terrible thingabout this thing was the absence of human voices;there were no cheers, no war cries; being intent upona surprise, these men moved as noiselessly as theycould; and always when the front rank was nearenough to their goal to make it proper for them tobegin to get a shout ready, of course they struck thefatal line and went down without testifying.I sent a current through the third fence now; andalmost immediately through the fourth and fifth, soquickly were the gaps filled up. I believed the timewas come now for my climax; I believed that thatwhole army was in our trap. Anyway, it was hightime to find out. So I touched a button and set fiftyelectric suns aflame on the top of our precipice.Land, what a sight! We were enclosed in threewalls of dead men! All the other fences were prettynearly filled with the living, who were stealthily working their way forward through the wires. The suddenglare paralyzed this host, petrified them, you may say,with astonishment; there was just one instant for meto utilize their immobility in, and I didn't lose thechance. You see, in another instant they would haverecovered their faculties, then they'd have burst into acheer and made a rush, and my wires would have gonedown before it; but that lost instant lost them theiropportunity forever; while even that slight fragment oftime was still unspent, I shot the current through allthe fences and struck the whole host dead in theirtracks! There was a groan you could hear! It voicedthe death-pang of eleven thousand men. It swelledout on the night with awful pathos.A glance showed that the rest of the enemy -- perhaps ten thousand strong -- were between us and theencircling ditch, and pressing forward to the assault.Consequently we had them all! and had them pasthelp. Time for the last act of the tragedy. I fired thethree appointed revolver shots -- which meant:"Turn on the water!"There was a sudden rush and roar, and in a minutethe mountain brook was raging through the big ditchand creating a river a hundred feet wide and twentyfive deep."Stand to your guns, men! Open fire!"The thirteen gatlings began to vomit death into thefated ten thousand. They halted, they stood theirground a moment against that withering deluge of fire,then they broke, faced about and swept toward theditch like chaff before a gale. A full fourth part oftheir force never reached the top of the lofty embankment; the three-fourths reached it and plunged over --to death by drowning.Within ten short minutes after we had opened fire,armed resistance was totally annihilated, the campaignwas ended, we fifty-four were masters of England.Twenty-five thousand men lay dead around us.But how treacherous is fortune! In a little while --say an hour -- happened a thing, by my own fault, which-- but I have no heart to write that. Let the recordend here.