Adventures Of John Longbowe, Yeoman
Being A Modern-Antique Realistic Romance(Compiled from several eminent sources)It seemeth but fair that I, John Longbowe, should set down thisaccount of such hap and adventure as hath befallen me, withoutflourish, vaporing, or cozening of speech, but as becometh one who,not being a ready writer, goeth straight to the matter in hand infew words. So, though I offend some, I shall yet convince all, thewhich lieth closer to my purpose. Thus, it was in the year 1560,or 1650, or mayhap 1710--for my memory is not what it hath been andI ever cared little for monkish calendars or such dry-as-dustmatter, being active as becometh one who hath to make his way inthe world--yet I wot well it was after the Great Plague, which Ihave great cause to remember, lying at my cozen's in WardourStreet, London, in that lamentable year, eating of gilly flowers,sulphur, hartes tongue and many stynking herbes; touching neitherman nor mayd, save with a great tongs steept in pitch; wearing afine maske of silk with a mouth piece of aromatic stuff--by reasonof which acts of hardihood and courage I was miraculouslypreserved. This much I shall say as to the time of thesehappenings, and no more. I am a plain, blunt man--mayhap rude ofspeech should occasion warrant---so let them who require theexactness of a scrivener or a pedagogue go elsewhere for theirentertainment and be hanged to them!Howbeit, though no scholar, I am not one of those who misuse theEnglish speech, and, being foolishly led by the hasty custom ofscriveners and printers to write the letters "T" and "H" joinedtogether, which resembleth a "Y," do incontinently jump to theconclusion the THE is pronounced "Ye,"--the like of which I neverheard in all England. And though this be little toward those greatenterprises and happenings I shall presently shew, I set it downfor the behoof of such malapert wights as must needs gird at a manof spirit and action--and yet, in sooth, know not their ownletters.So to my tale. There was a great frost when my Lord bade me followhim to the water gate near our lodgings in the Strand. When wereached it we were amazed to see that the Thames was frozen overand many citizens disporting themselves on the ice--the like ofwhich no man had seen before. There were fires built thereon, andmany ships and barges were stuck hard and fast, and my Lord thoughtit vastly pretty that the people were walking under their bows andcabbin windows and climbing of their sides like mermen, but I,being a plain, blunt man, had no joy in such idlenesse, deeming itbetter that in these times of pith and enterprise they should bemore seemly employed. My Lord, because of one or two misadventuresby reason of the slipperiness of the ice, was fain to go by LondonBridge, which we did; my Lord as suited his humor ruffling thestaid citizens as he passed or peering under the hoods of theirwives and daughters--as became a young gallant of the time. I,being a plain, blunt man, assisted in no such folly, but contentedmyself, when they complayned to me, with damning their souls forgreasy interfering varlets. For I shall now make no scruple indeclaring that my Lord was the most noble Earl of Southampton,being withheld from so saying before through very plainness andbluntness, desiring as a simple yeoman to make no boast of servinga man of so high quality.We fared on over Bankside to the Globe playhouse, where my Lordbade me dismount and deliver a secret message to the chief player--which message was, "had he diligently perused and examined that hewot of, and what said he thereof?" Which I did. Thereupon he thatwas called the chief player did incontinently proceed to load minearms and wallet with many and divers rolls of manuscripts in myLord's own hand, and bade me say unto him that there was a greatfrost over London, but that if he were to perform those plays andmasques publickly, there would be a greater frost there--to wit, inthe Globe playhouse. This I did deliver with the Manuscripts to myLord, who changed countenance mightily at the sight of them, butcould make nought of the message. At which the lad who held thehorses before the playhouse--one Will Shakespeare--split withlaughter. Whereat my Lord cursed him for a deer-stealing, coney-catching Warwickshire lout, and cuffed him soundly. I wot therewill be those who remember that this Will Shakespeare afterwardsbecame a player and did write plays--which were acceptable even tothe Queen's Majesty's self--and I set this down not from vanity toshew I have held converse with such, nor to give a seemingness andcolour to my story, but to shew what ill-judged, misinformed knaveswere they who did afterwards attribute friendship between my Lordand this Will Shakespeare, even to the saying that he made sonnetsto my Lord. Howbeit, my Lord was exceeding wroth, and I, tobeguile him, did propose that we should leave our horses andcargoes of manuscript behind and cross on the ice afoot, whichconceit pleased him mightily. In sooth it chanced well with whatfollowed, for hardly were we on the river when we saw a great crowdcoming from Westminster, before a caravan of strange animals andsavages in masks, capering and capricolling, dragging after themdivers sledges quaintly fashioned like swannes, in which wereladies attired as fairies and goddesses and such like heathen andwanton trumpery, which I, as a plain, blunt man, would have fallento cursing, had not my Lord himself damned me under his breath tohold my peace, for that he had recognized my Lord of Leicester'scolours and that he made no doubt they were of the Court. Asforsooth this did presently appear; also that one of the ladies washer Gracious Majesty's self--masked to the general eye, the betterto enjoy these miscalled festivities. I say miscalled, for, thougha loyal subject of her Majesty, and one who hath borne arms atTilbury Fort in defence of her Majesty, it inflamed my choler, as aplain and blunt man, that her Mightiness should so degrade herdignity. Howbeit, as a man who hath his way to make in the world,I kept mine eyes well upon the anticks of the Great, while my Lordjoined the group of maskers and their follies. I recognized herMajesty's presence by her discourse in three languages to as manyAmbassadors that were present--though I marked well that she hadnot forgotten her own tongue, calling one of her ladies "a sluttishwench," nor her English spirit in cuffing my Lord of Essex's earsfor some indecorum--which, as a plain man myself, curt in speechand action, did rejoice me greatly. But I must relate one feat,the like of which I never saw in England before or since. Therewas a dance of the maskers, and in the midst of it her Majestyasked the Ambassador from Spayne if he had seen the latest Frenchdance. He replied that he had not. Whereupon Her Most ExcellentMajesty skipt back a pace and forward a pace, and lifting her hoop,delivered a kick at his Excellency's hat which sent it flying thespace of a good English ell above his head! Howbeit so great wasthe acclamation that her Majesty was graciously moved to repeat itto my Lord of Leicester, but, tripping back, her high heels caughtin her farthingale, and she would have fallen on the ice, but forthat my Lord, with exceeding swiftness and dexterity, whisked hiscloak from his shoulder, spreading it under her, and so receivedher body in its folds on the ice, without himself touching herMajesty's person. Her Majesty was greatly pleased at this, andbade my Lord buy another cloak at her cost, though it swallowed anestate; but my Lord replyed, after the lying fashion of the time,that it was honour enough for him to be permitted to keep it after"it had received her Royal person." I know that this hap hath beenpartly related of another person--the shipman Raleigh--but I tellsuch as deny me that they lie in their teeth, for I, John Longbowe,have cause--miserable cause enough, I warrant--to remember it, andmy Lord can bear me out! For, spite of his fair speeches, when hewas quit of the Royal presence, he threw me his wet and bedraggledcloak and bade me change it with him for mine own, which was dryand warm. And it was this simple act which wrought the lamentableand cruel deed of which I was the victim, for, as I followed myLord, thus apparelled, across the ice, I was suddenly set upon andseized, a choke-pear clapt into my mouth so that I could not cryaloud, mine eyes bandaged, mine elbows pinioned at my side in thatfatall cloak like to a trussed fowl, and so I was carried to wherethe ice was broken, and thrust into a boat. Thence I was conveyedin the same rude sort to a ship, dragged up her smooth, wet side,and clapt under hatches. Here I lay helpless as in a swoon. WhenI came to, it was with a great trampling on the decks above and thewashing of waves below, and I made that the ship was moving--butwhere I knew not. After a little space the hatch was lifted fromwhere I lay, the choke-pear taken from my mouth; but not thebandage from mine eyes, so I could see nought around me. But Iheard a strange voice say: "What coil is this? This is my Lord'scloak in sooth, but not my Lord that lieth in it! Who is thisfellow?" At which I did naturally discover the great misprise ofthose varlets who had taken me for my dear Lord, whom I now damnedin my heart for changing of the cloaks! Howbeit, when I hadfetched my breath with difficulty, being well nigh spent by reasonof the gag, I replyed that I was John Longbowe, my Lord's trueyeoman, as good a man as any, as they should presently discoverwhen they set me ashore. That I knew-- "Softly, friend," said theVoice, "thou knowest too much for the good of England and toolittle for thine own needs. Thou shalt be sent where thou mayestforget the one and improve thy knowledge of the other." Then as ifturning to those about him, for I could not see by reason of theblindfold, he next said: "Take him on your voyage, and see that heescape not till ye are quit of England." And with that they claptto the hatch again, and I heard him cast off from the ship's side.There was I, John Longbowe, an English yeoman,--I, who but that dayhad held converse with Will Shakespeare and been cognizant of therevels of Her Most Christian Majesty even to the spying of hergarterfor I will not be certain of the year--and forced to sea for thatmy Lord of Southampton had provoked the jealousie and envy ofdivers other great nobles.CHAPTERS I TO XXI AM FORCED TO SEA AND TO BECOME A PIRATE! I SUFFER LAMENTABLYFROM SICKNESS BY REASON OF THE BIGNESSE OF THE WAVES. I COMMITMANY CRUELTIES AND BLOODSHED. BUT BY THE DIVINE INTERCESSION IEVENTUALLY THROW THE WICKED CAPTAIN OVERBOARD AND AM ELECTED IN HISSTEAD. I DISCOVER AN ISLAND OF TREASURE, OBTAIN POSSESSION THEREOFBY A TRICKE, AND PUT THE NATIVES TO THE SWORD.I marvel much at those who deem it necessary in the setting down oftheir adventures to gloze over the whiles between with much matterof the country, the peoples, and even their own foolish reflectionsthereon, hoping in this way to cozen the reader with a belief intheir own truthfulness, and encrease the extravagance of theirdeeds. I, being a plain, blunt man, shall simply say for myselfthat for many days after being taken from the bilboes and made freeof the deck, I was grievously distempered by reason of the waves,and so collapsed in the bowels that I could neither eat, stand, norlie. Being thus in great fear of death, from which I wasmiraculously preserved, I, out of sheer gratitude to my Maker, didincontinently make oath and sign articles to be one of the crew--which were buccaneers. I did this the more readily as we were toattack the ships of Spayne only, and through there being no stateof Warre at that time between England and that country, it waswisely conceived that this conduct would provoke it, and we shouldthus be forearmed, as became a juste man in his quarrel. For thiswe had the precious example of many great Captains. We didtherefore heave to and burn many ships--the quality of thoseengagements I do not set forth, not having a seaman's use of shipspeech, and despising, as a plain, blunt man, those who misuse it,having it not.But this I do know, that, having some conceit of a shipman's waysand of pirates, I did conceive at this time a pretty song for mycomradoes, whereof the words ran thus:--Yo ho! when the Dog Watch bayeth loud
In the light of a mid-sea moon!
And the Dead Eyes glare in the stiffening Shroud,
For that is the Pirate's noon!
When the Night Mayres sit on the Dead Man's Chest
Where no manne's breath may come--
Then hey for a bottle of Rum! Rum! Rum!
And a passage to Kingdom come!I take no credit to myself for the same, except so far as it mayshew a touch of my Lord of Southampton's manner--we being intimate--but this I know, that it was much acclaimed by the crew. Indeedthey, observing that the Captain was of a cruel nature, would fainkill him and put me in his stead, but I, objecting to the sheddingof precious blood in such behoof, did prevent such a lamentable andinhuman action by stealthily throwing him by night from his cabbinwindow into the sea--where, owing to the inconceivable distance ofthe ship from shore, he was presently drowned. Which untoward fatehad a great effect upon my fortunes, since, burthening myself withhis goods and effects, I found in his chest a printed proclamationfrom an aged and infirm clergyman in the West of Englandcovenanting that, for the sum of two crowns, he would send to whosooffered, the chart of an island of great treasure in the SpanishMain, whereof he had had confession from the lips of a dyingparishioner, and the amount gained thereby he would use for therestoration of his parish church. Now I, reading this, was struckby a great remorse and admiration for our late Captain, for that itwould seem that he was, like myself, a staunch upholder of theProtestant Faith and the Church thereof, as did appear by hispossession of the chart, for which he had no doubt paid the twogood crowns. As an act of penance I resolved upon finding the sameisland by the aid of the chart, and to that purpose sailed Eastmany days, and South, and North, and West as many other days--themanner whereof and the latitude and longitude of which I shall notburden the reader with, holding it, as a plain, blunt man, merepadding and impertinence to fill out my narrative, which helpethnot the general reader. So, I say, when we sighted the Island,which seemed to be swarming with savages, I ordered the masts to bestripped, save but for a single sail which hung sadly anddistractedly, and otherwise put the ship into the likeness of aforlorn wreck, clapping the men, save one or two, under hatches.This I did to prevent the shedding of precious blood, knowing fullwell that the ignorant savages, believing the ship in soredistress, would swim off to her with provisions and fruit, bearingno arms. Which they did, while we, as fast as they clomb thesides, despatched them at leisure, without unseemly outcry oralarms. Having thus disposed of the most adventurous, we landedand took possession of the island, finding thereon many kegs ofcarbuncles and rubies and pieces of eight--the treasure store ofthose lawless pirates who infest the seas, having no colour of waror teaching of civilisation to atone for their horrid deeds.I discovered also, by an omission in the chart, that this was notthe Island wot of by the good and aged Devonshire divine--and so weeased our consciences of accounting for the treasure to him. Wethen sailed away, arriving after many years' absence at the Port ofBristol in Merrie England, where I took leave of the "Jolly Roger,"that being the name of my ship; it was a strange conceit of seamenin after years ever to call the device of my FLAG--to wit, a skulland bones made in the sign of a Cross--by the NAME my ship bore,and if I have only corrected the misuse of history by lying knaves,I shall be content with this writing. But alas! such are theuncertainties of time; I found my good Lord of Southampton dead andmost of his friends beheaded, and the blessed King James ofScotland--if I mistake not, for these also be the uncertainties oftime--on the throne. In due time I married Mistress MarianStraitways. I might have told more of trifling, and how she fared,poor wench! in mine absence, even to the following of me in anothership, in a shipboy's disguise, and how I rescued her from ascheming Pagan villain; but, as a plain, blunt man, I am no hand atthe weaving of puling love tales and such trifling diversions forlovesick mayds and their puny gallants--having only considerationfor men and their deeds, which I have here set down bluntly andeven at mine advanced years am ready to maintain with the hand thatset it down.
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