Part Eight: Chapter 18

by Leo Tolstoy

　　During the whole of that day, in the extremely differentconversations in which he took part, only as it were with the toplayer of his mind, in spite of the disappointment of not findingthe change he expected in himself, Levin had been all the whilejoyfully conscious of the fulness of his heart.

　　After the rain it was too wet to go for a walk; besides, thestorm clouds still hung about the horizon, and gathered here andthere, black and thundery. on the rim of the sky. The wholeparty spent the rest of the day in the house.

　　No more discussions sprang up; on the contrary, after dinnerevery one was in the most amiable frame of mind.

　　At first Katavasov amused the ladies by his original jokes, whichalways pleased people on their first acquaintance with him. ThenSergey Ivanovitch induced him to tell them about the veryinteresting observations he had made on the habits andcharacteristics of common houseflies, and their life. SergeyIvanovitch, too, was in good spirits, and at tea his brother drewhim on to explain his views of the future of the Easternquestion, and he spoke so simply and so well, that everyonelistened eagerly.

　　Kitty was the only one who did not hear it all--she was summonedto give Mitya his bath.

　　A few minutes after Kitty had left the room she sent for Levin tocome to the nursery.

　　Leaving his tea, and regretfully interrupting the interestingconversation, and at the same time uneasily wondering why he hadbeen sent for, as this only happened on important occasions,Levin went to the nursery.

　　Although he had been much interested by Sergey Ivanovitch's viewsof the new epoch in history that would be created by theemancipation of forty millions of men of Slavonic race actingwith Russia, a conception quite new to him, and although he wasdisturbed by uneasy wonder at being sent for by Kitty, as soon ashe came out of the drawing room and was alone, his mind revertedat once to the thoughts of the morning. And all the theories ofthe significance of the Slav element in the history of the worldseemed to him so trivial compared with what was passing in hisown soul, that he instantly forgot it all and dropped back intothe same frame of mind that he been in that morning.

　　He did not, as he had done at other times, recall the whole trainof thought--that he did not need. He fell back at once into thefeeling which had guided him, which was connected with thosethoughts, and he found that feeling in his soul even stronger andmore definite than before. He did not, as he had had to do withprevious attempts to find comforting arguments, need to revive awhole chain of thought to find the feeling. Now, on thecontrary, the feeling of joy and peace was keener than ever, andthought could not keep pace with feeling.

　　He walked across the terrace and looked at two stars that hadcome out in the darkening sky, and suddenly he remembered. "Yes,looking at the sky, I thought that the dome that I see is not adeception, and then I thought something, I shirked facingsomething," he mused. "But whatever it was, there can be nodisproving it! I have but to think, and all will come clear!"

　　Just as he was going into the nursery he remembered what it washe had shirked facing. It was that if the chief proof of theDivinity was His revelation of what is right, how is it thisrevelation is confined to the Christian church alone? Whatrelation to this revelation have the beliefs of the Buddhists,Mohammedans, who preached and did good too?

　　It seemed to him that he had an answer to this question; but hehad not time to formulate it to himself before he went into thenursery.

　　Kitty was standing with her sleeves tucked up over the baby inthe bath. Hearing her husband's footstep, she turned towardshim, summoning him to her with her smile. With one hand she wassupporting the fat baby that lay floating and sprawling on itsback, while with the other she squeezed the sponge over him.

　　"Come, look, look!" she said, when her husband came up to her."Agafea Mihalovna's right. He knows us!"

　　Mitya had on that day given unmistakable, incontestable signs ofrecognizing all his friends.

　　As soon as Levin approached the bath, the experiment was tried,and it was completely successful. The cook, sent for with thisobject, bent over the baby. He frowned and shook his headdisapprovingly. Kitty bent down to him, he gave her a beamingsmile, propped his little hands on the sponge and chirruped,making such a queer little contented sound with his lips, thatKitty and the nurse were not alone in their admiration. Levin,too, was surprised and delighted.

　　The baby was taken out of the bath, drenched with water, wrappedin towels, dried, and after a piercing scream, handed to hismother.

　　"Well, I am glad you are beginning to love him," said Kitty toher husband, when she had settled herself comfortably in herusual place, with the baby at her breast. "I am so glad! It hadbegun to distress me. You said you had no feeling for him."

　　"No; did I say that? I only said I was disappointed."

　　"What! disappointed in him?"

　　"Not disappointed in him, but in my own feeling; I had expectedmore. I had expected a rush of new delightful emotion to comeas a surprise. And then instead of that--disgust, pity..."

　　She listened attentively, looking at him over the baby, while sheput back on her slender fingers the rings she had taken off whilegiving Mitya his bath.

　　"And most of all, at there being far more apprehension and pitythan pleasure. Today, after that fright during the storm, Iunderstand how I love him."

　　Kitty's smile was radiant.

　　"Were you very much frightened?" she said. "So was I too, but Ifeel it more now that it's over. I'm going to look at the oak.How nice Katavasov is! And what a happy day we've hadaltogether. And you're so nice with Sergey Ivanovitch, when youcare to be.... Well, go back to them. It's always so hot andsteamy here after the bath."