Part Five: Chapter 2

by Leo Tolstoy

　　On the day of the wedding, according to the Russian custom (theprincess and Darya Alexandrovna insisted on strictly keeping allthe customs), Levin did not see his betrothed, and dined at hishotel with three bachelor friends, casually brought together athis rooms. These were Sergey Ivanovitch, Katavasov, a universityfriend, now professor of natural science, whom Levin had met inthe street and insisted on taking home with him, and Tchirikov,his best man, a Moscow conciliation-board judge, Levin'scompanion in his bear-hunts. The dinner was a very merry one:Sergey Ivanovitch was in his happiest mood, and was much amusedby Katavasov's originality. Katavasov, feeling his originalitywas appreciated and understood, made the most of it. Tchirikovalways gave a lively and good-humored support to conversation ofany sort.

　　"See, now," said Katavasov, drawling his words from a habitacquired in the lecture-room, "what a capable fellow was ourfriend Konstantin Dmitrievitch. I'm not speaking of presentcompany, for he's absent. At the time he left the university hewas fond of science, took an interest in humanity; now one-halfof his abilities is devoted to deceiving himself, and the otherto justifying the deceit."

　　"A more determined enemy of matrimony than you I never saw," saidSergey Ivanovitch.

　　"Oh, no, I'm not an enemy of matrimony. I'm in favor of divisionof labor. People who can do nothing else ought to rear peoplewhile the rest work for their happiness and enlightenment.That's how I look at it. To muddle up two trades is the error ofthe amateur; I'm not one of their number."

　　"How happy I shall be when I hear that you're in love!" saidLevin. "Please invite me to the wedding."

　　"I'm in love now."

　　"Yes, with a cuttlefish! You know," Levin turned to his brother,"Mihail Semyonovitch is writing a work on the digestive organs ofthe..."

　　"Now, make a muddle of it! It doesn't matter what about. Andthe fact is, I certainly do love cuttlefish."

　　"But that's no hindrance to your loving your wife."

　　"The cuttlefish is no hindrance. The wife is the hindrance."

　　"Why so?"

　　"Oh, you'll see! You care about farming, hunting,--well, you'dbetter look out!"

　　"Arhip was here today; he said there were a lot of elks inPrudno, and two bears," said Tchirikov.

　　"Well, you must go and get them without me."

　　"Ah, that's the truth," said Sergey Ivanovitch. "And you may saygood-bye to bear-hunting for the future--your wife won't allowit!"

　　Levin smiled. The picture of his wife not letting him go was sopleasant that he was ready to renounce the delights of lookingupon bears forever.

　　"Still, it's a pity they should get those two bears without you.Do you remember last time at Hapilovo? That was a delightfulhunt!" said Tchirikov.

　　Levin had not the heart to disillusion him of the notion thatthere could be something delightful apart from her, and so saidnothing.

　　"There's some sense in this custom of saying good-bye to bachelorlife," said Sergey Ivanovitch. "However happy you may be, youmust regret your freedom."

　　"And confess there is a feeling that you want to jump out of thewindow, like Gogol's bridegroom?"

　　"Of course there is, but it isn't confessed," said Katavasov, andhe broke into loud laughter.

　　"Oh, well, the window's open. Let's start off this instant toTver! There's a big she-bear; one can go right up to the lair.Seriously, let's go by the five o'clock! And here let them dowhat they like," said Tchirikov, smiling.

　　"Well, now, on my honor," said Levin, smiling, "I can't find inmy heart that feeling of regret for my freedom."

　　"Yes, there's such a chaos in your heart just now that you can'tfind anything there," said Katavasov. "Wait a bit, when you setit to rights a little, you'll find it!"

　　"No; if so, I should have felt a little, apart from my feeling"(he could not say love before them) "and happiness, a certainregret at losing my freedom.... On the contrary, I am glad atthe very loss of my freedom."

　　"Awful! It's a hopeless case!" said Katavasov. "Well, let'sdrink to his recovery, or wish that a hundredth part of hisdreams may be realized--and that would be happiness such as neverhas been seen on earth!"

　　Soon after dinner the guests went away to be in time to bedressed for the wedding.

　　When he was left alone, and recalled the conversation of thesebachelor friends, Levin asked himself: had he in his heart thatregret for his freedom of which they had spoken? He smiled atthe question. "Freedom! What is freedom for? Happiness is onlyin loving and wishing her wishes, thinking her thoughts, that isto say, not freedom at all--that's happiness!"

　　"But do I know her ideas, her wishes, her feelings?" some voicesuddenly whispered to him. The smile died away from his face,and he grew thoughtful. And suddenly a strange feeling came uponhim. There came over him a dread and doubt--doubt of everything.

　　"What if she does not love me? What if she's marrying me simplyto be married? What if she doesn't see herself what she'sdoing?" he asked himself. "She may come to her senses, and onlywhen she is being married realize that she does not and cannotlove me." And strange, most evil thoughts of her began to cometo him. He was jealous of Vronsky, as he had been a year ago, asthough the evening he had seen her with Vronsky had beenyesterday. He suspected she had not told him everything.

　　He jumped up quickly. "No, this can't go on!" he said to himselfin despair. "I'll go to her; I'll ask her; I'll say for the lasttime: we are free, and hadn't we better stay so? Anything'sbetter than endless misery, disgrace, unfaithfulness!" Withdespair in his heart and bitter anger against all men, againsthimself, against her, he went out of the hotel and drove to herhouse.

　　He found her in one of the back rooms. She was sitting on achest and making some arrangements with her maid, sorting overheaps of dresses of different colors, spread on the backs ofchairs and on the floor.

　　"Ah!" she cried, seeing him, and beaming with delight. "Kostya!Konstantin Dmitrievitch!" (These latter days she used these namesalmost alternately.) "I didn't expect you! I'm going through mywardrobe to see what's for whom..."

　　"Oh! that's very nice!" he said gloomily, looking at the maid.

　　"You can go, Dunyasha, I'll call you presently," said Kitty."Kostya, what's the matter?" she asked, definitely adopting thisfamiliar name as soon as the maid had gone out. She noticed hisstrange face, agitated and gloomy, and a panic came over her.

　　"Kitty! I'm in torture. I can't suffer alone," he said withdespair in his voice, standing before her and looking imploringlyinto her eyes. He saw already from her loving, truthful face,that nothing could come of what he had meant to say, but yet hewanted her to reassure him herself. "I've come to say thatthere's still time. This can all be stopped and set right."

　　"What? I don't understand. What is the matter?"

　　"What I have said a thousand times over, and can't help thinking...that I'm not worthy of you. You couldn't consent to marryme. Think a little. You've made a mistake. Think it overthoroughly. You can't love me.... If...better say so," he said,not looking at her. "I shall be wretched. Let people say whatthey like; anything's better than misery.... Far better nowwhile there's still time...."

　　"I don't understand," she answered, panic-stricken; "you mean youwant to give it up...don't want it?"

　　"Yes, if you don't love me."

　　"You're out of your mind!" she cried, turning crimson withvexation. But his face was so piteous, that she restrained hervexation, and flinging some clothes off an arm-chair, she satdown beside him. "What are you thinking? tell me all."

　　"I am thinking you can't love me. What can you love me for?"

　　"My God! what can I do?..." she said, and burst into tears.

　　"Oh! what have I done?" he cried, and kneeling before her, hefell to kissing her hands.

　　When the princess came into the room five minutes later, shefound them completely reconciled. Kitty had not simply assuredhim that she loved him, but had gone so far--in answer to hisquestion, what she loved him for--as to explain what for. Shetold him that she loved him because she understood himcompletely, because she knew what he would like, and becauseeverything he liked was good. And this seemed to him perfectlyclear. When the princess came to them, they were sitting side byside on the chest, sorting the dresses and disputing over Kitty'swanting to give Dunyasha the brown dress she had been wearingwhen Levin proposed to her, while he insisted that that dressmust never be given away, but Dunyasha must have the blue one.

　　"How is it you don't see? She's a brunette, and it won't suither.... I've worked it all out."

　　Hearing why he had come, the princess was half humorously, halfseriously angry with him, and sent him home to dress and not tohinder Kitty's hair-dressing, as Charles the hair-dresser wasjust coming.

　　"As it is, she's been eating nothing lately and is losing herlooks, and then you must come and upset her with your nonsense,"she said to him. "Get along with you, my dear!"

　　Levin, guilty and shamefaced, but pacified, went back to hishotel. His brother, Darya Alexandrovna, and Stepan Arkadyevitch,all in full dress, were waiting for him to bless him with theholy picture. There was no time to lose. Darya Alexandrovna hadto drive home again to fetch her curled and pomaded son, who wasto carry the holy pictures after the bride. Then a carriage hadto be sent for the best man, and another that would take SergeyIvanovitch away would have to be sent back.... Altogetherthere were a great many most complicated matters to be consideredand arranged. One thing was unmistakable, that there must be nodelay, as it was already half-past six.

　　Nothing special happened at the ceremony of benediction with theholy picture. Stepan Arkadyevitch stood in a comically solemnpose beside his wife, took the holy picture, and telling Levinto bow down to the ground, he blessed him with his kindly,ironical smile, and kissed him three times; Darya Alexandrovnadid the same, and immediately vas in a hurry to get off, andagain plunged into the intricate question of the destinations ofthe various carriages.

　　"Come, I'll tell you how we'll manage: you drive in our carriageto fetch him, and Sergey Ivanovitch, if he'll be so good, willdrive there and then send his carriage."

　　"Of course; I shall be delighted."

　　"We'll come on directly with him. Are your things sent off?"said Stepan Arkadyevitch.

　　"Yes," answered Levin, and he told Kouzma to put out his clothesfor him to dress.