Part Five: Chapter 30

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Meanwhile Vassily Lukitch had not at first understood who thislady was, and had learned from their conversation that it was noother person than the mother who had left her husband, and whomhe had not seen, as he had entered the house after her departure.He was in doubt whether to go in or not, or whether tocommunicate with Alexey Alexandrovitch. Reflecting finally thathis duty was to get Seryozha up at the hour fixed, and that itwas therefore not his business to consider who was there, themother or anyone else, but simply to do his duty, he finisheddressing, went to the door and opened it.

　　But the embraces of the mother and child, the sound of theirvoices, and what they were saying, made him change his mind.

　　He shook his head, and with a sigh he closed the door. "I'llwait another ten minutes," he said to himself, clearing histhroat and wiping away tears.

　　Among the servants of the household there was intense excitementall this time. All had heard that their mistress had come, andthat Kapitonitch had let her in, and that she was even now in thenursery, and that their master always went in person to thenursery at nine o'clock, and every one fully comprehended that itwas impossible for the husband and wife to meet, and that theymust prevent it. Korney, the valet, going down to thehall porter's room, asked who had let her in, and how it was hehad done so, and ascertaining that Kapitonitch had admitted herand shown her up, he gave the old man a talking-to. Thehall porter was doggedly silent, but when Korney told him heought to be sent away, Kapitonitch darted up to him, and wavinghis hands in Korney's face, began:

　　"Oh yes, to be sure you'd not have let her in! After ten years'service, and never a word but of kindness, and there you'd up andsay, 'Be off, go along, get away with you!' Oh yes, you're ashrewd one at politics, I dare say! You don't need to be taughthow to swindle the master, and to filch fur coats!"

　　"Soldier!" said Korney contemptuously, and he turned to the nursewho was coming in. "Here, what do you think, Marya Efimovna: helet her in without a word to anyone," Korney said addressingher. "Alexey Alexandrovitch will be down immediately--and gointo the nursery!"

　　"A pretty business, a pretty business!" said the nurse. "You,Korney Vassilievitch, you'd best keep him some way or other, themaster, while I'll run and get her away somehow. A prettybusiness!"

　　When the nurse went into the nursery, Seryozha was telling hismother how he and Nadinka had had a fall in sledging downhill,and had turned over three times. She was listening to the soundof his voice, watching his face and the play of expression on it,touching his hand, but she did not follow what he was saying.She must go, she must leave him,--this was the only thing she wasthinking and feeling. She heard the steps of Vassily Lukitchcoming up to the door and coughing; she heard, too, the steps ofthe nurse as she came near; but she sat like one turned to stone,incapable of beginning to speak or to get up.

　　"Mistress, darling!" began the nurse, going up to Anna andkissing her hands and shoulders. "God has brought joy indeed toour boy on his birthday. You aren't changed one bit."

　　"Oh, nurse dear, I didn't know you were in the house," said Anna,rousing herself for a moment.

　　"I'm not living here, I'm living with my daughter. I came forthe birthday, Anna Arkadyevna, darling!"

　　The nurse suddenly burst into tears, and began kissing her handagain.

　　Seryozha, with radiant eyes and smiles, holding his mother by onehand and his nurse by the other, pattered on the rug with his fatlittle bare feet. The tenderness shown by his beloved nurse tohis mother threw him into an ecstasy.

　　"Mother! She often comes to see me, and when she comes..." hewas beginning, but he stopped, noticing that the nurse was sayingsomething in a whisper to his mother, and that in his mother'sface there was a look of dread and something like shame, whichwas so strangely unbecoming to her.

　　She went up to him.

　　"My sweet!" she said.

　　She could not say good-bye, but the expression on her face saidit, and he understood. "Darling, darling Kootik!" she used thename by which she had called him when he was little, "you won'tforget me? You..." but she could not say more.

　　How often afterwards she thought of words she might have said.But now she did not know how to say it, and could say nothing.But Seryozha knew all she wanted to say to him. He understoodthat she was unhappy and loved him. He understood even what thenurse had whispered. He had caught the words "always at nineo'clock," and he knew that this was said of his father, and thathis father and mother could not meet. That he understood, butone thing he could not understand--why there should be a look ofdread and shame in her face?... She was not in fault, but shewas afraid of him and ashamed of something. He would have likedto put a question that would have set at rest this doubt, but hedid not dare; he saw that she was miserable, and he felt for her.Silently he pressed close to her and whispered, "Don't go yet.He won't come just yet."

　　The mother held him away from her to see what he was thinking,what to say to him, and in his frightened face she read not onlythat he was speaking of his father, but, as it were, asking herwhat he ought to think about his father.

　　"Seryozha, my darling," she said, "love him; he's better andkinder than I am, and I have done him wrong. When you grow upyou will judge."

　　"There's no one better than you!..." he cried in despair throughhis tears, and, clutching her by the shoulders, he begansqueezing her with all his force to him, his arms trembling withthe strain.

　　"My sweet, my little one!" said Anna, and she cried as weakly andchildishly as he.

　　At that moment the door opened. Vassily Lukitch came in.

　　At the other door there was the sound of steps, and the nurse ina scared whisper said, "He's coming," and gave Anna her hat.

　　Seryozha sank onto the bed and sobbed, hiding his face in hishands. Anna removed his hands, once more kissed his wet face,and with rapid steps went to the door. Alexey Alexandrovitchwalked in, meeting her. Seeing her, he stopped short and bowedhis head.

　　Although she had just said he was better and kinder than she, inthe rapid glance she flung at him, taking in his whole figure inall its details, feelings of repulsion and hatred for him andjealousy over her son took possession of her. With a swiftgesture she put down her veil, and, quickening her pace, almostran out of the room.

　　She had not time to undo, and so carried back with her, theparcel of toys she had chosen the day before in a toy shop withsuch love and sorrow.