Part One: Chapter 28

by Leo Tolstoy

　　After the ball, early next morning, Anna Arkadyevna sent herhusband a telegram that she was leaving Moscow the same day.

　　"No, I must go, I must go"; she explained to her sister-in-lawthe change in her plans in a tone that suggested that she had toremember so many things that there was no enumerating them: "no,it had really better be today!"

　　Stepan Arkadyevitch was not dining at home, but he promised tocome and see his sister off at seven o'clock.

　　Kitty, too, did not come, sending a note that she had a headache.Dolly and Anna dined alone with the children and the Englishgoverness. Whether it was that the children were fickle, or thatthey had acute senses, and felt that Anna was quite differentthat day from what she had been when they had taken such a fancyto her, that she was not now interested in them,--but they hadabruptly dropped their play with their aunt, and their love forher, and were quite indifferent that she was going away. Annawas absorbed the whole morning in preparations for herdeparture. She wrote notes to her Moscow acquaintances, put downher accounts, and packed. Altogether Dolly fancied she was notin a placid state of mind, but in that worried mood, which Dollyknew well with herself, and which does not come without cause,and for the most part covers dissatisfaction with self. Afterdinner, Anna went up to her room to dress, and Dolly followedher.

　　"How queer you are today!" Dolly said to her.

　　"I? Do you think so? I'm not queer, but I'm nasty. I am likethat sometimes. I keep feeling as if I could cry. It's verystupid, but it'll pass off," said Anna quickly, and she bent herflushed face over a tiny bag in which she was packing a nightcapand some cambric handkerchiefs. Her eyes were particularybright, and were continually swimming with tears. "In the sameway I didn't want to leave Petersburg, and now I don't want to goaway from here."

　　"You came here and did a good deed," said Dolly, looking intentlyat her.

　　Anna looked at her with eyes wet with tears.

　　"Don't say that, Dolly. I've done nothing, and could do nothing.I often wonder why people are all in league to spoil me. Whathave I done, and what could I do? In your heart there was foundlove enough to forgive..."

　　"If it had not been for you, God knows what would have happened!How happy you are, Anna!" said Dolly. "Everything is clear andgood in your heart."

　　"Every heart has its own skeletons, as the English say."

　　"You have no sort of skeleton, have you? Everything is so clearin you."

　　"I have!" said Anna suddenly, and, unexpectedly after her tears,a sly, ironical smile curved her lips.

　　"Come, he's amusing, anyway, your skeleton, and not depressing,"said Dolly, smiling.

　　"No, he's depressing. Do you know why I'm going today instead oftomorrow? It's a confession that weighs on me; I want to make itto you," said Anna, letting herself drop definitely into anarmchair, and looking straight into Dolly's face.

　　And to her surprise Dolly saw that Anna was blushing up to herears, up to the curly black ringlets on her neck.

　　"Yes," Anna went on. "Do you know why Kitty didn't come todinner? she's jealous of me. I have spoiled...I've been thecause of that ball being a torture to her instead of a pleasure.But truly, truly, it's not my fault, or only my fault a littlebit," she said, daintily drawling the words "a little bit."

　　"Oh, how like Stiva you said that!" said Dolly, laughing.

　　Anna was hurt.

　　"Oh no, oh no! I'm not Stiva," she said, knitting her brows."That's why I'm telling you, just because I could never letmyself doubt myself for an instant," said Anna.

　　But at the very moment she was uttering the words, she felt thatthey were not true. She was not merely doubting herself, shefelt emotion at the thought of Vronsky, and was going away soonerthan she had meant, simply to avoid meeting him.

　　"Yes, Stiva told me you danced the mazurka with him, and thathe..."

　　"You can't imagine how absurdly it all came about. I only meantto be matchmaking, and all at once it turned out quitedifferently. Possibly against my own will..."

　　She crimsoned and stopped.

　　"Oh, they feel it directly?" said Dolly.

　　"But I should be in despair if there were anything serious in iton his side," Anna interrupted her. "And I am certain it willall be forgotten, and Kitty will leave off hating me."

　　"All the same, Anna, to tell you the truth, I'm not very anxiousfor this marriage for Kitty. And it's better it should come tonothing, if he, Vronsky, is capable of falling in love with youin a single day."

　　"Oh, heavens, that would be too silly!" said Anna, and again adeep flush of pleasure came out on her face, when she heard theidea, that absorbed her, put into words. "And so here I am goingaway, having made an enemy of Kitty, whom I liked so much! Ah,how sweet she is! But you'll make it right, Dolly? Eh?"

　　Dolly could scarcely suppress a smile. She loved Anna, but sheenjoyed seeing that she too had her weaknesses.

　　"An enemy? That can't be."

　　"I did so want you all to care for me, as I do for you, and now Icare for you more than ever," said Anna, with tears in her eyes."Ah, how silly I am today!"

　　She passed her handkerchief over her face and began dressing.

　　At the very moment of starting Stepan Arkadyevitch arrived, late,rosy and good-humored, smelling of wine and cigars.

　　Anna's emotionalism infected Dolly, and when she embraced hersister-in-law for the last time, she whispered: "Remember, Anna,what you've done for me--I shall never forget. And rememberthat I love you, and shall always love you as my dearest friend!"

　　"I don't know why," said Anna, kissing her and hiding her tears.

　　"You understood me, and you understand. Good-bye, my darling!"