Part Seven: Chapter 16

by Leo Tolstoy

　　At ten o'clock the old prince, Sergey Ivanovitch, and StepanArkadyevitch were sitting at Levin's. Having inquired afterKitty, they had dropped into conversation upon other subjects.Levin heard them, and unconsciously, as they talked, going overthe past, over what had been up to that morning, he thought ofhimself as he had been yesterday till that point. It was asthough a hundred years had passed since then. He felt himselfexalted to unattainable heights, from which he studiously loweredhimself so as not to wound the people he was talking to. Hetalked, and was all the time thinking of his wife, of hercondition now, of his son, in whose existence he tried to schoolhimself into believing. The whole world of woman, which hadtaken for him since his marriage a new value he had neversuspected before, was now so exalted that he could not take it inin his imagination. He heard them talk of yesterday's dinner atthe club, and thought: "What is happening with her now? Is sheasleep? How is she? What is she thinking of? Is he crying, myson Dmitri?" And in the middle of the conversation, in themiddle of a sentence, he jumped up and went out of the room.

　　"Send me word if I can see her," said the prince.

　　"Very well, in a minute," answered Levin, and without stopping,he went to her room.

　　She was not asleep, she was talking gently with her mother,making plans about the christening.

　　Carefully set to rights, with hair well-brushed, in a smartlittle cap with some blue in it, her arms out on the quilt, shewas lying on her back. Meeting his eyes, her eyes drew him toher. Her face, bright before, brightened still more as he drewnear her. There was the same change in it from earthly tounearthly that is seen in the face of the dead. But then itmeans farewell, here it meant welcome. Again a rush of emotion,such as he had felt at the moment of the child's birth, floodedhis heart. She took his hand and asked him if he had slept. Hecould not answer, and turned away, struggling with his weakness.

　　"I have had a nap, Kostya!" she said to him; "and I am socomfortable now."

　　She looked at him, but suddenly her expression changed.

　　"Give him to me," she said, hearing the baby's cry. "Give him tome, Lizaveta Petrovna, and he shall look at him."

　　"To be sure, his papa shall look at him," said Lizaveta Petrovna,getting up and bringing something red, and queer, and wriggling."Wait a minute, we'll make him tidy first," and LizavetaPetrovna laid the red wobbling thing on the bed, began untrussingand trussing up the baby, lifting it up and turning it over withone finger and powdering it with something.

　　Levin, looking at the tiny, pitiful creature, made strenuousefforts to discover in his heart some traces of fatherly feelingfor it. He felt nothing towards it but disgust. But when it wasundressed and he caught a glimpse of wee, wee, little hands,little feet, saffron-colored, with little toes, too, andpositively with a little big toe different from the rest, andwhen he saw Lizaveta Petrovna closing the wide-open little hands,as though they were soft springs, and putting them into linengarments, such pity for the little creature came upon him, andsuch terror that she would hurt it, that he held her hand back.

　　Lizaveta Petrovna laughed.

　　"Don't be frightened, don't be frightened!"

　　When the baby had been put to rights and transformed into a firmdoll, Lizaveta Petrovna dandled it as though proud of herhandiwork, and stood a little away so that Levin might see hisson in all his glory.

　　Kitty looked sideways in the same direction, never taking hereyes off the baby. "Give him to me! give him to me!" she said,and even made as though she would sit up.

　　"What are you thinking of, Katerina Alexandrovna, you mustn'tmove like that! Wait a minute. I'll give him to you. Herewe're showing papa what a fine fellow we are!"

　　And Lizaveta Petrovna, with one hand supporting the wobblinghead, lifted up on the other arm the strange, limp, red creature,whose head was lost in its swaddling clothes. But it had a nose,too, and slanting eyes and smacking lips.

　　"A splendid baby!" said Lizaveta Petrovna.

　　Levin sighed with mortification. This splendid baby excited inhim no feeling but disgust and compassion. It was not at all thefeeling he had looked forward to.

　　He turned away while Lizaveta Petrovna put the baby to theunaccustomed breast.

　　Suddenly laughter made him look round. The baby had taken thebreast.

　　"Come, that's enough, that's enough!" said Lizaveta Petrovna, butKitty would not let the baby go. He fell asleep in her arms.

　　"Look, now," said Kitty, turning the baby so that he could seeit. The aged-looking little face suddenly puckered up still moreand the baby sneezed.

　　Smiling, hardly able to restrain his tears, Levin kissed his wifeand went out of the dark room. What he felt towards this littlecreature was utterly unlike what he had expected. There wasnothing cheerful and joyous in the feeling; on the contrary, itwas a new torture of apprehension. It was the consciousness of anew sphere of liability to pain. And this sense was so painfulat first, the apprehension lest this helpless creature shouldsuffer was so intense, that it prevented him from noticing thestrange thrill of senseless joy and even pride that he had feltwhen the baby sneezed.