Part Three: Chapter 32

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Levin had long before made the observation that when one isuncomfortable with people from their being excessively amenableand meek, One is apt very soon after to find things intolerablefrom their touchiness and irritability. He felt that this washow it would be with his brother. And his brother Nikolay'sgentleness did in fact not last out for long. The very nextmorning he began to be irritable, and seemed doing his best tofind fault with his brother, attacking him on his tenderestpoints.

　　Levin felt himself to blame, and could not set things right. Hefelt that if they had both not kept up appearances, but hadspoken, as it is called, from the heart--that is to say, hadsaid only just what they were thinking and feeling--they wouldsimply have looked into each other's faces, and Konstantin couldonly have said, "You're dying, you're dying," and Nikolay couldonly have answered, "I know I'm dying, but I'm afraid, I'mafraid, I'm afraid!" And they could have said nothing more, ifthey had said only what was in their hearts. But life like thatwas impossible, and so Konstantin tried to do what he had beentrying to do all his life, and never could learn to do, though,as far as he could observe, many people knew so well how to doit, and without it there was no living at all. He tried to saywhat he was not thinking, but he felt continually that it had aring of falsehood, that his brother detected him in it, and wasexasperated at it.

　　The third day Nikolay induced his brother to explain his plan tohim again, and began not merely attacking it, but intentionallyconfounding it with communism.

　　"You've simply borrowed an idea that's not your own, but you'vedistorted it, and are trying to apply it where it's notapplicable."

　　"But I tell you it's nothing to do with it. They deny thejustice of property, of capital, of inheritance, while I do notdeny this chief stimulus." (Levin felt disgusted himself atusing such expressions, but ever since he had been engrossed byhis work, he had unconsciously come more and more frequently touse words not Russian.) "All I want is to regulate labor."

　　"Which means, you've borrowed an idea, stripped it of all thatgave it its force, and want to make believe that it's somethingnew," said Nikolay, angrily tugging at his necktie.

　　"But my idea has nothing in common..."

　　"That, anyway," said Nikolay Levin, with an ironical smile, hiseyes flashing malignantly, "has the charm of--what's one to callit?--geometrical symmetry, of clearness, of definiteness. Itmay be a Utopia. But if once one allows the possibility ofmaking of all the past a tabula rasa--no property, no family--then labor would organize itself. But you gain nothing..."

　　"Why do you mix things up? I've never been a communist."

　　"But I have, and I consider it's premature, but rational, andit has a future, just like Christianity in its first ages."

　　"All that I maintain is that the labor force ought to beinvestigated from the point of view of natural science; that isto say, it ought to be studied, its qualities ascertained..."

　　"But that's utter waste of time. That force finds a certain formof activity of itself, according to the stage of its development.There have been slaves first everywhere, then metayers; and wehave the half-crop system, rent, and day laborers. What are youtrying to find?"

　　Levin suddenly lost his temper at these words, because at thebottom of his heart he was afraid that it was true--true that hewas trying to hold the balance even between communism and thefamiliar forms, and that this was hardly possible.

　　"I am trying to find means of working productively for myself andfor the laborers. I want to organize..." he answered hotly.

　　"You don't want to organize anything; it's simply just as you'vebeen all your life, that you want to be original to pose as notexploiting the peasants simply, but with some idea in view."

　　"Oh, all right, that's what you think--and let me alone!"answered Levin, feeling the muscles of his left cheek twitchinguncontrollably.

　　"You've never had, and never have, convictions; all you want isto please your vanity."

　　"Oh, very well; then let me alone!"

　　"And I will let you alone! and it's high time I did, and go tothe devil with you! and I'm very sorry I ever came!"

　　In spite of all Levin's efforts to soothe his brother afterwards,Nikolay would listen to nothing he said, declaring that it wasbetter to part, and Konstantin saw that it simply was that lifewas unbearable to him.

　　Nikolay was just getting ready to go, when Konstantin went in tohim again and begged him, rather unnaturally, to forgive him ifhe had hurt his feelings in any way.

　　"Ah, generosity!" said Nikolay, and he smiled. "If you want tobe right, I can give you that satisfaction. You're in the right;

　　but I'm going all the same."

　　It was only just at parting that Nikolay kissed him, and said,looking with sudden strangeness and seriousness at his brother:

　　"Anyway, don't remember evil against me, Kostya!" and his voicequivered. These were the only words that had been spokensincerely between them. Levin knew that those words meant, "Yousee, and you know, that I'm in a bad way, and maybe we shall notsee each other again." Levin knew this, and the tears gushedfrom his eyes. He kissed his brother once more, but he could notspeak, and knew not what to say.

　　Three days after his brother's departure, Levin too set off forhis foreign tour. Happening to meet Shtcherbatsky, Kitty'scousin, in the railway train, Levin greatly astonished him by hisdepression.

　　"What's the matter with you?" Shtcherbatsky asked him.

　　"Oh, nothing; there's not much happiness in life."

　　"Not much? You come with me to Paris instead of to Mulhausen.You shall see how to be happy."

　　"No, I've done with it all. It's time I was dead."

　　"Well, that's a good one!" said Shtcherbatsky, laughing; "why,I'm only just getting ready to begin."

　　"Yes, I thought the same not long ago, but now I know I shallsoon be dead."

　　Levin said what he had genuinely been thinking of late. He sawnothing but death or the advance towards death in everything.But his cherished scheme only engrossed him the more. Life hadto be got through somehow till death did come. Darkness hadfallen upon everything for him; but just because of this darknesshe felt that the one guiding clue in the darkness was his work,and he clutched it and clung to it with all his strength.