Part Two: Chapter 3

by Leo Tolstoy

　　When she went into Kitty's little room, a pretty, pink littleroom, full of knick-knacks in vieux saxe, as fresh, and pink,and white, and gay as Kitty herself had been two months ago,Dolly remembered how they had decorated the room the year beforetogether, with what love and gaiety. Her heart turned cold whenshe saw Kitty sitting on a low chair near the door, her eyesfixed immovably on a corner of the rug. Kitty glanced at hersister, and the cold, rather ill-tempered expression of her facedid not change.

　　"I'm just going now, and I shall have to keep in and you won't beable to come to see me," said Dolly, sitting down beside her. "Iwant to talk to you."

　　"What about?" Kitty asked swiftly, lifting her head in dismay.

　　"What should it be, but your trouble?"

　　"I have no trouble."

　　"Nonsense, Kitty. Do you suppose I could help knowing? I knowall about it. And believe me, it's of so littleconsequence.... We've all been through it."

　　Kitty did not speak, And her face had a stern expression.

　　"He's not worth your grieving over him," pursued DaryaAlexandrovna, coming straight to the point.

　　"No, because he has treated me with contempt," said Kitty, in abreaking voice. "Don't talk of it! Please, don't talk of it!"

　　"But who can have told you so? No one has said that. I'mcertain he was in love with you, and would still be in love withyou, if it hadn't...

　　"Oh, the most awful thing of all for me is this sympathizing!"shrieked Kitty, suddenly flying into a passion. She turned roundon her chair, flushed crimson, and rapidly moving her fingers,pinched the clasp of her belt first with one hand and then withthe other. Dolly knew this trick her sister had of clenching herhands when she was much excited; she knew, too, that in momentsof excitement Kitty was capable of forgetting herself and sayinga great deal too much, and Dolly would have soothed her, but itwas too late.

　　"What, what is it you want to make me feel, eh?" said Kittyquickly. "That I've been in love with a man who didn't care astraw for me, And that I'm dying of love for him? And this issaid to me by my own sister, who imagines that...that...thatshe's sympathizing with me!...I don't want these condolences Andhis humbug!"

　　"Kitty, you're unjust."

　　"Why are you tormenting me?"

　　"But I...quite the contrary...I see you're unhappy..."

　　But Kitty in her fury did not hear her.

　　"I've nothing to grieve over and be comforted about. I am tooproud ever to allow myself to care for a man who does not loveme."

　　"Yes, I don't say so either.... Only one thing. Tell me thetruth," said Darya Alexandrovna, taking her by the hand: "tellme, did Levin speak to you?..."

　　The mention of Levin's name seemed to deprive Kitty of the lastvestige of self-control. She leaped up from her chair, andflinging her clasp on the ground, she gesticulated rapidly withher hands and said:

　　"Why bring Levin in too? I can't understand what you want totorment me for. I've told you, And I say it again, that I havesome pride, and never, never would I do as you're doing--go backto a man who's deceived you, who has cared for another woman. Ican't understand it! You may, but I can't!"

　　And saying these words she glanced at her sister, and seeing thatDolly sat silent, her head mournfully bowed, Kitty, instead ofrunning out of the room as she had meant to do, sat down near thedoor, and hid her face in her handkerchief.

　　The silence lasted for two minutes: Dolly was thinking ofherself. That humiliation of which she was always conscious cameback to her with a peculiar bitterness when her sister remindedher of it. She had not looked for such cruelty in her sister,and she was angry with her. But suddenly she heard the rustle ofa skirt, and with it the sound of heart-rending, smotheredsobbing, and felt arms about her neck. Kitty was on her kneesbefore her.

　　"Dolinka, I am so, so wretched!" she whispered penitently. Andthe sweet face covered with tears hid itself in DaryaAlexandrovna's skirt.

　　As though tears were the indispensable oil, without which themachinery of mutual confidence could not run smoothly between thetwo sisters, the sisters after their tears talked, not of whatwas uppermost in their minds, but, though they talked of outsidematters, they understood each other. Kitty knew that the wordsshe had uttered in anger about her husband's infidelity and herhumiliating position had cut her poor sister to the heart, butthat she had forgiven her. Dolly for her part knew all she hadwanted to find out. She felt certain that her surmises werecorrect; that Kitty's misery, her inconsolable misery, was dueprecisely to the fact that Levin had made her an offer and shehad refused him, and Vronsky had deceived her, and that she wasfully prepared to love Levin and to detest Vronsky. Kitty saidnot a word of that; she talked of nothing but her spiritualcondition.

　　"I have nothing to make me miserable," she said, getting calmer;"but can you understand that everything has become hateful,loathsome, coarse to me, and I myself most of all? You can'timagine what loathsome thoughts I have about everything."

　　"Why, whatever loathsome thoughts can you have?" asked Dolly,smiling.

　　"The most utterly loathsome and coarse: I can't tell you. It'snot unhappiness, or low spirits, but much worse. As thougheverything that was good in me was all hidden away, and nothingwas left but the most loathsome. Come, how am I to tell you?"she went on, seeing the puzzled look in her sister's eyes."Father began saying something to me just now.... It seems to mehe thinks all I want is to be married. Mother takes me to aball: it seems to me she only takes me to get me married off assoon as may be, and be rid of me. I know it's not the truth, butI can't drive away such thoughts. Eligible suitors, as they callthem--I can't bear to see them. It seems to me they're takingstock of me and summing me up. In old days to go anywhere in aball dress was a simple joy to me, I admired myself; now I feelashamed and awkward. And then! The doctor.... Then..." Kittyhesitated; she wanted to say further that ever since this changehad taken place in her, Stepan Arkadyevitch had becomeinsufferably repulsive to her, and that she could not see himwithout the grossest and most hideous conceptions rising beforeher imagination.

　　"Oh, well, everything presents itself to me, in the coarsest,most loathsome light," she went on. "That's my illness. Perhapsit will pass off."

　　"But you mustn't think about it."

　　"I can't help it. I'm never happy except with the children atyour house."

　　"What a pity you can't be with me!"

　　"Oh, yes, I'm coming. I've had scarlatina, and I'll persuademamma to let me."

　　Kitty insisted on having her way, and went to stay at hersister's and nursed the children all through the scarlatina, forscarlatina it turned out to be. The two sisters brought all thesix children successfully through it, but Kitty was no better inhealth, and in Lent the Shtcherbatskys went abroad.