Adrian

by H.H. Munro (SAKI)

　　A CHAPTER IN ACCLIMATIZATIONHis baptismal register spoke of him pessimistically as John Henry,but he had left that behind with the other maladies of infancy,and his friends knew him under the front-name of Adrian. Hismother lived in Bethnal Green, which was not altogether his fault;one can discourage too much history in one's family, but onecannot always prevent geography. And, after all, the BethnalGreen habit has this virtue--that it is seldom transmitted to thenext generation. Adrian lived in a roomlet which came under theauspicious constellation of W.How he lived was to a great extent a mystery even to himself; hisstruggle for existence probably coincided in many material detailswith the rather dramatic accounts he gave of it to sympatheticacquaintances. All that is definitely known is that he now andthen emerged from the struggle to dine at the Ritz or Carlton,correctly garbed and with a correctly critical appetite. On theseoccasions he was usually the guest of Lucas Croyden, an amiableworldling, who had three thousand a year and a taste forintroducing impossible people to irreproachable cookery. Likemost men who combine three thousand a year with an uncertaindigestion, Lucas was a Socialist, and he argued that you cannothope to elevate the masses until you have brought plovers' eggsinto their lives and taught them to appreciate the differencebetween coupe Jacques and Macdoine de fruits. His friendspointed out that it was a doubtful kindness to initiate a boy frombehind a drapery counter into the blessedness of the highercatering, to which Lucas invariably replied that all kindnesseswere doubtful. Which was perhaps true.It was after one of his Adrian evenings that Lucas met his aunt,Mrs. Mebberley, at a fashionable tea shop, where the lamp offamily life is still kept burning and you meet relatives who mightotherwise have slipped your memory."Who was that good-looking boy who was dining with you lastnight?" she asked. "He looked much too nice to be thrown awayupon you."Susan Mebberley was a charming woman, but she was also an aunt."Who are his people?" she continued, when the protg's name(revised version) had been given her."His mother lives at Beth--"Lucas checked himself on the threshold of what was perhaps asocial indiscretion."Beth? Where is it? It sounds like Asia, Minor. Is she mixed upwith Consular people?""Oh, no. Her work lies among the poor."This was a side-slip into truth. The mother of Adrian wasemployed in a laundry."I see," said Mrs. Mebberley, "mission work of some sort. Andmeanwhile the boy has no one to look after him. It's obviously myduty to see that he doesn't come to harm. Bring him to call onme.""My dear Aunt Susan," expostulated Lucas, "I really know verylittle about him. He may not be at all nice, you know, on furtheracquaintance.""He has delightful hair and a weak mouth. I shall take him withme to Homburg or Cairo.""It's the maddest thing I ever heard of," said Lucas angrily."Well, there is a strong strain of madness in our family. If youhaven't noticed it yourself all your friends must have.""One is so dreadfully under everybody's eyes at Homburg. At leastyou might give him a preliminary trial at Etretat.""And be surrounded by Americans trying to talk French? No, thankyou. I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French.What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English. To-morrow at five you can bring your young friend to call on me."'And Lucas, realizing that Susan Mebberley was a woman as well asan aunt, saw that she would have to be allowed to have her ownway.Adrian was duly carried abroad under the Mebberley wing; but as areluctant concession to sanity Homburg and other inconvenientlyfashionable resorts were given a wide berth, and the Mebberleyestablishment planted itself down in the best hotel at Dohledorf,an Alpine townlet somewhere at the back of the Engadine. It wasthe usual kind of resort, with the usual type of visitors, thatone finds over the greater part of Switzerland during the summerseason, but to Adrian it was all unusual. The mountain air, thecertainty of regular and abundant meals, and in particular thesocial atmosphere, affected him much as the indiscriminatingfervour of a forcing-house might affect a weed that had strayedwithin its limits. He had been brought up in a world wherebreakages were regarded as crimes and expiated as such; it wassomething new and altogether exhilarating to find that you wereconsidered rather amusing if you smashed things in the rightmanner and at the recognized hours. Susan Mebberley had expressedthe intention of showing Adrian a bit of the world; the particularbit of the world represented by Dohledorf began to be shown a gooddeal of Adrian.Lucas got occasional glimpses of the Alpine sojourn, not from hisaunt or Adrian, but from the industrious pen of Clovis, who wasalso moving as a satellite in the Mebberley constellation."The entertainment which Susan got up last night ended indisaster. I thought it would. The Grobmayer child, aparticularly loathsome five-year-old, had appeared as 'Bubbles'during the early part of the evening, and been put to bed duringthe interval. Adrian watched his opportunity and kidnapped itwhen the nurse was downstairs, and introduced it during the secondhalf of the entertainment, thinly disguised as a performing pig.It certainly LOOKED very like a pig, and grunted and slobberedjust like the real article; no one knew exactly what it was, butevery one said it was awfully clever, especially the Grobmayers.At the third curtain Adrian pinched it too hard, and it yelled'Marmar'! I am supposed to be good at descriptions, but don't askme to describe the sayings and doings of the Grobmayers at thatmoment; it was like one of the angrier Psalms set to Strauss'smusic. We have moved to an hotel higher up the valley."Clovis's next letter arrived five days later, and was written fromthe Hotel Steinbock."We left the Hotel Victoria this morning. It was fairlycomfortable and quiet--at least there was an air of repose aboutit when we arrived. Before we had been in residence twenty-fourhours most of the repose had vanished 'like a dutiful bream,' asAdrian expressed it. However, nothing unduly outrageous happenedtill last night, when Adrian had a fit of insomnia and amusedhimself by unscrewing and transposing all the bedroom numbers onhis floor. He transferred the bathroom label to the adjoiningbedroom door, which happened to be that of Frau Hoftath Schilling,and this morning from seven o'clock onwards the old lady had astream of involuntary visitors; she was too horrified andscandalized it seems to get up and lock her door. The would-bebathers flew back in confusion to their rooms, and, of course, thechange of numbers led them astray again, and the corridorgradually filled with panic-stricken, scantily robed humans,dashing wildly about like rabbits in a ferret-infested warren. Ittook nearly an hour before the guests were all sorted into theirrespective rooms, and the Frau Hofrath's condition was stillcausing some anxiety when we left. Susan is beginning to look alittle worried. She can't very well turn the boy adrift, as hehasn't got any money, and she can't send him to his people as shedoesn't know where they are. Adrian says his mother moves about agood deal and he's lost her address. Probably, if he truth wereknown, he's had a row at home. So many boys nowadays seem tothink that quarrelling with one's family is a recognizedoccupation."Lucas's next communication from the travellers took the form of atelegram from Mrs. Mebberley herself. It was sent "replyprepaid," and consisted of a single sentence: "In Heaven's name,where is Beth?"