K

by Ambrose Bierce

　　Kis a consonant that we get from the Greeks, but it can be traced away backbeyond them to the Cerathians, a small commercial nation inhabiting thepeninsula of Smero. In their tongue it was called Klatch, which means"destroyed." The form of the letter was originally precisely thatof our H, but the erudite Dr. Snedeker explains that it was altered to itspresent shape to commemorate the destruction of the great temple of Jaruteby an earthquake, circa 730 B.C. This building was famous for thetwo lofty columns of its portico, one of which was broken in half by thecatastrophe, the other remaining intact. As the earlier form of the letteris supposed to have been suggested by these pillars, so, it is thought bythe great antiquary, its later was adopted as a simple and natural -- notto say touching -- means of keeping the calamity ever in the national memory.It is not known if the name of the letter was altered as an additional mnemonic,or if the name was always Klatch and the destruction one of nature'spums. As each theory seems probable enough, I see no objection to believingboth -- and Dr. Snedeker arrayed himself on that side of the question.KEEP, v.t.

　　He willed away his whole estate,

　　And then in death he fell asleep,

　　Murmuring: "Well, at any rate,

　　My name unblemished I shall keep."

　　But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought

　　Whose was it? -- for the dead keep naught.

　　Durang Gophel Arn

　　KILL, v.t. To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

　　KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America andAmericans in Scotland.

　　KINDNESS, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

　　KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crownedhead," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head tospeak of.

　　A king, in times long, long gone by,

　　Said to his lazy jester:

　　"If I were you and you were I

　　My moments merrily would fly --

　　Nor care nor grief to pester."

　　"The reason, Sire, that you would thrive,"

　　The fool said -- "if you'll hear it --

　　Is that of all the fools alive

　　Who own you for their sovereign, I've

　　The most forgiving spirit."

　　Oogum Bem

　　KING'S EVIL, n. A malady that was formerly cured by the touchof the sovereign, but has now to be treated by the physicians. Thus 'themost pious Edward" of England used to lay his royal hand upon theailing subjects and make them whole --

　　a crowd of wretched souls

　　That stay his cure: their malady convinces

　　The great essay of art; but at his touch,

　　Such sanctity hath Heaven given his hand,

　　They presently amend,

　　as the "Doctor" in Macbeth hath it. This useful propertyof the royal hand could, it appears, be transmitted along with other crownproperties; for according to "Malcolm,"

　　'tis spoken

　　To the succeeding royalty he leaves

　　The healing benediction.

　　But the gift somewhere dropped out of the line of succession: the latersovereigns of England have not been tactual healers, and the disease oncehonored with the name "king's evil" now bears the humbler oneof "scrofula," from scrofa, a sow. The date and authorof the following epigram are known only to the author of this dictionary,but it is old enough to show that the jest about Scotland's national disorderis not a thing of yesterday.

　　Ye Kynge his evill in me laye,

　　Wh. he of Scottlande charmed awaye.

　　He layde his hand on mine and sayd:

　　"Be gone!" Ye ill no longer stayd.

　　But O ye wofull plyght in wh.

　　I'm now y-pight: I have ye itche!

　　The superstition that maladies can be cured by royal taction is dead,but like many a departed conviction it has left a monument of custom tokeep its memory green. The practice of forming a line and shaking thePresident's hand had no other origin, and when that great dignitary bestowshis healing salutation on

　　strangely visited people,

　　All swoln and ulcerous, pitiful to the eye,

　　The mere despair of surgery,

　　he and his patients are handing along an extinguished torch which oncewas kindled at the altar-fire of a faith long held by all classes of men.It is a beautiful and edifying "survival" -- one which bringsthe sainted past close home in our "business and bosoms."

　　KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss."It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremonyappertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performanceis unknown to this lexicographer.

　　KLEPTOMANIAC, n. A rich thief.

　　KNIGHT, n.

　　Once a warrior gentle of birth,

　　Then a person of civic worth,

　　Now a fellow to move our mirth.

　　Warrior, person, and fellow -- no more:

　　We must knight our dogs to get any lower.

　　Brave Knights Kennelers then shall be,

　　Noble Knights of the Golden Flea,

　　Knights of the Order of St. Steboy,

　　Knights of St. Gorge and Sir Knights Jawy.

　　God speed the day when this knighting fad

　　Shall go to the dogs and the dogs go mad.

　　KORAN, n. A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to havebeen written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be awicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.