CHAPTER XXI

by Sinclair Lewis

　　CHAPTER XXITHE International Organization of Boosters' Clubs has be come aworld-force for optimism, manly pleasantry, and good business. Chaptersare to be found now in thirty countries. Nine hundred and twenty of thethousand chapters, however, are in the United States.None of these is more ardent than the Zenith Boosters' Club.The second March lunch of the Zenith Boosters was the most important ofthe year, as it was to be followed by the annual election of officers.There was agitation abroad. The lunch was held in the ballroom of theO'Hearn House. As each of the four hundred Boosters entered he took froma wall-board a huge celluloid button announcing his name, his nick name,and his business. There was a fine of ten cents for calling a FellowBooster by anything but his nickname at a lunch, and as Babbitt joviallychecked his hat the air was radiant with shouts of "Hello, Chet!" and"How're you, Shorty!" and "Top o' the mornin', Mac!"They sat at friendly tables for eight, choosing places by lot. Babbittwas with Albert Boos the merchant tailor, Hector Seybolt of the LittleSweetheart Condensed Milk Company, Emil Wengert the jeweler, ProfessorPumphrey of the Riteway Business College, Dr. Walter Gorbutt, RoyTeegarten the photographer, and Ben Berkey the photo-engraver. One ofthe merits of the Boosters' Club was that only two persons from eachdepartment of business were permitted to join, so that you atonce encountered the Ideals of other occupations, and realized themetaphysical oneness of all occupations--plumbing and portrait-painting,medicine and the manufacture of chewing-gum.Babbitt's table was particularly happy to-day, because ProfessorPumphrey had just had a birthday, and was therefore open to teasing."Let's pump Pump about how old he is!" said Emil Wengert."No, let's paddle him with a dancing-pump!" said Ben Berkey.But it was Babbitt who had the applause, with "Don't talk about pumps tothat guy! The only pump he knows is a bottle! Honest, they tell me he'sstarting a class in home-brewing at the ole college!"At each place was the Boosters' Club booklet, listing the members.Though the object of the club was good-fellowship, yet they never lostsight of the importance of doing a little more business. After each namewas the member's occupation. There were scores of advertisements in thebooklet, and on one page the admonition: "There's no rule that you haveto trade with your Fellow Boosters, but get wise, boy--what's the useof letting all this good money get outside of our happy fambly?" And ateach place, to-day, there was a present; a card printed in artistic redand black:SERVICE AND BOOSTERISMService finds its finest opportunity and development only in itsbroadest and deepest application and the consideration of its perpetualaction upon reaction. I believe the highest type of Service, like themost progressive tenets of ethics, senses unceasingly and is motived byactive adherence and loyalty to that which is the essential principle ofBoosterism--Good Citizenship in all its factors and aspects.DAD PETERSEN.Compliments of Dadbury Petersen Advertising Corp."Ads, not Fads, at Dad's"The Boosters all read Mr. Peterson's aphorism and said they understoodit perfectly.The meeting opened with the regular weekly "stunts." Retiring PresidentVergil Gunch was in the chair, his stiff hair like a hedge, hisvoice like a brazen gong of festival. Members who had brought guestsintroduced them publicly. "This tall red-headed piece of misinformationis the sporting editor of the Press," said Willis Ijams; and H. H.Hazen, the druggist, chanted, "Boys, when you're on a long motor tourand finally get to a romantic spot or scene and draw up and remark tothe wife, 'This is certainly a romantic place,' it sends a glow rightup and down your vertebrae. Well, my guest to-day is from such a place,Harper's Ferry, Virginia, in the beautiful Southland, with memories ofgood old General Robert E. Lee and of that brave soul, John Brown who,like every good Booster, goes marching on--"There were two especially distinguished guests: the leading man of the"Bird of Paradise" company, playing this week at the Dodsworth Theater,and the mayor of Zenith, the Hon. Lucas Prout.Vergil Gunch thundered, "When we manage to grab this celebrated Thespianoff his lovely aggregation of beautiful actresses--and I got to admitI butted right into his dressing-room and told him how the Boostersappreciated the high-class artistic performance he's giving us--anddon't forget that the treasurer of the Dodsworth is a Booster and willappreciate our patronage--and when on top of that we yank Hizzonorout of his multifarious duties at City Hall, then I feel we've doneourselves proud, and Mr. Prout will now say a few words about theproblems and duties--"By rising vote the Boosters decided which was the handsomest and whichthe ugliest guest, and to each of them was given a bunch of carnations,donated, President Gunch noted, by Brother Booster H. G. Yeager, theJennifer Avenue florist.Each week, in rotation, four Boosters were privileged to obtain thepleasures of generosity and of publicity by donating goods or servicesto four fellow-members, chosen by lot. There was laughter, this week,when it was announced that one of the contributors was Barnabas Joy, theundertaker. Everybody whispered, "I can think of a coupla good guys tobe buried if his donation is a free funeral!"Through all these diversions the Boosters were lunching on chickencroquettes, peas, fried potatoes, coffee, apple pie, and Americancheese. Gunch did not lump the speeches. Presently he called on thevisiting secretary of the Zenith Rotary Club, a rival organization.The secretary had the distinction of possessing State Motor Car LicenseNumber 5.The Rotary secretary laughingly admitted that wherever he drove in thestate so low a number created a sensation, and "though it was prettynice to have the honor, yet traffic cops remembered it only too darnwell, and sometimes he didn't know but what he'd almost as soon havejust plain B56,876 or something like that. Only let any doggone Boostertry to get Number 5 away from a live Rotarian next year, and watch thefur fly! And if they'd permit him, he'd wind up by calling for a cheerfor the Boosters and Rotarians and the Kiwanis all together!"Babbitt sighed to Professor Pumphrey, "Be pretty nice to have as low anumber as that! Everybody 'd say, 'He must be an important guy!' Wonderhow he got it? I'll bet he wined and dined the superintendent of theMotor License Bureau to a fare-you-well!"Then Chum Frink addressed them:"Some of you may feel that it's out of place here to talk on a strictlyhighbrow and artistic subject, but I want to come out flatfooted andask you boys to O.K. the proposition of a Symphony Orchestra for Zenith.Now, where a lot of you make your mistake is in assuming that if youdon't like classical music and all that junk, you ought to oppose it.Now, I want to confess that, though I'm a literary guy by profession, Idon't care a rap for all this long-haired music. I'd rather listen to agood jazz band any time than to some piece by Beethoven that hasn't anymore tune to it than a bunch of fighting cats, and you couldn't whistleit to save your life! But that isn't the point. Culture has become asnecessary an adornment and advertisement for a city to-day as pavementsor bank-clearances. It's Culture, in theaters and art-galleries and soon, that brings thousands of visitors to New York every year and, to befrank, for all our splendid attainments we haven't yet got the Cultureof a New York or Chicago or Boston--or at least we don't get the creditfor it. The thing to do then, as a live bunch of go-getters, is toCAPITALIZE CULTURE; to go right out and grab it."Pictures and books are fine for those that have the time to study 'em,but they don't shoot out on the road and holler 'This is what littleold Zenith can put up in the way of Culture.' That's precisely whata Symphony Orchestra does do. Look at the credit Minneapolis andCincinnati get. An orchestra with first-class musickers and a swellconductor--and I believe we ought to do the thing up brown and getone of the highest-paid conductors on the market, providing he ain't aHun--it goes right into Beantown and New York and Washington; it playsat the best theaters to the most cultured and moneyed people; it givessuch class-advertising as a town can get in no other way; and the guywho is so short-sighted as to crab this orchestra proposition is passingup the chance to impress the glorious name of Zenith on some big NewYork millionaire that might-that might establish a branch factory here!"I could also go into the fact that for our daughters who show aninterest in highbrow music and may want to teach it, having an A1 localorganization is of great benefit, but let's keep this on a practicalbasis, and I call on you good brothers to whoop it up for Culture and aWorld-beating Symphony Orchestra!"They applauded.To a rustle of excitement President Gunch proclaimed, "Gentlemen, wewill now proceed to the annual election of officers." For each of thesix offices, three candidates had been chosen by a committee. The secondname among the candidates for vice-president was Babbitt's.He was surprised. He looked self-conscious. His heart pounded. He wasstill more agitated when the ballots were counted and Gunch said, "It'sa pleasure to announce that Georgie Babbitt will be the next assistantgavel-wielder. I know of no man who stands more stanchly for commonsense and enterprise than good old George. Come on, let's give him ourbest long yell!"As they adjourned, a hundred men crushed in to slap his back. He hadnever known a higher moment. He drove away in a blur of wonder. Helunged into his office, chuckling to Miss McGoun, "Well, I guess youbetter congratulate your boss! Been elected vice-president of theBoosters!"He was disappointed. She answered only, "Yes--Oh, Mrs. Babbitt's beentrying to get you on the 'phone." But the new salesman, Fritz Weilinger,said, "By golly, chief, say, that's great, that's perfectly great! I'mtickled to death! Congratulations!"Babbitt called the house, and crowed to his wife, "Heard you were tryingto get me, Myra. Say, you got to hand it to little Georgie, this time!Better talk careful! You are now addressing the vice-president of theBoosters' Club!""Oh, Georgie--""Pretty nice, huh? Willis Ijams is the new president, but whenhe's away, little ole Georgie takes the gavel and whoops 'em upand introduces the speakers--no matter if they're the governorhimself--and--""George! Listen!""--It puts him in solid with big men like Doc Dilling and--""George! Paul Riesling--""Yes, sure, I'll 'phone Paul and let him know about it right away.""Georgie! LISTEN! Paul's in jail. He shot his wife, he shot Zilla, thisnoon. She may not live."