CHAPTER XXXI

by Sinclair Lewis

　　CHAPTER XXXIIWHEN he was away from her, while he kicked about the garage and sweptthe snow off the running-board and examined a cracked hose-connection,he repented, he was alarmed and astonished that he could have flared outat his wife, and thought fondly how much more lasting she was than theflighty Bunch. He went in to mumble that he was "sorry, didn't mean tobe grouchy," and to inquire as to her interest in movies. But in thedarkness of the movie theater he brooded that he'd "gone and tiedhimself up to Myra all over again." He had some satisfaction in takingit out on Tanis Judique. "Hang Tanis anyway! Why'd she gone and got himinto these mix-ups and made him all jumpy and nervous and cranky? Toomany complications! Cut 'em out!"He wanted peace. For ten days he did not see Tanis nor telephone to her,and instantly she put upon him the compulsion which he hated. Whenhe had stayed away from her for five days, hourly taking pride in hisresoluteness and hourly picturing how greatly Tanis must miss him, MissMcGoun reported, "Mrs. Judique on the 'phone. Like t' speak t' you 'boutsome repairs."Tanis was quick and quiet:"Mr. Babbitt? Oh, George, this is Tanis. I haven't seen you forweeks--days, anyway. You aren't sick, are you?""No, just been terribly rushed. I, uh, I think there'll be a big revivalof building this year. Got to, uh, got to work hard.""Of course, my man! I want you to. You know I'm terribly ambitious foryou; much more than I am for myself. I just don't want you to forgetpoor Tanis. Will you call me up soon?""Sure! Sure! You bet!""Please do. I sha'n't call you again."He meditated, "Poor kid! . . . But gosh, she oughtn't to 'phone me atthe office.... She's a wonder--sympathy 'ambitious for me.' . . . Butgosh, I won't be made and compelled to call her up till I get ready.Darn these women, the way they make demands! It'll be one long old timebefore I see her! . . . But gosh, I'd like to see her to-night--sweetlittle thing.... Oh, cut that, son! Now you've broken away, be wise!"She did not telephone again, nor he, but after five more days she wroteto him:Have I offended you? You must know, dear, I didn't mean to. I'm solonely and I need somebody to cheer me up. Why didn't you come to thenice party we had at Carrie's last evening I remember she invited you.Can't you come around here to-morrow Thur evening? I shall be alone andhope to see you.His reflections were numerous:"Doggone it, why can't she let me alone? Why can't women ever learn afellow hates to be bulldozed? And they always take advantage of you byyelling how lonely they are."Now that isn't nice of you, young fella. She's a fine, square, straightgirl, and she does get lonely. She writes a swell hand. Nice-lookingstationery. Plain. Refined. I guess I'll have to go see her. Well, thankGod, I got till to-morrow night free of her, anyway."She's nice but--Hang it, I won't be MADE to do things! I'm not marriedto her. No, nor by golly going to be!"Oh, rats, I suppose I better go see her."IIThursday, the to-morrow of Tanis's note, was full of emotional crises.At the Roughnecks' Table at the club, Verg Gunch talked of the GoodCitizens' League and (it seemed to Babbitt) deliberately left him outof the invitations to join. Old Mat Penniman, the general utility manat Babbitt's office, had Troubles, and came in to groan about them: hisoldest boy was "no good," his wife was sick, and he had quarreled withhis brother-in-law. Conrad Lyte also had Troubles, and since Lyte wasone of his best clients, Babbitt had to listen to them. Mr. Lyte, itappeared, was suffering from a peculiarly interesting neuralgia, andthe garage had overcharged him. When Babbitt came home, everybody hadTroubles: his wife was simultaneously thinking about discharging theimpudent new maid, and worried lest the maid leave; and Tinka desired todenounce her teacher."Oh, quit fussing!" Babbitt fussed. "You never hear me whining about myTroubles, and yet if you had to run a real-estate office--Why, to-day Ifound Miss Bannigan was two days behind with her accounts, and I pinchedmy finger in my desk, and Lyte was in and just as unreasonable as ever."He was so vexed that after dinner, when it was time for a tactful escapeto Tanis, he merely grumped to his wife, "Got to go out. Be back byeleven, should think.""Oh! You're going out again?""Again! What do you mean 'again'! Haven't hardly been out of the housefor a week!""Are you--are you going to the Elks?""Nope. Got to see some people."Though this time he heard his own voice and knew that it was curt,though she was looking at him with wide-eyed reproach, he stumped intothe hall, jerked on his ulster and furlined gloves, and went out tostart the car.He was relieved to find Tanis cheerful, unreproachful, and brilliant ina frock of brown net over gold tissue. "You poor man, having to comeout on a night like this! It's terribly cold. Don't you think a smallhighball would be nice?""Now, by golly, there's a woman with savvy! I think we could more orless stand a highball if it wasn't too long a one--not over a foottall!"He kissed her with careless heartiness, he forgot the compulsion of herdemands, he stretched in a large chair and felt that he had beautifullycome home. He was suddenly loquacious; he told her what a noble andmisunderstood man he was, and how superior to Pete, Fulton Bemis, andthe other men of their acquaintance; and she, bending forward, chinin charming hand, brightly agreed. But when he forced himself toask, "Well, honey, how's things with YOU," she took his duty-questionseriously, and he discovered that she too had Troubles:"Oh, all right but--I did get so angry with Carrie. She told Minnie thatI told her that Minnie was an awful tightwad, and Minnie told me Carriehad told her, and of course I told her I hadn't said anything of thekind, and then Carrie found Minnie had told me, and she was simplyfurious because Minnie had told me, and of course I was just boilingbecause Carrie had told her I'd told her, and then we all met up atFulton's--his wife is away--thank heavens!--oh, there's the dandiestfloor in his house to dance on--and we were all of us simply furiousat each other and--Oh, I do hate that kind of a mix-up, don't you? Imean--it's so lacking in refinement, but--And Mother wants to come andstay with me for a whole month, and of course I do love her, I supposeI do, but honestly, she'll cramp my style something dreadful--she nevercan learn not to comment, and she always wants to know where I'm goingwhen I go out evenings, and if I lie to her she always spies around andferrets around and finds out where I've been, and then she looks likePatience on a Monument till I could just scream. And oh, I MUST tellyou--You know I never talk about myself; I just hate people who do,don't you? But--I feel so stupid to-night, and I know I must be boringyou with all this but--What would you do about Mother?"He gave her facile masculine advice. She was to put off her mother'sstay. She was to tell Carrie to go to the deuce. For these valuablerevelations she thanked him, and they ambled into the familiar gossipof the Bunch. Of what a sentimental fool was Carrie. Of what a lazybrat was Pete. Of how nice Fulton Bemis could be--"course lots of peoplethink he's a regular old grouch when they meet him because he doesn'tgive 'em the glad hand the first crack out of the box, but when they getto know him, he's a corker."But as they had gone conscientiously through each of these analysesbefore, the conversation staggered. Babbitt tried to be intellectualand deal with General Topics. He said some thoroughly sound things aboutDisarmament, and broad-mindedness and liberalism; but it seemed to himthat General Topics interested Tanis only when she could apply them toPete, Carrie, or themselves. He was distressingly conscious of theirsilence. He tried to stir her into chattering again, but silence roselike a gray presence and hovered between them."I, uh--" he labored. "It strikes me--it strikes me that unemployment islessening.""Maybe Pete will get a decent job, then."Silence.Desperately he essayed, "What's the trouble, old honey? You seem kind ofquiet to-night.""Am I? Oh, I'm not. But--do you really care whether I am or not?""Care? Sure! Course I do!""Do you really?" She swooped on him, sat on the arm of his chair.He hated the emotional drain of having to appear fond of her. He strokedher hand, smiled up at her dutifully, and sank back."George, I wonder if you really like me at all?""Course I do, silly.""Do you really, precious? Do you care a bit?""Why certainly! You don't suppose I'd be here if I didn't!""Now see here, young man, I won't have you speaking to me in that huffyway!""I didn't mean to sound huffy. I just--" In injured and rather childishtones: "Gosh almighty, it makes me tired the way everybody says Isound huffy when I just talk natural! Do they expect me to sing it orsomething?""Who do you mean by 'everybody'? How many other ladies have you beenconsoling?""Look here now, I won't have this hinting!"Humbly: "I know, dear. I was only teasing. I know it didn't mean to talkhuffy--it was just tired. Forgive bad Tanis. But say you love me, sayit!""I love you.... Course I do.""Yes, you do!" cynically. "Oh, darling, I don't mean to be rude but--Iget so lonely. I feel so useless. Nobody needs me, nothing I can dofor anybody. And you know, dear, I'm so active--I could be if there wassomething to do. And I am young, aren't I! I'm not an old thing! I'm notold and stupid, am I?"He had to assure her. She stroked his hair, and he had to look pleasedunder that touch, the more demanding in its beguiling softness. He wasimpatient. He wanted to flee out to a hard, sure, unemotional man-world.Through her delicate and caressing fingers she may have caught somethingof his shrugging distaste. She left him--he was for the momentbuoyantly relieved--she dragged a footstool to his feet and sat lookingbeseechingly up at him. But as in many men the cringing of a dog, theflinching of a frightened child, rouse not pity but a surprised andjerky cruelty, so her humility only annoyed him. And he saw her nowas middle-aged, as beginning to be old. Even while he detested his ownthoughts, they rode him. She was old, he winced. Old! He noted how thesoft flesh was creasing into webby folds beneath her chin, below hereyes, at the base of her wrists. A patch of her throat had a minuteroughness like the crumbs from a rubber eraser. Old! She was younger inyears than himself, yet it was sickening to have her yearning up at himwith rolling great eyes--as if, he shuddered, his own aunt were makinglove to him.He fretted inwardly, "I'm through with this asinine fooling around. I'mgoing to cut her out. She's a darn decent nice woman, and I don't wantto hurt her, but it'll hurt a lot less to cut her right out, like a goodclean surgical operation."He was on his feet. He was speaking urgently. By every rule ofself-esteem, he had to prove to her, and to himself, that it was herfault."I suppose maybe I'm kind of out of sorts to-night, but honest, honey,when I stayed away for a while to catch up on work and everything andfigure out where I was at, you ought to have been cannier and waitedtill I came back. Can't you see, dear, when you MADE me come, I--beingabout an average bull-headed chump--my tendency was to resist? Listen,dear, I'm going now--""Not for a while, precious! No!""Yep. Right now. And then sometime we'll see about the future.""What do you mean, dear, 'about the future'? Have I done something Ioughtn't to? Oh, I'm so dreadfully sorry!"He resolutely put his hands behind him. "Not a thing, God bless you, nota thing. You're as good as they make 'em. But it's just--Good Lord, doyou realize I've got things to do in the world? I've got a business toattend to and, you might not believe it, but I've got a wife and kidsthat I'm awful fond of!" Then only during the murder he was committingwas he able to feel nobly virtuous. "I want us to be friends but, gosh,I can't go on this way feeling I got to come up here every so often--""Oh, darling, darling, and I've always told you, so carefully, that youwere absolutely free. I just wanted you to come around when you weretired and wanted to talk to me, or when you could enjoy our parties--"She was so reasonable, she was so gently right! It took him an hour tomake his escape, with nothing settled and everything horribly settled.In a barren freedom of icy Northern wind he sighed, "Thank God that'sover! Poor Tanis, poor darling decent Tanis! But it is over. Absolute!I'm free!"