Her First Ball
Exactly when the ball began Leila would have found it hard to say. Perhaps herfirst real partner was the cab. It did not matter that she shared the cab withthe Sheridan girls and their brother. She sat back in her own little corner ofit, and the bolster on which her hand rested felt like the sleeve of an unknownyoung man's dress suit; and away they bowled, past waltzing lamp-posts andhouses and fences and trees."Have you really never been to a ball before, Leila? But, my child, how tooweird--" cried the Sheridan girls."Our nearest neighbour was fifteen miles," said Leila softly, gently opening andshutting her fan.Oh dear, how hard it was to be indifferent like the others! She tried not tosmile too much; she tried not to care. But every single thing was so new andexciting ... Meg's tuberoses, Jose's long loop of amber, Laura's little darkhead, pushing above her white fur like a flower through snow. She wouldremember for ever. It even gave her a pang to see her cousin Laurie throw awaythe wisps of tissue paper he pulled from the fastenings of his new gloves. Shewould like to have kept those wisps as a keepsake, as a remembrance. Laurieleaned forward and put his hand on Laura's knee."Look here, darling," he said. "The third and the ninth as usual. Twig?"Oh, how marvellous to have a brother! In her excitement Leila felt that ifthere had been time, if it hadn't been impossible, she couldn't have helpedcrying because she was an only child, and no brother had ever said "Twig?" toher; no sister would ever say, as Meg said to Jose that moment, "I've neverknown your hair go up more successfully than it has to-night!"But, of course, there was no time. They were at the drill hall already; therewere cabs in front of them and cabs behind. The road was bright on either sidewith moving fan-like lights, and on the pavement gay couples seemed to floatthrough the air; little satin shoes chased each other like birds."Hold on to me, Leila; you'll get lost," said Laura."Come on, girls, let's make a dash for it," said Laurie.Leila put two fingers on Laura's pink velvet cloak, and they were somehow liftedpast the big golden lantern, carried along the passage, and pushed into thelittle room marked "Ladies." Here the crowd was so great there was hardly spaceto take off their things; the noise was deafening. Two benches on either sidewere stacked high with wraps. Two old women in white aprons ran up and downtossing fresh armfuls. And everybody was pressing forward trying to get at thelittle dressing-table and mirror at the far end.A great quivering jet of gas lighted the ladies' room. It couldn't wait; it wasdancing already. When the door opened again and there came a burst of tuningfrom the drill hall, it leaped almost to the ceiling.Dark girls, fair girls were patting their hair, tying ribbons again, tuckinghandkerchiefs down the fronts of their bodices, smoothing marble-white gloves.And because they were all laughing it seemed to Leila that they were all lovely."Aren't there any invisible hair-pins?" cried a voice. "How most extraordinary!I can't see a single invisible hair-pin.""Powder my back, there's a darling," cried some one else."But I must have a needle and cotton. I've torn simply miles and miles of thefrill," wailed a third.Then, "Pass them along, pass them along!" The straw basket of programmes wastossed from arm to arm. Darling little pink-and-silver programmes, with pinkpencils and fluffy tassels. Leila's fingers shook as she took one out of thebasket. She wanted to ask some one, "Am I meant to have one too?" but she hadjust time to read: "Waltz 3. 'Two, Two in a Canoe.' Polka 4. 'Making theFeathers Fly,'" when Meg cried, "Ready, Leila?" and they pressed their waythrough the crush in the passage towards the big double doors of the drill hall.Dancing had not begun yet, but the band had stopped tuning, and the noise was sogreat it seemed that when it did begin to play it would never be heard. Leila,pressing close to Meg, looking over Meg's shoulder, felt that even the littlequivering coloured flags strung across the ceiling were talking. She quiteforgot to be shy; she forgot how in the middle of dressing she had sat down onthe bed with one shoe off and one shoe on and begged her mother to ring up hercousins and say she couldn't go after all. And the rush of longing she had hadto be sitting on the veranda of their forsaken up-country home, listening to thebaby owls crying "More pork" in the moonlight, was changed to a rush of joy sosweet that it was hard to bear alone. She clutched her fan, and, gazing at thegleaming, golden floor, the azaleas, the lanterns, the stage at one end with itsred carpet and gilt chairs and the band in a corner, she thought breathlessly,"How heavenly; how simply heavenly!"All the girls stood grouped together at one side of the doors, the men at theother, and the chaperones in dark dresses, smiling rather foolishly, walked withlittle careful steps over the polished floor towards the stage."This is my little country cousin Leila. Be nice to her. Find her partners;she's under my wing," said Meg, going up to one girl after another.Strange faces smiled at Leila - sweetly, vaguely. Strange voices answered, "Ofcourse, my dear." But Leila felt the girls didn't really see her. They werelooking towards the men. Why didn't the men begin? What were they waiting for?There they stood, smoothing their gloves, patting their glossy hair and smilingamong themselves. Then, quite suddenly, as if they had only just made up theirminds that that was what they had to do, the men came gliding over the parquet.There was a joyful flutter among the girls. A tall, fair man flew up to Meg,seized her programme, scribbled something; Meg passed him on to Leila. "May Ihave the pleasure?" He ducked and smiled. There came a dark man wearing aneyeglass, then cousin Laurie with a friend, and Laura with a little freckledfellow whose tie was crooked. Then quite an old man - fat, with a big baldpatch on his head - took her programme and murmured, "Let me see, let me see!"And he was a long time comparing his programme, which looked black with names,with hers. It seemed to give him so much trouble that Leila was ashamed. "Oh,please don't bother," she said eagerly. But instead of replying the fat manwrote something, glanced at her again. "Do I remember this bright little face?"he said softly. "Is it known to me of yore?" At that moment the band beganplaying; the fat man disappeared. He was tossed away on a great wave of musicthat came flying over the gleaming floor, breaking the groups up into couples,scattering them, sending them spinning ...Leila had learned to dance at boarding school. Every Saturday afternoon theboarders were hurried off to a little corrugated iron mission hall where MissEccles (of London) held her "select" classes. But the difference between thatdusty-smelling hall - with calico texts on the walls, the poor terrified littlewoman in a brown velvet toque with rabbit's ears thumping the cold piano, MissEccles poking the girls' feet with her long white wand - and this was sotremendous that Leila was sure if her partner didn't come and she had to listento that marvellous music and to watch the others sliding, gliding over thegolden floor, she would die at least, or faint, or lift her arms and fly out ofone of those dark windows that showed the stars."Ours, I think--" Some one bowed, smiled, and offered her his arm; she hadn'tto die after all. Some one's hand pressed her waist, and she floated away likea flower that is tossed into a pool."Quite a good floor, isn't it?" drawled a faint voice close to her ear."I think it's most beautifully slippery," said Leila."Pardon!" The faint voice sounded surprised. Leila said it again. And therewas a tiny pause before the voice echoed, "Oh, quite!" and she was swung roundagain.He steered so beautifully. That was the great difference between dancing withgirls and men, Leila decided. Girls banged into each other, and stamped on eachother's feet; the girl who was gentleman always clutched you so.The azaleas were separate flowers no longer; they were pink and white flagsstreaming by."Were you at the Bells' last week?" the voice came again. It sounded tired.Leila wondered whether she ought to ask him if he would like to stop."No, this is my first dance," said she.Her partner gave a little gasping laugh. "Oh, I say," he protested."Yes, it is really the first dance I've ever been to." Leila was most fervent.It was such a relief to be able to tell somebody. "You see, I've lived in thecountry all my life up till now ... "At that moment the music stopped, and they went to sit on two chairs against thewall. Leila tucked her pink satin feet under and fanned herself, while sheblissfully watched the other couples passing and disappearing through the swingdoors."Enjoying yourself, Leila?" asked Jose, nodding her golden head.Laura passed and gave her the faintest little wink; it made Leila wonder for amoment whether she was quite grown up after all. Certainly her partner did notsay very much. He coughed, tucked his handkerchief away, pulled down hiswaistcoat, took a minute thread off his sleeve. But it didn't matter. Almostimmediately the band started and her second partner seemed to spring from theceiling."Floor's not bad," said the new voice. Did one always begin with the floor?And then, "Were you at the Neaves' on Tuesday?" And again Leila explained.Perhaps it was a little strange that her partners were not more interested. Forit was thrilling. Her first ball! She was only at the beginning of everything.It seemed to her that she had never known what the night was like before. Uptill now it had been dark, silent, beautiful very often - oh yes - but mournfulsomehow. Solemn. And now it would never be like that again - it had openeddazzling bright."Care for an ice?" said her partner. And they went through the swing doors,down the passage, to the supper room. Her cheeks burned, she was fearfullythirsty. How sweet the ices looked on little glass plates and how cold thefrosted spoon was, iced too! And when they came back to the hall there was thefat man waiting for her by the door. It gave her quite a shock again to see howold he was; he ought to have been on the stage with the fathers and mothers.And when Leila compared him with her other partners he looked shabby. Hiswaistcoat was creased, there was a button off his glove, his coat looked as ifit was dusty with French chalk."Come along, little lady," said the fat man. He scarcely troubled to clasp her,and they moved away so gently, it was more like walking than dancing. But hesaid not a word about the floor. "Your first dance, isn't it?" he murmured."How did you know?""Ah," said the fat man, "that's what it is to be old!" He wheezed faintly as hesteered her past an awkward couple. "You see, I've been doing this kind ofthing for the last thirty years.""Thirty years?" cried Leila. Twelve years before she was born!"It hardly bears thinking about, does it?" said the fat man gloomily. Leilalooked at his bald head, and she felt quite sorry for him."I think it's marvellous to be still going on," she said kindly."Kind little lady," said the fat man, and he pressed her a little closer, andhummed a bar of the waltz. "Of course," he said, "you can't hope to lastanything like as long as that. No-o," said the fat man, "long before thatyou'll be sitting up there on the stage, looking on, in your nice black velvet.And these pretty arms will have turned into little short fat ones, and you'llbeat time with such a different kind of fan - a black bony one." The fat manseemed to shudder. "And you'll smile away like the poor old dears up there, andpoint to your daughter, and tell the elderly lady next to you how some dreadfulman tried to kiss her at the club ball. And your heart will ache, ache" - thefat man squeezed her closer still, as if he really was sorry for that poor heart- "because no one wants to kiss you now. And you'll say how unpleasant thesepolished floors are to walk on, how dangerous they are. Eh, MademoiselleTwinkletoes?" said the fat man softly.Leila gave a light little laugh, but she did not feel like laughing. Was it -could it all be true? It sounded terribly true. Was this first ball only thebeginning of her last ball, after all? At that the music seemed to change; itsounded sad, sad; it rose upon a great sigh. Oh, how quickly things changed!Why didn't happiness last for ever? For ever wasn't a bit too long."I want to stop," she said in a breathless voice. The fat man led her to thedoor."No," she said, "I won't go outside. I won't sit down. I'll just stand here,thank you." She leaned against the wall, tapping with her foot, pulling up hergloves and trying to smile. But deep inside her a little girl threw herpinafore over her head and sobbed. Why had he spoiled it all?"I say, you know," said the fat man, "you mustn't take me seriously, littlelady.""As if I should!" said Leila, tossing her small dark head and sucking herunderlip ...Again the couples paraded. The swing doors opened and shut. Now new music wasgiven out by the bandmaster. But Leila didn't want to dance any more. Shewanted to be home, or sitting on the veranda listening to those baby owls. Whenshe looked through the dark windows at the stars, they had long beams like wings...But presently a soft, melting, ravishing tune began, and a young man with curlyhair bowed before her. She would have to dance, out of politeness, until shecould find Meg. Very stiffly she walked into the middle; very haughtily she puther hand on his sleeve. But in one minute, in one turn, her feet glided,glided. The lights, the azaleas, the dresses, the pink faces, the velvetchairs, all became one beautiful flying wheel. And when her next partner bumpedher into the fat man and he said, "Pardon," she smiled at him more radiantlythan ever. She didn't even recognise him again.
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