Hop-Frog

by Edgar Allan Poe

　　I NEVER knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke as the king was. Heseemed to live only for joking. To tell a good story of the joke kind, andto tell it well, was the surest road to his favor. Thus it happened thathis seven ministers were all noted for their accomplishments as jokers.They all took after the king, too, in being large, corpulent, oily men, aswell as inimitable jokers. Whether people grow fat by joking, or whetherthere is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have neverbeen quite able to determine; but certain it is that a lean joker is arara avis in terris.About the refinements, or, as he called them, the 'ghost' of wit, the kingtroubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth ina jest, and would often put up with length, for the sake of it.Over-niceties wearied him. He would have preferred Rabelais' 'Gargantua'to the 'Zadig' of Voltaire: and, upon the whole, practical jokes suitedhis taste far better than verbal ones.At the date of my narrative, professing jesters had not altogether goneout of fashion at court. Several of the great continental 'powers' stillretain their 'fools,' who wore motley, with caps and bells, and who wereexpected to be always ready with sharp witticisms, at a moment's notice,in consideration of the crumbs that fell from the royal table.Our king, as a matter of course, retained his 'fool.' The fact is, herequired something in the way of folly -- if only to counterbalance theheavy wisdom of the seven wise men who were his ministers -- not tomention himself.His fool, or professional jester, was not only a fool, however. His valuewas trebled in the eyes of the king, by the fact of his being also a dwarfand a cripple. Dwarfs were as common at court, in those days, as fools;and many monarchs would have found it difficult to get through their days(days are rather longer at court than elsewhere) without both a jester tolaugh with, and a dwarf to laugh at. But, as I have already observed, yourjesters, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, are fat, round, andunwieldy -- so that it was no small source of self-gratulation with ourking that, in Hop-Frog (this was the fool's name), he possessed atriplicate treasure in one person.I believe the name 'Hop-Frog' was not that given to the dwarf by hissponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon him, by general consent ofthe several ministers, on account of his inability to walk as other mendo. In fact, Hop-Frog could only get along by a sort of interjectionalgait -- something between a leap and a wriggle -- a movement that affordedillimitable amusement, and of course consolation, to the king, for(notwithstanding the protuberance of his stomach and a constitutionalswelling of the head) the king, by his whole court, was accounted acapital figure.But although Hop-Frog, through the distortion of his legs, could move onlywith great pain and difficulty along a road or floor, the prodigiousmuscular power which nature seemed to have bestowed upon his arms, by wayof compensation for deficiency in the lower limbs, enabled him to performmany feats of wonderful dexterity, where trees or ropes were in question,or any thing else to climb. At such exercises he certainly much moreresembled a squirrel, or a small monkey, than a frog.I am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop-Frogoriginally came. It was from some barbarous region, however, that noperson ever heard of -- a vast distance from the court of our king.Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself(although of exquisite proportions, and a marvellous dancer), had beenforcibly carried off from their respective homes in adjoining provinces,and sent as presents to the king, by one of his ever-victorious generals.Under these circumstances, it is not to be wondered at that a closeintimacy arose between the two little captives. Indeed, they soon becamesworn friends. Hop-Frog, who, although he made a great deal of sport, wasby no means popular, had it not in his power to render Trippetta manyservices; but she, on account of her grace and exquisite beauty (althougha dwarf), was universally admired and petted; so she possessed muchinfluence; and never failed to use it, whenever she could, for the benefitof Hop-Frog.On some grand state occasion -- I forgot what -- the king determined tohave a masquerade, and whenever a masquerade or any thing of that kind,occurred at our court, then the talents, both of Hop-Frog and Trippettawere sure to be called into play. Hop-Frog, in especial, was so inventivein the way of getting up pageants, suggesting novel characters, andarranging costumes, for masked balls, that nothing could be done, itseems, without his assistance.The night appointed for the fete had arrived. A gorgeous hall had beenfitted up, under Trippetta's eye, with every kind of device which couldpossibly give eclat to a masquerade. The whole court was in a fever ofexpectation. As for costumes and characters, it might well be supposedthat everybody had come to a decision on such points. Many had made uptheir minds (as to what roles they should assume) a week, or even a month,in advance; and, in fact, there was not a particle of indecision anywhere-- except in the case of the king and his seven minsters. Why theyhesitated I never could tell, unless they did it by way of a joke. Moreprobably, they found it difficult, on account of being so fat, to make uptheir minds. At all events, time flew; and, as a last resort they sent forTrippetta and Hop-Frog.When the two little friends obeyed the summons of the king they found himsitting at his wine with the seven members of his cabinet council; but themonarch appeared to be in a very ill humor. He knew that Hop-Frog was notfond of wine, for it excited the poor cripple almost to madness; andmadness is no comfortable feeling. But the king loved his practical jokes,and took pleasure in forcing Hop-Frog to drink and (as the king called it)'to be merry.'"Come here, Hop-Frog," said he, as the jester and his friend entered theroom; "swallow this bumper to the health of your absent friends, [hereHop-Frog sighed,] and then let us have the benefit of your invention. Wewant characters -- characters, man -- something novel -- out of the way.We are wearied with this everlasting sameness. Come, drink! the wine willbrighten your wits."Hop-Frog endeavored, as usual, to get up a jest in reply to these advancesfrom the king; but the effort was too much. It happened to be the poordwarf's birthday, and the command to drink to his 'absent friends' forcedthe tears to his eyes. Many large, bitter drops fell into the goblet as hetook it, humbly, from the hand of the tyrant."Ah! ha! ha!" roared the latter, as the dwarf reluctantly drained thebeaker. -- "See what a glass of good wine can do! Why, your eyes areshining already!"Poor fellow! his large eyes gleamed, rather than shone; for the effect ofwine on his excitable brain was not more powerful than instantaneous. Heplaced the goblet nervously on the table, and looked round upon thecompany with a half -- insane stare. They all seemed highly amused at thesuccess of the king's 'joke.'"And now to business," said the prime minister, a very fat man."Yes," said the King; "Come lend us your assistance. Characters, my finefellow; we stand in need of characters -- all of us -- ha! ha! ha!" and asthis was seriously meant for a joke, his laugh was chorused by the seven.Hop-Frog also laughed although feebly and somewhat vacantly."Come, come," said the king, impatiently, "have you nothing to suggest?""I am endeavoring to think of something novel," replied the dwarf,abstractedly, for he was quite bewildered by the wine."Endeavoring!" cried the tyrant, fiercely; "what do you mean by that? Ah,I perceive. You are Sulky, and want more wine. Here, drink this!" and hepoured out another goblet full and offered it to the cripple, who merelygazed at it, gasping for breath."Drink, I say!" shouted the monster, "or by the fiends-"The dwarf hesitated. The king grew purple with rage. The courtierssmirked. Trippetta, pale as a corpse, advanced to the monarch's seat, and,falling on her knees before him, implored him to spare her friend.The tyrant regarded her, for some moments, in evident wonder at heraudacity. He seemed quite at a loss what to do or say -- how mostbecomingly to express his indignation. At last, without uttering asyllable, he pushed her violently from him, and threw the contents of thebrimming goblet in her face.The poor girl got up the best she could, and, not daring even to sigh,resumed her position at the foot of the table.There was a dead silence for about half a minute, during which the fallingof a leaf, or of a feather, might have been heard. It was interrupted by alow, but harsh and protracted grating sound which seemed to come at oncefrom every corner of the room."What -- what -- what are you making that noise for?" demanded the king,turning furiously to the dwarf.The latter seemed to have recovered, in great measure, from hisintoxication, and looking fixedly but quietly into the tyrant's face,merely ejaculated:"I -- I? How could it have been me?""The sound appeared to come from without," observed one of the courtiers."I fancy it was the parrot at the window, whetting his bill upon hiscage-wires.""True," replied the monarch, as if much relieved by the suggestion; "but,on the honor of a knight, I could have sworn that it was the gritting ofthis vagabond's teeth."Hereupon the dwarf laughed (the king was too confirmed a joker to objectto any one's laughing), and displayed a set of large, powerful, and veryrepulsive teeth. Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness to swallow asmuch wine as desired. The monarch was pacified; and having drained anotherbumper with no very perceptible ill effect, Hop-Frog entered at once, andwith spirit, into the plans for the masquerade."I cannot tell what was the association of idea," observed he, verytranquilly, and as if he had never tasted wine in his life, "but justafter your majesty, had struck the girl and thrown the wine in her face --just after your majesty had done this, and while the parrot was makingthat odd noise outside the window, there came into my mind a capitaldiversion -- one of my own country frolics -- often enacted among us, atour masquerades: but here it will be new altogether. Unfortunately,however, it requires a company of eight persons and-""Here we are!" cried the king, laughing at his acute discovery of thecoincidence; "eight to a fraction -- I and my seven ministers. Come! whatis the diversion?""We call it," replied the cripple, "the Eight Chained Ourang-Outangs, andit really is excellent sport if well enacted.""We will enact it," remarked the king, drawing himself up, and loweringhis eyelids."The beauty of the game," continued Hop-Frog, "lies in the fright itoccasions among the women.""Capital!" roared in chorus the monarch and his ministry."I will equip you as ourang-outangs," proceeded the dwarf; "leave all thatto me. The resemblance shall be so striking, that the company ofmasqueraders will take you for real beasts -- and of course, they will beas much terrified as astonished.""Oh, this is exquisite!" exclaimed the king. "Hop-Frog! I will make a manof you.""The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion by theirjangling. You are supposed to have escaped, en masse, from your keepers.Your majesty cannot conceive the effect produced, at a masquerade, byeight chained ourang-outangs, imagined to be real ones by most of thecompany; and rushing in with savage cries, among the crowd of delicatelyand gorgeously habited men and women. The contrast is inimitable!""It must be," said the king: and the council arose hurriedly (as it wasgrowing late), to put in execution the scheme of Hop-Frog.His mode of equipping the party as ourang-outangs was very simple, buteffective enough for his purposes. The animals in question had, at theepoch of my story, very rarely been seen in any part of the civilizedworld; and as the imitations made by the dwarf were sufficientlybeast-like and more than sufficiently hideous, their truthfulness tonature was thus thought to be secured.The king and his ministers were first encased in tight-fitting stockinetshirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar. At this stage ofthe process, some one of the party suggested feathers; but the suggestionwas at once overruled by the dwarf, who soon convinced the eight, byocular demonstration, that the hair of such a brute as the ourang-outangwas much more efficiently represented by flu. A thick coating of thelatter was accordingly plastered upon the coating of tar. A long chain wasnow procured. First, it was passed about the waist of the king, and tied,then about another of the party, and also tied; then about allsuccessively, in the same manner. When this chaining arrangement wascomplete, and the party stood as far apart from each other as possible,they formed a circle; and to make all things appear natural, Hop-Frogpassed the residue of the chain in two diameters, at right angles, acrossthe circle, after the fashion adopted, at the present day, by those whocapture Chimpanzees, or other large apes, in Borneo.The grand saloon in which the masquerade was to take place, was a circularroom, very lofty, and receiving the light of the sun only through a singlewindow at top. At night (the season for which the apartment was especiallydesigned) it was illuminated principally by a large chandelier, dependingby a chain from the centre of the sky-light, and lowered, or elevated, bymeans of a counter-balance as usual; but (in order not to look unsightly)this latter passed outside the cupola and over the roof.The arrangements of the room had been left to Trippetta's superintendence;but, in some particulars, it seems, she had been guided by the calmerjudgment of her friend the dwarf. At his suggestion it was that, on thisoccasion, the chandelier was removed. Its waxen drippings (which, inweather so warm, it was quite impossible to prevent) would have beenseriously detrimental to the rich dresses of the guests, who, on accountof the crowded state of the saloon, could not all be expected to keep fromout its centre; that is to say, from under the chandelier. Additionalsconces were set in various parts of the hall, out of the war, and aflambeau, emitting sweet odor, was placed in the right hand of each of theCaryaides [Caryatides] that stood against the wall -- some fifty or sixtyaltogether.The eight ourang-outangs, taking Hop-Frog's advice, waited patiently untilmidnight (when the room was thoroughly filled with masqueraders) beforemaking their appearance. No sooner had the clock ceased striking, however,than they rushed, or rather rolled in, all together -- for the impedimentsof their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all to stumble asthey entered.The excitement among the masqueraders was prodigious, and filled the heartof the king with glee. As had been anticipated, there were not a few ofthe guests who supposed the ferocious-looking creatures to be beasts ofsome kind in reality, if not precisely ourang-outangs. Many of the womenswooned with affright; and had not the king taken the precaution toexclude all weapons from the saloon, his party might soon have expiatedtheir frolic in their blood. As it was, a general rush was made for thedoors; but the king had ordered them to be locked immediately upon hisentrance; and, at the dwarf's suggestion, the keys had been deposited withhim.While the tumult was at its height, and each masquerader attentive only tohis own safety (for, in fact, there was much real danger from the pressureof the excited crowd), the chain by which the chandelier ordinarily hung,and which had been drawn up on its removal, might have been seen verygradually to descend, until its hooked extremity came within three feet ofthe floor.Soon after this, the king and his seven friends having reeled about thehall in all directions, found themselves, at length, in its centre, and,of course, in immediate contact with the chain. While they were thussituated, the dwarf, who had followed noiselessly at their heels, incitingthem to keep up the commotion, took hold of their own chain at theintersection of the two portions which crossed the circle diametricallyand at right angles. Here, with the rapidity of thought, he inserted thehook from which the chandelier had been wont to depend; and, in aninstant, by some unseen agency, the chandelier-chain was drawn so farupward as to take the hook out of reach, and, as an inevitableconsequence, to drag the ourang-outangs together in close connection, andface to face.The masqueraders, by this time, had recovered, in some measure, from theiralarm; and, beginning to regard the whole matter as a well-contrivedpleasantry, set up a loud shout of laughter at the predicament of theapes."Leave them to me!" now screamed Hop-Frog, his shrill voice making itselfeasily heard through all the din. "Leave them to me. I fancy I know them.If I can only get a good look at them, I can soon tell who they are."Here, scrambling over the heads of the crowd, he managed to get to thewall; when, seizing a flambeau from one of the Caryatides, he returned, ashe went, to the centre of the room-leaping, with the agility of a monkey,upon the kings head, and thence clambered a few feet up the chain; holdingdown the torch to examine the group of ourang-outangs, and stillscreaming: "I shall soon find out who they are!"And now, while the whole assembly (the apes included) were convulsed withlaughter, the jester suddenly uttered a shrill whistle; when the chainflew violently up for about thirty feet -- dragging with it the dismayedand struggling ourang-outangs, and leaving them suspended in mid-airbetween the sky-light and the floor. Hop-Frog, clinging to the chain as itrose, still maintained his relative position in respect to the eightmaskers, and still (as if nothing were the matter) continued to thrust historch down toward them, as though endeavoring to discover who they were.So thoroughly astonished was the whole company at this ascent, that a deadsilence, of about a minute's duration, ensued. It was broken by just sucha low, harsh, grating sound, as had before attracted the attention of theking and his councillors when the former threw the wine in the face ofTrippetta. But, on the present occasion, there could be no question as towhence the sound issued. It came from the fang -- like teeth of the dwarf,who ground them and gnashed them as he foamed at the mouth, and glared,with an expression of maniacal rage, into the upturned countenances of theking and his seven companions."Ah, ha!" said at length the infuriated jester. "Ah, ha! I begin to seewho these people are now!" Here, pretending to scrutinize the king moreclosely, he held the flambeau to the flaxen coat which enveloped him, andwhich instantly burst into a sheet of vivid flame. In less than half aminute the whole eight ourang-outangs were blazing fiercely, amid theshrieks of the multitude who gazed at them from below, horror-stricken,and without the power to render them the slightest assistance.At length the flames, suddenly increasing in virulence, forced the jesterto climb higher up the chain, to be out of their reach; and, as he madethis movement, the crowd again sank, for a brief instant, into silence.The dwarf seized his opportunity, and once more spoke:"I now see distinctly." he said, "what manner of people these maskers are.They are a great king and his seven privy-councillors, -- a king who doesnot scruple to strike a defenceless girl and his seven councillors whoabet him in the outrage. As for myself, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester-- and this is my last jest."Owing to the high combustibility of both the flax and the tar to which itadhered, the dwarf had scarcely made an end of his brief speech before thework of vengeance was complete. The eight corpses swung in their chains, afetid, blackened, hideous, and indistinguishable mass. The cripple hurledhis torch at them, clambered leisurely to the ceiling, and disappearedthrough the sky-light.It is supposed that Trippetta, stationed on the roof of the saloon, hadbeen the accomplice of her friend in his fiery revenge, and that,together, they effected their escape to their own country: for neither wasseen again.