Chapter VI

by William Somerset Maugham

　　One day was very like another at the vicarage.Soon after breakfast Mary Ann brought in The Times. Mr. Carey shared itwith two neighbours. He had it from ten till one, when the gardener tookit over to Mr. Ellis at the Limes, with whom it remained till seven; thenit was taken to Miss Brooks at the Manor House, who, since she got itlate, had the advantage of keeping it. In summer Mrs. Carey, when she wasmaking jam, often asked her for a copy to cover the pots with. When theVicar settled down to his paper his wife put on her bonnet and went out todo the shopping. Philip accompanied her. Blackstable was a fishingvillage. It consisted of a high street in which were the shops, the bank,the doctor's house, and the houses of two or three coalship owners; roundthe little harbor were shabby streets in which lived fishermen and poorpeople; but since they went to chapel they were of no account. When Mrs.Carey passed the dissenting ministers in the street she stepped over tothe other side to avoid meeting them, but if there was not time for thisfixed her eyes on the pavement. It was a scandal to which the Vicar hadnever resigned himself that there were three chapels in the High Street:he could not help feeling that the law should have stepped in to preventtheir erection. Shopping in Blackstable was not a simple matter; fordissent, helped by the fact that the parish church was two miles from thetown, was very common; and it was necessary to deal only with churchgoers;Mrs. Carey knew perfectly that the vicarage custom might make all thedifference to a tradesman's faith. There were two butchers who went tochurch, and they would not understand that the Vicar could not deal withboth of them at once; nor were they satisfied with his simple plan ofgoing for six months to one and for six months to the other. The butcherwho was not sending meat to the vicarage constantly threatened not to cometo church, and the Vicar was sometimes obliged to make a threat: it wasvery wrong of him not to come to church, but if he carried iniquityfurther and actually went to chapel, then of course, excellent as his meatwas, Mr. Carey would be forced to leave him for ever. Mrs. Carey oftenstopped at the bank to deliver a message to Josiah Graves, the manager,who was choir-master, treasurer, and churchwarden. He was a tall, thin manwith a sallow face and a long nose; his hair was very white, and to Philiphe seemed extremely old. He kept the parish accounts, arranged the treatsfor the choir and the schools; though there was no organ in the parishchurch, it was generally considered (in Blackstable) that the choir he ledwas the best in Kent; and when there was any ceremony, such as a visitfrom the Bishop for confirmation or from the Rural Dean to preach at theHarvest Thanksgiving, he made the necessary preparations. But he had nohesitation in doing all manner of things without more than a perfunctoryconsultation with the Vicar, and the Vicar, though always ready to besaved trouble, much resented the churchwarden's managing ways. He reallyseemed to look upon himself as the most important person in the parish.Mr. Carey constantly told his wife that if Josiah Graves did not take carehe would give him a good rap over the knuckles one day; but Mrs. Careyadvised him to bear with Josiah Graves: he meant well, and it was not hisfault if he was not quite a gentleman. The Vicar, finding his comfort inthe practice of a Christian virtue, exercised forbearance; but he revengedhimself by calling the churchwarden Bismarck behind his back.Once there had been a serious quarrel between the pair, and Mrs. Careystill thought of that anxious time with dismay. The Conservative candidatehad announced his intention of addressing a meeting at Blackstable; andJosiah Graves, having arranged that it should take place in the MissionHall, went to Mr. Carey and told him that he hoped he would say a fewwords. It appeared that the candidate had asked Josiah Graves to take thechair. This was more than Mr. Carey could put up with. He had firm viewsupon the respect which was due to the cloth, and it was ridiculous for achurchwarden to take the chair at a meeting when the Vicar was there. Hereminded Josiah Graves that parson meant person, that is, the vicar wasthe person of the parish. Josiah Graves answered that he was the first torecognise the dignity of the church, but this was a matter of politics,and in his turn he reminded the Vicar that their Blessed Saviour hadenjoined upon them to render unto Caesar the things that were Caesar's. Tothis Mr. Carey replied that the devil could quote scripture to hispurpose, himself had sole authority over the Mission Hall, and if he werenot asked to be chairman he would refuse the use of it for a politicalmeeting. Josiah Graves told Mr. Carey that he might do as he chose, andfor his part he thought the Wesleyan Chapel would be an equally suitableplace. Then Mr. Carey said that if Josiah Graves set foot in what waslittle better than a heathen temple he was not fit to be churchwarden ina Christian parish. Josiah Graves thereupon resigned all his offices, andthat very evening sent to the church for his cassock and surplice. Hissister, Miss Graves, who kept house for him, gave up her secretaryship ofthe Maternity Club, which provided the pregnant poor with flannel, babylinen, coals, and five shillings. Mr. Carey said he was at last master inhis own house. But soon he found that he was obliged to see to all sortsof things that he knew nothing about; and Josiah Graves, after the firstmoment of irritation, discovered that he had lost his chief interest inlife. Mrs. Carey and Miss Graves were much distressed by the quarrel; theymet after a discreet exchange of letters, and made up their minds to putthe matter right: they talked, one to her husband, the other to herbrother, from morning till night; and since they were persuading thesegentlemen to do what in their hearts they wanted, after three weeks ofanxiety a reconciliation was effected. It was to both their interests, butthey ascribed it to a common love for their Redeemer. The meeting was heldat the Mission Hall, and the doctor was asked to be chairman. Mr. Careyand Josiah Graves both made speeches.When Mrs. Carey had finished her business with the banker, she generallywent upstairs to have a little chat with his sister; and while the ladiestalked of parish matters, the curate or the new bonnet of Mrs. Wilson--Mr.Wilson was the richest man in Blackstable, he was thought to have at leastfive hundred a year, and he had married his cook--Philip sat demurely inthe stiff parlour, used only to receive visitors, and busied himself withthe restless movements of goldfish in a bowl. The windows were neveropened except to air the room for a few minutes in the morning, and it hada stuffy smell which seemed to Philip to have a mysterious connection withbanking.Then Mrs. Carey remembered that she had to go to the grocer, and theycontinued their way. When the shopping was done they often went down aside street of little houses, mostly of wood, in which fishermen dwelt(and here and there a fisherman sat on his doorstep mending his nets, andnets hung to dry upon the doors), till they came to a small beach, shut inon each side by warehouses, but with a view of the sea. Mrs. Carey stoodfor a few minutes and looked at it, it was turbid and yellow, [and whoknows what thoughts passed through her mind?] while Philip searched forflat stones to play ducks and drakes. Then they walked slowly back. Theylooked into the post office to get the right time, nodded to Mrs. Wigramthe doctor's wife, who sat at her window sewing, and so got home.Dinner was at one o'clock; and on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday itconsisted of beef, roast, hashed, and minced, and on Thursday, Friday, andSaturday of mutton. On Sunday they ate one of their own chickens. In theafternoon Philip did his lessons, He was taught Latin and mathematics byhis uncle who knew neither, and French and the piano by his aunt. OfFrench she was ignorant, but she knew the piano well enough to accompanythe old-fashioned songs she had sung for thirty years. Uncle William usedto tell Philip that when he was a curate his wife had known twelve songsby heart, which she could sing at a moment's notice whenever she wasasked. She often sang still when there was a tea-party at the vicarage.There were few people whom the Careys cared to ask there, and theirparties consisted always of the curate, Josiah Graves with his sister, Dr.Wigram and his wife. After tea Miss Graves played one or two ofMendelssohn's Songs without Words, and Mrs. Carey sang When theSwallows Homeward Fly, or Trot, Trot, My Pony.But the Careys did not give tea-parties often; the preparations upsetthem, and when their guests were gone they felt themselves exhausted. Theypreferred to have tea by themselves, and after tea they played backgammon.Mrs. Carey arranged that her husband should win, because he did not likelosing. They had cold supper at eight. It was a scrappy meal because MaryAnn resented getting anything ready after tea, and Mrs. Carey helped toclear away. Mrs. Carey seldom ate more than bread and butter, with alittle stewed fruit to follow, but the Vicar had a slice of cold meat.Immediately after supper Mrs. Carey rang the bell for prayers, and thenPhilip went to bed. He rebelled against being undressed by Mary Ann andafter a while succeeded in establishing his right to dress and undresshimself. At nine o'clock Mary Ann brought in the eggs and the plate. Mrs.Carey wrote the date on each egg and put the number down in a book. Shethen took the plate-basket on her arm and went upstairs. Mr. Careycontinued to read one of his old books, but as the clock struck ten he gotup, put out the lamps, and followed his wife to bed.When Philip arrived there was some difficulty in deciding on which eveninghe should have his bath. It was never easy to get plenty of hot water,since the kitchen boiler did not work, and it was impossible for twopersons to have a bath on the same day. The only man who had a bathroom inBlackstable was Mr. Wilson, and it was thought ostentatious of him. MaryAnn had her bath in the kitchen on Monday night, because she liked tobegin the week clean. Uncle William could not have his on Saturday,because he had a heavy day before him and he was always a little tiredafter a bath, so he had it on Friday. Mrs. Carey had hers on Thursday forthe same reason. It looked as though Saturday were naturally indicated forPhilip, but Mary Ann said she couldn't keep the fire up on Saturday night:what with all the cooking on Sunday, having to make pastry and she didn'tknow what all, she did not feel up to giving the boy his bath on Saturdaynight; and it was quite clear that he could not bath himself. Mrs. Careywas shy about bathing a boy, and of course the Vicar had his sermon. Butthe Vicar insisted that Philip should be clean and sweet for the lord'sDay. Mary Ann said she would rather go than be put upon--and aftereighteen years she didn't expect to have more work given her, and theymight show some consideration--and Philip said he didn't want anyone tobath him, but could very well bath himself. This settled it. Mary Ann saidshe was quite sure he wouldn't bath himself properly, and rather than heshould go dirty--and not because he was going into the presence of theLord, but because she couldn't abide a boy who wasn't properlywashed--she'd work herself to the bone even if it was Saturday night.