Master Pfriem (Master Cobbler's Awl)

by The Brothers Grimm

　　

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Master Pfriem was a short, thin, but lively man, who never rested amoment. His face, of which his turned-up nose was the only prominentfeature, was marked with small-pox and pale as death, his hair was grayand shaggy, his eyes small, but they glanced perpetually about on allsides. He saw everything, criticised everything, knew everything best,and was always in the right. When he went into the streets, he moved hisarms about as if he were rowing; and once he struck the pail of a girl,who was carrying water, so high in the air that he himself was wettedall over by it. "Stupid thing," cried he to her, while he was shakinghimself, "couldst thou not see that I was coming behind thee?" By tradehe was a shoemaker, and when he worked he pulled his thread out withsuch force that he drove his fist into every one who did not keep farenough off. No apprentice stayed more than a month with him, for hehad always some fault to find with the very best work. At one time itwas that the stitches were not even, at another that one shoe was toolong, or one heel higher than the other, or the leather not cut largeenough. "Wait," said he to his apprentice, "I will soon show thee how wemake skins soft," and he brought a strap and gave him a couple of strokesacross the back. He called them all sluggards. He himself did not turnmuch work out of his hands, for he never sat still for a quarter of anhour. If his wife got up very early in the morning and lighted the fire,he jumped out of bed, and ran bare-footed into the kitchen, crying,"Wilt thou burn my house down for me? That is a fire one could roast anox by! Does wood cost nothing?" If the servants were standing by theirwash-tubs and laughing, and telling each other all they knew, he scoldedthem, and said, "There stand the geese cackling, and forgetting theirwork, to gossip! And why fresh soap? Disgraceful extravagance and shamefulidleness into the bargain! They want to save their hands, and not rub thethings properly!" And out he would run and knock a pail full of soap andwater over, so that the whole kitchen was flooded. Someone was buildinga new house, so he hurried to the window to look on. "There, they areusing that red sand-stone again that never dries!" cried he. "No one willever be healthy in that house! and just look how badly the fellows arelaying the stones! Besides, the mortar is good for nothing! It ought tohave gravel in it, not sand. I shall live to see that house tumble downon the people who are in it." He sat down, put a couple of stitches in,and then jumped up again, unfastened his leather-apron, and cried, "Iwill just go out, and appeal to those men's consciences." He stumbledon the carpenters. "What's this?" cried he, "you are not working bythe line! Do you expect the beams to be straight?—one wrong will putall wrong." He snatched an axe out of a carpenter's hand and wanted toshow him how he ought to cut; but as a cart loaded with clay came by,he threw the axe away, and hastened to the peasant who was walking bythe side of it: "You are not in your right mind," said he, "who yokesyoung horses to a heavily-laden cart? The poor beasts will die on thespot." The peasant did not give him an answer, and Pfriem in a rage ranback into his workshop. When he was setting himself to work again, theapprentice reached him a shoe. "Well, what's that again?" screamed he,"Haven't I told you you ought not to cut shoes so broad? Who would buya shoe like this, which is hardly anything else but a sole? I insiston my orders being followed exactly." "Master," answered the apprentice,"you may easily be quite right about the shoe being a bad one, but it isthe one which you yourself cut out, and yourself set to work at. Whenyou jumped up a while since, you knocked it off the table, and I haveonly just picked it up. An angel from heaven, however, would never makeyou believe that."

　　One night Master Pfriem dreamed he was dead, and on his way toheaven. When he got there, he knocked loudly at the door. "I wonder,"said he to himself, "that they have no knocker on the door,—-one knocksone's knuckles sore." The apostle Peter opened the door, and wanted to seewho demanded admission so noisily. "Ah, it's you, Master Pfriem;" said he,"well, I'll let you in, but I warn you that you must give up that habitof yours, and find fault with nothing you see in heaven, or you may fareill." "You might have spared your warning," answered Pfriem. "I knowalready what is seemly, and here, God be thanked, everything is perfect,and there is nothing to blame as there is on earth." So he went in, andwalked up and down the wide expanses of heaven. He looked around him,to the left and to the right, but sometimes shook his head, or mutteredsomething to himself. Then he saw two angels who were carrying awaya beam. It was the beam which some one had had in his own eye whilsthe was looking for the splinter in the eye of another. They did not,however, carry the beam lengthways, but obliquely. "Did any one ever seesuch a piece of stupidity?" thought Master Pfriem; but he said nothing,and seemed satisfied with it. "It comes to the same thing after all,whichever way they carry the beam, straight or crooked, if they only getalong with it, and truly I do not see them knock against anything." Soonafter this he saw two angels who were drawing water out of a well intoa bucket, but at the same time he observed that the bucket was fullof holes, and that the water was running out of it on every side. Theywere watering the earth with rain. "Hang it," he exclaimed; but happilyrecollected himself, and thought, "Perhaps it is only a pastime. If itis an amusement, then it seems they can do useless things of this kindeven here in heaven, where people, as I have already noticed, do nothingbut idle about." He went farther and saw a cart which had stuck fast ina deep hole. "It's no wonder," said he to the man who stood by it; "whowould load so unreasonably? what have you there?" "Good wishes," repliedthe man, "I could not go along the right way with it, but still I havepushed it safely up here, and they won't leave me sticking here." In factan angel did come and harnessed two horses to it. "That's quite right,"thought Pfriem, "but two horses won't get that cart out, it must atleast have four to it." Another angel came and brought two more horses;she did not, however, harness them in front of it, but behind. Thatwas too much for Master Pfriem, "Clumsy creature," he burst out with,"what are you doing there? Has any one ever since the world began seena cart drawn in that way? But you, in your conceited arrogance, thinkthat you know everything best." He was going to say more, but one ofthe inhabitants of heaven seized him by the throat and pushed him forthwith irresistible strength. Beneath the gateway Master Pfriem turnedhis head round to take one more look at the cart, and saw that it wasbeing raised into the air by four winged horses.

　　At this moment Master Pfriem awoke. "Things are certainly arranged inheaven otherwise than they are on earth," said he to himself, "and thatexcuses much; but who can see horses harnessed both behind and beforewith patience; to be sure they had wings, but who could know that? It is,besides, great folly to fix a pair of wings to a horse that has four legsto run with already! But I must get up, or else they will make nothingbut mistakes for me in my house. It is a lucky thing for me though,that I am not really dead."

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