I wish it to be distinctly understood (said Reginald) that Idon't want a "George, Prince of Wales" Prayer-book as aChristmas present. The fact cannot be too widely known.There ought (he continued) to be technical education classeson the science of present-giving. No one seems to have thefaintest notion of what anyone else wants, and the prevalentideas on the subject are not creditable to a civilisedcommunity.There is, for instance, the female relative in the countrywho "knows a tie is always useful," and sends you somespotted horror that you could only wear in secret or inTottenham Court Road. It might have been useful had she keptit to tie up currant bushes with, when it would have servedthe double purpose of supporting the branches and frighteningaway the birds--for it is an admitted fact that the ordinarytomtit of commerce has a sounder aesthetic taste than theaverage female relative in the country.Then there are aunts. They are always a difficult class todeal with in the matter of presents. The trouble is that onenever catches them really young enough. By the time one haseducated them to an appreciation of the fact that one doesnot wear red woollen mittens in the West End, they die, orquarrel with the family, or do something equallyinconsiderate. That is why the supply of trained aunts isalways so precarious.There is my Aunt Agatha, par exemple, who sent me a pair ofgloves last Christmas, and even got so far as to choose akind that was being worn and had the correct number ofbuttons. But--they were nines! I sent them to a boy whom Ihated intimately: he didn't wear them, of course, but hecould have--that was where the bitterness of death came in.It was nearly as consoling as sending white flowers to hisfuneral. Of course I wrote and told my aunt that they werethe one thing that had been wanting to make existence blossomlike a rose; I am afraid she thought me frivolous--she comesfrom the North, where they live in the fear of Heaven and theEarl of Durham. (Reginald affects an exhaustive knowledge ofthings political, which furnishes an excellent excuse for notdiscussing them.) Aunts with a dash of foreign extraction inthem are the most satisfactory in the way of understandingthese things; but if you can't choose your aunt, it is wisestin the long-run to choose the present and send her the bill.Even friends of one's own set, who might be expected to knowbetter, have curious delusions on the subject. I am notcollecting copies of the cheaper editions of Omar Khayyam. Igave the last four that I received to the lift-boy, and Ilike to think of him reading them, with FitzGerald's notes,to his aged mother. Lift-boys always have aged mothers;shows such nice feeling on their part, I think.Personally, I can't see where the difficulty in choosingsuitable presents lies. No boy who had brought himself upproperly could fail to appreciate one of those decorativebottles of liqueurs that are so reverently staged in Morel'swindow--and it wouldn't in the least matter if one did getduplicates. And there would always be the supreme moment ofdreadful uncertainty whether it was creme de menthe orChartreuse--like the expectant thrill on seeing yourpartner's hand turned up at bridge. People may say what theylike about the decay of Christianity; the religious systemthat produced green Chartreuse can never really die.And then, of course, there are liqueur glasses, andcrystallised fruits, and tapestry curtains, and heaps ofother necessaries of life that make really sensible presents--not to speak of luxuries, such as having one's bills paid,or getting something quite sweet in the way of jewellery.Unlike the alleged Good Woman of the Bible, I'm not aboverubies. When found, by the way, she must have been rather aproblem at Christmas-time; nothing short of a blank chequewould have fitted the situation. Perhaps it's as well thatshe's died out.The great charm about me (concluded Reginald) is that I am soeasily pleased.But I draw the line at a "Prince of Wales" Prayer-book.
Enjoy a similar essay by A.A. Milne, titled A Hint for Next Christmas. Please enjoy our selection of Christmas Stories and a special collection of Christmas Stories for Children. It's also featured in our collection of Short-Short Stories.
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