Reginald on Worries

by H.H. Munro (SAKI)

　　

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I have (said Reginald) an aunt who worries. She's not reallyan aunt--a sort of amateur one, and they aren't reallyworries. She is a social success, and has no domestictragedies worth speaking of, so she adopts any decorativesorrows that are going, myself included. In that way she'sthe antithesis, or whatever you call it, to those sweet,uncomplaining women one knows who have seen trouble, and wornblinkers ever since. Of course, one just loves them for it,but I must confess they make me uncomfy; they remind one soof a duck that goes flapping about with forced cheerfulnesslong after its head's been cut off. Ducks have no repose.Now, my aunt has a shade of hair that suits her, and a cookwho quarrels with the other servants, which is always ahopeful sign, and a conscience that's absentee for abouteleven months of the year, and only turns up at Lent to annoyher husband's people, who are considerably Lower than theangels, so to speak: with all these natural advantages--shesays her particular tint of bronze is a natural advantage,and there can be no two opinions as to the advantage--ofcourse she has to send out for her afflictions, like thoserestaurants where they haven't got a licence. The system hasthis advantage, that you can fit your unhappinesses in withyour other engagements, whereas real worries have a way ofarriving at meal-times, and when you're dressing, or othersolemn moments. I knew a canary once that had been tryingfor months and years to hatch out a family, and everyonelooked upon it as a blameless infatuation, like the sale ofDelagoa Bay, which would be an annual loss to the Pressagencies if it ever came to pass; and one day the bird reallydid bring it off, in the middle of family prayers. I say themiddle, but it was also the end: you can't go on beingthankful for daily bread when you are wondering what on earthvery new canaries expect to be fed on.At present she's rather in a Balkan state of mind about thetreatment of the Jews in Roumania. Personally, I think theJews have estimable qualities; they're so kind to their poor--and to our rich. I daresay in Roumania the cost of livingbeyond one's income isn't so great. Over here the trouble isthat so many people who have money to throw about seem tohave such vague ideas where to throw it. That fund, forinstance, to relieve the victims of sudden disasters--what isa sudden disaster? There's Marion Mulciber, who would thinkshe could play bridge, just as she would think she could ridedown a hill on a bicycle; on that occasion she went to ahospital, now she's gone into a Sisterhood--lost all she had,you know, and gave the rest to Heaven. Still, you can't callit a sudden calamity; that occurred when poor dear Marion wasborn. The doctors said at the time that she couldn't livemore than a fortnight, and she's been trying ever since tosee if she could. Women are so opinionated.And then there's the Education Question--not that I can seethat there's anything to worry about in that direction. Tomy mind, education is an absurdly over-rated affair. Atleast, one never took it very seriously at school, whereeverything was done to bring it prominently under one'snotice. Anything that is worth knowing one practicallyteaches oneself, and the rest obtrudes itself sooner orlater. The reason one's elders know so comparatively littleis because they have to unlearn so much that they acquired byway of education before we were born. Of course I'm abeliever in Nature-study; as I said to Lady Beauwhistle, ifyou want a lesson in elaborate artificiality, just watch thestudied unconcern of a Persian cat entering a crowded salon,and then go and practise it for a fortnight. TheBeauwhistles weren't born in the Purple, you know, butthey're getting there on the instalment system--so much down,and the rest when you feel like it. They have kind hearts,and they never forget birthdays. I forget what he was,something in the City, where the patriotism comes from; andshe--oh, well, her frocks are built in Paris, but she wearsthem with a strong English accent. So public-spirited ofher. I think she must have been very strictly brought up,she's so desperately anxious to do the wrong thing correctly.Not that it really matters nowadays, as I told her: I knowsome perfectly virtuous people who are received everywhere.

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Reginald on Worries was featured as TheShort Story of the Day on Sun, Jan 01, 2012

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