The Calash
The town of B-- had become very lively since a cavalry regiment hadtaken up its quarters in it. Up to that date it had been mortallywearisome there. When you happened to pass through the town andglanced at its little mud houses with their incredibly gloomy aspect,the pen refuses to express what you felt. You suffered a terribleuneasiness as if you had just lost all your money at play, or hadcommitted some terrible blunder in company. The plaster covering thehouses, soaked by the rain, had fallen away in many places from theirwalls, which from white had become streaked and spotted, whilst oldreeds served to thatch them.Following a custom very common in the towns of South Russia, the chiefof police has long since had all the trees in the gardens cut down toimprove the view. One never meets anything in the town, unless it is acock crossing the road, full of dust and soft as a pillow. At theslightest rain this dust is turned into mud, and then all the streetsare filled with pigs. Displaying to all their grave faces, they uttersuch grunts that travellers only think of pressing their horses to getaway from them as soon as possible. Sometimes some country gentlemanof the neighbourhood, the owner of a dozen serfs, passes in a vehiclewhich is a kind of compromise between a carriage and a cart,surrounded by sacks of flour, and whipping up his bay mare with hercolt trotting by her side. The aspect of the marketplace is mournfulenough. The tailor's house sticks out very stupidly, not squarely tothe front but sideways. Facing it is a brick house with two windows,unfinished for fifteen years past, and further on a large woodenmarket-stall standing by itself and painted mud-colour. This stall,which was to serve as a model, was built by the chief of police in thetime of his youth, before he got into the habit of falling asleepdirectly after dinner, and of drinking a kind of decoction of driedgoose-berries every evening. All around the rest of the market-placeare nothing but palings. But in the centre are some little sheds wherea packet of round cakes, a stout woman in a red dress, a bar of soap,some pounds of bitter almonds, some lead, some cotton, and two shopmenplaying at "svaika," a game resembling quoits, are always to be seen.But on the arrival of the cavalry regiment everything changed. Thestreets became more lively and wore quite another aspect. Often fromtheir little houses the inhabitants would see a tall and well-madeofficer with a plumed hat pass by, on his way to the quarters of oneof his comrades to discuss the chances of promotion or the qualitiesof a new tobacco, or perhaps to risk at play his carriage, which mightindeed be called the carriage of all the regiment, since it belongedin turn to every one of them. To-day it was the major who drove out init, to-morrow it was seen in the lieutenant's coach-house, and a weeklater the major's servant was again greasing its wheels. The longhedges separating the houses were suddenly covered with soldiers' capsexposed to the sun, grey frieze cloaks hung in the doorways, andmoustaches harsh and bristling as clothes brushes were to be met within all the streets. These moustaches showed themselves everywhere, butabove all at the market, over the shoulders of the women of the placewho flocked there from all sides to make their purchases. The officerslent great animation to society at B--.Society consisted up till then of the judge who was living with adeacon's wife, and of the chief of police, a very sensible man, butone who slept all day long from dinner till evening, and from eveningtill dinner-time.This general liveliness was still further increased when the town ofB-- became the residence of the general commanding the brigade towhich the regiment belonged. Many gentlemen of the neighbourhood,whose very existence no one had even suspected, began to come into thetown with the intention of calling on the officers, or, perhaps, ofplaying bank, a game concerning which they had up till then only avery confused notion, occupied as they were with their crops and thecommissions of their wives and their hare-hunting. I am very sorrythat I cannot recollect for what reason the general made up his mindone fine day to give a grand dinner. The preparations wereoverwhelming. The clatter of knives in the kitchen was heard as far asthe town gates. The whole of the market was laid under contributions,so much so that the judge and the deacon's wife found themselvesobliged that day to be satisfied with hasty puddings and cakes offlour. The little courtyard of the house occupied by the general wascrowded with vehicles. The company only consisted of men, officers andgentlemen of the neighbourhood.Amongst these latter was above all conspicuous PythagorasPythagoravitch Tchertokoutski, one of the leading aristocrats of thedistrict of B--, the most fiery orator at the nobiliary elections andthe owner of a very elegant turn-out. He had served in a cavalryregiment and had even passed for one of its most accomplishedofficers, having constantly shown himself at all the balls and partieswherever his regiment was quartered. Information respecting him may beasked of all the young ladies in the districts of Tamboff andSimbirsk. He would very probably have further extended his reputationin other districts if he had not been obliged to leave the service inconsequence of one of those affairs which are spoken of as "a veryunpleasant business." Had he given or received a blow? I cannot saywith certainty, but what is indisputable is that he was asked to sendin his resignation. However, this accident had no unpleasant effectupon the esteem in which he had been held up till then.Tchertokoutski always wore a coat of a military cut, spurs andmoustache, in order not to have it supposed that he had served in theinfantry, a branch of the service upon which he lavished the mostcontemptuous expressions. He frequented the numerous fairs to whichflock the whole of the population of Southern Russia, consisting ofnursemaids, tall girls, and burly gentlemen who go there in vehiclesof such strange aspect that no one has ever seen their match even in adream. He instinctively guessed the spot in which a regiment ofcavalry was to be found and never failed to introduce himself to theofficers. On perceiving them he bounded gracefully from his lightphaeton and soon made acquaintance with them. At the last election hehad given to the whole of the nobility a grand dinner during which hedeclared that if he were elected marshal he would put all gentlemen onthe best possible footing. He usually behaved after the fashion of agreat noble. He had married a rather pretty lady with a dowry of twohundred serfs and some thousands of rubles. This money was at onceemployed in the purchase of six fine horses, some gilt bronze locks,and a tame monkey. He further engaged a French cook. The two hundredpeasants of the lady, as well as two hundred more belonging to thegentleman, were mortgaged to the bank. In a word, he was a regularnobleman. Besides himself, several other gentlemen were amongst thegeneral's guests, but it is not worth while speaking of them. Theofficers of the regiment, amongst whom were the colonel and the fatmajor, formed the majority of those present. The general himself wasrather stout; a good officer, nevertheless, according to hissubordinates. He had a rather deep bass voice.The dinner was magnificent; there were sturgeons, sterlets, bustards,asparagus, quail, partridges, mushrooms. The flavour of all thesedishes supplied an irrefutable proof of the sobriety of the cookduring the twenty-four hours preceding the dinner. Four soldiers, whohad been given him as assistants, had not ceased working all night,knife in hand, at the composition of ragouts and jellies. The immensequantity of long-necked bottles, mingled with shorter ones, holdingclaret and madeira; the fine summer day, the wide-open windows, theplates piled up with ice on the table, the crumpled shirt-fronts ofthe gentlemen in plain clothes, and a brisk and noisy conversation,now dominated by the general's voice, and now besprinkled withchampagne, were all in perfect harmony. The guests rose from the tablewith a pleasant feeling of repletion, and, after having lit theirpipes, all stepped out, coffee-cups in hand, on to the verandah."We can see her now," said the general. "Here, my dear fellow," addedhe, addressing his aide-de-camp, an active well-made young officer,"have the bay mare brought here. You shall see for yourselves,gentlemen."At these words the general took a long pull at his pipe."She is not quite recovered yet; there is not a decent stable in thiscursed little place. But she is not bad looking--" puff--puff, thegeneral here let out the smoke which he had kept in his mouth tillthen--"the little mare.""It is long since your excellency--" puff--puff--puff--"condescendedto buy her?" asked Tchertokoutski.Puff--puff--puff--puff. "Not very long, I had her from the breedingestablishment two years ago.""And did your excellency condescend to take her ready broken, or tohave her broken in here yourself?"Puff--puff--puff--puff. "Here."As he spoke the general disappeared behind a cloud of smoke.At that moment a soldier jumped out of the stable. The trampling of ahorse's hoofs was heard, and another soldier with immense moustaches,and wearing a long white tunic, appeared, leading by the bridle theterrified and quivering mare, which, suddenly rearing, lifted him offhis feet."Come, come, Agrafena Ivanovna," said he, leading her towards theverandah.The mare's name was Agrafena Ivanovna. Strong and bold as a Southernbeauty, she suddenly became motionless.The general began to look at her with evident satisfaction, and leftoff smoking. The colonel himself went down the steps and patted herneck. The major ran his hand down her legs, and all the other officersclicked their tongues at her.Tchertokoutski left the verandah to take up a position beside themare. The soldier who held her bridle drew himself up and staredfixedly at the guests."She is very fine, very fine," said Tchertokoutski, "a verywell-shaped beast. Will your excellency allow me to ask whether she isa good goer?""She goes well, but that idiot of a doctor, deuce take him, has givenher some balls which have made her sneeze for the last two days.""She is a fine beast, a very fine beast. Has your excellency aturn-out to match the horse?""Turn-out! but she's a saddle horse.""I know. I put the question, your excellency, to know if you have anequipage worthy of your other horses?""No, I have not much in the way of equipages; I must admit that, forsome time past, I have been wanting to buy a calash, such as theybuild now-a-days. I have written about it to my brother who is now atSt. Petersburg, but I do not know whether he will be able to send meone.""It seems to me, your excellency," remarked the colonel, "that thereare no better calashes than those of Vienna.""You are right." Puff--puff--puff."I have an excellent calash, your excellency, a real Viennese calash,"said Tchertokoutski."That in which you came?""Oh no, I make use of that for ordinary service, but the other issomething extraordinary. It is as light as a feather, and if you sitin it, it seems as if your nurse was rocking you in a cradle.""It is very comfortable then?""Extremely comfortable; the cushions, the springs, and everything elseare perfect.""Ah! that is good.""And what a quantity of things can be packed away in it. I have neverseen anything like it, your excellency. When I was still in theservice there was room enough in the body to stow away ten bottles ofrum, twenty pounds of tobacco, six uniforms, and two pipes, thelongest pipes imaginable, your excellency; and in the pockets insideyou could stow away a whole bullock.""That is very good.""It cost four thousand rubles, your excellency.""It ought to be good at that price. Did you buy it yourself?""No, your excellency, I had it by chance. It was bought by one of myoldest friends, a fine fellow with whom you would be very wellpleased. We are very intimate. What is mine is his, and what is his ismine. I won it of him at cards. Would your excellency have thekindness to honour me at dinner to-morrow? You could see my calash.""I don't know what to say. Alone I could not--but if you would allowme to come with these officers--""I beg of them to come too. I shall esteem it a great honour,gentlemen, to have the pleasure of seeing you at my house."The colonel, the major, and the other officers thanked Tchertokoutski."I am of opinion myself, your excellency, that if one buys anything itshould be good; it is not worth the trouble of getting, if it turnsout bad. If you do me the honour of calling on me to-morrow, I willshow you some improvements I have introduced on my estate."The general looked at him, and puffed out a fresh cloud of smoke.Tchertokoutski was charmed with his notion of inviting the officers,and mentally ordered in advance all manner of dishes for theirentertainment. He smiled at these gentlemen, who on their partappeared to increase their show of attention towards him, as wasnoticeable from the expression of their eyes and the little half-nodsthey bestowed upon him. His bearing assumed a certain ease, and hisvoice expressed his great satisfaction."Your excellency will make the acquaintance of the mistress of thehouse.""That will be most agreeable to me," said the general, twirling hismoustache.Tchertokoutski was firmly resolved to return home at once in order tomake all necessary preparations in good time. He had already taken hishat, but a strange fatality caused him to remain for some time at thegeneral's. The card tables had been set out, and all the company,separating into groups of four, scattered itself about the room.Lights were brought in. Tchertokoutski did not know whether he oughtto sit down to whist. But as the officers invited him, he thought thatthe rules of good breeding obliged him to accept. He sat down. I donot know how a glass of punch found itself at his elbow, but he drankit off without thinking. After playing two rubbers, he found anotherglass close to his hand which he drank off in the same way, though notwithout remarking:"It is really time for me to go, gentlemen."He began to play a fresh rubber. However, the conversation which wasgoing on in every corner of the room took an especial turn. Those whowere playing whist were quiet enough, but the others talked a greatdeal. A captain had taken up his position on a sofa, and leaningagainst a cushion, pipe in mouth, he captivated the attention of acircle of guests gathered about him by his eloquent narrative ofamorous adventures. A very stout gentleman whose arms were so shortthat they looked like two potatoes hanging by his sides, listened tohim with a very satisfied expression, and from time to time exertedhimself to pull his tobacco-pouch out of his coat-tail pocket. Asomewhat brisk discussion on cavalry drill had arisen in anothercorner, and Tchertokoutski, who had twice already played a knave for aking, mingled in the conversation by calling out from his place: "Inwhat year?" or "What regiment?" without noticing that very often hisquestion had no application whatever. At length, a few minutes beforesupper, play came to an end. Tchertokoutski could remember that he hadwon a great deal, but he did not take up his winnings, and afterrising stood for some time in the position of a man who has nohandkerchief in his pocket.They sat down to supper. As might be expected, wine was not lacking,and Tchertokoutski kept involuntarily filling his glass with it, forhe was surrounded with bottles. A lengthy conversation took place attable, but the guests carried it on after a strange fashion. Acolonel, who had served in 1812, described a battle which had nevertaken place; and besides, no one ever could make out why he took acork and stuck it into a pie. They began to break-up at three in themorning. The coachmen were obliged to take several of them in theirarms like bundles; and Tchertokoutski himself, despite hisaristocratic pride, bowed so low to the company, that he took home twothistles in his moustache.The coachman who drove him home found every one asleep. He routed out,after some trouble, the valet, who, after having ushered his masterthrough the hall, handed him over to a maid-servant. Tchertokoutskifollowed her as well as he could to the best room, and stretchedhimself beside his pretty young wife, who was sleeping in a night-gownas white as snow. The shock of her husband falling on the bed awokeher--she stretched out her arms, opened her eyes, closed them quickly,and then opened them again quite wide, with a half-vexed air. Seeingthat her husband did not pay the slightest attention to her, sheturned over on the other side, rested her fresh and rosy cheek on herhand, and went to sleep again.It was late--that is, according to country customs--when the ladyawoke again. Her husband was snoring more loudly than ever. Sherecollected that he had come home at four o'clock, and not wishing toawaken him, got up alone, and put on her slippers, which her husbandhad had sent for her from St. Petersburg, and a white dressing-gownwhich fell about her like the waters of a fountain. Then she passedinto her dressing-room, and after washing in water as fresh asherself, went to her toilet table. She looked at herself twice in theglass, and thought she looked very pretty that morning. Thiscircumstance, a very insignificant one apparently, caused her to staytwo hours longer than usual before her glass. She dressed herself verytastefully and went into the garden.The weather was splendid: it was one of the finest days of the summer.The sun, which had almost reached the meridian, shed its most ardentrays; but a pleasant coolness reigned under the leafy arcades; and theflowers, warmed by the sun, exhaled their sweetest perfume. The prettymistress of the house had quite forgotten that it was noon at least,and that her husband was still asleep. Already she heard the snores oftwo coachmen and a groom, who were taking their siesta in the stable,after having dined copiously. But she was still sitting in a bowerfrom which the deserted high road could be seen, when all at once herattention was caught by a light cloud of dust rising in the distance.After looking at it for some moments, she ended by making out severalvehicles, closely following one another. First came a light calash,with two places, in which was the general, wearing his large andglittering epaulettes, with the colonel. This was followed by anotherwith four places, containing the captain, the aide-de-camp and twolieutenants. Further on, came the celebrated regimental vehicle, thepresent owner of which was the major, and behind that another in whichwere packed five officers, one on his comrade's knees, the processionbeing closed by three more on three fine bays."Are they coming here?" thought the mistress of the house. "Goodheavens, yes! they are leaving the main road."She gave a cry, clasped her hands, and ran straight across theflower-beds to her bedroom, where her husband was still sleepingsoundly."Get up! get up! get up at once," she cried, pulling him by the arm."What--what's the matter?" murmured Tchertokoutski, stretching hislimbs without opening his eyes."Get up, get up. Visitors have come, do you hear? visitors.""Visitors, what visitors?" After saying these words he uttered alittle plaintive grunt like that of a sucking calf: "M-m-m. Let mekiss you.""My dear, get up at once, for heaven's sake. The general has come withall his officers. Ah! goodness, you have got a thistle in yourmoustache.""The general! Has he come already? But why the deuce did not they wakeme? And the dinner, is the dinner ready?""What dinner?""But haven't I ordered a dinner?""A dinner! You got home at four o'clock in the morning and you did notanswer a single word to all my questions. I did not wake you, sinceyou had so little sleep."Tchertokoutski, his eyes staring out of his head, remained motionlessfor some moments as though a thunderbolt had struck him. All at oncehe jumped out of bed in his shirt."Idiot that I am," he exclaimed, clasping his hand to his forehead; "Ihad invited them to dinner. What is to be done? are they far off?""They will be here in a moment.""My dear, hide yourself. Ho there, somebody. Hi there, you girl. Comehere, you fool; what are you afraid of? The officers are coming here;tell them I am not at home, that I went out early this morning, that Iam not coming back. Do you understand? Go and repeat it to all theservants. Be off, quick."Having uttered these words, he hurriedly slipped on his dressing-gown,and ran off to shut himself up in the coach-house, which he thoughtthe safest hiding-place. But he fancied that he might be noticed inthe corner in which he had taken refuge."This will be better," said he to himself, letting down the steps ofthe nearest vehicle, which happened to be the calash. He jumpedinside, closed the door, and, as a further precaution, covered himselfwith the leather apron. There he remained, wrapped in hisdressing-gown, in a doubled-up position.During this time the equipages had drawn up before the porch. Thegeneral got out of his carriage and shook himself, followed by thecolonel, arranging the feathers in his hat. After him came the stoutmajor, his sabre under his arm, and the slim lieutenants, whilst themounted officers also alighted."The master is not at home," said a servant appearing at the top of aflight of steps."What! not at home; but he is coming home for dinner, is he not?""No, he is not; he has gone out for the day and will not be back tillthis time to-morrow.""Bless me," said the general; "but what the deuce--""What a joke," said the colonel laughing."No, no, such things are inconceivable," said the general angrily. "Ifhe could not receive us, why did he invite us?""I cannot understand, your excellency, how it is possible to act insuch a manner," observed a young officer."What?" said the general, who always made an officer under the rank ofcaptain repeat his remarks twice over."I wondered, your excellency, how any one could do such a thing.""Quite so; if anything has happened he ought to have let us know.""There is nothing to be done, your excellency, we had better go backhome," said the colonel."Certainly, there is nothing to be done. However, we can see thecalash without him; probably he has not taken it with him. Come here,my man.""What does your excellency want?""Show us your master's new calash.""Have the kindness to step this way to the coach-house."The general entered the coach-house followed by his officers."Let me pull it a little forward, your excellency," said the servant,"it is rather dark here.""That will do."The general and his officers walked around the calash, carefullyinspecting the wheels and springs."There is nothing remarkable about it," said the general; "it is avery ordinary calash.""Nothing to look at," added the colonel; "there is absolutely nothinggood about it.""It seems to me, your excellency, that it is not worth four thousandrubles," remarked a young officer."What?""I said, your excellency, that I do not think that it is worth fourthousand rubles.""Four thousand! It is not worth two. Perhaps, however, the inside iswell fitted. Unbutton the apron."And Tchertokoutski appeared before the officers' eyes, clad in hisdressing-gown and doubled up in a singular fashion."Hullo, there you are," said the astonished general.Then he covered Tchertokoutski up again and went off with hisofficers.
zpostcode
Recruit
weather
mreligion
Yellowpages
sport
constellation
shopping
name
game
directory
literature
Word
tour
furnish
Lottery
tftnews
lyrics
News
digital
car
dir
Edu
Finance
