Chapter 7

by Herman Melville

　　A GENTLEMAN WITH GOLD SLEEVE-BUTTONS.At an interesting point of the narration, and at the moment when, withmuch curiosity, indeed, urgency, the narrator was being particularlyquestioned upon that point, he was, as it happened, altogether divertedboth from it and his story, by just then catching sight of a gentlemanwho had been standing in sight from the beginning, but, until now, as itseemed, without being observed by him."Pardon me," said he, rising, "but yonder is one who I know willcontribute, and largely. Don't take it amiss if I quit you.""Go: duty before all things," was the conscientious reply.The stranger was a man of more than winsome aspect. There he stood apartand in repose, and yet, by his mere look, lured the man in gray from hisstory, much as, by its graciousness of bearing, some full-leaved elm,alone in a meadow, lures the noon sickleman to throw down his sheaves,and come and apply for the alms of its shade.But, considering that goodness is no such rare thing among men--theworld familiarly know the noun; a common one in every language--it wascurious that what so signalized the stranger, and made him look like akind of foreigner, among the crowd (as to some it make him appear moreor less unreal in this portraiture), was but the expression of soprevalent a quality. Such goodness seemed his, allied with such fortune,that, so far as his own personal experience could have gone, scarcelycould he have known ill, physical or moral; and as for knowing orsuspecting the latter in any serious degree (supposing such degree of itto be), by observation or philosophy; for that, probably, his nature, byits opposition, imperfectly qualified, or from it wholly exempted. Forthe rest, he might have been five and fifty, perhaps sixty, but tall,rosy, between plump and portly, with a primy, palmy air, and for thetime and place, not to hint of his years, dressed with a strangelyfestive finish and elegance. The inner-side of his coat-skirts was ofwhite satin, which might have looked especially inappropriate, had itnot seemed less a bit of mere tailoring than something of an emblem, asit were; an involuntary emblem, let us say, that what seemed so goodabout him was not all outside; no, the fine covering had a still finerlining. Upon one hand he wore a white kid glove, but the other hand,which was ungloved, looked hardly less white. Now, as the Fidle, likemost steamboats, was upon deck a little soot-streaked here and there,especially about the railings, it was marvel how, under suchcircumstances, these hands retained their spotlessness. But, if youwatched them a while, you noticed that they avoided touching anything;you noticed, in short, that a certain negro body-servant, whose handsnature had dyed black, perhaps with the same purpose that millers wearwhite, this negro servant's hands did most of his master's handling forhim; having to do with dirt on his account, but not to his prejudices.But if, with the same undefiledness of consequences to himself, agentleman could also sin by deputy, how shocking would that be! But itis not permitted to be; and even if it were, no judicious moralist wouldmake proclamation of it.This gentleman, therefore, there is reason to affirm, was one who, likethe Hebrew governor, knew how to keep his hands clean, and who never inhis life happened to be run suddenly against by hurrying house-painter,or sweep; in a word, one whose very good luck it was to be a very goodman.Not that he looked as if he were a kind of Wilberforce at all; thatsuperior merit, probably, was not his; nothing in his manner bespoke himrighteous, but only good, and though to be good is much below beingrighteous, and though there is a difference between the two, yet not, itis to be hoped, so incompatible as that a righteous man can not be agood man; though, conversely, in the pulpit it has been with muchcogency urged, that a merely good man, that is, one good merely by hisnature, is so far from there by being righteous, that nothing short of atotal change and conversion can make him so; which is something which nohonest mind, well read in the history of righteousness, will care todeny; nevertheless, since St. Paul himself, agreeing in a sense with thepulpit distinction, though not altogether in the pulpit deduction, andalso pretty plainly intimating which of the two qualities in questionenjoys his apostolic preference; I say, since St. Paul has so meaninglysaid, that, "scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet peradventurefor a good man some would even dare to die;" therefore, when we repeatof this gentleman, that he was only a good man, whatever else by severecensors may be objected to him, it is still to be hoped that hisgoodness will not at least be considered criminal in him. At all events,no man, not even a righteous man, would think it quite right to committhis gentleman to prison for the crime, extraordinary as he might deemit; more especially, as, until everything could be known, there would besome chance that the gentleman might after all be quite as innocent ofit as he himself.It was pleasant to mark the good man's reception of the salute of therighteous man, that is, the man in gray; his inferior, apparently, notmore in the social scale than in stature. Like the benign elm again, thegood man seemed to wave the canopy of his goodness over that suitor, notin conceited condescension, but with that even amenity of true majesty,which can be kind to any one without stooping to it.To the plea in behalf of the Seminole widows and orphans, the gentleman,after a question or two duly answered, responded by producing an amplepocket-book in the good old capacious style, of fine green Frenchmorocco and workmanship, bound with silk of the same color, not to omitbills crisp with newness, fresh from the bank, no muckworms' grime uponthem. Lucre those bills might be, but as yet having been kept unspottedfrom the world, not of the filthy sort. Placing now three of thosevirgin bills in the applicant's hands, he hoped that the smallness ofthe contribution would be pardoned; to tell the truth, and this at lastaccounted for his toilet, he was bound but a short run down the river,to attend, in a festive grove, the afternoon wedding of his niece: sodid not carry much money with him.The other was about expressing his thanks when the gentleman in hispleasant way checked him: the gratitude was on the other side. To him,he said, charity was in one sense not an effort, but a luxury; againsttoo great indulgence in which his steward, a humorist, had sometimesadmonished him.In some general talk which followed, relative to organized modes ofdoing good, the gentleman expressed his regrets that so many benevolentsocieties as there were, here and there isolated in the land, should notact in concert by coming together, in the way that already in eachsociety the individuals composing it had done, which would result, hethought, in like advantages upon a larger scale. Indeed, such aconfederation might, perhaps, be attended with as happy results aspolitically attended that of the states.Upon his hitherto moderate enough companion, this suggestion had aneffect illustrative in a sort of that notion of Socrates, that the soulis a harmony; for as the sound of a flute, in any particular key, will,it is said, audibly affect the corresponding chord of any harp in goodtune, within hearing, just so now did some string in him respond, andwith animation.Which animation, by the way, might seem more or less out of character inthe man in gray, considering his unsprightly manner when firstintroduced, had he not already, in certain after colloquies, givenproof, in some degree, of the fact, that, with certain natures, asoberly continent air at times, so far from arguing emptiness of stuff,is good proof it is there, and plenty of it, because unwasted, and maybe used the more effectively, too, when opportunity offers. What nowfollows on the part of the man in gray will still further exemplify,perhaps somewhat strikingly, the truth, or what appears to be such, ofthis remark."Sir," said he eagerly, "I am before you. A project, not dissimilar toyours, was by me thrown out at the World's Fair in London.""World's Fair? You there? Pray how was that?""First, let me----""Nay, but first tell me what took you to the Fair?""I went to exhibit an invalid's easy-chair I had invented.""Then you have not always been in the charity business?""Is it not charity to ease human suffering? I am, and always have been,as I always will be, I trust, in the charity business, as you call it;but charity is not like a pin, one to make the head, and the other thepoint; charity is a work to which a good workman may be competent in allits branches. I invented my Protean easy-chair in odd intervals stolenfrom meals and sleep.""You call it the Protean easy-chair; pray describe it.""My Protean easy-chair is a chair so all over bejointed, behinged, andbepadded, everyway so elastic, springy, and docile to the airiest touch,that in some one of its endlessly-changeable accommodations of back,seat, footboard, and arms, the most restless body, the body most racked,nay, I had almost added the most tormented conscience must, somehow andsomewhere, find rest. Believing that I owed it to suffering humanity tomake known such a chair to the utmost, I scraped together my littlemeans and off to the World's Fair with it.""You did right. But your scheme; how did you come to hit upon that?""I was going to tell you. After seeing my invention duly catalogued andplaced, I gave myself up to pondering the scene about me. As I dweltupon that shining pageant of arts, and moving concourse of nations, andreflected that here was the pride of the world glorying in a glasshouse, a sense of the fragility of worldly grandeur profoundly impressedme. And I said to myself, I will see if this occasion of vanity cannotsupply a hint toward a better profit than was designed. Let someworld-wide good to the world-wide cause be now done. In short, inspiredby the scene, on the fourth day I issued at the World's Fair myprospectus of the World's Charity.""Quite a thought. But, pray explain it.""The World's Charity is to be a society whose members shall comprisedeputies from every charity and mission extant; the one object of thesociety to be the methodization of the world's benevolence; to whichend, the present system of voluntary and promiscuous contribution to bedone away, and the Society to be empowered by the various governments tolevy, annually, one grand benevolence tax upon all mankind; as inAugustus Csar's time, the whole world to come up to be taxed; a taxwhich, for the scheme of it, should be something like the income-tax inEngland, a tax, also, as before hinted, to be a consolidation-tax of allpossible benevolence taxes; as in America here, the state-tax, and thecounty-tax, and the town-tax, and the poll-tax, are by the assessorsrolled into one. This tax, according to my tables, calculated with care,would result in the yearly raising of a fund little short of eighthundred millions; this fund to be annually applied to such objects, andin such modes, as the various charities and missions, in generalcongress represented, might decree; whereby, in fourteen years, as Iestimate, there would have been devoted to good works the sum of eleventhousand two hundred millions; which would warrant the dissolution ofthe society, as that fund judiciously expended, not a pauper or heathencould remain the round world over.""Eleven thousand two hundred millions! And all by passing round a hat,as it were.""Yes, I am no Fourier, the projector of an impossible scheme, but aphilanthropist and a financier setting forth a philanthropy and afinance which are practicable.""Practicable?""Yes. Eleven thousand two hundred millions; it will frighten none but aretail philanthropist. What is it but eight hundred millions for each offourteen years? Now eight hundred millions--what is that, to average it,but one little dollar a head for the population of the planet? And whowill refuse, what Turk or Dyak even, his own little dollar for sweetcharity's sake? Eight hundred millions! More than that sum is yearlyexpended by mankind, not only in vanities, but miseries. Consider thatbloody spendthrift, War. And are mankind so stupid, so wicked, that,upon the demonstration of these things they will not, amending theirways, devote their superfluities to blessing the world instead ofcursing it? Eight hundred millions! They have not to make it, it istheirs already; they have but to direct it from ill to good. And tothis, scarce a self-denial is demanded. Actually, they would not in themass be one farthing the poorer for it; as certainly would they be allthe better and happier. Don't you see? But admit, as you must, thatmankind is not mad, and my project is practicable. For, what creaturebut a madman would not rather do good than ill, when it is plain that,good or ill, it must return upon himself?""Your sort of reasoning," said the good gentleman, adjusting his goldsleeve-buttons, "seems all reasonable enough, but with mankind it wontdo.""Then mankind are not reasoning beings, if reason wont do with them.""That is not to the purpose. By-the-way, from the manner in which youalluded to the world's census, it would appear that, according to yourworld-wide scheme, the pauper not less than the nabob is to contributeto the relief of pauperism, and the heathen not less than the Christianto the conversion of heathenism. How is that?""Why, that--pardon me--is quibbling. Now, no philanthropist likes to beopposed with quibbling.""Well, I won't quibble any more. But, after all, if I understand yourproject, there is little specially new in it, further than themagnifying of means now in operation.""Magnifying and energizing. For one thing, missions I would thoroughlyreform. Missions I would quicken with the Wall street spirit.""The Wall street spirit?""Yes; for if, confessedly, certain spiritual ends are to be gained butthrough the auxiliary agency of worldly means, then, to the surergaining of such spiritual ends, the example of worldly policy in worldlyprojects should not by spiritual projectors be slighted. In brief, theconversion of the heathen, so far, at least, as depending on humaneffort, would, by the world's charity, be let out on contract. So muchby bid for converting India, so much for Borneo, so much for Africa.Competition allowed, stimulus would be given. There would be nolethargy of monopoly. We should have no mission-house or tract-house ofwhich slanderers could, with any plausibility, say that it haddegenerated in its clerkships into a sort of custom-house. But the mainpoint is the Archimedean money-power that would be brought to bear.""You mean the eight hundred million power?""Yes. You see, this doing good to the world by driblets amounts to justnothing. I am for doing good to the world with a will. I am for doinggood to the world once for all and having done with it. Do but think, mydear sir, of the eddies and malstroms of pagans in China. People herehave no conception of it. Of a frosty morning in Hong Kong, pauperpagans are found dead in the streets like so many nipped peas in a binof peas. To be an immortal being in China is no more distinction than tobe a snow-flake in a snow-squall. What are a score or two ofmissionaries to such a people? A pinch of snuff to the kraken. I am forsending ten thousand missionaries in a body and converting the Chineseen masse within six months of the debarkation. The thing is then done,and turn to something else.""I fear you are too enthusiastic.""A philanthropist is necessarily an enthusiast; for without enthusiasmwhat was ever achieved but commonplace? But again: consider the poor inLondon. To that mob of misery, what is a joint here and a loaf there? Iam for voting to them twenty thousand bullocks and one hundred thousandbarrels of flour to begin with. They are then comforted, and no morehunger for one while among the poor of London. And so all round.""Sharing the character of your general project, these things, I take it,are rather examples of wonders that were to be wished, than wonders thatwill happen.""And is the age of wonders passed? Is the world too old? Is it barren?Think of Sarah.""Then I am Abraham reviling the angel (with a smile). But still, as toyour design at large, there seems a certain audacity.""But if to the audacity of the design there be brought a commensuratecircumspectness of execution, how then?""Why, do you really believe that your world's charity will ever go intooperation?""I have confidence that it will.""But may you not be over-confident?""For a Christian to talk so!""But think of the obstacles!""Obstacles? I have confidence to remove obstacles, though mountains.Yes, confidence in the world's charity to that degree, that, as nobetter person offers to supply the place, I have nominated myselfprovisional treasurer, and will be happy to receive subscriptions, forthe present to be devoted to striking off a million more of myprospectuses."The talk went on; the man in gray revealed a spirit of benevolencewhich, mindful of the millennial promise, had gone abroad over all thecountries of the globe, much as the diligent spirit of the husbandman,stirred by forethought of the coming seed-time, leads him, in Marchreveries at his fireside, over every field of his farm. The master chordof the man in gray had been touched, and it seemed as if it would nevercease vibrating. A not unsilvery tongue, too, was his, with gesturesthat were a Pentecost of added ones, and persuasiveness before whichgranite hearts might crumble into gravel.Strange, therefore, how his auditor, so singularly good-hearted as heseemed, remained proof to such eloquence; though not, as it turned out,to such pleadings. For, after listening a while longer with pleasantincredulity, presently, as the boat touched his place of destination,the gentleman, with a look half humor, half pity, put another bank-noteinto his hands; charitable to the last, if only to the dreams ofenthusiasm.