Chapter XVI. The State Dinner.

by Mark Twain

　　The dinner hour drew near--yet strangely enough, the thoughtbrought but slight discomfort to Tom, and hardly any terror. Themorning's experiences had wonderfully built up his confidence; thepoor little ash-cat was already more wonted to his strange garret,after four days' habit, than a mature person could have become ina full month. A child's facility in accommodating itself tocircumstances was never more strikingly illustrated.Let us privileged ones hurry to the great banqueting-room and havea glance at matters there whilst Tom is being made ready for theimposing occasion. It is a spacious apartment, with gildedpillars and pilasters, and pictured walls and ceilings. At thedoor stand tall guards, as rigid as statues, dressed in rich andpicturesque costumes, and bearing halberds. In a high gallerywhich runs all around the place is a band of musicians and apacked company of citizens of both sexes, in brilliant attire. Inthe centre of the room, upon a raised platform, is Tom's table.Now let the ancient chronicler speak:"A gentleman enters the room bearing a rod, and along with himanother bearing a tablecloth, which, after they have both kneeledthree times with the utmost veneration, he spreads upon the table,and after kneeling again they both retire; then come two others,one with the rod again, the other with a salt-cellar, a plate, andbread; when they have kneeled as the others had done, and placedwhat was brought upon the table, they too retire with the sameceremonies performed by the first; at last come two nobles, richlyclothed, one bearing a tasting-knife, who, after prostratingthemselves three times in the most graceful manner, approach andrub the table with bread and salt, with as much awe as if the Kinghad been present." {6}So end the solemn preliminaries. Now, far down the echoingcorridors we hear a bugle-blast, and the indistinct cry, "Placefor the King! Way for the King's most excellent majesty!" Thesesounds are momently repeated--they grow nearer and nearer--andpresently, almost in our faces, the martial note peals and the cryrings out, "Way for the King!" At this instant the shiningpageant appears, and files in at the door, with a measured march.Let the chronicler speak again:--"First come Gentlemen, Barons, Earls, Knights of the Garter, allrichly dressed and bareheaded; next comes the Chancellor, betweentwo, one of which carries the royal sceptre, the other the Swordof State in a red scabbard, studded with golden fleurs-de-lis, thepoint upwards; next comes the King himself--whom, upon hisappearing, twelve trumpets and many drums salute with a greatburst of welcome, whilst all in the galleries rise in theirplaces, crying 'God save the King!' After him come noblesattached to his person, and on his right and left march his guardof honour, his fifty Gentlemen Pensioners, with gilt battle-axes."This was all fine and pleasant. Tom's pulse beat high, and a gladlight was in his eye. He bore himself right gracefully, and allthe more so because he was not thinking of how he was doing it,his mind being charmed and occupied with the blithe sights andsounds about him--and besides, nobody can be very ungraceful innicely-fitting beautiful clothes after he has grown a little usedto them--especially if he is for the moment unconscious of them.Tom remembered his instructions, and acknowledged his greetingwith a slight inclination of his plumed head, and a courteous "Ithank ye, my good people."He seated himself at table, without removing his cap; and did itwithout the least embarrassment; for to eat with one's cap on wasthe one solitary royal custom upon which the kings and the Cantysmet upon common ground, neither party having any advantage overthe other in the matter of old familiarity with it. The pageantbroke up and grouped itself picturesquely, and remainedbareheaded.Now to the sound of gay music the Yeomen of the Guard entered,--"the tallest and mightiest men in England, they being carefullyselected in this regard"--but we will let the chronicler tellabout it:--"The Yeomen of the Guard entered, bareheaded, clothed in scarlet,with golden roses upon their backs; and these went and came,bringing in each turn a course of dishes, served in plate. Thesedishes were received by a gentleman in the same order they werebrought, and placed upon the table, while the taster gave to eachguard a mouthful to eat of the particular dish he had brought, forfear of any poison."Tom made a good dinner, notwithstanding he was conscious thathundreds of eyes followed each morsel to his mouth and watched himeat it with an interest which could not have been more intense ifit had been a deadly explosive and was expected to blow him up andscatter him all about the place. He was careful not to hurry, andequally careful not to do anything whatever for himself, but waittill the proper official knelt down and did it for him. He gotthrough without a mistake--flawless and precious triumph.When the meal was over at last and he marched away in the midst ofhis bright pageant, with the happy noises in his ears of blaringbugles, rolling drums, and thundering acclamations, he felt thatif he had seen the worst of dining in public it was an ordealwhich he would be glad to endure several times a day if by thatmeans he could but buy himself free from some of the moreformidable requirements of his royal office.