The Rube's Honeymoon

by Zane Grey

``He's got a new manager. Watch him pitchnow!'' That was what Nan Brown said to meabout Rube Hurtle, my great pitcher, and I tookit as her way of announcing her engagement.My baseball career held some proud moments,but this one, wherein I realized the success of mymatchmaking plans, was certainly the proudestone. So, entirely outside of the honest pleasureI got out of the Rube's happiness, there wasreason for me to congratulate myself. He was atransformed man, so absolutely renewed, so wildwith joy, that on the strength of it, I decided thepennant for Worcester was a foregone conclusion,and, sure of the money promised me by thedirectors, Milly and I began to make plans forthe cottage upon the hill.The Rube insisted on pitching Monday's gameagainst the Torontos, and although poor fieldinggave them a couple of runs, they never had achance. They could not see the ball. The Rubewrapped it around their necks and between theirwrists and straight over the plate with suchincredible speed that they might just as well havetried to bat rifle bullets.That night I was happy. Spears, my veterancaptain, was one huge smile; Radbourne quietlyassured me that all was over now but the shouting;all the boys were happy.And the Rube was the happiest of all. At thehotel he burst out with his exceeding goodfortune. He and Nan were to be married upon theFourth of July!After the noisy congratulations were over andthe Rube had gone, Spears looked at me and Ilooked at him.``Con,'' said he soberly, ``we just can't let himget married on the Fourth.''``Why not? Sure we can. We'll help him getmarried. I tell you it'll save the pennant for us.Look how he pitched today! Nan Brown is oursalvation!''``See here, Con, you've got softenin' of thebrain, too. Where's your baseball sense? We'vegot a pennant to win. By July Fourth we'll beclose to the lead again, an' there's that threeweeks' trip on the road, the longest an' hardestof the season. We've just got to break even onthat trip. You know what that means. If theRube marries Nan--what are we goin' to do? Wecan't leave him behind. If he takes Nan with us--why it'll be a honeymoon! An' half the gangis stuck on Nan Brown! An' Nan Brown wouldflirt in her bridal veil! . . . Why Con, we're upagainst a worse proposition than ever.''``Good Heavens! Cap. You're right,'' Igroaned. ``I never thought of that. We've gotto postpone the wedding. . . . How on earth canwe? I've heard her tell Milly that. She'll neverconsent to it. Say, this'll drive me to drink.''``All I got to say is this, Con. If the Rubetakes his wife on that trip it's goin' to be an all-fired hummer. Don't you forget that.''``I'm not likely to. But, Spears, the point isthis--will the Rube win his games?''``Figurin' from his work today, I'd gamblehe'll never lose another game. It ain't that. I'mthinkin' of what the gang will do to him an' Nanon the cars an' at the hotels. Oh! Lord, Con, itain't possible to stand for that honeymoon trip!Just think!''``If the worst comes to the worst, Cap, I don'tcare for anything but the games. If we get in thelead and stay there I'll stand for anything. . . .Couldn't the gang be coaxed or bought off to letthe Rube and Nan alone?''``Not on your life! There ain't enough love ormoney on earth to stop them. It'll be awful.Mind, I'm not responsible. Don't you go holdin'me responsible. In all my years of baseball Inever went on a trip with a bride in the game.That's new on me, an' I never heard of it. I'd bebad enough if he wasn't a rube an' if she wasn'ta crazy girl-fan an' a flirt to boot, an' with halfthe boys in love with her, but as it is----''Spears gave up and, gravely shaking his head,he left me. I spent a little while in sober reflection,and finally came to the conclusion that, in mydesperate ambition to win the pennant, I wouldhave taken half a dozen rube pitchers and theirbaseball-made brides on the trip, if by so doingI could increase the percentage of games won.Nevertheless, I wanted to postpone the Rube'swedding if it was possible, and I went out to seeMilly and asked her to help us. But for once inher life Milly turned traitor.``Connie, you don't want to postpone it. Why,how perfectly lovely! . . . Mrs. Stringer will goon that trip and Mrs. Bogart. . . . Connie, I'mgoing too!''She actually jumped up and down in glee. Thatwas the woman in her. It takes a wedding to geta woman. I remonstrated and pleaded and commanded,all to no purpose. Milly intended to goon that trip to see the games, and the fun, and thehoneymoon.She coaxed so hard that I yielded. Thereuponshe called up Mrs. Stringer on the telephone, andof course found that young woman just as eageras she was. For my part, I threw anxiety andcare to the four winds, and decided to be as happyas any of them. The pennant was mine! Somethingkept ringing that in my ears. With theRube working his iron arm for the edification ofhis proud Nancy Brown, there was extreme likelihoodof divers shut-outs and humiliating defeatsfor some Eastern League teams.How well I calculated became a matter ofbaseball history during that last week of June. Wewon six straight games, three of which fell to theRube's credit. His opponents scored four runsin the three games, against the nineteen we made.Upon July 1, Radbourne beat Providence andCairns won the second game. We now had astring of eight victories. Sunday we rested, andMonday was the Fourth, with morning and afternoongames with Buffalo.Upon the morning of the Fourth, I looked forthe Rube at the hotel, but could not find him. Hedid not show up at the grounds when the otherboys did, and I began to worry. It was the Rube'sturn to pitch and we were neck and neck with Buffalofor first place. If we won both games wewould go ahead of our rivals. So I was all onedge, and kept going to the dressing-room to seeif the Rube had arrived. He came, finally, whenall the boys were dressed, and about to go out forpractice. He had on a new suit, a tailor-made suitat that, and he looked fine. There was about hima kind of strange radiance. He stated simplythat he had arrived late because he had just beenmarried. Before congratulations were out of ourmouths, he turned to me.``Con, I want to pitch both games today,'' hesaid.``What! Say, Whit, Buffalo is on the cardtoday and we are only three points behind them.If we win both we'll be leading the league oncemore. I don't know about pitching you bothgames.''``I reckon we'll be in the lead tonight then,''he replied, ``for I'll win them both.''I was about to reply when Dave, the ground-keeper, called me to the door, saying there was aman to see me. I went out, and there stood Morrisey,manager of the Chicago American Leagueteam. We knew each other well and exchangedgreetings.``Con, I dropped off to see you about this newpitcher of yours, the one they call the Rube. Iwant to see him work. I've heard he's prettyfast. How about it?''``Wait--till you see him pitch,'' I replied. Icould scarcely get that much out, for Morrisey'spresence meant a great deal and I did not wantto betray my elation.``Any strings on him?'' queried the big leaguemanager, sharply.``Well, Morrisey, not exactly. I can give youthe first call. You'll have to bid high, though.Just wait till you see him work.''``I'm glad to hear that. My scout was overhere watching him pitch and says he's a wonder.''What luck it was that Morrisey should havecome upon this day! I could hardly contain myself.Almost I began to spend the money I wouldget for selling the Rube to the big league manager.We took seats in the grand stand, as Morriseydid not want to be seen by any players, andI stayed there with him until the gong sounded.There was a big attendance. I looked all overthe stand for Nan, but she was lost in the gaycrowd. But when I went down to the bench Isaw her up in my private box with Milly. It tookno second glance to see that Nan Brown was abride and glorying in the fact.Then, in the absorption of the game, I becameoblivious to Milly and Nan; the noisy crowd; thegiant fire-crackers and the smoke; to the presenceof Morrisey; to all except the Rube and my teamand their opponents. Fortunately for my hopes,the game opened with characteristic Worcesterdash. Little McCall doubled, Ashwell drew hisbase on four wide pitches, and Stringer drove theball over the right-field fence--three runs!Three runs were enough to win that game. Ofall the exhibitions of pitching with which the Rubehad favored us, this one was the finest. It wasperhaps not so much his marvelous speed andunhittable curves that made the game one memorablein the annals of pitching; it was his perfectcontrol in the placing of balls, in the cuttingof corners; in his absolute implacable mastery ofthe situation. Buffalo was unable to find him atall. The game was swift short, decisive, withthe score 5 to 0 in our favor. But the score didnot tell all of the Rube's work that morning. Heshut out Buffalo without a hit, or a scratch, thefirst no-hit, no-run game of the year. He gaveno base on balls; not a Buffalo player got to firstbase; only one fly went to the outfield.For once I forgot Milly after a game, and Ihurried to find Morrisey, and carried him off tohave dinner with me.``Your rube is a wonder, and that's a fact,'' hesaid to me several times. ``Where on earth didyou get him? Connelly, he's my meat. Do youunderstand? Can you let me have him rightnow?''``No, Morrisey, I've got the pennant to winfirst. Then I'll sell him.''``How much? Do you hear? How much?''Morrisey hammered the table with his fist andhis eyes gleamed.Carried away as I was by his vehemence, I wasyet able to calculate shrewdly, and I decided toname a very high price, from which I could comedown and still make a splendid deal.``How much?'' demanded Morrisey.``Five thousand dollars,'' I replied, and gulpedwhen I got the words out.Morrisey never batted an eye.``Waiter, quick, pen and ink and paper!''Presently my hand, none too firm, was signingmy name to a contract whereby I was to sell mypitcher for five thousand dollars at the close ofthe current season. I never saw a man look sopleased as Morrisey when he folded that contractand put it in his pocket. He bade me good-byeand hurried off to catch a train, and he neverknew the Rube had pitched the great game on hiswedding day.That afternoon before a crowd that had to beroped off the diamond, I put the Rube againstthe Bisons. How well he showed the baseballknowledge he had assimilated! He changed hisstyle in that second game. He used a slow balland wide curves and took things easy. He madeBuffalo hit the ball and when runners got onbases once more let out his speed and held themdown. He relied upon the players behind himand they were equal to the occasion.It was a totally different game from that ofthe morning, and perhaps one more suited to thepleasure of the audience. There was plenty ofhard hitting, sharp fielding and good baserunning, and the game was close and exciting up tothe eighth, when Mullaney's triple gave us tworuns, and a lead that was not headed. To thedeafening roar of the bleachers the Rube walkedoff the field, having pitched Worcester into firstplace in the pennant race.That night the boys planned their first job onthe Rube. We had ordered a special Pullmanfor travel to Toronto, and when I got to the depotin the morning, the Pullman was a white flutteringmass of satin ribbons. Also, there was abrass band, and thousands of baseball fans, andbarrels of old foot-gear. The Rube and Nanarrived in a cab and were immediately mobbed.The crowd roared, the band played, the enginewhistled, the bell clanged; and the air was fullof confetti and slippers, and showers of rice likehail pattered everywhere. A somewhat dishevelledbride and groom boarded the Pullman andbreathlessly hid in a state room. The trainstarted, and the crowd gave one last rousingcheer. Old Spears yelled from the back platform:``Fellers, an' fans, you needn't worry noneabout leavin' the Rube an' his bride to the tendermercies of the gang. A hundred years from nowpeople will talk about this honeymoon baseballtrip. Wait till we come back--an' say, jest to putyou wise, no matter what else happens, we'recomin' back in first place!''It was surely a merry party in that Pullman.The bridal couple emerged from their hiding placeand held a sort of reception in which the Rubeappeared shy and frightened, and Nan resembleda joyous, fluttering bird in gray. I did not seeif she kissed every man on the team, but she kissedme as if she had been wanting to do it for ages.Milly kissed the Rube, and so did the other women,to his infinite embarrassment. Nan's effect uponthat crowd was most singular. She was sweetnessand caprice and joy personified.We settled down presently to somethingapproaching order, and I, for one, with very keenears and alert eyes, because I did not want tomiss anything.``I see the lambs a-gambolin','' observed McCall,in a voice louder than was necessary to conveyhis meaning to Mullaney, his partner in theseat.``Yes, it do seem as if there was joy aboundin'hereabouts,'' replied Mul with fervor.``It's more spring-time than summer,'' saidAshwell, ``an' everything in nature is runnin' inpairs. There are the sheep an' the cattle an' thebirds. I see two kingfishers fishin' over here.An' there's a couple of honey-bees makin' honey.Oh, honey, an' by George, if there ain't twobutterflies foldin' their wings round each other. Seethe dandelions kissin' in the field!''Then the staid Captain Spears spoke up withan appearance of sincerity and a tone that wasnothing short of remarkable.``Reggie, see the sunshine asleep upon yonbank. Ain't it lovely? An' that white cloudsailin' thither amid the blue--how spontaneous!Joy is a-broad o'er all this boo-tiful land today--Oh, yes! An' love's wings hover o 'er the littlelambs an' the bullfrogs in the pond an' the dickybirds in the trees. What sweetness to lie in thegrass, the lap of bounteous earth, eatin' apples inthe Garden of Eden, an' chasin' away the snakesan' dreamin' of Thee, Sweet-h-e-a-r-t----''Spears was singing when he got so far andthere was no telling what he might have done ifMullaney, unable to stand the agony, had notjabbed a pin in him. But that only made way forthe efforts of the other boys, each of whom triedto outdo the other in poking fun at the Rube andNan. The big pitcher was too gloriously happyto note much of what went on around him, butwhen it dawned upon him he grew red and whiteby turns.Nan, however, was more than equal to theoccasion. Presently she smiled at Spears, such asmile! The captain looked as if he had just partakenof an intoxicating wine. With a heightenedcolor in her cheeks and a dangerous flash in herroguish eyes, Nan favored McCall with a look,which was as much as to say that she rememberedhim with a dear sadness. She made eyes at everyfellow in the car, and then bringing back her gazeto the Rube, as if glorying in comparison, shenestled her curly black head on his shoulder. Hegently tried to move her; but it was not possible.Nan knew how to meet the ridicule of half a dozenold lovers. One by one they buried themselvesin newspapers, and finally McCall, for once utterlybeaten, showed a white feather, and sank backout of sight behind his seat.The boys did not recover from that shock untillate in the afternoon. As it was a physicalimpossibility for Nan to rest her head all day uponher husband's broad shoulder, the boys towarddinner time came out of their jealous trance. Iheard them plotting something. When dinnerwas called, about half of my party, including thebride and groom, went at once into the dining-car.Time there flew by swiftly. And later, when wewere once more in our Pullman, and I had gotteninterested in a game of cards with Milly andStringer and his wife, the Rube came marchingup to me with a very red face.``Con, I reckon some of the boys have stolenmy--our grips,'' said he.``What?'' I asked, blankly.He explained that during his absence in thedining-car someone had entered his stateroomand stolen his grip and Nan's. I hastened at onceto aid the Rube in his search. The boys sworeby everything under and beyond the sun they hadnot seen the grips; they appeared very muchgrieved at the loss and pretended to help insearching the Pullman. At last, with the assistanceof a porter, we discovered the missing gripsin an upper berth. The Rube carried them off tohis stateroom and we knew soon from hisuncomplimentary remarks that the contents of thesuitcases had been mixed and manhandled. But hedid not hunt for the jokers.We arrived at Toronto before daylight nextmorning, and remained in the Pullman until seveno'clock. When we got out, it was discovered thatthe Rube and Nan had stolen a march upon us.We traced them to the hotel, and found them atbreakfast. After breakfast we formed a merrysight-seeing party and rode all over the city.That afternoon, when Raddy let Toronto downwith three hits and the boys played a magnificentgame behind him, and we won 7 to 2, I knew atlast and for certain that the Worcester team hadcome into its own again. Then next day Cairnswon a close, exciting game, and following that, onthe third day, the matchless Rube toyed with theTorontos. Eleven straight games won! I was inthe clouds, and never had I seen so beautiful alight as shone in Milly's eyes.From that day The Honeymoon Trip of theWorcester Baseball Club, as the newspapersheralded it--was a triumphant march. We wontwo out of three games at Montreal, broke evenwith the hard-fighting Bisons, took three straightfrom Rochester, and won one and tied one out ofthree with Hartford. It would have been wonderfulball playing for a team to play on homegrounds and we were doing the full circuit ofthe league.Spears had called the turn when he said thetrip would be a hummer. Nan Hurtle had broughtus wonderful luck.But the tricks they played on Whit and his girl-fan bride!Ashwell, who was a capital actor, disguisedhimself as a conductor and pretended to try toeject Whit and Nan from the train, urging thatlove-making was not permitted. Some of theteam hired a clever young woman to hunt theRube up at the hotel, and claim old acquaintancewith him. Poor Whit almost collapsed when theyoung woman threw her arms about his neck justas Nan entered the parlor. Upon the instant Nanbecame wild as a little tigress, and it took muchexplanation and eloquence to reinstate Whit inher affections.Another time Spears, the wily old fox, succeededin detaining Nan on the way to the station,and the two missed the train. At first the Rubelaughed with the others, but when Stringerremarked that he had noticed a growing attachmentbetween Nan and Spears, my great pitcherexperienced the first pangs of the green-eyedmonster. We had to hold him to keep him fromjumping from the train, and it took Milly and Mrs.Stringer to soothe him. I had to wire back toRochester for a special train for Spears and Nan,and even then we had to play half a game withoutthe services of our captain.So far upon our trip I had been fortunate insecuring comfortable rooms and the best oftransportation for my party. At Hartford, however,I encountered difficulties. I could not get a specialPullman, and the sleeper we entered alreadyhad a number of occupants. After the ladies ofmy party had been assigned to berths, it wasnecessary for some of the boys to sleep double inupper berths.It was late when we got aboard, the berths werealready made up, and soon we had all retired.In the morning very early I was awakened by adisturbance. It sounded like a squeal. I heardan astonished exclamation, another squeal, thepattering of little feet, then hoarse uproar oflaughter from the ball players in the upper berths.Following that came low, excited conversationbetween the porter and somebody, then an angrysnort from the Rube and the thud of his heavyfeet in the aisle. What took place after that wasguess-work for me. But I gathered from theroars and bawls that the Rube was after some ofthe boys. I poked my head between the curtainsand saw him digging into the berths.``Where's McCall?'' he yelled.Mac was nowhere in that sleeper, judging fromthe vehement denials. But the Rube kept on diggingand prodding in the upper berths.``I'm a-goin' to lick you, Mac, so I reckon you'dbetter show up,'' shouted the Rube.The big fellow was mad as a hornet. When hegot to me he grasped me with his great fence-rail splitting hands and I cried out with pain.``Say! Whit, let up! Mac's not here. . . .What's wrong?''``I'll show you when I find him.'' And theRube stalked on down the aisle, a tragically comicfigure in his pajamas. In his search for Mac hepried into several upper berths that containedoccupants who were not ball players, and theseprotested in affright. Then the Rube began toinvestigate the lower berths. A row of headsprotruded in a bobbing line from between thecurtains of the upper berths.``Here, you Indian! Don't you look in there!That's my wife's berth!'' yelled Stringer.Bogart, too, evinced great excitement.``Hurtle, keep out of lower eight or I'll killyou,'' he shouted.What the Rube might have done there was notelling, but as he grasped a curtain, he wasinterrupted by a shriek from some woman assuredlynot of our party.``Get out! you horrid wretch! Help! Porter!Help! Conductor!''Instantly there was a deafening tumult in thecar. When it had subsided somewhat, and I consideredI would be safe, I descended from myberth and made my way to the dressing room.Sprawled over the leather seat was the Rubepommelling McCall with hearty good will. I wouldhave interfered, had it not been for Mac'sdemeanor. He was half frightened, half angry, andutterly unable to defend himself or even resist,because he was laughing, too.``Dog-gone it! Whit--I didn't--do it! I swearit was Spears! Stop thumpin' me now--or I'llget sore. . . . You hear me! It wasn't me, I tellyou. Cheese it!''For all his protesting Mac received a goodthumping, and I doubted not in the least that hedeserved it. The wonder of the affair, however,was the fact that no one appeared to know whathad made the Rube so furious. The porter wouldnot tell, and Mac was strangely reticent, thoughhis smile was one to make a fellow exceedinglysure something out of the ordinary had befallen.It was not until I was having breakfast inProvidence that I learned the true cause of Rube'sconduct, and Milly confided it to me, insistingon strict confidence.``I promised not to tell,'' she said. ``Now youpromise you'll never tell.''``Well, Connie,'' went on Milly, when I hadpromised, ``it was the funniest thing yet, but itwas horrid of McCall. You see, the Rube hadupper seven and Nan had lower seven. Earlythis morning, about daylight, Nan awoke verythirsty and got up to get a drink. During herabsence, probably, but any way some time lastnight, McCall changed the number on hercurtain, and when Nan came back to numberseven of course she almost got in the wrongberth.''``No wonder the Rube punched him!'' I declared.``I wish we were safe home. Something'llhappen yet on this trip.''I was faithful to my promise to Milly, but thesecret leaked out somewhere; perhaps Mac toldit, and before the game that day all the playersknew it. The Rube, having recovered his goodhumor, minded it not in the least. He could nothave felt ill-will for any length of time. Everythingseemed to get back into smooth runningorder, and the Honeymoon Trip bade fair to windup beautifully.But, somehow or other, and about somethingunknown to the rest of us, the Rube and Nanquarreled. It was their first quarrel. Milly andI tried to patch it up but failed.We lost the first game to Providence and wonthe second. The next day, a Saturday, was thelast game of the trip, and it was Rube's turn topitch. Several times during the first two daysthe Rube and Nan about half made up theirquarrel, only in the end to fall deeper into it.Then the last straw came in a foolish move on thepart of wilful Nan. She happened to meet Henderson,her former admirer, and in a flash shetook up her flirtation with him where she had leftoff.``Don't go to the game with him, Nan,'' Ipleaded. ``It's a silly thing for you to do. Ofcourse you don't mean anything, except to tormentWhit. But cut it out. The gang will makehim miserable and we'll lose the game. There'sno telling what might happen.''``I'm supremely indifferent to what happens,''she replied, with a rebellious toss of her blackhead. ``I hope Whit gets beaten.''She went to the game with Henderson and satin the grand stand, and the boys spied them outand told the Rube. He did not believe it at first,but finally saw them, looked deeply hurt andoffended, and then grew angry. But the gong,sounding at that moment, drew his attention tohis business of the day, to pitch.His work that day reminded me of the firstgame he ever pitched for me, upon which occasionCaptain Spears got the best out of him bymaking him angry. For several innings Providencewas helpless before his delivery. Thensomething happened that showed me a crisis wasnear. A wag of a fan yelled from the bleachers.``Honeymoon Rube!''This cry was taken up by the delighted fansand it rolled around the field. But the Rubepitched on, harder than ever. Then the knowingbleacherite who had started the cry changed itsomewhat.``Nanny's Rube!'' he yelled.This, too, went the rounds, and still the Rube,though red in the face, preserved his temper andhis pitching control. All would have been wellif Bud Wiler, comedian of the Providence team,had not hit upon a way to rattle Rube.``Nanny's Goat!'' he shouted from the coachinglines. Every Providence player took itup.The Rube was not proof against that. Heyelled so fiercely at them, and glared so furiously,and towered so formidably, that they ceased forthe moment. Then he let drive with his faststraight ball and hit the first Providence batterin the ribs. His comrades had to help him to thebench. The Rube hit the next batter on the leg,and judging from the crack of the ball, I fanciedthat player would walk lame for several days.The Rube tried to hit the next batter and senthim to first on balls. Thereafter it became adodging contest with honors about equal betweenpitcher and batters. The Providence playersstormed and the bleachers roared. But I wouldnot take the Rube out and the game went on withthe Rube forcing in runs.With the score a tie, and three men on basesone of the players on the bench again yelled``Nanny's Goat!''Straight as a string the Rube shot the ball atthis fellow and bounded after it. The crowd rosein an uproar. The base runners began to score.I left my bench and ran across the space, but notin time to catch the Rube. I saw him hit two orthree of the Providence men. Then the policemengot to him, and a real fight brought the bigaudience into the stamping melee. Before theRube was collared I saw at least four blue-coatson the grass.The game broke up, and the crowd spilled itselfin streams over the field. Excitement ranhigh. I tried to force my way into the mass toget at the Rube and the officers, but this wasimpossible. I feared the Rube would be taken fromthe officers and treated with violence, so I waitedwith the surging crowd, endeavoring to getnearer. Soon we were in the street, and it seemedas if all the stands had emptied their yelling occupants.A trolley car came along down the street,splitting the mass of people and driving them back.A dozen policemen summarily bundled the Rubeupon the rear end of the car. Some of theseofficers boarded the car, and some remained inthe street to beat off the vengeful fans.I saw some one thrust forward a frantic youngwoman. The officers stopped her, then suddenlyhelped her on the car, just as I started. Irecognized Nan. She gripped the Rube with bothhands and turned a white, fearful face upon theangry crowd.The Rube stood in the grasp of his wife andthe policemen, and he looked like a ruffled lion.He shook his big fist and bawled in far-reachingvoice:``I can lick you all!''To my infinite relief, the trolley gatheredmomentum and safely passed out of danger. Thelast thing I made out was Nan pressing close tothe Rube's side. That moment saw their reconciliationand my joy that it was the end of theRube's Honeymoon.

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