Chapter XXIV. The escape.

by Mark Twain

　　The short winter day was nearly ended. The streets were deserted,save for a few random stragglers, and these hurried straightalong, with the intent look of people who were only anxious toaccomplish their errands as quickly as possible, and then snuglyhouse themselves from the rising wind and the gathering twilight.They looked neither to the right nor to the left; they paid noattention to our party, they did not even seem to see them.Edward the Sixth wondered if the spectacle of a king on his way tojail had ever encountered such marvellous indifference before.By-and-by the constable arrived at a deserted market-square, andproceeded to cross it. When he had reached the middle of it,Hendon laid his hand upon his arm, and said in a low voice--"Bide a moment, good sir, there is none in hearing, and I wouldsay a word to thee.""My duty forbids it, sir; prithee hinder me not, the night comeson.""Stay, nevertheless, for the matter concerns thee nearly. Turnthy back a moment and seem not to see: Let this poor lad escape.""This to me, sir! I arrest thee in--""Nay, be not too hasty. See thou be careful and commit no foolisherror"--then he shut his voice down to a whisper, and said in theman's ear--"the pig thou hast purchased for eightpence may costthee thy neck, man!"The poor constable, taken by surprise, was speechless, at first,then found his tongue and fell to blustering and threatening; butHendon was tranquil, and waited with patience till his breath wasspent; then said--"I have a liking to thee, friend, and would not willingly see theecome to harm. Observe, I heard it all--every word. I will proveit to thee." Then he repeated the conversation which the officerand the woman had had together in the hall, word for word, andended with--"There--have I set it forth correctly? Should not I be able toset it forth correctly before the judge, if occasion required?"The man was dumb with fear and distress, for a moment; then herallied, and said with forced lightness--"'Tis making a mighty matter, indeed, out of a jest; I but plaguedthe woman for mine amusement.""Kept you the woman's pig for amusement?"The man answered sharply--"Nought else, good sir--I tell thee 'twas but a jest.""I do begin to believe thee," said Hendon, with a perplexingmixture of mockery and half-conviction in his tone; "but tarrythou here a moment whilst I run and ask his worship--for nathless,he being a man experienced in law, in jests, in--"He was moving away, still talking; the constable hesitated,fidgeted, spat out an oath or two, then cried out--"Hold, hold, good sir--prithee wait a little--the judge! Why,man, he hath no more sympathy with a jest than hath a deadcorpse!--come, and we will speak further. Ods body! I seem to bein evil case--and all for an innocent and thoughtless pleasantry.I am a man of family; and my wife and little ones-- List toreason, good your worship: what wouldst thou of me?""Only that thou be blind and dumb and paralytic whilst one maycount a hundred thousand--counting slowly," said Hendon, with theexpression of a man who asks but a reasonable favour, and that avery little one."It is my destruction!" said the constable despairingly. "Ah, bereasonable, good sir; only look at this matter, on all its sides,and see how mere a jest it is--how manifestly and how plainly itis so. And even if one granted it were not a jest, it is a faultso small that e'en the grimmest penalty it could call forth wouldbe but a rebuke and warning from the judge's lips."Hendon replied with a solemnity which chilled the air about him--"This jest of thine hath a name, in law,--wot you what it is?""I knew it not! Peradventure I have been unwise. I never dreamedit had a name--ah, sweet heaven, I thought it was original.""Yes, it hath a name. In the law this crime is called Non composmentis lex talionis sic transit gloria mundi.""Ah, my God!""And the penalty is death!""God be merciful to me a sinner!""By advantage taken of one in fault, in dire peril, and at thymercy, thou hast seized goods worth above thirteenpence ha'penny,paying but a trifle for the same; and this, in the eye of the law,is constructive barratry, misprision of treason, malfeasance inoffice, ad hominem expurgatis in statu quo--and the penalty isdeath by the halter, without ransom, commutation, or benefit ofclergy.""Bear me up, bear me up, sweet sir, my legs do fail me! Be thoumerciful--spare me this doom, and I will turn my back and seenought that shall happen.""Good! now thou'rt wise and reasonable. And thou'lt restore thepig?""I will, I will indeed--nor ever touch another, though heaven sendit and an archangel fetch it. Go--I am blind for thy sake--I seenothing. I will say thou didst break in and wrest the prisonerfrom my hands by force. It is but a crazy, ancient door--I willbatter it down myself betwixt midnight and the morning.""Do it, good soul, no harm will come of it; the judge hath aloving charity for this poor lad, and will shed no tears and breakno jailer's bones for his escape."