The Umbrella
Mme. Oreille was a very economical woman; she knew the value of acentime, and possessed a whole storehouse of strict principles withregard to the multiplication of money, so that her cook found thegreatest difficulty in making what the servants call their market-penny,and her husband was hardly allowed any pocket money at all. They were,however, very comfortably off, and had no children; but it really painedMme. Oreille to see any money spent; it was like tearing at herheartstrings when she had to take any of those nice crown-pieces out ofher pocket; and whenever she had to spend anything, no matter hownecessary it might be, she slept badly the next night.
Oreille was continually saying to his wife:
"You really might be more liberal, as we have no children, and neverspend our income."
"You don't know what may happen," she used to reply. "It is better tohave too much than too little."
She was a little woman of about forty, very active, rather hasty,wrinkled, very neat and tidy, and with a very short temper.
Her husband frequently complained of all the privations she made himendure; some of them were particularly painful to him, as they touchedhis vanity.
He was one of the head clerks in the War Office, and only stayed on therein obedience to his wife's wish, to increase their income which they didnot nearly spend.
For two years he had always come to the office with the same old patchedumbrella, to the great amusement of his fellow clerks. At last he gottired of their jokes, and insisted upon his wife buying him a new one.She bought one for eight francs and a half, one of those cheap articleswhich large houses sell as an advertisement. When the men in the officesaw the article, which was being sold in Paris by the thousand, theybegan their jokes again, and Oreille had a dreadful time of it. They evenmade a song about it, which he heard from morning till night all over theimmense building.
Oreille was very angry, and peremptorily told his wife to get him a newone, a good silk one, for twenty francs, and to bring him the bill, sothat he might see that it was all right.
She bought him one for eighteen francs, and said, getting red with angeras she gave it to her husband:
"This will last you for five years at least."
Oreille felt quite triumphant, and received a small ovation at the officewith his new acquisition.
When he went home in the evening his wife said to him, looking at theumbrella uneasily:
"You should not leave it fastened up with the elastic; it will verylikely cut the silk. You must take care of it, for I shall not buy you anew one in a hurry."
She took it, unfastened it, and remained dumfounded with astonishment andrage; in the middle of the silk there was a hole as big as asix-penny-piece; it had been made with the end of a cigar.
"What is that?" she screamed.
Her husband replied quietly, without looking at it:
"What is it? What do you mean?"
She was choking with rage, and could hardly get out a word.
"You--you--have--burned--your umbrella! Why--youmust be--mad! Do you wish to ruin us outright?"
He turned round, and felt that he was growing pale.
"What are you talking about?"
"I say that you have burned your umbrella. Just look here."
And rushing at him, as if she were going to beat him, she violentlythrust the little circular burned hole under his nose.
He was so utterly struck dumb at the sight of it that he could onlystammer out:
"What-what is it? How should I know? I have done nothing, I will swear. Idon't know what is the matter with the umbrella."
"You have been playing tricks with it at the office; you have beenplaying the fool and opening it, to show it off!" she screamed.
"I only opened it once, to let them see what a nice one it was, that isall, I swear."
But she shook with rage, and got up one of those conjugal scenes whichmake a peaceable man dread the domestic hearth more than a battlefieldwhere bullets are raining.
She mended it with a piece of silk cut out of the old umbrella, which wasof a different color, and the next day Oreille went off very humbly withthe mended article in his hand. He put it into a cupboard, and thought nomore of it than of some unpleasant recollection.
But he had scarcely got home that evening when his wife took the umbrellafrom him, opened it, and nearly had a fit when she saw what had befallenit, for the disaster was irreparable. It was covered with small holes,which evidently proceeded from burns, just as if some one had emptied theashes from a lighted pipe on to it. It was done for utterly, irreparably.
She looked at it without a word, in too great a passion to be able to sayanything. He, also, when he saw the damage, remained almost dumfounded,in a state of frightened consternation.
They looked at each other, then he looked at the floor; and the nextmoment she threw the useless article at his head, screaming out in atransport of the most violent rage, for she had recovered her voice bythat time:
"Oh! you brute! you brute! You did it on purpose, but I will pay you outfor it. You shall not have another."
And then the scene began again, and after the storm had raged for anhour, he at last was able to explain himself. He declared that he couldnot understand it at all, and that it could only proceed from malice orfrom vengeance.
A ring at the bell saved him; it was a friend whom they were expecting todinner.
Mme. Oreille submitted the case to him. As for buying a new umbrella,that was out of the question; her husband should not have another. Thefriend very sensibly said that in that case his clothes would be spoiled,and they were certainly worth more than the umbrella. But the littlewoman, who was still in a rage, replied:
"Very well, then, when it rains he may have the kitchen umbrella, for Iwill not give him a new silk one."
Oreille utterly rebelled at such an idea.
"All right," he said; "then I shall resign my post. I am not going to theoffice with the kitchen umbrella."
The friend interposed.
"Have this one re-covered; it will not cost much."
But Mme. Oreille, being in the temper that she was, said:
"It will cost at least eight francs to re-cover it. Eight and eighteenare twenty-six. Just fancy, twenty-six francs for an umbrella! It isutter madness!"
The friend, who was only a poor man of the middle classes, had aninspiration:
"Make your fire assurance pay for it. The companies pay for all articlesthat are burned, as long as the damage has been done in your own house."
On hearing this advice the little woman calmed down immediately, andthen, after a moment's reflection, she said to her husband:
"To-morrow, before going to your office, you will go to the MaternelleAssurance Company, show them the state your umbrella is in, and make thempay for the damage."
M. Oreille fairly jumped, he was so startled at the proposal.
"I would not do it for my life! It is eighteen francs lost, that is all.It will not ruin us."
The next morning he took a walking-stick when he went out, and, luckily,it was a fine day.
Left at home alone, Mme. Oreille could not get over the loss of hereighteen francs by any means. She had put the umbrella on the dining-roomtable, and she looked at it without being able to come to anydetermination.
Every moment she thought of the assurance company, but she did not dareto encounter the quizzical looks of the gentlemen who might receive her,for she was very timid before people, and blushed at a mere nothing, andwas embarrassed when she had to speak to strangers.
But the regret at the loss of the eighteen francs pained her as if shehad been wounded. She tried not to think of it any more, and yet everymoment the recollection of the loss struck her painfully. What was she todo, however? Time went on, and she could not decide; but suddenly, likeall cowards, on making a resolve, she became determined.
"I will go, and we will see what will happen."
But first of all she was obliged to prepare the umbrella so that thedisaster might be complete, and the reason of it quite evident. She tooka match from the mantelpiece, and between the ribs she burned a hole asbig as the palm of her hand; then she delicately rolled it up, fastenedit with the elastic band, put on her bonnet and shawl, and went quicklytoward the Rue de Rivoli, where the assurance office was.
But the nearer she got, the slower she walked. What was she going to say,and what reply would she get?
She looked at the numbers of the houses; there were still twenty-eight.That was all right, so she had time to consider, and she walked slowerand slower. Suddenly she saw a door on which was a large brass plate with"La Maternelle Fire Assurance Office" engraved on it. Already! She waiteda moment, for she felt nervous and almost ashamed; then she walked past,came back, walked past again, and came back again.
At last she said to herself:
"I must go in, however, so I may as well do it sooner as later."
She could not help noticing, however, how her heart beat as she entered.She went into an enormous room with grated doors all round it, and abovethem little openings at which a man's head appeared, and as a gentlemancarrying a number of papers passed her, she stopped him and said timidly:"I beg your pardon, monsieur, but can you tell me where I must apply forpayment for anything that has been accidentally burned?"
He replied in a sonorous voice:
"The first door on the left; that is the department you want."
This frightened her still more, and she felt inclined to run away, to putin no claim, to sacrifice her eighteen francs. But the idea of that sumrevived her courage, and she went upstairs, out of breath, stopping atalmost every other step.
She knocked at a door which she saw on the first landing, and a clearvoice said, in answer:
"Come in!"
She obeyed mechanically, and found herself in a large room where threesolemn gentlemen, all with a decoration in their buttonholes, werestanding talking.
One of them asked her: "What do you want, madame?"
She could hardly get out her words, but stammered: "I have come--Ihave come on account of an accident, something--".
He very politely pointed out a seat to her,
"If you will kindly sit down I will attend to you in a moment."
And, returning to the other two, he went on with the conversation.
"The company, gentlemen, does not consider that it is under anyobligation to you for more than four hundred thousand francs, and we canpay no attention to your claim to the further sum of a hundred thousand,which you wish to make us pay. Besides that, the surveyor'svaluation--"
One of the others interrupted him:
"That is quite enough, monsieur; the law courts will decide between us,and we have nothing further to do than to take our leave." And they wentout after mutual ceremonious bows.
Oh! if she could only have gone away with them, how gladly she would havedone it; she would have run away and given up everything. But it was toolate, for the gentleman came back, and said, bowing:
"What can I do for you, madame?"
She could scarcely speak, but at last she managed to say:
"I have come-for this."
The manager looked at the object which she held out to him in muteastonishment.
With trembling fingers she tried to undo the elastic, and succeeding,after several attempts, she hastily opened the damaged remains of theumbrella.
"It looks to me to be in a very bad state of health," he saidcompassionately.
"It cost me twenty francs," she said, with some hesitation.
He seemed astonished. "Really! As much as that?"
"Yes, it was a capital article, and I wanted you to see the condition itis in."
"Yes, yes, I see; very well. But I really do not understand what it canhave to do with me."
She began to feel uncomfortable; perhaps this company did not pay forsuch small articles, and she said:
"But--it is burned."
He could not deny it.
"I see that very well," he replied.
She remained open-mouthed, not knowing what to say next; then, suddenlyrecollecting that she had left out the main thing, she said hastily:
"I am Mme. Oreille; we are assured in La Maternelle, and I have come toclaim the value of this damage."
"I only want you to have it re-covered," she added quickly, fearing apositive refusal.
The manager was rather embarrassed, and said: "But, really, madame, we donot sell umbrellas; we cannot undertake such kinds of repairs."
The little woman felt her courage reviving; she was not going to give upwithout a struggle; she was not even afraid any more, and said:
"I only want you to pay me the cost of repairing it; I can quite well getit done myself."
The gentleman seemed rather confused.
"Really, madame, it is such a very small matter! We are never asked togive compensation for such trivial losses. You must allow that we cannotmake good pocket-handkerchiefs, gloves, brooms, slippers, all the smallarticles which are every day exposed to the chances of being burned."
She got red in the face, and felt inclined to fly into a rage.
"But, monsieur, last December one of our chimneys caught fire, and causedat least five hundred francs' damage; M. Oreille made no claim on thecompany, and so it is only just that it should pay for my umbrella now."
The manager, guessing that she was telling a lie, said, with a smile:
"You must acknowledge, madame, that it is very surprising that M. Oreilleshould have asked no compensation for damages amounting to five hundredfrancs, and should now claim five or six francs for mending an umbrella."
She was not the least put out, and replied:
"I beg your pardon, monsieur, the five hundred francs affected M.Oreille's pocket, whereas this damage, amounting to eighteen francs,concerns Mme. Oreille's pocket only, which is a totally differentmatter."
As he saw that he had no chance of getting rid of her, and that he wouldonly be wasting his time, he said resignedly:
"Will you kindly tell me how the damage was done?"
She felt that she had won the victory, and said:
"This is how it happened, monsieur: In our hall there is a bronze stickand umbrella stand, and the other day, when I came in, I put my umbrellainto it. I must tell you that just above there is a shelf for thecandlesticks and matches. I put out my hand, took three or four matches,and struck one, but it missed fire, so I struck another, which ignited,but went out immediately, and a third did the same."
The manager interrupted her to make a joke.
"I suppose they were government matches, then?"
She did not understand him, and went on:
"Very likely. At any rate, the fourth caught fire, and I lit my candle,and went into my room to go to bed; but in a quarter of an hour I fanciedthat I smelt something burning, and I have always been terribly afraid offire. If ever we have an accident it will not be my fault, I assure you.I am terribly nervous since our chimney was on fire, as I told you; so Igot up, and hunted about everywhere, sniffing like a dog after game, andat last I noticed that my umbrella was burning. Most likely a match hadfallen between the folds and burned it. You can see how it has damagedit."
The manager had taken his cue, and asked her: "What do you estimate thedamage at?"
She did not know what to say, as she was not certain what value to put onit, but at last she replied:
"Perhaps you had better get it done yourself. I will leave it to you."
He, however, naturally refused.
"No, madame, I cannot do that. Tell me the amount of your claim, that isall I want to know."
"Well, I think that--Look here, monsieur, I do not want to make anymoney out of you, so I will tell you what we will do. I will take myumbrella to the maker, who will re-cover it in good, durable silk, and Iwill bring the bill to you. Will that suit you, monsieur?"
"Perfectly, madame; we will settle it so. Here is a note for the cashier,who will repay you whatever it costs you."
He gave Mme. Oreille a slip of paper, who took it, got up and went out,thanking him, for she was in a hurry to escape lest he should change hismind.
She went briskly through the streets, looking out for a really goodumbrella maker, and when she found a shop which appeared to be afirst-class one, she went in, and said, confidently:
"I want this umbrella re-covered in silk, good silk. Use the very bestand strongest you have; I don't mind what it costs."
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