Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter XII

by Leo Tolstoy

　　In the evening Andrew and Pierre got into the open carriage anddrove to Bald Hills. Prince Andrew, glancing at Pierre, broke thesilence now and then with remarks which showed that he was in a goodtemper.

　　Pointing to the fields, he spoke of the improvements he was makingin his husbandry.

　　Pierre remained gloomily silent, answering in monosyllables andapparently immersed in his own thoughts.

　　He was thinking that Prince Andrew was unhappy, had gone astray, didnot see the true light, and that he, Pierre, ought to aid,enlighten, and raise him. But as soon as he thought of what heshould say, he felt that Prince Andrew with one word, one argument,would upset all his teaching, and he shrank from beginning, afraidof exposing to possible ridicule what to him was precious and sacred.

　　"No, but why do you think so?" Pierre suddenly began, lowering hishead and looking like a bull about to charge, "why do you think so?You should not think so."

　　"Think? What about?" asked Prince Andrew with surprise.

　　"About life, about man's destiny. It can't be so. I myself thoughtlike that, and do you know what saved me? Freemasonry! No, don'tsmile. Freemasonry is not a religious ceremonial sect, as I thought itwas: Freemasonry is the best expression of the best, the eternal,aspects of humanity."

　　And he began to explain Freemasonry as he understood it to PrinceAndrew. He said that Freemasonry is the teaching of Christianity freedfrom the bonds of State and Church, a teaching of equality,brotherhood, and love.

　　"Only our holy brotherhood has the real meaning of life, all therest is a dream," said Pierre. "Understand, my dear fellow, thatoutside this union all is filled with deceit and falsehood and I agreewith you that nothing is left for an intelligent and good man but tolive out his life, like you, merely trying not to harm others. Butmake our fundamental convictions your own, join our brotherhood,give yourself up to us, let yourself be guided, and you will at oncefeel yourself, as I have felt myself, a part of that vast invisiblechain the beginning of which is hidden in heaven," said Pierre.

　　Prince Andrew, looking straight in front of him, listened in silenceto Pierre's words. More than once, when the noise of the wheelsprevented his catching what Pierre said, he asked him to repeat it,and by the peculiar glow that came into Prince Andrew's eyes and byhis silence, Pierre saw that his words were not in vain and thatPrince Andrew would not interrupt him or laugh at what he said.

　　They reached a river that had overflowed its banks and which theyhad to cross by ferry. While the carriage and horses were being placedon it, they also stepped on the raft.

　　Prince Andrew, leaning his arms on the raft railing, gazedsilently at the flooding waters glittering in the setting sun.

　　"Well, what do you think about it?" Pierre asked. "Why are yousilent?"

　　"What do I think about it? I am listening to you. It's all verywell.... You say: join our brotherhood and we will show you the aim oflife, the destiny of man, and the laws which govern the world. But whoare we? Men. How is it you know everything? Why do I alone not seewhat you see? You see a reign of goodness and truth on earth, but Idon't see it."

　　Pierre interrupted him.

　　"Do you believe in a future life?" he asked.

　　"A future life?" Prince Andrew repeated, but Pierre, giving him notime to reply, took the repetition for a denial, the more readily ashe knew Prince Andrew's former atheistic convictions.

　　"You say you can't see a reign of goodness and truth on earth. Norcould I, and it cannot be seen if one looks on our life here as theend of everything. On earth, here on this earth" (Pierre pointed tothe fields), "there is no truth, all is false and evil; but in theuniverse, in the whole universe there is a kingdom of truth, and wewho are now the children of earth are- eternally- children of thewhole universe. Don't I feel in my soul that I am part of this vastharmonious whole? Don't I feel that I form one link, one step, betweenthe lower and higher beings, in this vast harmonious multitude ofbeings in whom the Deity- the Supreme Power if you prefer the term- ismanifest? If I see, clearly see, that ladder leading from plant toman, why should I suppose it breaks off at me and does not gofarther and farther? I feel that I cannot vanish, since nothingvanishes in this world, but that I shall always exist and alwayshave existed. I feel that beyond me and above me there are spirits,and that in this world there is truth."

　　"Yes, that is Herder's theory," said Prince Andrew, "but it is notthat which can convince me, dear friend- life and death are whatconvince. What convinces is when one sees a being dear to one, boundup with one's own life, before whom one was to blame and had hopedto make it right" (Prince Andrew's voice trembled and he turned away),"and suddenly that being is seized with pain, suffers, and ceases toexist.... Why? It cannot be that there is no answer. And I believethere is.... That's what convinces, that is what has convinced me,"said Prince Andrew.

　　"Yes, yes, of course," said Pierre, "isn't that what I'm saying?"

　　"No. All I say is that it is not argument that convinces me of thenecessity of a future life, but this: when you go hand in hand withsomeone and all at once that person vanishes there, into nowhere,and you yourself are left facing that abyss, and look in. And I havelooked in...."

　　"Well, that's it then! You know that there is a there and there is aSomeone? There is the future life. The Someone is- God."

　　Prince Andrew did not reply. The carriage and horses had longsince been taken off, onto the farther bank, and reharnessed. Thesun had sunk half below the horizon and an evening frost wasstarring the puddles near the ferry, but Pierre and Andrew, to theastonishment of the footmen, coachmen, and ferrymen, still stood onthe raft and talked.

　　"If there is a God and future life, there is truth and good, andman's highest happiness consists in striving to attain them. We mustlive, we must love, and we must believe that we live not only today onthis scrap of earth, but have lived and shall live forever, there,in the Whole," said Pierre, and he pointed to the sky.

　　Prince Andrew stood leaning on the railing of the raft listeningto Pierre, and he gazed with his eyes fixed on the red reflection ofthe sun gleaming on the blue waters. There was perfect stillness.Pierre became silent. The raft had long since stopped and only thewaves of the current beat softly against it below. Prince Andrewfelt as if the sound of the waves kept up a refrain to Pierre's words,whispering:

　　"It is true, believe it."

　　He sighed, and glanced with a radiant, childlike, tender look atPierre's face, flushed and rapturous, but yet shy before hissuperior friend.

　　"Yes, if it only were so!" said Prince Andrew. "However, it istime to get on," he added, and, stepping off the raft, he looked up atthe sky to which Pierre had pointed, and for the first time sinceAusterlitz saw that high, everlasting sky he had seen while lying onthat battlefield; and something that had long been slumbering,something that was best within him, suddenly awoke, joyful andyouthful, in his soul. It vanished as soon as he returned to thecustomary conditions of his life, but he knew that this feelingwhich he did not know how to develop existed within him. His meetingwith Pierre formed an epoch in Prince Andrew's life. Thoughoutwardly he continued to live in the same old way, inwardly hebegan a new life.