Book Four: 1806 - Chapter XI

by Leo Tolstoy

　　On the third day after Christmas Nicholas dined at home, a thinghe had rarely done of late. It was a grand farewell dinner, as heand Denisov were leaving to join their regiment after Epiphany.About twenty people were present, including Dolokhov and Denisov.

　　Never had love been so much in the air, and never had the amorousatmosphere made itself so strongly felt in the Rostovs' house as atthis holiday time. "Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved!That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. It is theone thing we are interested in here," said the spirit of the place.

　　Nicholas, having as usual exhausted two pairs of horses, withoutvisiting all the places he meant to go to and where he had beeninvited, returned home just before dinner. As soon as he entered henoticed and felt the tension of the amorous air in the house, and alsonoticed a curious embarrassment among some of those present. Sonya,Dolokhov, and the old countess were especially disturbed, and to alesser degree Natasha. Nicholas understood that something must havehappened between Sonya and Dolokhov before dinner, and with the kindlysensitiveness natural to him was very gentle and wary with them bothat dinner. On that same evening there was to be one of the ballsthat Iogel (the dancing master) gave for his pupils durings theholidays.

　　"Nicholas, will you come to Iogel's? Please do!" said Natasha. "Heasked you, and Vasili Dmitrich* is also going."

　　*Denisov.

　　"Where would I not go at the countess' command!" said Denisov, whoat the Rostovs' had jocularly assumed the role of Natasha's knight."I'm even weady to dance the pas de chale."

　　"If I have time," answered Nicholas. "But I promised theArkharovs; they have a party."

　　"And you?" he asked Dolokhov, but as soon as he had asked thequestion he noticed that it should not have been put.

　　"Perhaps," coldly and angrily replied Dolokhov, glancing at Sonya,and, scowling, he gave Nicholas just such a look as he had givenPierre at the Club dinner.

　　"There is something up," thought Nicholas, and he was furtherconfirmed in this conclusion by the fact that Dolokhov leftimmediately after dinner. He called Natasha and asked her what was thematter.

　　"And I was looking for you," said Natasha running out to him. "Itold you, but you would not believe it," she said triumphantly. "Hehas proposed to Sonya!"

　　Little as Nicholas had occupied himself with Sonya of late,something seemed to give way within him at this news. Dolokhov was asuitable and in some respects a brilliant match for the dowerless,orphan girl. From the point of view of the old countess and of societyit was out of the question for her to refuse him. And thereforeNicholas' first feeling on hearing the news was one of anger withSonya.... He tried to say, "That's capital; of course she'll forgether childish promises and accept the offer," but before he had time tosay it Natasha began again.

　　"And fancy! she refused him quite definitely!" adding, after apause, "she told him she loved another."

　　"Yes, my Sonya could not have done otherwise!" thought Nicholas.

　　"Much as Mamma pressed her, she refused, and I know she won't changeonce she has said..."

　　"And Mamma pressed her!" said Nicholas reproachfully.

　　"Yes," said Natasha. "Do you know, Nicholas- don't be angry- but Iknow you will not marry her. I know, heaven knows how, but I knowfor certain that you won't marry her."

　　"Now don't know that at all!" said Nicholas. "But I must talk toher. What a darling Sonya is!" he added with a smile.

　　"Ah, she is indeed a darling! I'll send her to you."

　　And Natasha kissed her brother and ran away.

　　A minute later Sonya came in with a frightened, guilty, and scaredlook. Nicholas went up to her and kissed her hand. This was thefirst time since his return that they had talked alone and about theirlove.

　　"Sophie," he began, timidly at first and then more and moreboldly, "if you wish to refuse one who is not only a brilliant andadvantageous match but a splendid, noble fellow... he is my friend..."

　　Sonya interrupted him.

　　"I have already refused," she said hurriedly.

　　"If you are refusing for my sake, I am afraid that I..."

　　Sonya again interrupted. She gave him an imploring, frightened look.

　　"Nicholas, don't tell me that!" she said.

　　"No, but I must. It may be arrogant of me, but still it is best tosay it. If you refuse him on my account, I must tell you the wholetruth. I love you, and I think I love you more than anyone else...."

　　"That is enough for me," said Sonya, blushing.

　　"No, but I have been in love a thousand times and shall fall in loveagain, though for no one have I such a feeling of friendship,confidence, and love as I have for you. Then I am young. Mamma doesnot wish it. In a word, I make no promise. And I beg you to considerDolokhov's offer," he said, articulating his friend's name withdifficulty.

　　"Don't say that to me! I want nothing. I love you as a brother andalways shall, and I want nothing more."

　　"You are an angel: I am not worthy of you, but I am afraid ofmisleading you."

　　And Nicholas again kissed her hand.