Book Four: 1806 - Chapter XVI

by Leo Tolstoy

　　It was long since Rostov had felt such enjoyment from music as hedid that day. But no sooner had Natasha finished her barcarolle thanreality again presented itself. He got up without saying a word andwent downstairs to his own room. A quarter of an hour later the oldcount came in from his Club, cheerful and contented. Nicholas, hearinghim drive up, went to meet him.

　　"Well- had a good time?" said the old count, smiling gaily andproudly at his son.

　　Nicholas tried to say "Yes," but could not: and he nearly burst intosobs. The count was lighting his pipe and did not notice his son'scondition.

　　"Ah, it can't be avoided!" thought Nicholas, for the first andlast time. And suddenly, in the most casual tone, which made himfeel ashamed feel of himself, he said, as if merely asking hisfather to let him have the carriage to drive to town:

　　"Papa, I have come on a matter of business. I was nearly forgetting.I need some money."

　　"Dear me!" said his father, who was in a specially good humor. "Itold you it would not be enough. How much?"

　　"Very much," said Nicholas flushing, and with a stupid carelesssmile, for which he was long unable to forgive himself, "I have lost alittle, I mean a good deal, a great deal- forty three thousand."

　　"What! To whom?... Nonsense!" cried the count, suddenly reddeningwith an apoplectic flush over neck and nape as old people do.

　　"I promised to pay tomorrow," said Nicholas.

　　"Well!..." said the old count, spreading out his arms and sinkinghelplessly on the sofa.

　　"It can't be helped It happens to everyone!" said the son, with abold, free, and easy tone, while in his soul he regarded himself asa worthless scoundrel whose whole life could not atone for hiscrime. He longed to kiss his father's hands and kneel to beg hisforgiveness, but said, in a careless and even rude voice, that ithappens to everyone!

　　The old count cast down his eyes on hearing his son's words andbegan bustlingly searching for something.

　　"Yes, yes," he muttered, "it will be difficult, I fear, difficult toraise... happens to everybody! Yes, who has not done it?"

　　And with a furtive glance at his son's face, the count went out ofthe room.... Nicholas had been prepared for resistance, but had not atall expected this.

　　"Papa! Pa-pa!" he called after him, sobbing, "forgive me!" Andseizing his father's hand, he pressed it to his lips and burst intotears.

　　While father and son were having their explanation, the mother anddaughter were having one not less important. Natasha came running toher mother, quite excited.

　　"Mamma!... Mamma!... He has made me..."

　　"Made what?"

　　"Made, made me an offer, Mamma! Mamma!" she exclaimed.

　　The countess did not believe her ears. Denisov had proposed. Towhom? To this chit of a girl, Natasha, who not so long ago was playingwith dolls and who was still having lessons.

　　"Don't, Natasha! What nonsense!" she said, hoping it was a joke.

　　"Nonsense, indeed! I am telling you the fact," said Natashaindignantly. "I come to ask you what to do, and you call it'nonsense!'"

　　The countess shrugged her shoulders.

　　"If it true that Monsieur Denisov has made you a proposal, tellhim he is a fool, that's all!"

　　"No, he's not a fool!" replied Natasha indignantly and seriously.

　　"Well then, what do you want? You're all in love nowadays. Well,if you are in love, marry him!" said the countess, with a laugh ofannoyance. "Good luck to you!"

　　"No, Mamma, I'm not in love with him, I suppose I'm not in love withhim."

　　"Well then, tell him so."

　　"Mamma, are you cross? Don't be cross, dear! Is it my fault?"

　　"No, but what is it, my dear? Do you want me to go and tell him?"said the countess smiling.

　　"No, I will do it myself, only tell me what to say. It's all verywell for you," said Natasha, with a responsive smile. "You should haveseen how he said it! I know he did not mean to say it, but it came outaccidently."

　　"Well, all the same, you must refuse him."

　　"No, I mustn't. I am so sorry for him! He's so nice."

　　"Well then, accept his offer. It's high time for you to be married,"answered the countess sharply and sarcastically.

　　"No, Mamma, but I'm so sorry for him. I don't know how I'm to sayit."

　　"And there's nothing for you to say. I shall speak to him myself,"said the countess, indignant that they should have dared to treat thislittle Natasha as grown up.

　　"No, not on any account! I will tell him myself, and you'll listenat the door," and Natasha ran across the drawing room to the dancinghall, where Denisov was sitting on the same chair by the clavichordwith his face in his hands.

　　He jumped up at the sound of her light step.

　　"Nataly," he said, moving with rapid steps toward her, "decide myfate. It is in your hands."

　　"Vasili Dmitrich, I'm so sorry for you!... No, but you are sonice... but it won't do...not that... but as a friend, I shallalways love you."

　　Denisov bent over her hand and she heard strange sounds she didnot understand. She kissed his rough curly black head. At thisinstant, they heard the quick rustle of the countess' dress. Shecame up to them.

　　"Vasili Dmitrich, I thank you for the honor," she said, with anembarrassed voice, though it sounded severe to Denisov- "but mydaughter is so young, and I thought that, as my son's friend, youwould have addressed yourself first to me. In that case you wouldnot have obliged me to give this refusal."

　　"Countess..." said Denisov, with downcast eyes and a guilty face. Hetried to say more, but faltered.

　　Natasha could not remain calm, seeing him in such a plight. Shebegan to sob aloud.

　　"Countess, I have done w'ong," Denisov went on in an unsteady voice,"but believe me, I so adore your daughter and all your family that Iwould give my life twice over..." He looked at the countess, andseeing her severe face said: "Well, good-by, Countess," and kissingher hand, he left the room with quick resolute strides, withoutlooking at Natasha.

　　Next day Rostov saw Denisov off. He not wish to stay another dayin Moscow. All Denisov's Moscow friends gave him a farewellentertainment at the gypsies', with the result that he had norecollection of how he was put in the sleigh or of the first threestages of his journey.

　　After Denisov's departure, Rostov spent another fortnight in Moscow,without going out of the house, waiting for the money his father couldnot at once raise, and he spent most of his time in the girls' room.

　　Sonya was more tender and devoted to him than ever. It was as if shewanted to show him that his losses were an achievement that made herlove him all the more, but Nicholas now considered himself unworthy ofher.

　　He filled the girls' albums with verses and music, and having atlast sent Dolokhov the whole forty-three thousand rubles andreceived his receipt, he left at the end of November, without takingleave of any of his acquaintances, to overtake his regiment whichwas already in Poland.