Book Nine: 1812 - Chapter XVIII

by Leo Tolstoy

　　At the beginning of July more and more disquieting reports about thewar began to spread in Moscow; people spoke of an appeal by theEmperor to the people, and of his coming himself from the army toMoscow. And as up to the eleventh of July no manifesto or appeal hadbeen received, exaggerated reports became current about them and aboutthe position of Russia. It was said that the Emperor was leaving thearmy because it was in danger, it was said that Smolensk hadsurrendered, that Napoleon had an army of a million and only a miraclecould save Russia.

　　On the eleventh of July, which was Saturday, the manifesto wasreceived but was not yet in print, and Pierre, who was at theRostovs', promised to come to dinner next day, Sunday, and bring acopy of the manifesto and appeal, which he would obtain from CountRostopchin.

　　That Sunday, the Rostovs went to Mass at the Razumovskis' privatechapel as usual. It was a hot July day. Even at ten o'clock, whenthe Rostovs got out of their carriage at the chapel, the sultry air,the shouts of hawkers, the light and gay summer clothes of thecrowd, the dusty leaves of the trees on the boulevard, the sounds ofthe band and the white trousers of a battalion marching to parade, therattling of wheels on the cobblestones, and the brilliant, hotsunshine were all full of that summer languor, that content anddiscontent with the present, which is most strongly felt on abright, hot day in town. All the Moscow notabilities, all the Rostovs'acquaintances, were at the Razumovskis' chapel, for, as if expectingsomething to happen, many wealthy families who usually left town fortheir country estates had not gone away that summer. As Natasha, ather mother's side, passed through the crowd behind a liveriedfootman who cleared the way for them, she heard a young man speakingabout her in too loud a whisper.

　　"That's Rostova, the one who..."

　　"She's much thinner, but all the same she's pretty!"

　　She heard, or thought she heard, the names of Kuragin and Bolkonski.But she was always imagining that. It always seemed to her thateveryone who looked at her was thinking only of what had happened toher. With a sinking heart, wretched as she always was now when shefound herself in a crowd, Natasha in her lilac silk dress trimmed withblack lace walked- as women can walk- with the more repose andstateliness the greater the pain and shame in her soul. She knew forcertain that she was pretty, but this no longer gave hersatisfaction as it used to. On the contrary it tormented her more thananything else of late, and particularly so on this bright, hotsummer day in town. "It's Sunday again- another week past," shethought, recalling that she had been here the Sunday before, "andalways the same life that is no life, and the same surroundings inwhich it used to be so easy to live. I'm pretty, I'm young, and I knowthat now I am good. I used to be bad, but now I know I am good," shethought, "but yet my best years are slipping by and are no good toanyone." She stood by her mother's side and exchanged nods withacquaintances near her. From habit she scrutinized the ladies'dresses, condemned the bearing of a lady standing close by who was notcrossing herself properly but in a cramped manner, and again shethought with vexation that she was herself being judged and wasjudging others, and suddenly, at the sound of the service, she felthorrified at her own vileness, horrified that the former purity of hersoul was again lost to her.

　　A comely, fresh-looking old man was conducting the service with thatmild solemnity which has so elevating and soothing an effect on thesouls of the worshipers. The gates of the sanctuary screen wereclosed, the curtain was slowly drawn, and from behind it a softmysterious voice pronounced some words. Tears, the cause of whichshe herself did not understand, made Natasha's breast heave, and ajoyous but oppressive feeling agitated her.

　　"Teach me what I should do, how to live my life, how I may grow goodforever, forever!" she pleaded.

　　The deacon came out onto the raised space before the altar screenand, holding his thumb extended, drew his long hair from under hisdalmatic and, making the sign of the cross on his breast, began in aloud and solemn voice to recite the words of the prayer...

　　"In peace let us pray unto the Lord."

　　"As one community, without distinction of class, without enmity,united by brotherly love- let us pray!" thought Natasha.

　　"For the peace that is from above, and for the salvation of oursouls."

　　"For the world of angels and all the spirits who dwell above us,"prayed Natasha.

　　When they prayed for the warriors, she thought of her brother andDenisov. When they prayed for all traveling by land and sea, sheremembered Prince Andrew, prayed for him, and asked God to forgive herall the wrongs she had done him. When they prayed for those who loveus, she prayed for the members of her own family, her father andmother and Sonya, realizing for the first time how wrongly she hadacted toward them, and feeling all the strength of her love forthem. When they prayed for those who hate us, she tried to think ofher enemies and people who hated her, in order to pray for them. Sheincluded among her enemies the creditors and all who had businessdealings with her father, and always at the thought of enemies andthose who hated her she remembered Anatole who had done her so muchharm- and though he did not hate her she gladly prayed for him asfor an enemy. Only at prayer did she feel able to think clearly andcalmly of Prince Andrew and Anatole, as men for whom her feelings wereas nothing compared with her awe and devotion to God. When they prayedfor the Imperial family and the Synod, she bowed very low and made thesign of the cross, saying to herself that even if she did notunderstand, still she could not doubt, and at any rate loved thegoverning Synod and prayed for it.

　　When he had finished the Litany the deacon crossed the stole overhis breast and said, "Let us commit ourselves and our whole lives toChrist the Lord!"

　　"Commit ourselves to God," Natasha inwardly repeated. "Lord God, Isubmit myself to Thy will!" she thought. "I want nothing, wish fornothing; teach me what to do and how to use my will! Take me, takeme!" prayed Natasha, with impatient emotion in her heart, not crossingherself but letting her slender arms hang down as if expecting someinvisible power at any moment to take her and deliver her fromherself, from her regrets, desires, remorse, hopes, and sins.

　　The countess looked round several times at her daughter's softenedface and shining eyes and prayed God to help her.

　　Unexpectedly, in the middle of the service, and not in the usualorder Natasha knew so well, the deacon brought out a small stool,the one he knelt on when praying on Trinity Sunday, and placed itbefore the doors of the sanctuary screen. The priest came out with hispurple velvet biretta on his head, adjusted his hair, and knelt downwith an effort. Everybody followed his example and they looked atone another in surprise. Then came the prayer just received from theSynod- a prayer for the deliverance of Russia from hostile invasion.

　　"Lord God of might, God of our salvation!" began the priest inthat voice, clear, not grandiloquent but mild, in which only theSlav clergy read and which acts so irresistibly on a Russian heart.

　　"Lord God of might, God of our salvation! Look this day in mercy andblessing on Thy humble people, and graciously hear us, spare us, andhave mercy upon us! This foe confounding Thy land, desiring to laywaste the whole world, rises against us; these lawless men aregathered together to overthrow Thy kingdom, to destroy Thy dearJerusalem, Thy beloved Russia; to defile Thy temples, to overthrowThine altars, and to desecrate our holy shrines. How long, O Lord, howlong shall the wicked triumph? How long shall they wield unlawfulpower?

　　"Lord God! Hear us when we pray to Thee; strengthen with Thy mightour most gracious sovereign lord, the Emperor Alexander Pavlovich;be mindful of his uprightness and meekness, reward him according tohis righteousness, and let it preserve us, Thy chosen Israel! Blesshis counsels, his undertakings, and his work; strengthen his kingdomby Thine almighty hand, and give him victory over his enemy, even asThou gavest Moses the victory over Amalek, Gideon over Midian, andDavid over Goliath. Preserve his army, put a bow of brass in the handsof those who have armed themselves in Thy Name, and gird their loinswith strength for the fight. Take up the spear and shield and arise tohelp us; confound and put to shame those who have devised evil againstus, may they be before the faces of Thy faithful warriors as dustbefore the wind, and may Thy mighty Angel confound them and put themto flight; may they be ensnared when they know it not, and may theplots they have laid in secret be turned against them; let them fallbefore Thy servants' feet and be laid low by our hosts! Lord, Thou artable to save both great and small; Thou art God, and man cannotprevail against Thee!

　　"God of our fathers! Remember Thy bounteous mercy andloving-kindness which are from of old; turn not Thy face from us,but be gracious to our unworthiness, and in Thy great goodness and Thymany mercies regard not our transgressions and iniquities! Create inus a clean heart and renew a right spirit within us, strengthen us allin Thy faith, fortify our hope, inspire us with true love one foranother, arm us with unity of spirit in the righteous defense of theheritage Thou gavest to us and to our fathers, and let not the scepterof the wicked be exalted against the destiny of those Thou hastsanctified.

　　"O Lord our God, in whom we believe and in whom we put our trust,let us not be confounded in our hope of Thy mercy, and give us a tokenof Thy blessing, that those who hate us and our Orthodox faith may seeit and be put to shame and perish, and may all the nations know thatThou art the Lord and we are Thy people. Show Thy mercy upon us thisday, O Lord, and grant us Thy salvation; make the hearts of Thyservants to rejoice in Thy mercy; smite down our enemies and destroythem swiftly beneath the feet of Thy faithful servants! For Thou artthe defense, the succor, and the victory of them that put theirtrust in Thee, and to Thee be all glory, to Father, Son, and HolyGhost, now and forever, world without end. Amen."

　　In Natasha's receptive condition of soul this prayer affected herstrongly. She listened to every word about the victory of Moses overAmalek, of Gideon over Midian, and of David over Goliath, and aboutthe destruction of "Thy Jerusalem," and she prayed to God with thetenderness and emotion with which her heart was overflowing, butwithout fully understanding what she was asking of God in that prayer.She shared with all her heart in the prayer for the spirit ofrighteousness, for the strengthening of the heart by faith and hope,and its animation by love. But she could not pray that her enemiesmight be trampled under foot when but a few minutes before she hadbeen wishing she had more of them that she might pray for them. Butneither could she doubt the righteousness of the prayer that was beingread on bended knees. She felt in her heart a devout and tremulous aweat the thought of the punishment that overtakes men for their sins,and especially of her own sins, and she prayed to God to forgivethem all, and her too, and to give them all, and her too, peace andhappiness. And it seemed to her that God heard her prayer.