Book Seven: 1810-11 - Chapter XIII

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Soon after the Christmas holidays Nicholas told his mother of hislove for Sonya and of his firm resolve to marry her. The countess, whohad long noticed what was going on between them and was expecting thisdeclaration, listened to him in silence and then told her son thathe might marry whom he pleased, but that neither she nor his fatherwould give their blessing to such a marriage. Nicholas, for thefirst time, felt that his mother was displeased with him and that,despite her love for him, she would not give way. Coldly, withoutlooking at her son, she sent for her husband and, when he came,tried briefly and coldly to inform him of the facts, in her son'spresence, but unable to restrain herself she burst into tears ofvexation and left the room. The old count began irresolutely toadmonish Nicholas and beg him to abandon his purpose. Nicholas repliedthat he could not go back on his word, and his father, sighing andevidently disconcerted, very soon became silent and went in to thecountess. In all his encounters with his son, the count was alwaysconscious of his own guilt toward him for having wasted the familyfortune, and so he could not be angry with him for refusing to marryan heiress and choosing the dowerless Sonya. On this occasion, hewas only more vividly conscious of the fact that if his affairs hadnot been in disorder, no better wife for Nicholas than Sonya couldhave been wished for, and that no one but himself with his Mitenka andhis uncomfortable habits was to blame for the condition of thefamily finances.

　　The father and mother did not speak of the matter to their sonagain, but a few days later the countess sent for Sonya and, with acruelty neither of them expected, reproached her niece for trying tocatch Nicholas and for ingratitude. Sonya listened silently withdowncast eyes to the countess' cruel words, without understanding whatwas required of her. She was ready to sacrifice everything for herbenefactors. Self-sacrifice was her most cherished idea but in thiscase she could not see what she ought to sacrifice, or for whom. Shecould not help loving the countess and the whole Rostov family, butneither could she help loving Nicholas and knowing that hishappiness depended on that love. She was silent and sad and did notreply. Nicholas felt the situation to be intolerable and went tohave an explanation with his mother. He first implored her toforgive him and Sonya and consent to their marriage, then hethreatened that if she molested Sonya he would at once marry hersecretly.

　　The countess, with a coldness her son had never seen in herbefore, replied that he was of age, that Prince Andrew was marryingwithout his father's consent, and he could do the same, but that shewould never receive that intriguer as her daughter.

　　Exploding at the word intriguer, Nicholas, raising his voice, toldhis mother he had never expected her to try to force him to sell hisfeelings, but if that were so, he would say for the last time....But he had no time to utter the decisive word which the expressionof his face caused his mother to await with terror, and which wouldperhaps have forever remained a cruel memory to them both. He hadnot time to say it, for Natasha, with a pale and set face, entered theroom from the door at which she had been listening.

　　"Nicholas, you are talking nonsense! Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, Itell you!..." she almost screamed, so as to drown his voice.

　　"Mamma darling, it's not at all so... my poor, sweet darling," shesaid to her mother, who conscious that they had been on the brink of arupture gazed at her son with terror, but in the obstinacy andexcitement of the conflict could not and would not give way.

　　"Nicholas, I'll explain to you. Go away! Listen, Mamma darling,"said Natasha.

　　Her words were incoherent, but they attained the purpose at whichshe was aiming.

　　The countess, sobbing heavily, hid her face on her daughter'sbreast, while Nicholas rose, clutching his head, and left the room.

　　Natasha set to work to effect a reconciliation, and so far succeededthat Nicholas received a promise from his mother that Sonya should notbe troubled, while he on his side promised not to undertake anythingwithout his parents' knowledge.

　　Firmly resolved, after putting his affairs in order in the regiment,to retire from the army and return and marry Sonya, Nicholas, serious,sorrowful, and at variance with his parents, but, as it seemed to him,passionately in love, left at the beginning of January to rejoin hisregiment.

　　After Nicholas had gone things in the Rostov household were moredepressing than ever, and the countess fell ill from mental agitation.

　　Sonya was unhappy at the separation from Nicholas and still moreso on account of the hostile tone the countess could not help adoptingtoward her. The count was more perturbed than ever by the condition ofhis affairs, which called for some decisive action. Their town houseand estate near Moscow had inevitably to be sold, and for this theyhad to go to Moscow. But the countess' health obliged them to delaytheir departure from day to day.

　　Natasha, who had borne the first period of separation from herbetrothed lightly and even cheerfully, now grew more agitated andimpatient every day. The thought that her best days, which she wouldhave employed in loving him, were being vainly wasted, with noadvantage to anyone, tormented her incessantly. His letters for themost part irritated her. It hurt her to think that while she livedonly in the thought of him, he was living a real life, seeing newplaces and new people that interested him. The more interesting hisletters were the more vexed she felt. Her letters to him, far fromgiving her any comfort, seemed to her a wearisome and artificialobligation. She could not write, because she could not conceive thepossibility of expressing sincerely in a letter even a thousandth partof what she expressed by voice, smile, and glance. She wrote to himformal, monotonous, and dry letters, to which she attached noimportance herself, and in the rough copies of which the countesscorrected her mistakes in spelling.

　　There was still no improvement in the countess' health, but it wasimpossible to defer the journey to Moscow any longer. Natasha'strousseau had to be ordered and the house sold. Moreover, PrinceAndrew was expected in Moscow, where old Prince Bolkonski was spendingthe winter, and Natasha felt sure he had already arrived.

　　So the countess remained in the country, and the count, taking Sonyaand Natasha with him, went to Moscow at the end of January.