Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XIX

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Next day Prince Andrew called at a few houses he had not visitedbefore, and among them at the Rostovs' with whom he had renewedacquaintance at the ball. Apart from considerations of politenesswhich demanded the call, he wanted to see that original, eager girlwho had left such a pleasant impression on his mind, in her own home.

　　Natasha was one of the first to meet him. She was wearing adark-blue house dress in which Prince Andrew thought her even prettierthan in her ball dress. She and all the Rostov family welcomed himas an old friend, simply and cordially. The whole family, whom hehad formerly judged severely, now seemed to him to consist ofexcellent, simple, and kindly people. The old count's hospitalityand good nature, which struck one especially in Petersburg as apleasant surprise, were such that Prince Andrew could not refuse tostay to dinner. "Yes," he thought, "they are capital people, who ofcourse have not the slightest idea what a treasure they possess inNatasha; but they are kindly folk and form the best possible settingfor this strikingly poetic, charming girl, overflowing with life!"

　　In Natasha Prince Andrew was conscious of a strange world completelyalien to him and brimful of joys unknown to him, a different world,that in the Otradnoe avenue and at the window that moonlight night hadalready begun to disconcert him. Now this world disconcerted him nolonger and was no longer alien to him, but he himself having enteredit found in it a new enjoyment.

　　After dinner Natasha, at Prince Andrew's request, went to theclavichord and began singing. Prince Andrew stood by a windowtalking to the ladies and listened to her. In the midst of a phrase heceased speaking and suddenly felt tears choking him, a thing he hadthought impossible for him. He looked at Natasha as she sang, andsomething new and joyful stirred in his soul. He felt happy and at thesame time sad. He had absolutely nothing to weep about yet he wasready to weep. What about? His former love? The little princess? Hisdisillusionments?... His hopes for the future?... Yes and no. Thechief reason was a sudden, vivid sense of the terrible contrastbetween something infinitely great and illimitable within him and thatlimited and material something that he, and even she, was. Thiscontrast weighed on and yet cheered him while she sang.

　　As soon as Natasha had finished she went up to him and asked howhe liked her voice. She asked this and then became confused, feelingthat she ought not to have asked it. He smiled, looking at her, andsaid he liked her singing as he liked everything she did.

　　Prince Andrew left the Rostovs' late in the evening. He went tobed from habit, but soon realized that he could not sleep. Havinglit his candle he sat up in bed, then got up, then lay down againnot at all troubled by his sleeplessness: his soul was as fresh andjoyful as if he had stepped out of a stuffy room into God's ownfresh air. It did not enter his head that he was in love with Natasha;he was not thinking about her, but only picturing her to himself,and in consequence all life appeared in a new light. "Why do I strive,why do I toil in this narrow, confined frame, when life, all life withall its joys, is open to me?" said he to himself. And for the firsttime for a very long while he began making happy plans for the future.He decided that he must attend to his son's education by finding atutor and putting the boy in his charge, then he ought to retirefrom the service and go abroad, and see England, Switzerland andItaly. "I must use my freedom while I feel so much strength andyouth in me," he said to himself. "Pierre was right when he said onemust believe in the possibility of happiness in order to be happy, andnow I do believe in it. Let the dead bury their dead, but while onehas life one must live and be happy!" thought he.