Book Ten: 1812 - Chapter VIII

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Princess Mary was not in Moscow and out of danger as Prince Andrewsupposed.

　　After the return of Alpatych from Smolensk the old prince suddenlyseemed to awake as from a dream. He ordered the militiamen to becalled up from the villages and armed, and wrote a letter to thecommander in chief informing him that he had resolved to remain atBald Hills to the last extremity and to defend it, leaving to thecommander in chief's discretion to take measures or not for thedefense of Bald Hills, where one of Russia's oldest generals wouldbe captured or killed, and he announced to his household that he wouldremain at Bald Hills.

　　But while himself remaining, he gave instructions for thedeparture of the princess and Dessalles with the little prince toBogucharovo and thence to Moscow. Princess Mary, alarmed by herfather's feverish and sleepless activity after his previous apathy,could not bring herself to leave him alone and for the first time inher life ventured to disobey him. She refused to go away and herfather's fury broke over her in a terrible storm. He repeated everyinjustice he had ever inflicted on her. Trying to convict her, he toldher she had worn him out, had caused his quarrel with his son, hadharbored nasty suspicions of him, making it the object of her lifeto poison his existence, and he drove her from his study telling herthat if she did not go away it was all the same to him. He declaredthat he did not wish to remember her existence and warned her not todare to let him see her. The fact that he did not, as she hadfeared, order her to be carried away by force but only told her not tolet him see her cheered Princess Mary. She knew it was a proof that inthe depth of his soul he was glad she was remaining at home and hadnot gone away.

　　The morning after little Nicholas had left, the old prince donnedhis full uniform and prepared to visit the commander in chief. Hiscaleche was already at the door. Princess Mary saw him walk out of thehouse in his uniform wearing all his orders and go down the gardento review his armed peasants and domestic serfs. She sat by the windowlistening to his voice which reached her from the garden. Suddenlyseveral men came running up the avenue with frightened faces.

　　Princess Mary ran out to the porch, down the flower-bordered path,and into the avenue. A large crowd of militiamen and domestics weremoving toward her, and in their midst several men were supporting bythe armpits and dragging along a little old man in a uniform anddecorations. She ran up to him and, in the play of the sunlight thatfell in small round spots through the shade of the lime-tree avenue,could not be sure what change there was in his face. All she could seewas that his former stern and determined expression had altered to oneof timidity and submission. On seeing his daughter he moved hishelpless lips and made a hoarse sound. It was impossible to make outwhat he wanted. He was lifted up, carried to his study, and laid onthe very couch he had so feared of late.

　　The doctor, who was fetched that same night, bled him and saidthat the prince had had seizure a paralyzing his right side.

　　It was becoming more and more dangerous to remain at Bald Hills, andnext day they moved the prince to Bogucharovo, the doctor accompanyinghim.

　　By the time they reached Bogucharovo, Dessalles and the littleprince had already left for Moscow.

　　For three weeks the old prince lay stricken by paralysis in thenew house Prince Andrew had built at Bogucharovo, ever in the samestate, getting neither better nor worse. He was unconscious and laylike a distorted corpse. He muttered unceasingly, his eyebrows andlips twitching, and it was impossible to tell whether he understoodwhat was going on around him or not. One thing was certain- that hewas suffering and wished to say something. But what it was, no onecould tell: it might be some caprice of a sick and half-crazy man,or it might relate to public affairs, or possibly to family concerns.

　　The doctor said this restlessness did not mean anything and wasdue to physical causes; but Princess Mary thought he wished to tellher something, and the fact that her presence always increased hisrestlessness confirmed her opinion.

　　He was evidently suffering both physically and mentally. There wasno hope of recovery. It was impossible for him to travel, it would notdo to let him die on the road. "Would it not be better if the enddid come, the very end?" Princess Mary sometimes thought. Night andday, hardly sleeping at all, she watched him and, terrible to say,often watched him not with hope of finding signs of improvement butwishing to find symptoms of the approach of the end.

　　Strange as it was to her to acknowledge this feeling in herself, yetthere it was. And what seemed still more terrible to her was thatsince her father's illness began (perhaps even sooner, when she stayedwith him expecting something to happen), all the personal desiresand hopes that had been forgotten or sleeping within her had awakened.Thoughts that had not entered her mind for years- thoughts of a lifefree from the fear of her father, and even the possibility of love andof family happiness- floated continually in her imagination liketemptations of the devil. Thrust them aside as she would, questionscontinually recurred to her as to how she would order her life now,after that. These were temptations of the devil and Princess Mary knewit. She knew that the sole weapon against him was prayer, and shetried to pray. She assumed an attitude of prayer, looked at the icons,repeated the words of a prayer, but she could not pray. She feltthat a different world had now taken possession of her- the life ofa world of strenuous and free activity, quite opposed to the spiritualworld in which till now she had been confined and in which hergreatest comfort had been prayer. She could not pray, could notweep, and worldly cares took possession of her.

　　It was becoming dangerous to remain in Bogucharovo. News of theapproach of the French came from all sides, and in one village, tenmiles from Bogucharovo, a homestead had been looted by Frenchmarauders.

　　The doctor insisted on the necessity of moving the prince; theprovincial Marshal of the Nobility sent an official to Princess Maryto persuade her to get away as quickly as possible, and the head ofthe rural police having come to Bogucharovo urged the same thing,saying that the French were only some twenty-five miles away, thatFrench proclamations were circulating in the villages, and that if theprincess did not take her father away before the fifteenth, he couldnot answer for the consequences.

　　The princess decided to leave on the fifteenth. The cares ofpreparation and giving orders, for which everyone came to her,occupied her all day. She spent the night of the fourteenth asusual, without undressing, in the room next to the one where theprince lay. Several times, waking up, she heard his groans andmuttering, the creak of his bed, and the steps of Tikhon and thedoctor when they turned him over. Several times she listened at thedoor, and it seemed to her that his mutterings were louder thanusual and that they turned him over oftener. She could not sleep andseveral times went to the door and listened, wishing to enter butnot deciding to do so. Though he did not speak, Princess Mary sawand knew how unpleasant every sign of anxiety on his account was tohim. She had noticed with what dissatisfaction he turned from the lookshe sometimes involuntarily fixed on him. She knew that her going induring the night at an unusual hour would irritate him.

　　But never had she felt so grieved for him or so much afraid oflosing him. She recalled all her life with him and in every word andact of his found an expression of his love of her. Occasionally amidthese memories temptations of the devil would surge into herimagination: thoughts of how things would be after his death, andhow her new, liberated life would be ordered. But she drove thesethoughts away with disgust. Toward morning he became quiet and shefell asleep.

　　She woke late. That sincerity which often comes with waking showedher clearly what chiefly concerned her about her father's illness.On waking she listened to what was going on behind the door and,hearing him groan, said to herself with a sigh that things werestill the same.

　　"But what could have happened? What did I want? I want his death!"she cried with a feeling of loathing for herself.

　　She washed, dressed, said her prayers, and went out to the porch. Infront of it stood carriages without horses and things were beingpacked into the vehicles.

　　It was a warm, gray morning. Princess Mary stopped at the porch,still horrified by her spiritual baseness and trying to arrange herthoughts before going to her father. The doctor came downstairs andwent out to her.

　　"He is a little better today," said he. "I was looking for you.One can make out something of what he is saying. His head isclearer. Come in, he is asking for you..."

　　Princess Mary's heart beat so violently at this news that she grewpale and leaned against the wall to keep from falling. To see him,talk to him, feel his eyes on her now that her whole soul wasoverflowing with those dreadful, wicked temptations, was a tormentof joy and terror.

　　"Come," said the doctor.

　　Princess Mary entered her father's room and went up to his bed. Hewas lying on his back propped up high, and his small bony hands withtheir knotted purple veins were lying on the quilt; his left eye gazedstraight before him, his right eye was awry, and his brows and lipsmotionless. He seemed altogether so thin, small, and pathetic. Hisface seemed to have shriveled or melted; his features had grownsmaller. Princess Mary went up and kissed his hand. His left handpressed hers so that she understood that he had long been waitingfor her to come. He twitched her hand, and his brows and lips quiveredangrily.

　　She looked at him in dismay trying to guess what he wanted of her.When she changed her position so that his left eye could see herface he calmed down, not taking his eyes off her for some seconds.Then his lips and tongue moved, sounds came, and he began to speak,gazing timidly and imploringly at her, evidently afraid that she mightnot understand.

　　Straining all her faculties Princess Mary looked at him. The comicefforts with which he moved his tongue made her drop her eyes and withdifficulty repress the sobs that rose to her throat. He saidsomething, repeating the same words several times. She could notunderstand them, but tried to guess what he was saying and inquiringlyrepeated the words he uttered.

　　"Mmm...ar...ate...ate..." he repeated several times.

　　It was quite impossible to understand these sounds. The doctorthought he had guessed them, and inquiringly repeated: "Mary, areyou afraid?" The prince shook his head, again repeated the samesounds.

　　"My mind, my mind aches?" questioned Princess Mary.

　　He made a mumbling sound in confirmation of this, took her hand, andbegan pressing it to different parts of his breast as if trying tofind the right place for it.

　　"Always thoughts... about you... thoughts..." he then uttered muchmore clearly than he had done before, now that he was sure of beingunderstood.

　　Princess Mary pressed her head against his hand, trying to hideher sobs and tears.

　　He moved his hand over her hair.

　　"I have been calling you all night..." he brought out.

　　"If only I had known..." she said through her tears. "I was afraidto come in."

　　He pressed her hand.

　　"Weren't you asleep?"

　　"No, I did not sleep," said Princess Mary, shaking her head.

　　Unconsciously imitating her father, she now tried to express herselfas he did, as much as possible by signs, and her tongue too seemedto move with difficulty.

　　"Dear one... Dearest..." Princess Mary could not quite make out whathe had said, but from his look it was clear that he had uttered atender caressing word such as he had never used to her before. "Whydidn't you come in?"

　　"And I was wishing for his death!" thought Princess Mary.

　　He was silent awhile.

　　"Thank you... daughter dear!... for all, for all... forgive!...thank you!... forgive!... thank you!..." and tears began to flowfrom his eyes. "Call Andrew!" he said suddenly, and a childish,timid expression of doubt showed itself on his face as he spoke.

　　He himself seemed aware that his demand was meaningless. So at leastit seemed to Princess Mary.

　　"I have a letter from him," she replied.

　　He glanced at her with timid surprise.

　　"Where is he?"

　　"He's with the army, Father, at Smolensk."

　　He closed his eyes and remained silent a long time. Then as if inanswer to his doubts and to confirm the fact that now he understoodand remembered everything, he nodded his head and reopened his eyes.

　　"Yes," he said, softly and distinctly. "Russia has perished. They'vedestroyed her."

　　And he began to sob, and again tears flowed from his eyes.Princess Mary could no longer restrain herself and wept while shegazed at his face.

　　Again he closed his eyes. His sobs ceased, he pointed to his eyes,and Tikhon, understanding him, wiped away the tears.

　　Then he again opened his eyes and said something none of themcould understand for a long time, till at last Tikhon understood andrepeated it. Princess Mary had sought the meaning of his words inthe mood in which he had just been speaking. She thought he wasspeaking of Russia, or Prince Andrew, of herself, of his grandson,or of his own death, and so she could not guess his words.

　　"Put on your white dress. I like it," was what he said.

　　Having understood this Princess Mary sobbed still louder, and thedoctor taking her arm led her out to the veranda, soothing her andtrying to persuade her to prepare for her journey. When she had leftthe room the prince again began speaking about his son, about the war,and about the Emperor, angrily twitching his brows and raising hishoarse voice, and then he had a second and final stroke.

　　Princess Mary stayed on the veranda. The day had cleared, it was hotand sunny. She could understand nothing, think of nothing and feelnothing, except passionate love for her father, love such as shethought she had never felt till that moment. She ran out sobbinginto the garden and as far as the pond, along the avenues of younglime trees Prince Andrew had planted.

　　"Yes... I... I... I wished for his death! Yes, I wanted it to endquicker.... I wished to be at peace.... And what will become of me?What use will peace be when he is no longer here?" Princess Marymurmured, pacing the garden with hurried steps and pressing herhands to her bosom which heaved with convulsive sobs.

　　When she had completed the tour of the garden, which brought heragain to the house, she saw Mademoiselle Bourienne- who had remainedat Bogucharovo and did not wish to leave it- coming toward her witha stranger. This was the Marshal of the Nobility of the district,who had come personally to point out to the princess the necessity forher prompt departure. Princess Mary listened without understandinghim; she led him to the house, offered him lunch, and sat down withhim. Then, excusing herself, she went to the door of the oldprince's room. The doctor came out with an agitated face and saidshe could not enter.

　　"Go away, Princess! Go away... go away!"

　　She returned to the garden and sat down on the grass at the footof the slope by the pond, where no one could see her. She did not knowhow long she had been there when she was aroused by the sound of awoman's footsteps running along the path. She rose and saw Dunyashaher maid, who was evidently looking for her, and who stoppedsuddenly as if in alarm on seeing her mistress.

　　"Please come, Princess... The Prince," said Dunyasha in a breakingvoice.

　　"Immediately, I'm coming, I'm coming!" replied the princesshurriedly, not giving Dunyasha time to finish what she was saying, andtrying to avoid seeing the girl she ran toward the house.

　　"Princess, it's God's will! You must be prepared for everything,"said the Marshal, meeting her at the house door.

　　"Let me alone; it's not true!" she cried angrily to him.

　　The doctor tried to stop her. She pushed him aside and ran to herfather's door. "Why are these people with frightened faces stoppingme? I don't want any of them! And what are they doing here?" shethought. She opened the door and the bright daylight in thatpreviously darkened room startled her. In the room were her nurseand other women. They all drew back from the bed, making way forher. He was still lying on the bed as before, but the stern expressionof his quiet face made Princess Mary stop short on the threshold.

　　"No, he's not dead- it's impossible!" she told herself andapproached him, and repressing the terror that seized her, she pressedher lips to his cheek. But she stepped back immediately. All the forceof the tenderness she had been feeling for him vanished instantlyand was replaced by a feeling of horror at what lay there beforeher. "No, he is no more! He is not, but here where he was is somethingunfamiliar and hostile, some dreadful, terrifying, and repellentmystery!" And hiding her face in her hands, Princess Mary sank intothe arms of the doctor, who held her up.

　　In the presence of Tikhon and the doctor the women washed what hadbeen the prince, tied his head up with a handkerchief that the mouthshould not stiffen while open, and with another handkerchief tiedtogether the legs that were already spreading apart. Then they dressedhim in uniform with his decorations and placed his shriveled littlebody on a table. Heaven only knows who arranged all this and when, butit all got done as if of its own accord. Toward night candles wereburning round his coffin, a pall was spread over it, the floor wasstrewn with sprays of juniper, a printed band was tucked in underhis shriveled head, and in a corner of the room sat a chanterreading the psalms.

　　Just as horses shy and snort and gather about a dead horse, so theinmates of the house and strangers crowded into the drawing room roundthe coffin- the Marshal, the village Elder, peasant women- and allwith fixed and frightened eyes, crossing themselves, bowed andkissed the old prince's cold and stiffened hand.