Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VI

by Leo Tolstoy

　　On reaching Moscow after her meeting with Rostov, Princess Maryhad found her nephew there with his tutor, and a letter from PrinceAndrew giving her instructions how to get to her Aunt Malvintseva atVoronezh. That feeling akin to temptation which had tormented herduring her father's illness, since his death, and especially since hermeeting with Rostov was smothered by arrangements for the journey,anxiety about her brother, settling in a new house, meeting newpeople, and attending to her nephew's education. She was sad. Now,after a month passed in quiet surroundings, she felt more and moredeeply the loss of her father which was associated in her mind withthe ruin of Russia. She was agitated and incessantly tortured by thethought of the dangers to which her brother, the only intimateperson now remaining to her, was exposed. She was worried too abouther nephew's education for which she had always felt herselfincompetent, but in the depths of her soul she felt at peace- apeace arising from consciousness of having stifled those personaldreams and hopes that had been on the point of awakening within herand were related to her meeting with Rostov.

　　The day after her party the governor's wife came to seeMalvintseva and, after discussing her plan with the aunt, remarkedthat though under present circumstances a formal betrothal was, ofcourse, not to be thought of, all the same the young people might bebrought together and could get to know one another. Malvintsevaexpressed approval, and the governor's wife began to speak of Rostovin Mary's presence, praising him and telling how he had blushed whenPrincess Mary's name was mentioned. But Princess Mary experienced apainful rather than a joyful feeling- her mental tranquillity wasdestroyed, and desires, doubts, self-reproach, and hopes reawoke.

　　During the two days that elapsed before Rostov called, Princess Marycontinually thought of how she ought to behave to him. First shedecided not to come to the drawing room when he called to see heraunt- that it would not be proper for her, in her deep mourning, toreceive visitors; then she thought this would be rude after what hehad done for her; then it occurred to her that her aunt and thegovernor's wife had intentions concerning herself and Rostov- theirlooks and words at times seemed to confirm this supposition- thenshe told herself that only she, with her sinful nature, could thinkthis of them: they could not forget that situated as she was, whilestill wearing deep mourning, such matchmaking would be an insult toher and to her father's memory. Assuming that she did go down to seehim, Princess Mary imagined the words he would say to her and what shewould say to him, and these words sometimes seemed undeservedly coldand then to mean too much. More than anything she feared lest theconfusion she felt might overwhelm her and betray her as soon as shesaw him.

　　But when on Sunday after church the footman announced in the drawingroom that Count Rostov had called, the princess showed no confusion,only a slight blush suffused her cheeks and her eyes lit up with a newand radiant light.

　　"You have met him, Aunt?" said she in a calm voice, unable herselfto understand that she could be outwardly so calm and natural.

　　When Rostov entered the room, the princess dropped her eyes for aninstant, as if to give the visitor time to greet her aunt, and thenjust as Nicholas turned to her she raised her head and met his lookwith shining eyes. With a movement full of dignity and grace shehalf rose with a smile of pleasure, held out her slender, delicatehand to him, and began to speak in a voice in which for the first timenew deep womanly notes vibrated. Mademoiselle Bourienne, who was inthe drawing room, looked at Princess Mary in bewildered surprise.Herself a consummate coquette, she could not have maneuvered better onmeeting a man she wished to attract.

　　"Either black is particularly becoming to her or she really hasgreatly improved without my having noticed it. And above all, whattact and grace!" thought Mademoiselle Bourienne.

　　Had Princess Mary been capable of reflection at that moment, shewould have been more surprised than Mademoiselle Bourienne at thechange that had taken place in herself. From the moment she recognizedthat dear, loved face, a new life force took possession of her andcompelled her to speak and act apart from her own will. From thetime Rostov entered, her face became suddenly transformed. It was asif a light had been kindled in a carved and painted lantern and theintricate, skillful, artistic work on its sides, that previouslyseemed dark, coarse, and meaningless, was suddenly shown up inunexpected and striking beauty. For the first time all that pure,spiritual, inward travail through which she had lived appeared onthe surface. All her inward labor, her dissatisfaction with herself,her sufferings, her strivings after goodness, her meekness, love,and self-sacrifice- all this now shone in those radiant eyes, in herdelicate smile, and in every trait of her gentle face.

　　Rostov saw all this as clearly as if he had known her whole life. Hefelt that the being before him was quite different from, and betterthan, anyone he had met before, and above all better than himself.

　　Their conversation was very simple and unimportant. They spoke ofthe war, and like everyone else unconsciously exaggerated their sorrowabout it; they spoke of their last meeting- Nicholas trying tochange the subject- they talked of the governor's kind wife, ofNicholas' relations, and of Princess Mary's.

　　She did not talk about her brother, diverting the conversation assoon as her aunt mentioned Andrew. Evidently she could speak ofRussia's misfortunes with a certain artificiality, but her brother wastoo near her heart and she neither could nor would speak lightly ofhim. Nicholas noticed this, as he noticed every shade of PrincessMary's character with an observation unusual to him, and everythingconfirmed his conviction that she was a quite unusual andextraordinary being. Nicholas blushed and was confused when peoplespoke to him about the princess (as she did when he was mentioned) andeven when he thought of her, but in her presence he felt quite atease, and said not at all what he had prepared, but what, quiteappropriately, occurred to him at the moment.

　　When a pause occurred during his short visit, Nicholas, as isusual when there are children, turned to Prince Andrew's little son,caressing him and asking whether he would like to be an hussar. Hetook the boy on his knee, played with him, and looked round atPrincess Mary. With a softened, happy, timid look she watched theboy she loved in the arms of the man she loved. Nicholas alsonoticed that look and, as if understanding it, flushed with pleasureand began to kiss the boy with good natured playfulness.

　　As she was in mourning Princess Mary did not go out into society,and Nicholas did not think it the proper thing to visit her again; butall the same the governor's wife went on with her matchmaking, passingon to Nicholas the flattering things Princess Mary said of him andvice versa, and insisting on his declaring himself to Princess Mary.For this purpose she arranged a meeting between the young people atthe bishop's house before Mass.

　　Though Rostov told the governeor's wife that he would not make anydeclaration to Princess Mary, he promised to go.

　　As at Tilsit Rostov had not allowed himself to doubt that whateverybody considered right was right, so now, after a short butsincere struggle between his effort to arrange his life by his ownsense of justice, and in obedient submission to circumstances, hechose the latter and yielded to the power he felt irresistiblycarrying him he knew not where. He knew that after his promise toSonya it would be what he deemed base to declare his feelings toPrincess Mary. And he knew that he would never act basely. But he alsoknew (or rather felt at the bottom of his heart) that by resigninghimself now to the force of circumstances and to those who wereguiding him, he was not only doing nothing wrong, but was doingsomething very important- more important than anything he had everdone in his life.

　　After meeting Princess Mary, though the course of his life went onexternally as before, all his former amusements lost their charm forhim and he often thought about her. But he never thought about heras he had thought of all the young ladies without exception whom hehad met in society, nor as he had for a long time, and at one timerapturously, thought about Sonya. He had pictured each of thoseyoung ladies as almost all honest-hearted young men do, that is, asa possible wife, adapting her in his imagination to all the conditionsof married life: a white dressing gown, his wife at the tea table, hiswife's carriage, little ones, Mamma and Papa, their relations toher, and so on- and these pictures of the future had given himpleasure. But with Princess Mary, to whom they were trying to gethim engaged, he could never picture anything of future married life.If he tried, his pictures seemed incongruous and false. It made himafraid.