Book Twelve: 1812 - Chapter VII

by Leo Tolstoy

　　The dreadful news of the battle of Borodino, of our losses in killedand wounded, and the still more terrible news of the loss of Moscowreached Voronezh in the middle of September. Princess Mary, havinglearned of her brother's wound only from the Gazette and having nodefinite news of him, prepared (so Nicholas heard, he had not seen heragain himself) to set off in search of Prince Andrew.

　　When he received the news of the battle of Borodino and theabandonment of Moscow, Rostov was not seized with despair, anger,the desire for vengeance, or any feeling of that kind, buteverything in Voronezh suddenly seemed to him dull and tiresome, andhe experienced an indefinite feeling of shame and awkwardness. Theconversations he heard seemed to him insincere; he did not know how tojudge all these affairs and felt that only in the regiment wouldeverything again become clear to him. He made haste to finish buyingthe horses, and often became unreasonably angry with his servant andsquadron quartermaster.

　　A few days before his departure a special thanksgiving, at whichNicholas was present, was held in the cathedral for the Russianvictory. He stood a little behind the governor and held himself withmilitary decorum through the service, meditating on a great variety ofsubjects. When the service was over the governor's wife beckoned himto her.

　　"Have you seen the princess?" she asked, indicating with amovement of her head a lady standing on the opposite side, beyondthe choir.

　　Nicholas immediately recognized Princess Mary not so much by theprofile he saw under her bonnet as by the feeling of solicitude,timidity, and pity that immediately overcame him. Princess Mary,evidently engrossed by her thoughts, was crossing herself for the lasttime before leaving the church.

　　Nicholas looked at her face with surprise. It was the same face hehad seen before, there was the same general expression of refined,inner, spiritual labor, but now it was quite differently lit up. Therewas a pathetic expression of sorrow, prayer, and hope in it. As hadoccurred before when she was present, Nicholas went up to herwithout waiting to be prompted by the governor's wife and not askinghimself whether or not it was right and proper to address her herein church, and told her he had heard of her trouble and sympathizedwith his whole soul. As soon as she heard his voice a vivid glowkindled in her face, lighting up both her sorrow and her joy.

　　"There is one thing I wanted to tell you, Princess," said Rostov."It is that if your brother, Prince Andrew Nikolievich, were notliving, it would have been at once announced in the Gazette, as heis a colonel."

　　The princess looked at him, not grasping what he was saying, butcheered by the expression of regretful sympathy on his face.

　　"And I have known so many cases of a splinter wound" (the Gazettesaid it was a shell) "either proving fatal at once or being veryslight," continued Nicholas. "We must hope for the best, and I amsure..."

　　Princess Mary interrupted him.

　　"Oh, that would be so dread..." she began and, prevented byagitation from finishing, she bent her head with a movement asgraceful as everything she did in his presence and, looking up athim gratefully, went out, following her aunt.

　　That evening Nicholas did not go out, but stayed at home to settlesome accounts with the horse dealers. When he had finished thatbusiness it was already too late to go anywhere but still too early togo to bed, and for a long time he paced up and down the room,reflecting on his life, a thing he rarely did.

　　Princess Mary had made an agreeable impression on him when he hadmet her in Smolensk province. His having encountered her in suchexceptional circumstances, and his mother having at one time mentionedher to him as a good match, had drawn his particular attention to her.When he met her again in Voronezh the impression she made on him wasnot merely pleasing but powerful. Nicholas had been struck by thepeculiar moral beauty he observed in her at this time. He was,however, preparing to go away and it had not entered his head toregret that he was thus depriving himself of chances of meeting her.But that day's encounter in church had, he felt, sunk deeper thanwas desirable for his peace of mind. That pale, sad, refined face,that radiant look, those gentle graceful gestures, and especiallythe deep and tender sorrow expressed in all her features agitatedhim and evoked his sympathy. In men Rostov could not bear to see theexpression of a higher spiritual life (that was why he did not likePrince Andrew) and he referred to it contemptuously as philosophyand dreaminess, but in Princess Mary that very sorrow which revealedthe depth of a whole spiritual world foreign to him was anirresistible attraction.

　　"She must be a wonderful woman. A real angel!" he said to himself."Why am I not free? Why was I in such a hurry with Sonya?" And heinvoluntarily compared the two: the lack of spirituality in the oneand the abundance of it in the other- a spirituality he himself lackedand therefore valued most highly. He tried to picture what wouldhappen were he free. How he would propose to her and how she wouldbecome his wife. But no, he could not imagine that. He felt awed,and no clear picture presented itself to his mind. He had long agopictured to himself a future with Sonya, and that was all clear andsimple just because it had all been thought out and he knew allthere was in Sonya, but it was impossible to picture a future withPrincess Mary, because he did not understand her but simply loved her.

　　Reveries about Sonya had had something merry and playful in them,but to dream of Princess Mary was always difficult and a littlefrightening.

　　"How she prayed!" he thought. "It was plain that her whole soulwas in her prayer. Yes, that was the prayer that moves mountains,and I am sure her prayer will be answered. Why don't I pray for what Iwant?" he suddenly thought. "What do I want? To be free, released fromSonya... She was right," he thought, remembering what the governor'swife had said: "Nothing but misfortune can come of marrying Sonya.Muddles, grief for Mamma... business difficulties... muddles, terriblemuddles! Besides, I don't love her- not as I should. O, God! releaseme from this dreadful, inextricable position!" he suddenly began topray. "Yes, prayer can move mountains, but one must have faith and notpray as Natasha and I used to as children, that the snow might turninto sugar- and then run out into the yard to see whether it haddone so. No, but I am not praying for trifles now," he thought as heput his pipe down in a corner, and folding his hands placed himselfbefore the icon. Softened by memories of Princess Mary he began topray as he had not done for a long time. Tears were in his eyes and inhis throat when the door opened and Lavrushka came in with somepapers.

　　"Blockhead! Why do you come in without being called?" criedNicholas, quickly changing his attitude.

　　"From the governor," said Lavrushka in a sleepy voice. "A courierhas arrived and there's a letter for you."

　　"Well, all right, thanks. You can go!"

　　Nicholas took the two letters, one of which was from his motherand the other from Sonya. He recognized them by the handwriting andopened Sonya's first. He had read only a few lines when he turned paleand his eyes opened wide with fear and joy.

　　"No, it's not possible!" he cried aloud.

　　Unable to sit still he paced up and down the room holding the letterand reading it. He glanced through it, then read it again, and thenagain, and standing still in the middle of the room he raised hisshoulders, stretching out his hands, with his mouth wide open andhis eyes fixed. What he had just been praying for with confidence thatGod would hear him had come to pass; but Nicholas was as muchastonished as if it were something extraordinary and unexpected, andas if the very fact that it had happened so quickly proved that it hadnot come from God to whom he had prayed, but by some ordinarycoincidence.

　　This unexpected and, as it seemed to Nicholas, quite voluntaryletter from Sonya freed him from the knot that fettered him and fromwhich there had seemed no escape. She wrote that the lastunfortunate events- the loss of almost the whole of the Rostovs'Moscow property- and the countess' repeatedly expressed wish thatNicholas should marry Princess Bolkonskaya, together with hissilence and coldness of late, had all combined to make her decide torelease him from his promise and set him completely free.

　　It would be too painful to me to think that I might be a cause ofsorrow or discord in the family that has been so good to me (shewrote), and my love has no aim but the happiness of those I love;so, Nicholas, I beg you to consider yourself free, and to be assuredthat, in spite of everything, no one can love you more than does

　　Your Sonya

　　Both letters were written from Troitsa. The other, from thecountess, described their last days in Moscow, their departure, thefire, and the destruction of all their property. In this letter thecountess also mentioned that Prince Andrew was among the woundedtraveling with them; his state was very critical, but the doctorsaid there was now more hope. Sonya and Natasha were nursing him.

　　Next day Nicholas took his mother's letter and went to seePrincess Mary. Neither he nor she said a word about what "Natashanursing him" might mean, but thanks to this letter Nicholas suddenlybecame almost as intimate with the princess as if they were relations.

　　The following day he saw Princess Mary off on her journey toYaroslavl, and a few days later left to rejoin his regiment.