First Epilogue: 1813-20 - Chapter X

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Natasha had married in the early spring of 1813, and in 1820 alreadyhad three daughters besides a son for whom she had longed and whom shewas now nursing. She had grown stouter and broader, so that it wasdifficult to recognize in this robust, motherly woman the slim, livelyNatasha of former days. Her features were more defined and had a calm,soft, and serene expression. In her face there was none of theever-glowing animation that had formerly burned there andconstituted its charm. Now her face and body were of all that one saw,and her soul was not visible at all. All that struck the eye was astrong, handsome, and fertile woman. The old fire very rarelykindled in her face now. That happened only when, as was the case thatday, her husband returned home, or a sick child was convalescent, orwhen she and Countess Mary spoke of Prince Andrew (she never mentionedhim to her husband, who she imagined was jealous of Prince Andrew'smemory), or on the rare occasions when something happened to induceher to sing, a practice she had quite abandoned since her marriage. Atthe rare moments when the old fire did kindle in her handsome, fullydeveloped body she was even more attractive than in former days.

　　Since their marriage Natasha and her husband had lived in Moscow, inPetersburg, on their estate near Moscow, or with her mother, that isto say, in Nicholas' house. The young Countess Bezukhova was not oftenseen in society, and those who met her there were not pleased with herand found her neither attractive nor amiable. Not that Natasha likedsolitude- she did not know whether she liked it or not, she eventhought that she did not- but with her pregnancies, herconfinements, the nursing of her children, and sharing every moment ofher husband's life, she had demands on her time which could besatisfied only by renouncing society. All who had known Natasha beforeher marriage wondered at the change in her as at somethingextraordinary. Only the old countess with her maternal instinct hadrealized that all Natasha's outbursts had been due to her need ofchildren and a husband- as she herself had once exclaimed atOtradnoe not so much in fun as in earnest- and her mother was nowsurprised at the surprise expressed by those who had neverunderstood Natasha, and she kept saying that she had always known thatNatasha would make an exemplary wife and mother.

　　"Only she lets her love of her husband and children overflow allbounds," said the countess, "so that it even becomes absurd."

　　Natasha did not follow the golden rule advocated by clever folk,especially by the French, which says that a girl should not letherself go when she marries, should not neglect her accomplishments,should be even more careful of her appearance than when she wasunmarried, and should fascinate her husband as much as she didbefore he became her husband. Natasha on the contrary had at onceabandoned all her witchery, of which her singing had been an unusuallypowerful part. She gave it up just because it was so powerfullyseductive. She took no pains with her manners or with of speech, orwith her toilet, or to show herself to her husband in her mostbecoming attitudes, or to avoid inconveniencing him by being tooexacting. She acted in contradiction to all those rules. She felt thatthe allurements instinct had formerly taught her to use would now bemerely ridiculous in the eyes of her husband, to whom she had from thefirst moment given herself up entirely- that is, with her wholesoul, leaving no corner of it hidden from him. She felt that her unitywith her husband was not maintained by the poetic feelings that hadattracted him to her, but by something else- indefinite but firm asthe bond between her own body and soul.

　　To fluff out her curls, put on fashionable dresses, and singromantic songs to fascinate her husband would have seemed as strangeas to adorn herself to attract herself. To adorn herself for othersmight perhaps have been agreeable- she did not know- but she had notime at all for it. The chief reason for devoting no time either tosinging, to dress, or to choosing her words was that she really had notime to spare for these things.

　　We know that man has the faculty of becoming completely absorbedin a subject however trivial it may be, and that there is no subjectso trivial that it will not grow to infinite proportions if one'sentire attention is devoted to it.

　　The subject which wholly engrossed Natasha's attention was herfamily: that is, her husband whom she had to keep so that he shouldbelong entirely to her and to the home, and the children whom shehad to bear, bring into the world, nurse, and bring up.

　　And the deeper she penetrated, not with her mind only but with herwhole soul, her whole being, into the subject that absorbed her, thelarger did that subject grow and the weaker and more inadequate didher powers appear, so that she concentrated them wholly on that onething and yet was unable to accomplish all that she considerednecessary.

　　There were then as now conversations and discussions about women'srights, the relations of husband and wife and their freedom andrights, though these themes were not yet termed questions as theyare now; but these topics were not merely uninteresting to Natasha,she positively did not understand them.

　　These questions, then as now, existed only for those who see nothingin marriage but the pleasure married people get from one another, thatis, only the beginnings of marriage and not its whole significance,which lies in the family.

　　Discussions and questions of that kind, which are like thequestion of how to get the greatest gratification from one's dinner,did not then and do not now exist for those for whom the purpose ofa dinner is the nourishment it affords; and the purpose of marriage isthe family.

　　If the purpose of dinner is to nourish the body, a man who eatstwo dinners at once may perhaps get more enjoyment but will not attainhis purpose, for his stomach will not digest the two dinners.

　　If the purpose of marriage is the family, the person who wishes tohave many wives or husbands may perhaps obtain much pleasure, but inthat case will not have a family.

　　If the purpose of food is nourishment and the purpose of marriage isthe family, the whole question resolves itself into not eating morethan one can digest, and not having more wives or husbands than areneeded for the family- that is, one wife or one husband. Natashaneeded a husband. A husband was given her and he gave her a family.And she not only saw no need of any other or better husband, but asall the powers of her soul were intent on serving that husband andfamily, she could not imagine and saw no interest in imagining howit would be if things were different.

　　Natasha did not care for society in general, but prized the more thesociety of her relatives- Countess Mary, and her brother, hermother, and Sonya. She valued the company of those to whom she couldcome striding disheveled from the nursery in her dressing gown, andwith joyful face show a yellow instead of a green stain on baby'snapkin, and from whom she could hear reassuring words to the effectthat baby was much better.

　　To such an extent had Natasha let herself go that the way shedressed and did her hair, her ill-chosen words, and her jealousy-she was jealous of Sonya, of the governess, and of every woman, prettyor plain- were habitual subjects of jest to those about her. Thegeneral opinion was that Pierre was under his wife's thumb, whichwas really true. From the very first days of their married lifeNatasha had announced her demands. Pierre was greatly surprised by hiswife's view, to him a perfectly novel one, that every moment of hislife belonged to her and to the family. His wife's demandsastonished him, but they also flattered him, and he submitted to them.

　　Pierre's subjection consisted in the fact that he not only dared notflirt with, but dared not even speak smilingly to, any other woman;did not dare dine at the Club as a pastime, did not dare spend money awhim, and did not dare absent himself for any length of time, excepton business- in which his wife included his intellectual pursuits,which she did not in the least understand but to which sheattributed great importance. To make up for this, at home Pierre hadthe right to regulate his life and that of the whole family exactly ashe chose. At home Natasha placed herself in the position of a slave toher husband, and the whole household went on tiptoe when he wasoccupied- that is, was reading or writing in his study. Pierre had butto show a partiality for anything to get just what he liked donealways. He had only to express a wish and Natasha would jump up andrun to fulfill it.

　　The entire household was governed according to Pierre's supposedorders, that is, by his wishes which Natasha tried to guess. Their wayof life and place of residence, their acquaintances and ties,Natasha's occupations, the children's upbringing, were all selectednot merely with regard to Pierre's expressed wishes, but to whatNatasha from the thoughts he expressed in conversation supposed hiswishes to be. And she deduced the essentials of his wishes quitecorrectly, and having once arrived at them clung to themtenaciously. When Pierre himself wanted to change his mind she wouldfight him with his own weapons.

　　Thus in a time of trouble ever memorable to him after the birth oftheir first child who was delicate, when they had to change the wetnurse three times and Natasha fell ill from despair, Pierre one daytold her of Rousseau's view, with which he quite agreed, that tohave a wet nurse is unnatural and harmful. When her next baby wasborn, despite the opposition of her mother, the doctors, and even ofher husband himself- who were all vigorously opposed to her nursingher baby herself, a thing then unheard of and considered injurious-she insisted on having her own way, and after that nursed all herbabies herself.

　　It very often happened that in a moment of irritation husband andwife would have a dispute, but long afterwards Pierre to hissurprise and delight would find in his wife's ideas and actions thevery thought against which she had argued, but divested ofeverything superfluous that in the excitement of the dispute he hadadded when expressing his opinion.

　　After seven years of marriage Pierre had the joyous and firmconsciousness that he was not a bad man, and he felt this because hesaw himself reflected in his wife. He felt the good and bad withinhimself inextricably mingled and overlapping. But only what was reallygood in him was reflected in his wife, all that was not quite good wasrejected. And this was not the result of logical reasoning but was adirect and mysterious reflection.