A Piece of Red Calico

by Frank Stockton

　　

---

Before beginning the relation of the following incidents, I wishto state that I am a young married man, doing business in a largecity, in the suburbs of which I live.I was going into town the other morning, when my wife handedme a little piece of red calico, and asked me if I would havetime, during the day, to buy her two yards and a half of calicolike it. I assured her that it would be no trouble at all, andputting the piece of calico in my pocket, I took the train forthe city.At lunch-time I stopped in at a large dry-goods store toattend to my wife's commission. I saw a well-dressed man walkingthe floor between the counters, where long lines of girls werewaiting on much longer lines of customers, and asked him where Icould see some red calico."This way, sir," and he led me up the store. "Miss Stone,"said he to a young lady, "show this gentleman some red calico.""What shade do you want!" asked Miss Stone.I showed her the little piece of calico that my wife hadgiven me. She looked at it and handed it back to me. Thenshe took down a great roll of red calico and spread it out on thecounter."Why, that isn't the shade!" said I."No, not exactly," said she. "But it is prettier than yoursample.""That may be," said I. "But, you see, I want to match thispiece. There is something already in my house, made of this kindof calico, which needs to be made larger, or mended, orsomething. I want some calico of the same shade."The girl made no answer, but took down another roll."That's the shade," said she."Yes," I replied, "but it's striped.""Stripes are more worn than anything else in calicoes," saidshe."Yes. But this isn't to be worn. It's for furniture, Ithink. At any rate, I want perfectly plain stuff, to matchsomething already in use.""Well, I don't think you can find it perfectly plain, unlessyou get Turkey red.""What is Turkey red?" I asked."Turkey red is perfectly plain in calicoes," she answered."Well, let me see some.""We haven't any Turkey red calico left," she said, "but wehave some very nice plain calicoes in other colors.""I don't want any other color. I want stuff to match this.""It's hard to match cheap calico like that," she said, and soI left her.I next went into a store a few doors farther up Broadway. When Ientered I approached the "floorwalker," and handing him mysample, said:"Have you any calico like this?""Yes, sir," said he. "Third counter to the right." I wentto the third counter to the right, and showed my sample to thesalesman in attendance there. He looked at it on both sides.Then he said:"We haven't any of this.""The floorwalker said you had," said I."We had it, but we're out of it now. You'll get thatgoods at an upholsterers."I went across the street to an upholsterer's."Have you any stuff like this?" I asked."No," said the salesman, "we haven't. Is it for furniture?""Yes," I replied."Then Turkey red is what you want.""Is Turkey red just like this?" I asked."No," said he, "but it's much better.""That makes no difference to me," I replied. "I wantsomething just like this.""But they don't use that for furniture," he said."I should think people could use anything they wanted forfurniture," I remarked, somewhat sharply."They can, but they don't," he said quite calmly. "Theydon't use red like that. They use Turkey red."I said no more, but left. The next place I visited was avery large dry-goods store. Of the first salesman I saw Iinquired if they kept red calico like my sample."You'll find that on the second story," said he.I went up-stairs. There I asked a man:"Where shall I find red calico?""In the far room to the left," and he pointed to a distantcorner.I walked through the crowds of purchasers and salespeople,around the counters and tables filled with goods, to the far roomto the left. When I got there I asked for red calico."The second counter down this side," said the man. I wentthere and produced my sample. "Calicoes down-stairs," said theman."They told me they were up here," I said."Not these plain goods. You'll find them downstairs at theback of the store, over on that side."I went down-stairs to the back of the store."Where can I find red calico like this?" I asked."Next counter but one, " said the man addressed, walking withme in the direction pointed out. "Dunn, show red calicoes."Mr. Dunn took my sample and looked at it. "We haven't this shadein that quality of goods," he said."Well, have you it in any quality of goods?" I asked."Yes. We've got it finer." He took down a piece of calico,and unrolled a yard or two of it."That's not this shade," I said."No," said he. "The goods is finer and the color's better.""I want it to match this," I said."I thought you weren't particular about the match," said thesalesman. "You said you didn't care for the quality of thegoods, and you know you can't match without you take intoconsideration quality and color both. If you want thatquality of goods in red, you ought to get Turkey red."I did not think it necessary to answer this remark, but said:"Then you've got nothing to match this?""No, sir. But perhaps they may have it in the upholsterydepartment, in the sixth story."I got into the elevator and went up to the top of the house."Have you any red stuff like this?" I said to a young man."Red stuff? Upholstery department--other end of this floor."I went to the other end of the floor."I want some red calico," I said to a man."Furniture goods?" he asked."Yes," said I."Fourth counter to the left."I went to the fourth counter to the left, and showed mysample to a salesman. He looked at it, and said: "You'll getthis down on the first floor--calico department."I turned on my heel, descended in the elevator, and went outon Broadway. I was thoroughly sick of red calico. But Idetermined to make one more trial. My wife had bought her redcalico not long before, and there must be some to be hadsomewhere. I ought to have asked her where she bought it, but Ithought a simple little thing like that could be procuredanywhere.I went into another large dry-goods store. As I entered thedoor a sudden tremor seized me. I could not bear to take outthat piece of red calico. If I had had any other kind of arag about me--a pen-wiper or anything of the sort--I think Iwould have asked them if they could match that.But I stepped up to a young woman and presented my sample,with the usual question."Back room, counter on the left," she said.I went there."Have you any red calico like this?" I asked of the ladybehind the counter."No, sir," she said, "but we have it in Turkey red."Turkey red again! I surrendered."All right," I said. "Give me Turkey red.""How much, sir?" she asked."I don't know--say five yards."The lady looked at me rather strangely, but measured off fiveyards of Turkey red calico. Then she rapped on the counter andcalled out, "Cash!" A little girl, with yellow hair in two longplaits, came slowly up. The lady wrote the number of yards; thename of the goods; her own number; the price; the amount of thebank-note I handed her; and some other matters--probably thecolor of my eyes and the direction and velocity of the wind--on aslip of paper. She then copied all this in a little book whichshe kept by her. Then she handed the slip of paper, the money,and the Turkey red to the yellow-haired girl. This young girlcopied the slip in a little book she carried, and then she wentaway with the calico, the paper slip, and the money.After a very long time--during which the little girl probablytook the goods, the money, and the slip to some central desk,where the note was received, its amount and number entered in abook; change given to the girl; a copy of the slip made andentered; girl's entry examined and approved; goods wrapped up;girl registered; plaits counted and entered on a slip of paperand copied by the girl in her book; girl taken to a hydrant andwashed; number of towel entered on a paper slip and copied by thegirl in her book; value of my note and amount of change brandedsomewhere on the child, and said process noted on a slip of paperand copied in her book--the girl came to me, bringing my changeand the package of Turkey red calico.I had time for but very little work at the office thatafternoon, and when I reached home I handed the package of calicoto my wife. She unrolled it and exclaimed:"Why, this doesn't match the piece I gave you!""Match it!" I cried. "Oh no! it doesn't match it. Youdidn't want that matched. You were mistaken. What you wantedwas Turkey red--third counter to the left. I mean, Turkey red iswhat they use!"My wife looked at me in amazement, and then I detailed to hermy troubles."Well," said she, "this Turkey red is a great deal prettierthan what I had, and you've bought so much of it that I needn'tuse the other at all. I wish I had thought of Turkey redbefore.""I wish from my heart you had!" said I.

---

---