And on this glorious morning a little incident an-noyed him unreasonably. It concerned his niece Ag-gie. She was a plump girl with clear blue eyes and aface as round and inexpressive as the dumplings forwhich the county was famous. She came slowly acrossthe long sweep of the downland and putting down thebundle wrapped up in a red handkerchief which con-tained his breakfast and dinner, she said:
" Well, uncle, is there any noos ? "
Now this may not appear to the casual reader to be aremark likely to cause irritation, but it affected oldSam Gates as a very silly and unnecessary question.It was moreover the constant repetition of it which was beginning to anger him. He met his niece twice a day.In the morning she brought his bundle of food at seven,and when he passed his sister's cottage on the way hometo tea at five she was invariably hanging about the gate.And on each occasion she always said, in exactly thesame voice:
" Well, uncle, is there any noos ? "
" Noos " ! What " noos " should there be ? Forsixty-nine years he had never lived further than fivemiles from Halvesham. For nearly sixty of thoseyears he had bent his back above the soil. There wereindeed historic occasions: once, for instance, when hehad married Annie Hachet. And there was the birthof his daughter. There was also a famous occasionwhen he had visited London. Once he had been to aflower-show at Market Roughborough. He either wentor didn't go to church on Sundays. He had had manyinteresting chats with Mr. James at " The Cowman,"and three years ago had sold a pig to Mrs. Waig. Buthe couldn't always have interesting " noos " of this sortup his sleeve. Didn't the silly gaffer know that forthe last three weeks he had been thinning out turnipsfor Mr. Dodge on this very same field ? What " noos "could there be?
He blinked at his niece, and didn't answer. Sheundid the parcel, and said:
" Mrs. Goping's fowl got out again last night."
He replied, " Ah ! " in a non-committal manner, andbegan to munch his bread and bacon. His niece pickedup the handkerchief and humming to herself, walked
back across the field. It was a glorious morning, and awhite sea-mist added to the promise of a hot day. Hesat there munching, thinking of nothing in particular,but gradually subsiding into a mood of placid content.He noticed the back of Aggie disappear in the distance.It was a mile to the cottage, and a mile and a half toHalvesham. Silly things, girls! They were all alike.One had to make allowances. He dismissed her fromhis thoughts and took a long swig of tea out of a bottle.Insects buzzed lazily. He tapped his pocket to assurehimself that his pouch of shag was there, and then hecontinued munching. When he had finished, helighted his pipe and stretched himself comfortably.He looked along the line of turnips he had thinned,and then across the adjoining field of swedes. Silverstreaks appeared on the sea below the mist. In somedim way he felt happy in his solitude amidst thissweeping immensity of earth and sea and sky.
And then something else came to irritate him. Itwas one of " these dratted airyplanes." " Airy-planes " were his pet aversion. He could find nothingto be said in their favor. Il^asty, noisy, vile-smellingthings that seared the heavens, and make the earth dan-gerous. And every day there seemed to be more andmore of them. Of course " this old war " was respon-sible for a lot of them, he knew. The war was " aplaguey noosance." They were short-handed on thefarm. Beer and tobacco were dear, and Mrs. Stevens'nephew had been and got wounded in the foot.
He turned his attention once more to the turnips.
But an " airyplane " has an annoying genius for grip-ping one's attention. When it appears on the scene,however much we dislike it, it has a way of takingstage-center; we cannot help constantly looking at it.And so it was with old Sam Gates. He spat on hishands, and blinked up at the sky. And suddenly theaeroplane behaved in a very extraordinary manner.It was well over the sea when it seemed to lurch in adrunken manner, and skimmed the water. Then itshot up at a dangerous angle and zigzagged. It startedto go farther out, and then turned and made for theland. The engines were making a curious gratingnoise. It rose once more, and then suddenly diveddownwards and came plump down right in the middleof Mr. Dodge's field of swedes !
Finally, as if not content with this desecration, itran along the ground, ripping and tearing up twenty-five yards of good swedes, and then came to a stop.Old Sam Gates was in a terrible state. The aeroplanewas more than a hundred yards away, but he waved hisarms, and called out:
" Hi ! you there, you mustn't land in they swedes !They're Mister Dodge's."
The instant the aeroplane stopped a man leapt out,and gazed quickly round. He glanced at Sam Gates,and seemed uncertain whether to address him orwhether to concentrate his attention on the flying-ma-chine. The latter arrangement appeared to be his ul-timate decision. He dived under the engine, and be-came frantically busy. Sam had never seen any one
work with such furious energy. But all the same, itwas not to be tolerated. It was disgraceful. Samshouted out across the field, almost hurrying in his in-dignation. When he approached within earshot of theaviator, he cried out again:
" Hi ! you mustn't rest your old airj'plane here.You've kicked up all Mr. Dodge's swedes. A nicething you've done ! "
He was within five yards when suddenly the aviatorturned and covered him with a revolver! And, speak-ing in a sharp, staccato voice, he said :
" Old grandfather, you must sit down. I am veryoccupied. If you interfere or attempt to go away, Ishoot you. So ! "
Sam gazed at the horrid glittering little barrel, andgasped. Well, he never! To be threatened with mur-der when you're doing your duty in your employer'sprivate property ! But, still, perhaps the man wasmad. A man must be more or less mad to go up in oneof those crazy things. And life was very sweet onthat summer morning, in spite of sixty-nine years. Hesat down among the swedes.
The aviator was so busy with his cranks and machin-ery that he hardly deigned to pay him any attention,except to keep the revolver handy. He worked fever-ishlv, and Sam sat watching him. At the end of tenminutes he seemed to have solved his troubles with themachine, but he still seemed very scared. He kept onglancing round and out to sea. When his repairs werecompleted, he straightened his back and wiped the perspiration from his brow. He was apparently onthe point of springing back into the machine and goingoff, when a sudden mood of facetiousness, caused by-relief from the strain he had endured, came to him.He turned to old Sam, and smiled; at the same timeremarking :
"Well, old grandfather, and now we shall be allright, isn't it?"
He came close up to Sam, and then suddenly startedback.
" Gott ! " he cried. " Paul Jouperts ! "Sam gazed at him, bewildered, and the madmanstarted talking to him in some foreign tongue. Samshook his head.
" You no right," he remarked, " to come bargin'through they swedes of Mr. Dodge's."
And then the aviator behaved in a most peculiar man-ner. He came up and examined his face very closely,and gave a gentle tug at his beard and hair, as if tosee whether it were real or false.
" What is your name, old man ? " he said." Sam Gates."
The aviator muttered some words that sounded some-thing like " mare vudish ! " and then turned to his ma-chine. He appeared to be dazed and in a great state ofdoubt. He fumbled with some cranks, but kept glanc-ing at old Sam. At last he got into the car and startedthe engine. Then he stopped, and sat there deep inthought. At last he suddenly sprang out again, and,approaching Sam, he said very deliberately :
" Old grandfather, I shall require you to accompany me."
Sam gasped.
"Eh?" he said. "What he talkhi' about? 'com-pany ? I got these here lines o' tarnips — I be alreadybehoind — "
The disgusting little revolver once more flashed be-fore his eyes.
" There must be no discussion," came the voice."It is necessary that you mount the seat of the carwithout delay. Otherwise I shoot you like the dogyou are. So ! "
Old Sam w^as hale and hearty. He had no desire todie so ignominiously. The pleasant smell of thedownland was in his nostrils. Ilis foot was on his native heath. He mounted the seat of the car, content-ing himself with a mutter:
" Well, that be a noice thing, I must say ! Flyin'about the country with all they tarnips on'y halfthinned — "
He found himself strapped in. The aviator was ina fever of anxiety to get away. The engines made aghastly splutter and noise. The thing started runningalong the ground. Suddenly it shot upwards, givingthe swedes a last contemptuous kick. At twenty min-utes to eight that morning old Sam found himself be-ing borne right up above his fields and out to sea ! Hisbreath came quickly. He was a little frightened.
" God forgive me ! " he murmured.
The thing was so fantastic and sudden, his mind could not grasp it. He only felt in some vague waythat he was going to die, and he struggled to attune hismind to the change. He offered up a mild prayer toGod, Who, he felt, must be very near, somewhere upin these clouds. Automatically he thought of the vicarat Halvesham, and a certain sense of comfort came tohim at the reflection that on the previous day he hadtaken a " cooking of runner beans " to God's represent-ative in that village. He felt calmer after that, butthe horrid machine seemed to go higher and higher.He could not turn in his seat and he could see nothingbut sea and sky. Of course the man was mad, madas a March hare. Of what earthly use could he beto any one? Besides, he had talked pure gibberish,and called him Paul Something, when he had alreadytold him that his name was Sam. The thing would falldown into the sea soon, and they would both be drowned.Well, well ! He had reached the three-score years andten.
He was protected by a screen, but it seemed verycold. What on earth would Mr. Dodge say? Therewas no one left to work the land but a fool of a boynamed Billy Whitehead at Deric's Cross. On, on, onthey went at a furious pace. His thoughts danced dis-connectedly from incidents of his youth, conversationswith the vicar, hearty meals in the open, a frock hissister wore on the day of the postman's wedding, thedrone of a psalm, the illness of some ewes belongingto Mr. Dodge. Everything seemed to be moving veryrapidly, upsetting his sense of time. He felt out-raged and yet at moments there was something entranc-ing in the wild experience. He seemed to be living atan incredible pace. Perhaps he was really dead, andon his way to the Kingdom of God ? Perhaps this wasthe way they took people ?
After some indefinite period he suddenly caught sightof a long strip of land. Was this a foreign country?or were they returning? He had by this time lost allfeeling of fear. He became interested, and almost dis-appointed. The " airyplane " was not such a fool asit looked. It was very wonderful to be right up in thesky like this. His dreams were suddenly disturbedby a fearful noise. He thought the machine was blownto pieces. It dived and ducked through the air, andthings were bursting all round it and making an a^vfuldin; and then it went up higher and higher. After awhile these noises ceased, and he felt the machine glid-ing downwards. They were really right above solidland, trees, and fields, and streams, and white villages.Down, down, down they glided. This was a foreigncountry. There were straight avenues of poplars andcanals. This was not Halvesham. He felt the thingglide gently and bump into a field. Some men ranforward and approached them, and the mad aviatorcalled out to them. They were mostly fat men in grayuniforms, and they all spoke this foreign gibberish.Some one came and unstrapped him. He was verystiff, and could hardly move. An exceptionally gross-looking man punched him in the ribs, and roared withlaughter. They all stood round and laughed at him, while the mad aviator talked to them and kept pointingat him. Then he said :
" Old grandfather, jou must come with me."He was led to a zinc-roofed building, and shut in alittle room. There were guards outside with fixed bay-onets. After a while the mad aviator appeared again,accompanied by two soldiers. He beckoned him to fol-low. They marched through a quadrangle and enteredanother building. They went straight into an officewhere a very important-looking man, covered withmedals, sat in an easy-chair. There was a lot ofsaluting and clicking of heels.
The aviator pointed at Sam and said something, andthe man with the medals started at sight of him, andthen came up and spoke to him in English.
" What is your name ? Where do you come from ?Your age ? The name and birthplace of your parents ? "He seemed intensely interested, and also pulled hishair and beard to see if they came off. So well andnaturally did he and the aviator speak English that aftera voluble cross-examination they drew apart, and con-tinued the conversation in that language. And theextraordinary conversation was of this nature:
" It is a most remarkable resemblance," said the manwith medals. " Unghublich ! V>\\t what do you wantme to do with him, Hau^semann ? "
" The idea came to me suddenly, excellency," repliedthe aviator, " and you may consider it worthless. It isjust this. The resemblance is so amazing. PaulJouperts has given us more valuable information than any one at present in our service. And the Englishknow that. There is an award of twenty-five thousandfrancs on liis head. Twice they have captured him,and each time he escaped. All the company com-manders and their staff have his photograph. He is aserious thorn in their flesh."
" Well ? " replied the man with the medals.
The aviator whispered confidently:
" Suppose, your excellency, that they found the deadbody of Paul Jouperts ? "
" Well ? " replied the big man.
" My suggestion is this. To-morrow, as you know,the English are attacking Hill 701, which we have fortactical reasons decided to evacuate. If after the at-tack they find the dead body of Paul Jouperts in, say,the second lines, they will take no further trouble inthe matter. You kriow their lack of thoroughness.Pardon me, I was two years at Oxford University.And consequently Paul Jouperts will be able to —prosecute his labors undisturbed."
The man with the medals twirled his mustache andlooked thoughtfully at his colleague.
" Where is Paul at the moment ? " he asked.
" He is acting as a gardener at the Convent of St.Eloise at Mailleton-en-haut, which, as you know, isone hundred meters from the headquarters of the Britishcentral army staff."
The man with the medals took two or three rapidturns up and down the room. Then he said :
" Your plan is excellent, Hausemann. The only point of difficulty is that the attack started this morning."
" This morning ? " exclaimed the other.
" Yes. The English attacked unexpectedly at dawn.We have already evacuated the first line. We shallevacuate the second line at eleven-fifty. It is nowten-fifteen. There may be just time."
He looked suddenly at old Sam in the way thata butcher might look at a prize heifer at an agriculturalshow, and remarked casually :
" Yes, it is a remarkable resemblance. It seems apity not to ... do something with it."
Then, speaking in German, he added:
" It is worth trying, and if it succeeds, the higherauthorities shall hear of your lucky accident and in-spiration, Herr Hausemann. Instruct Over-lieutenantSchutz to send the old fool by two orderlies to the eastextremity of trench 38. Keep him there till the orderof evacuation is given. Then shoot him, but don't dis-figure him, and lay him out face upwards."
The aviator saluted and withdrew, accompanied byhis victim. Old Sam had not understood the latter partof the conversation, and he did not catch quite all thatwas said in English, but he felt that somehow thingswere not becoming too promising, and it was time toassert himself. So he remarked when they got outside :
" ISTow, look'ee here, mister, when be I goin' back tomy tamips ? "
And the aviator replied with a pleasant smile:
"Do not be disturbed, old grandfather; you shall. . . get back to the soil quite soon."
In a few moments he found himself in a large gi-ajcar, accompanied by four soldiers. The aviator lefthim. The country was barren and horrible, full ofgreat pits and rents, and he could hear the roar ofartillery and the shriek of shells. Overhead, aeroplaneswere buzzing angrily. He seemed to be suddenly trans-ported from the Kingdom of God to the Pit of Dark-ness. He wondered whether the vicar had enjoyed therunner-beans. He could not imagine runner-beansgrowing here, runner-beans, ay! or anything else. Ifthis w^as a foreign country, give him dear old England.
Gr-r-r-r — Bang ! Something exploded just at therear of the car. The soldiers ducked, and one of thempushed him in the stomach and swore.
" An ugly-looking lout," he thought. " If I w^astwenty years younger I'd give him a punch in the eyethat 'ud make him sit up."
The car came to a halt by a broken wall. The partyhurried out and dived behind a mound. He was pulleddown a kind of shaft and found himself in a room buriedright underground, where three officers were drinkingand smoking. The soldiers saluted and handed a type-written dispatch. The officers looked at him drunkenly,and one came up and pulled his beard and spat in hisface, and called him " an old English swine." He thenshouted out some instructions to the soldiers, and theyled him out into the narrow trench. One walked be-hind him and occasionally prodded him with the butt-end of a gim. The trenches were half-full of water,and reeked of gases, powder, and decaying matter.
Shells were constantly bursting overhead, and in placesthe trenches had crumbled and were nearly blockedup. They stumbled on, sometimes falling, sometimesdodging moving masses, and occasionally crawling overthe dead bodies of men. At last they reached a de-serted-looking trench, and one of the soldiers pushed himinto the corner of it and growled something, andthen disappeared round the angle. Old Sam was ex-hausted. He lay panting against the mud wall,expecting every minute to be blown to pieces by oneof those infernal things that seemed to be getting moreand more insistent. The din went on for nearly twentyminutes, and he was alone in the trench. He fanciedhe heard a whistle amidst the din. Suddenly one ofthe soldiers who had accompanied him came stealthilyround the corner. And there was a look in his eyeold Sam did not like. When he was within five yardsthe soldier raised his rifle and pointed it at Sam'sbody. Some instinct impelled the old man at that in-stant to throw himself forward on his face. As hedid so, he was conscious of a terrible explosion, and hehad just time to observe the soldier falling in a heapnear him, when he lost consciousness.
His consciousness appeared to return to him with asnap. He was lying on a plank in a building, and heheard some one say:
" I believe the old boy's English."
He looked round. There were a lot of men lyingthere, and others in khaki and white overalls were busy
amongst them. He sat up and rubbed his head, andsaid:
" Hi, mister, where be I now ? "
Some one laughed, and a young man came up andsaid:
" Well, old thing, you were very nearly in hell.Who the devil are you ? "
Some one else came up, and the two of them werediscussing him. One of them said :
" He's quite all right. He was only knocked out.Better take him to the colonel. He may be a spy."
The other came up, and touched his shoulder, andremarked :
" Can you walk, uncle ? "
He replied : " Ay, I can walk all right."
" That's an old sport ! "
The young man took his arm and helped him outof the room, into a courtyard. They entered anotherroom, where an elderlv, kind-faced officer was seated ata desk. The officer looked up, and exclaimed:
" Good God ! Bradshaw, do you know who you'vegot there ? "
The younger one said, " No. Wlio, sir ? "
"By God! It's Paul Jouperts!" exclaimed thecolonel.
" Paul Jouperts ! Great Scott ! "
The old officer addressed himself to Sam. He said:
" Well, we've got you once more, Paul. We shallhave to be a little more careful this time."
The young officer said :
" Shall I detail a squad, sir ? "
"We can't shoot him without a court-martial," re-plied the kind-faced senior.
Then Sam interpolated :
" Look'ee here, sir. I'm fair sick of all this. Myname bean't Paul. My name's Sam. I was a-thinnin'a line of tarnips — "
Both officers burst out laughing, and the younger onesaid:
" Good ! damn good ! Isn't it amazing, sir, the waythey not only leam the language, but even take thetrouble to leam a dialect ? "
The older man busied himself with some papers.
" Well, Sam," he remarked, " you shall be given achance to prove your identity. Our methods are lessdrastic than those of your Boche masters. What partof England are you supposed to come from ? Let's seehow much you can bluff us with your topographicalknowledge."
" Oi was a-thinnin' a loine o' tarnips this morning at'alf-past seven on Mr. Dodge's farm at Halvesham, whenone o' these 'ere airyplanes come roight down amongthe swedes. I tells 'ee to get clear o' that, when thefeller what gets owt o' the car, 'e drabs a revowler and'e says, ' You must 'company I — ' "
" Yes, yes," interrupted the senior officer ; " that's allvery good. "Now tell me — Where is Halvesham?What is the name of the local vicar? I'm sure you'dknow that."
Old Sam rubbed his chin.
" I sits under the Reverend David Pryce, mister, anda good God-fearin' man he be. I took him a cookin' o'runner-beans on'y yesterday. I works for Mr. Dodgewhat owns Greenway Manor and 'as a stud-farm atNewmarket they say."
" Charles Dodge ? " asked the younger officers.
" Ay, Charlie Dodge. You write and ask 'un if heknows old Sam Gates."
The two officers looked at each other, and the olderone looked at Sam more closely.
" It's very extraordinary," he remarked.
" Everybody knows Charlie Dodge," added theyounger officer.
It was at that moment that a wave of genius sweptover old Sam. He put his hand to his head, and sud-denly jerked out :
" What's more, I can tell 'ee where this yere Paul is.He's actin' a gardener in a convent at — "
He puckered up his brow and fumbled with his hat,and then got out:
" Mighteno."
The older officer gasped.
" Mailleton-en-haut ! Good God ! What makes yousay that, old man ? "
Sam tried to give an account of his experience, andthe things he had heard said by the German officers.But he was getting tired, and he broke off in the middleto say:
" Ye haven't a bite o' somethin' to eat, I suppose, mister, and a glass o' beer ? I usually 'as my dinner attwelve o'clock."
Both the officers laughed, and the older said :" Get him some food, Bradshaw, and a bottle of beerfrom the mess. We'll keep this old man here. Heinterests me."
While the younger man was doing this, the chiefpressed a button and summoned another junior officer.
" Gateshead," he remarked, " ring up G. H. Q. andinstruct them to arrest the gardener in that convent atthe top of the hill, and then to report."
The officer saluted and went out, and in a few minutesa tray of hot food and a large bottle of beer was broughtto the old man, and he was left alone in the corner ofthe room to negotiate this welcome compensation. Andin the execution he did himself and his country credit.In the meanwhile the officers were very busy. Peoplewere coming and going and examining maps and tele-phone-bells were ringing furiously. They did not dis-turb old Sam's gastronomic operations. He cleanedup the mess tins and finished the last drop of beer.The senior officer found time to offer him a cigarette,but he replied :
" Thank 'ee kindly, but I'd rather smoke my pipe."
The colonel smiled, and said:
" Oh, all right. Smoke away."
He lighted up, and the fumes of the shag permeatedthe room. Some one opened another window, and theyoung officer who had addressed him at first suddenlylooked at him and exclaimed:
" Innocent, by God ! You couldn't get shag like thatanywhere but in Norfolk."
It must have been over an hour later when anotherofficer entered, and saluted.
" Message from G. H. Q., sir," he said.
" Well ? "
" They have arrested the gardener at the conventof St. Eloise, and they have every reason to believe thathe is the notorious Paul Jouperts."
The colonel stood up, and his eyes beamed. He cameover to old Sam and shook his hand.
" Mr. Gates," he said, " you are an old brick.. Youwill probably hear more of this. You have probablybeen the means of delivering something very usefulinto our hands. Your own honor is vindicated. Aloving government will probably award you five shil-lings or a Victoria Cross, or something of that sort.In the meantime, what can I do for you ? "
Old Sam scratched his chin.
" Oi want to get back 'ome," he said.
" Well, even that might be arranged."
" Oi want to get back 'ome in toime for tea."
" Wliat time do you have tea ? "
" Foive o'clock or thereabouts."
" I see."
A kindly smile came into the eyes of the colonel.He turned to another officer standing by the table, and
said : '
" Raikes, is any one going across this afteraoon withdispatches ? "
" Yes, sir," replied the young officer. " CommanderJennings is leaving at three o'clock."
" You might ask him to come and see me."
Within ten minutes a young man in a flight-com-mander's uniform entered.
" Ah, Jennings," said the colonel, " here is a littleaffair which concerns the honor of the British army.My friend here, Sam Gates, has come over from Halve-sham in N'orfolk in order to give us valuable informa-tion. I have promised him that he shall get home totea at five o'clock. Can you take a passenger ? "
The young man threw back his head and laughed.
" Lord ! " he exclaimed. " What an old sport ! Yes,I expect I could just manage it. Where is the God-forsaken place ? "
A large ordnance-map of ITorfolk (which had beencaptured from a German officer) was produced, and theyoung man studied it closely.
At three o'clock precisely old Sam, finding himselfsomething of a hero and quite glad to escape from theembarrassment which this position entailed, once moresped skywards in an " airyplane."
At twenty minutes to five he landed once moreamongst Mr. Dodge's swedes. The breezy young air-man shook hands with him and departed inland. OldSam sat down and surveyed the field.
" A noice thing, I must say," he muttered to himself,as he looked along the lines of unthinned turnips. Hestill had twenty minutes, and so he went slowly alongand completed a line which he had commenced in the
morning. He then deliberately packed up his dinner-things and his tools, and started out for home.
As he came round the corner of Still way's Meadow,and the cottage came in view, his niece stepped out ofthe copse with a basket on her arm.
" Well, uncle," she said, " is there any noos ? "
It was then that old Sam became really irritated.
" Noos ! " he said. " Noos ! drat the girl ! Whatnoos should there be? Sixty-nine year I live in thesehere parts, hoein' and weedin' and thinnin', and mindin'Charlie Dodge's sheep. Am I one o' these here story-book folk havin' noos 'appen to me all the time ? Ain'tit enough, ye silly dab-faced zany, to earn enough tobuy a bite o' some' at to eat, and a glass o' beer, and aplace to rest a's head o'night, without always wantin'noos, noos, noos ! I tell 'ee, it's this that leads 'eeto 'alf the troubles in the world. Devil take the noos ! "
And turning his back on her, he went fuming up thehill.
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