PART I - CHAPTER XLV.

by Miguel de Cervantes

　　IN WHICH THE DOUBTFUL QUESTION OF MAMBRINO'S HELMET AND THE PACK-SADDLEIS FINALLY SETTLED, WITH OTHER ADVENTURES THAT OCCURRED IN TRUTH ANDEARNEST"What do you think now, gentlemen," said the barber, "of what thesegentles say, when they want to make out that this is a helmet?""And whoever says the contrary," said Don Quixote, "I will let him knowhe lies if he is a knight, and if he is a squire that he lies again athousand times."Our own barber, who was present at all this, and understood Don Quixote'shumour so thoroughly, took it into his head to back up his delusion andcarry on the joke for the general amusement; so addressing the otherbarber he said:"Senor barber, or whatever you are, you must know that I belong to yourprofession too, and have had a licence to practise for more than twentyyears, and I know the implements of the barber craft, every one of them,perfectly well; and I was likewise a soldier for some time in the days ofmy youth, and I know also what a helmet is, and a morion, and a headpiecewith a visor, and other things pertaining to soldiering, I meant to sayto soldiers' arms; and I say-saving better opinions and always withsubmission to sounder judgments--that this piece we have now before us,which this worthy gentleman has in his hands, not only is no barber'sbasin, but is as far from being one as white is from black, and truthfrom falsehood; I say, moreover, that this, although it is a helmet, isnot a complete helmet.""Certainly not," said Don Quixote, "for half of it is wanting, that is tosay the beaver.""It is quite true," said the curate, who saw the object of his friend thebarber; and Cardenio, Don Fernando and his companions agreed with him,and even the Judge, if his thoughts had not been so full of Don Luis'saffair, would have helped to carry on the joke; but he was so taken upwith the serious matters he had on his mind that he paid little or noattention to these facetious proceedings."God bless me!" exclaimed their butt the barber at this; "is it possiblethat such an honourable company can say that this is not a basin but ahelmet? Why, this is a thing that would astonish a whole university,however wise it might be! That will do; if this basin is a helmet, why,then the pack-saddle must be a horse's caparison, as this gentleman hassaid.""To me it looks like a pack-saddle," said Don Quixote; "but I havealready said that with that question I do not concern myself.""As to whether it be pack-saddle or caparison," said the curate, "it isonly for Senor Don Quixote to say; for in these matters of chivalry allthese gentlemen and I bow to his authority.""By God, gentlemen," said Don Quixote, "so many strange things havehappened to me in this castle on the two occasions on which I havesojourned in it, that I will not venture to assert anything positively inreply to any question touching anything it contains; for it is my beliefthat everything that goes on within it goes by enchantment. The firsttime, an enchanted Moor that there is in it gave me sore trouble, nor didSancho fare well among certain followers of his; and last night I waskept hanging by this arm for nearly two hours, without knowing how or whyI came by such a mishap. So that now, for me to come forward to give anopinion in such a puzzling matter, would be to risk a rash decision. Asregards the assertion that this is a basin and not a helmet I havealready given an answer; but as to the question whether this is apack-saddle or a caparison I will not venture to give a positive opinion,but will leave it to your worships' better judgment. Perhaps as you arenot dubbed knights like myself, the enchantments of this place havenothing to do with you, and your faculties are unfettered, and you cansee things in this castle as they really and truly are, and not as theyappear to me.""There can be no question," said Don Fernando on this, "but that SenorDon Quixote has spoken very wisely, and that with us rests the decisionof this matter; and that we may have surer ground to go on, I will takethe votes of the gentlemen in secret, and declare the result clearly andfully."To those who were in the secret of Don Quixote's humour all this affordedgreat amusement; but to those who knew nothing about it, it seemed thegreatest nonsense in the world, in particular to the four servants of DonLuis, as well as to Don Luis himself, and to three other travellers whohad by chance come to the inn, and had the appearance of officers of theHoly Brotherhood, as indeed they were; but the one who above all was athis wits' end, was the barber basin, there before his very eyes, had beenturned into Mambrino's helmet, and whose pack-saddle he had no doubtwhatever was about to become a rich caparison for a horse. All laughed tosee Don Fernando going from one to another collecting the votes, andwhispering to them to give him their private opinion whether the treasureover which there had been so much fighting was a pack-saddle or acaparison; but after he had taken the votes of those who knew DonQuixote, he said aloud, "The fact is, my good fellow, that I am tiredcollecting such a number of opinions, for I find that there is not one ofwhom I ask what I desire to know, who does not tell me that it is absurdto say that this is the pack-saddle of an ass, and not the caparison of ahorse, nay, of a thoroughbred horse; so you must submit, for, in spite ofyou and your ass, this is a caparison and no pack-saddle, and you havestated and proved your case very badly.""May I never share heaven," said the poor barber, "if your worships arenot all mistaken; and may my soul appear before God as that appears to mea pack-saddle and not a caparison; but, 'laws go,'-I say no more; andindeed I am not drunk, for I am fasting, except it be from sin."The simple talk of the barber did not afford less amusement than theabsurdities of Don Quixote, who now observed:"There is no more to be done now than for each to take what belongs tohim, and to whom God has given it, may St. Peter add his blessing."But said one of the four servants, "Unless, indeed, this is a deliberatejoke, I cannot bring myself to believe that men so intelligent as thosepresent are, or seem to be, can venture to declare and assert that thisis not a basin, and that not a pack-saddle; but as I perceive that theydo assert and declare it, I can only come to the conclusion that there issome mystery in this persistence in what is so opposed to the evidence ofexperience and truth itself; for I swear by"--and here he rapped out around oath-"all the people in the world will not make me believe thatthis is not a barber's basin and that a jackass's pack-saddle.""It might easily be a she-ass's," observed the curate."It is all the same," said the servant; "that is not the point; butwhether it is or is not a pack-saddle, as your worships say."On hearing this one of the newly arrived officers of the Brotherhood, whohad been listening to the dispute and controversy, unable to restrain hisanger and impatience, exclaimed, "It is a pack-saddle as sure as myfather is my father, and whoever has said or will say anything else mustbe drunk.""You lie like a rascally clown," returned Don Quixote; and lifting hispike, which he had never let out of his hand, he delivered such a blow athis head that, had not the officer dodged it, it would have stretched himat full length. The pike was shivered in pieces against the ground, andthe rest of the officers, seeing their comrade assaulted, raised a shout,calling for help for the Holy Brotherhood. The landlord, who was of thefraternity, ran at once to fetch his staff of office and his sword, andranged himself on the side of his comrades; the servants of Don Luisclustered round him, lest he should escape from them in the confusion;the barber, seeing the house turned upside down, once more laid hold ofhis pack-saddle and Sancho did the same; Don Quixote drew his sword andcharged the officers; Don Luis cried out to his servants to leave himalone and go and help Don Quixote, and Cardenio and Don Fernando, whowere supporting him; the curate was shouting at the top of his voice, thelandlady was screaming, her daughter was wailing, Maritornes was weeping,Dorothea was aghast, Luscinda terror-stricken, and Dona Clara in a faint.The barber cudgelled Sancho, and Sancho pommelled the barber; Don Luisgave one of his servants, who ventured to catch him by the arm to keephim from escaping, a cuff that bathed his teeth in blood; the Judge tookhis part; Don Fernando had got one of the officers down and wasbelabouring him heartily; the landlord raised his voice again calling forhelp for the Holy Brotherhood; so that the whole inn was nothing butcries, shouts, shrieks, confusion, terror, dismay, mishaps, sword-cuts,fisticuffs, cudgellings, kicks, and bloodshed; and in the midst of allthis chaos, complication, and general entanglement, Don Quixote took itinto his head that he had been plunged into the thick of the discord ofAgramante's camp; and, in a voice that shook the inn like thunder, hecried out:"Hold all, let all sheathe their swords, let all be calm and attend to meas they value their lives!"All paused at his mighty voice, and he went on to say, "Did I not tellyou, sirs, that this castle was enchanted, and that a legion or so ofdevils dwelt in it? In proof whereof I call upon you to behold with yourown eyes how the discord of Agramante's camp has come hither, and beentransferred into the midst of us. See how they fight, there for thesword, here for the horse, on that side for the eagle, on this for thehelmet; we are all fighting, and all at cross purposes. Come then, you,Senor Judge, and you, senor curate; let the one represent King Agramanteand the other King Sobrino, and make peace among us; for by God Almightyit is a sorry business that so many persons of quality as we are shouldslay one another for such trifling cause." The officers, who did notunderstand Don Quixote's mode of speaking, and found themselves roughlyhandled by Don Fernando, Cardenio, and their companions, were not to beappeased; the barber was, however, for both his beard and his pack-saddlewere the worse for the struggle; Sancho like a good servant obeyed theslightest word of his master; while the four servants of Don Luis keptquiet when they saw how little they gained by not being so. The landlordalone insisted upon it that they must punish the insolence of thismadman, who at every turn raised a disturbance in the inn; but at lengththe uproar was stilled for the present; the pack-saddle remained acaparison till the day of judgment, and the basin a helmet and the inn acastle in Don Quixote's imagination.All having been now pacified and made friends by the persuasion of theJudge and the curate, the servants of Don Luis began again to urge him toreturn with them at once; and while he was discussing the matter withthem, the Judge took counsel with Don Fernando, Cardenio, and the curateas to what he ought to do in the case, telling them how it stood, andwhat Don Luis had said to him. It was agreed at length that Don Fernandoshould tell the servants of Don Luis who he was, and that it was hisdesire that Don Luis should accompany him to Andalusia, where he wouldreceive from the marquis his brother the welcome his quality entitled himto; for, otherwise, it was easy to see from the determination of Don Luisthat he would not return to his father at present, though they tore himto pieces. On learning the rank of Don Fernando and the resolution of DonLuis the four then settled it between themselves that three of themshould return to tell his father how matters stood, and that the othershould remain to wait upon Don Luis, and not leave him until they cameback for him, or his father's orders were known. Thus by the authority ofAgramante and the wisdom of King Sobrino all this complication ofdisputes was arranged; but the enemy of concord and hater of peace,feeling himself slighted and made a fool of, and seeing how little he hadgained after having involved them all in such an elaborate entanglement,resolved to try his hand once more by stirring up fresh quarrels anddisturbances.It came about in this wise: the officers were pacified on learning therank of those with whom they had been engaged, and withdrew from thecontest, considering that whatever the result might be they were likelyto get the worst of the battle; but one of them, the one who had beenthrashed and kicked by Don Fernando, recollected that among some warrantshe carried for the arrest of certain delinquents, he had one against DonQuixote, whom the Holy Brotherhood had ordered to be arrested for settingthe galley slaves free, as Sancho had, with very good reason,apprehended. Suspecting how it was, then, he wished to satisfy himself asto whether Don Quixote's features corresponded; and taking a parchmentout of his bosom he lit upon what he was in search of, and settinghimself to read it deliberately, for he was not a quick reader, as hemade out each word he fixed his eyes on Don Quixote, and went oncomparing the description in the warrant with his face, and discoveredthat beyond all doubt he was the person described in it. As soon as hehad satisfied himself, folding up the parchment, he took the warrant inhis left hand and with his right seized Don Quixote by the collar sotightly that he did not allow him to breathe, and shouted aloud, "Helpfor the Holy Brotherhood! and that you may see I demand it in earnest,read this warrant which says this highwayman is to be arrested."The curate took the warrant and saw that what the officer said was true,and that it agreed with Don Quixote's appearance, who, on his part, whenhe found himself roughly handled by this rascally clown, worked up to thehighest pitch of wrath, and all his joints cracking with rage, with bothhands seized the officer by the throat with all his might, so that had henot been helped by his comrades he would have yielded up his life ere DonQuixote released his hold. The landlord, who had perforce to support hisbrother officers, ran at once to aid them. The landlady, when she saw herhusband engaged in a fresh quarrel, lifted up her voice afresh, and itsnote was immediately caught up by Maritornes and her daughter, callingupon heaven and all present for help; and Sancho, seeing what was goingon, exclaimed, "By the Lord, it is quite true what my master says aboutthe enchantments of this castle, for it is impossible to live an hour inpeace in it!"Don Fernando parted the officer and Don Quixote, and to their mutualcontentment made them relax the grip by which they held, the one the coatcollar, the other the throat of his adversary; for all this, however, theofficers did not cease to demand their prisoner and call on them to help,and deliver him over bound into their power, as was required for theservice of the King and of the Holy Brotherhood, on whose behalf theyagain demanded aid and assistance to effect the capture of this robberand footpad of the highways.Don Quixote smiled when he heard these words, and said very calmly, "Comenow, base, ill-born brood; call ye it highway robbery to give freedom tothose in bondage, to release the captives, to succour the miserable, toraise up the fallen, to relieve the needy? Infamous beings, who by yourvile grovelling intellects deserve that heaven should not make known toyou the virtue that lies in knight-errantry, or show you the sin andignorance in which ye lie when ye refuse to respect the shadow, not tosay the presence, of any knight-errant! Come now; band, not of officers,but of thieves; footpads with the licence of the Holy Brotherhood; tellme who was the ignoramus who signed a warrant of arrest against such aknight as I am? Who was he that did not know that knights-errant areindependent of all jurisdictions, that their law is their sword, theircharter their prowess, and their edicts their will? Who, I say again, wasthe fool that knows not that there are no letters patent of nobility thatconfer such privileges or exemptions as a knight-errant acquires the dayhe is dubbed a knight, and devotes himself to the arduous calling ofchivalry? What knight-errant ever paid poll-tax, duty, queen's pin-money,king's dues, toll or ferry? What tailor ever took payment of him formaking his clothes? What castellan that received him in his castle evermade him pay his shot? What king did not seat him at his table? Whatdamsel was not enamoured of him and did not yield herself up wholly tohis will and pleasure? And, lastly, what knight-errant has there been, isthere, or will there ever be in the world, not bold enough to give,single-handed, four hundred cudgellings to four hundred officers of theHoly Brotherhood if they come in his way?"