PART I - CHAPTER XVIII.

by Miguel de Cervantes

  IN WHICH IS RELATED THE DISCOURSE SANCHO PANZA HELD WITH HIS MASTER, DONQUIXOTE, AND OTHER ADVENTURES WORTH RELATINGSancho reached his master so limp and faint that he could not urge on hisbeast. When Don Quixote saw the state he was in he said, "I have now cometo the conclusion, good Sancho, that this castle or inn is beyond a doubtenchanted, because those who have so atrociously diverted themselves withthee, what can they be but phantoms or beings of another world? and Ihold this confirmed by having noticed that when I was by the wall of theyard witnessing the acts of thy sad tragedy, it was out of my power tomount upon it, nor could I even dismount from Rocinante, because they nodoubt had me enchanted; for I swear to thee by the faith of what I amthat if I had been able to climb up or dismount, I would have avengedthee in such a way that those braggart thieves would have rememberedtheir freak for ever, even though in so doing I knew that I contravenedthe laws of chivalry, which, as I have often told thee, do not permit aknight to lay hands on him who is not one, save in case of urgent andgreat necessity in defence of his own life and person.""I would have avenged myself too if I could," said Sancho, "whether I hadbeen dubbed knight or not, but I could not; though for my part I ampersuaded those who amused themselves with me were not phantoms orenchanted men, as your worship says, but men of flesh and bone likeourselves; and they all had their names, for I heard them name them whenthey were tossing me, and one was called Pedro Martinez, and anotherTenorio Hernandez, and the innkeeper, I heard, was called Juan Palomequethe Left-handed; so that, senor, your not being able to leap over thewall of the yard or dismount from your horse came of something elsebesides enchantments; and what I make out clearly from all this is, thatthese adventures we go seeking will in the end lead us into suchmisadventures that we shall not know which is our right foot; and thatthe best and wisest thing, according to my small wits, would be for us toreturn home, now that it is harvest-time, and attend to our business, andgive over wandering from Zeca to Mecca and from pail to bucket, as thesaying is.""How little thou knowest about chivalry, Sancho," replied Don Quixote;"hold thy peace and have patience; the day will come when thou shalt seewith thine own eyes what an honourable thing it is to wander in thepursuit of this calling; nay, tell me, what greater pleasure can there bein the world, or what delight can equal that of winning a battle, andtriumphing over one's enemy? None, beyond all doubt.""Very likely," answered Sancho, "though I do not know it; all I know isthat since we have been knights-errant, or since your worship has beenone (for I have no right to reckon myself one of so honourable a number)we have never won any battle except the one with the Biscayan, and evenout of that your worship came with half an ear and half a helmet theless; and from that till now it has been all cudgellings and morecudgellings, cuffs and more cuffs, I getting the blanketing over andabove, and falling in with enchanted persons on whom I cannot avengemyself so as to know what the delight, as your worship calls it, ofconquering an enemy is like.""That is what vexes me, and what ought to vex thee, Sancho," replied DonQuixote; "but henceforward I will endeavour to have at hand some swordmade by such craft that no kind of enchantments can take effect upon himwho carries it, and it is even possible that fortune may procure for methat which belonged to Amadis when he was called 'The Knight of theBurning Sword,' which was one of the best swords that ever knight in theworld possessed, for, besides having the said virtue, it cut like arazor, and there was no armour, however strong and enchanted it might be,that could resist it.""Such is my luck," said Sancho, "that even if that happened and yourworship found some such sword, it would, like the balsam, turn outserviceable and good for dubbed knights only, and as for the squires,they might sup sorrow.""Fear not that, Sancho," said Don Quixote: "Heaven will deal better bythee."Thus talking, Don Quixote and his squire were going along, when, on theroad they were following, Don Quixote perceived approaching them a largeand thick cloud of dust, on seeing which he turned to Sancho and said:"This is the day, Sancho, on which will be seen the boon my fortune isreserving for me; this, I say, is the day on which as much as on anyother shall be displayed the might of my arm, and on which I shall dodeeds that shall remain written in the book of fame for all ages to come.Seest thou that cloud of dust which rises yonder? Well, then, all that ischurned up by a vast army composed of various and countless nations thatcomes marching there.""According to that there must be two," said Sancho, "for on this oppositeside also there rises just such another cloud of dust."Don Quixote turned to look and found that it was true, and rejoicingexceedingly, he concluded that they were two armies about to engage andencounter in the midst of that broad plain; for at all times and seasonshis fancy was full of the battles, enchantments, adventures, crazy feats,loves, and defiances that are recorded in the books of chivalry, andeverything he said, thought, or did had reference to such things. Now thecloud of dust he had seen was raised by two great droves of sheep comingalong the same road in opposite directions, which, because of the dust,did not become visible until they drew near, but Don Quixote asserted sopositively that they were armies that Sancho was led to believe it andsay, "Well, and what are we to do, senor?""What?" said Don Quixote: "give aid and assistance to the weak and thosewho need it; and thou must know, Sancho, that this which comes oppositeto us is conducted and led by the mighty emperor Alifanfaron, lord of thegreat isle of Trapobana; this other that marches behind me is that of hisenemy the king of the Garamantas, Pentapolin of the Bare Arm, for healways goes into battle with his right arm bare.""But why are these two lords such enemies?""They are at enmity," replied Don Quixote, "because this Alifanfaron is afurious pagan and is in love with the daughter of Pentapolin, who is avery beautiful and moreover gracious lady, and a Christian, and herfather is unwilling to bestow her upon the pagan king unless he firstabandons the religion of his false prophet Mahomet, and adopts his own.""By my beard," said Sancho, "but Pentapolin does quite right, and I willhelp him as much as I can.""In that thou wilt do what is thy duty, Sancho," said Don Quixote; "forto engage in battles of this sort it is not requisite to be a dubbedknight.""That I can well understand," answered Sancho; "but where shall we putthis ass where we may be sure to find him after the fray is over? for Ibelieve it has not been the custom so far to go into battle on a beast ofthis kind.""That is true," said Don Quixote, "and what you had best do with him isto leave him to take his chance whether he be lost or not, for the horseswe shall have when we come out victors will be so many that evenRocinante will run a risk of being changed for another. But attend to meand observe, for I wish to give thee some account of the chief knightswho accompany these two armies; and that thou mayest the better see andmark, let us withdraw to that hillock which rises yonder, whence botharmies may be seen."They did so, and placed themselves on a rising ground from which the twodroves that Don Quixote made armies of might have been plainly seen ifthe clouds of dust they raised had not obscured them and blinded thesight; nevertheless, seeing in his imagination what he did not see andwhat did not exist, he began thus in a loud voice:"That knight whom thou seest yonder in yellow armour, who bears upon hisshield a lion crowned crouching at the feet of a damsel, is the valiantLaurcalco, lord of the Silver Bridge; that one in armour with flowers ofgold, who bears on his shield three crowns argent on an azure field, isthe dreaded Micocolembo, grand duke of Quirocia; that other of giganticframe, on his right hand, is the ever dauntless Brandabarbaran deBoliche, lord of the three Arabias, who for armour wears that serpentskin, and has for shield a gate which, according to tradition, is one ofthose of the temple that Samson brought to the ground when by his deathhe revenged himself upon his enemies. But turn thine eyes to the otherside, and thou shalt see in front and in the van of this other army theever victorious and never vanquished Timonel of Carcajona, prince of NewBiscay, who comes in armour with arms quartered azure, vert, white, andyellow, and bears on his shield a cat or on a field tawny with a mottowhich says Miau, which is the beginning of the name of his lady, whoaccording to report is the peerless Miaulina, daughter of the dukeAlfeniquen of the Algarve; the other, who burdens and presses the loinsof that powerful charger and bears arms white as snow and a shield blankand without any device, is a novice knight, a Frenchman by birth, PierresPapin by name, lord of the baronies of Utrique; that other, who withiron-shod heels strikes the flanks of that nimble parti-coloured zebra,and for arms bears azure vair, is the mighty duke of Nerbia,Espartafilardo del Bosque, who bears for device on his shield anasparagus plant with a motto in Castilian that says, Rastrea mi suerte."And so he went on naming a number of knights of one squadron or the otherout of his imagination, and to all he assigned off-hand their arms,colours, devices, and mottoes, carried away by the illusions of hisunheard-of craze; and without a pause, he continued, "People of diversnations compose this squadron in front; here are those that drink of thesweet waters of the famous Xanthus, those that scour the woody Massilianplains, those that sift the pure fine gold of Arabia Felix, those thatenjoy the famed cool banks of the crystal Thermodon, those that in manyand various ways divert the streams of the golden Pactolus, theNumidians, faithless in their promises, the Persians renowned in archery,the Parthians and the Medes that fight as they fly, the Arabs that evershift their dwellings, the Scythians as cruel as they are fair, theEthiopians with pierced lips, and an infinity of other nations whosefeatures I recognise and descry, though I cannot recall their names. Inthis other squadron there come those that drink of the crystal streams ofthe olive-bearing Betis, those that make smooth their countenances withthe water of the ever rich and golden Tagus, those that rejoice in thefertilising flow of the divine Genil, those that roam the Tartesianplains abounding in pasture, those that take their pleasure in theElysian meadows of Jerez, the rich Manchegans crowned with ruddy ears ofcorn, the wearers of iron, old relics of the Gothic race, those thatbathe in the Pisuerga renowned for its gentle current, those that feedtheir herds along the spreading pastures of the winding Guadiana famedfor its hidden course, those that tremble with the cold of the pinecladPyrenees or the dazzling snows of the lofty Apennine; in a word, as manyas all Europe includes and contains."Good God! what a number of countries and nations he named! giving to eachits proper attributes with marvellous readiness; brimful and saturatedwith what he had read in his lying books! Sancho Panza hung upon hiswords without speaking, and from time to time turned to try if he couldsee the knights and giants his master was describing, and as he could notmake out one of them he said to him:"Senor, devil take it if there's a sign of any man you talk of, knight orgiant, in the whole thing; maybe it's all enchantment, like the phantomslast night.""How canst thou say that!" answered Don Quixote; "dost thou not hear theneighing of the steeds, the braying of the trumpets, the roll of thedrums?""I hear nothing but a great bleating of ewes and sheep," said Sancho;which was true, for by this time the two flocks had come close."The fear thou art in, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "prevents thee fromseeing or hearing correctly, for one of the effects of fear is to derangethe senses and make things appear different from what they are; if thouart in such fear, withdraw to one side and leave me to myself, for aloneI suffice to bring victory to that side to which I shall give my aid;"and so saying he gave Rocinante the spur, and putting the lance in rest,shot down the slope like a thunderbolt. Sancho shouted after him, crying,"Come back, Senor Don Quixote; I vow to God they are sheep and ewes youare charging! Come back! Unlucky the father that begot me! what madnessis this! Look, there is no giant, nor knight, nor cats, nor arms, norshields quartered or whole, nor vair azure or bedevilled. What are youabout? Sinner that I am before God!" But not for all these entreaties didDon Quixote turn back; on the contrary he went on shouting out, "Ho,knights, ye who follow and fight under the banners of the valiant emperorPentapolin of the Bare Arm, follow me all; ye shall see how easily Ishall give him his revenge over his enemy Alifanfaron of the Trapobana."So saying, he dashed into the midst of the squadron of ewes, and beganspearing them with as much spirit and intrepidity as if he weretransfixing mortal enemies in earnest. The shepherds and droversaccompanying the flock shouted to him to desist; seeing it was no use,they ungirt their slings and began to salute his ears with stones as bigas one's fist. Don Quixote gave no heed to the stones, but, letting driveright and left kept saying:"Where art thou, proud Alifanfaron? Come before me; I am a single knightwho would fain prove thy prowess hand to hand, and make thee yield thylife a penalty for the wrong thou dost to the valiant PentapolinGaramanta." Here came a sugar-plum from the brook that struck him on theside and buried a couple of ribs in his body. Feeling himself so smitten,he imagined himself slain or badly wounded for certain, and recollectinghis liquor he drew out his flask, and putting it to his mouth began topour the contents into his stomach; but ere he had succeeded inswallowing what seemed to him enough, there came another almond whichstruck him on the hand and on the flask so fairly that it smashed it topieces, knocking three or four teeth and grinders out of his mouth in itscourse, and sorely crushing two fingers of his hand. Such was the forceof the first blow and of the second, that the poor knight in spite ofhimself came down backwards off his horse. The shepherds came up, andfelt sure they had killed him; so in all haste they collected their flocktogether, took up the dead beasts, of which there were more than seven,and made off without waiting to ascertain anything further.All this time Sancho stood on the hill watching the crazy feats hismaster was performing, and tearing his beard and cursing the hour and theoccasion when fortune had made him acquainted with him. Seeing him, then,brought to the ground, and that the shepherds had taken themselves off,he ran to him and found him in very bad case, though not unconscious; andsaid he:"Did I not tell you to come back, Senor Don Quixote; and that what youwere going to attack were not armies but droves of sheep?""That's how that thief of a sage, my enemy, can alter and falsifythings," answered Don Quixote; "thou must know, Sancho, that it is a veryeasy matter for those of his sort to make us believe what they choose;and this malignant being who persecutes me, envious of the glory he knewI was to win in this battle, has turned the squadrons of the enemy intodroves of sheep. At any rate, do this much, I beg of thee, Sancho, toundeceive thyself, and see that what I say is true; mount thy ass andfollow them quietly, and thou shalt see that when they have gone somelittle distance from this they will return to their original shape and,ceasing to be sheep, become men in all respects as I described them tothee at first. But go not just yet, for I want thy help and assistance;come hither, and see how many of my teeth and grinders are missing, for Ifeel as if there was not one left in my mouth."Sancho came so close that he almost put his eyes into his mouth; now justat that moment the balsam had acted on the stomach of Don Quixote, so, atthe very instant when Sancho came to examine his mouth, he discharged allits contents with more force than a musket, and full into the beard ofthe compassionate squire."Holy Mary!" cried Sancho, "what is this that has happened me? Clearlythis sinner is mortally wounded, as he vomits blood from the mouth;" butconsidering the matter a little more closely he perceived by the colour,taste, and smell, that it was not blood but the balsam from the flaskwhich he had seen him drink; and he was taken with such a loathing thathis stomach turned, and he vomited up his inside over his very master,and both were left in a precious state. Sancho ran to his ass to getsomething wherewith to clean himself, and relieve his master, out of hisalforjas; but not finding them, he well-nigh took leave of his senses,and cursed himself anew, and in his heart resolved to quit his master andreturn home, even though he forfeited the wages of his service and allhopes of the promised island.Don Quixote now rose, and putting his left hand to his mouth to keep histeeth from falling out altogether, with the other he laid hold of thebridle of Rocinante, who had never stirred from his master's side--soloyal and well-behaved was he--and betook himself to where the squirestood leaning over his ass with his hand to his cheek, like one in deepdejection. Seeing him in this mood, looking so sad, Don Quixote said tohim:"Bear in mind, Sancho, that one man is no more than another, unless hedoes more than another; all these tempests that fall upon us are signsthat fair weather is coming shortly, and that things will go well withus, for it is impossible for good or evil to last for ever; and hence itfollows that the evil having lasted long, the good must be now nigh athand; so thou must not distress thyself at the misfortunes which happento me, since thou hast no share in them.""How have I not?" replied Sancho; "was he whom they blanketed yesterdayperchance any other than my father's son? and the alforjas that aremissing to-day with all my treasures, did they belong to any other butmyself?""What! are the alforjas missing, Sancho?" said Don Quixote."Yes, they are missing," answered Sancho."In that case we have nothing to eat to-day," replied Don Quixote."It would be so," answered Sancho, "if there were none of the herbs yourworship says you know in these meadows, those with which knights-errantas unlucky as your worship are wont to supply such-like shortcomings.""For all that," answered Don Quixote, "I would rather have just now aquarter of bread, or a loaf and a couple of pilchards' heads, than allthe herbs described by Dioscorides, even with Doctor Laguna's notes.Nevertheless, Sancho the Good, mount thy beast and come along with me,for God, who provides for all things, will not fail us (more especiallywhen we are so active in his service as we are), since he fails not themidges of the air, nor the grubs of the earth, nor the tadpoles of thewater, and is so merciful that he maketh his sun to rise on the good andon the evil, and sendeth rain on the unjust and on the just.""Your worship would make a better preacher than knight-errant," saidSancho."Knights-errant knew and ought to know everything, Sancho," said DonQuixote; "for there were knights-errant in former times as well qualifiedto deliver a sermon or discourse in the middle of an encampment, as ifthey had graduated in the University of Paris; whereby we may see thatthe lance has never blunted the pen, nor the pen the lance.""Well, be it as your worship says," replied Sancho; "let us be off nowand find some place of shelter for the night, and God grant it may besomewhere where there are no blankets, nor blanketeers, nor phantoms, norenchanted Moors; for if there are, may the devil take the whole concern.""Ask that of God, my son," said Don Quixote; "and do thou lead on wherethou wilt, for this time I leave our lodging to thy choice; but reach mehere thy hand, and feel with thy finger, and find out how many of myteeth and grinders are missing from this right side of the upper jaw, forit is there I feel the pain."Sancho put in his fingers, and feeling about asked him, "How manygrinders used your worship have on this side?""Four," replied Don Quixote, "besides the back-tooth, all whole and quitesound.""Mind what you are saying, senor.""I say four, if not five," answered Don Quixote, "for never in my lifehave I had tooth or grinder drawn, nor has any fallen out or beendestroyed by any decay or rheum.""Well, then," said Sancho, "in this lower side your worship has no morethan two grinders and a half, and in the upper neither a half nor any atall, for it is all as smooth as the palm of my hand.""Luckless that I am!" said Don Quixote, hearing the sad news his squiregave him; "I had rather they despoiled me of an arm, so it were not thesword-arm; for I tell thee, Sancho, a mouth without teeth is like a millwithout a millstone, and a tooth is much more to be prized than adiamond; but we who profess the austere order of chivalry are liable toall this. Mount, friend, and lead the way, and I will follow thee atwhatever pace thou wilt."Sancho did as he bade him, and proceeded in the direction in which hethought he might find refuge without quitting the high road, which wasthere very much frequented. As they went along, then, at a slow pace--forthe pain in Don Quixote's jaws kept him uneasy and ill-disposed forspeed--Sancho thought it well to amuse and divert him by talk of somekind, and among the things he said to him was that which will be told inthe following chapter.


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