PART II - CHAPTER II.

by Miguel de Cervantes

　　WHICH TREATS OF THE NOTABLE ALTERCATION WHICH SANCHO PANZA HAD WITH DONQUIXOTE'S NIECE, AND HOUSEKEEPER, TOGETHER WITH OTHER DROLL MATTERSThe history relates that the outcry Don Quixote, the curate, and thebarber heard came from the niece and the housekeeper exclaiming toSancho, who was striving to force his way in to see Don Quixote whilethey held the door against him, "What does the vagabond want in thishouse? Be off to your own, brother, for it is you, and no one else, thatdelude my master, and lead him astray, and take him tramping about thecountry."To which Sancho replied, "Devil's own housekeeper! it is I who amdeluded, and led astray, and taken tramping about the country, and notthy master! He has carried me all over the world, and you are mightilymistaken. He enticed me away from home by a trick, promising me anisland, which I am still waiting for.""May evil islands choke thee, thou detestable Sancho," said the niece;"What are islands? Is it something to eat, glutton and gormandiser thatthou art?""It is not something to eat," replied Sancho, "but something to governand rule, and better than four cities or four judgeships at court.""For all that," said the housekeeper, "you don't enter here, you bag ofmischief and sack of knavery; go govern your house and dig yourseed-patch, and give over looking for islands or shylands."The curate and the barber listened with great amusement to the words ofthe three; but Don Quixote, uneasy lest Sancho should blab and blurt outa whole heap of mischievous stupidities, and touch upon points that mightnot be altogether to his credit, called to him and made the other twohold their tongues and let him come in. Sancho entered, and the curateand the barber took their leave of Don Quixote, of whose recovery theydespaired when they saw how wedded he was to his crazy ideas, and howsaturated with the nonsense of his unlucky chivalry; and said the curateto the barber, "You will see, gossip, that when we are least thinking ofit, our gentleman will be off once more for another flight.""I have no doubt of it," returned the barber; "but I do not wonder somuch at the madness of the knight as at the simplicity of the squire, whohas such a firm belief in all that about the island, that I suppose allthe exposures that could be imagined would not get it out of his head.""God help them," said the curate; "and let us be on the look-out to seewhat comes of all these absurdities of the knight and squire, for itseems as if they had both been cast in the same mould, and the madness ofthe master without the simplicity of the man would not be worth afarthing.""That is true," said the barber, "and I should like very much to knowwhat the pair are talking about at this moment.""I promise you," said the curate, "the niece or the housekeeper will tellus by-and-by, for they are not the ones to forget to listen."Meanwhile Don Quixote shut himself up in his room with Sancho, and whenthey were alone he said to him, "It grieves me greatly, Sancho, that thoushouldst have said, and sayest, that I took thee out of thy cottage, whenthou knowest I did not remain in my house. We sallied forth together, wetook the road together, we wandered abroad together; we have had the samefortune and the same luck; if they blanketed thee once, they belabouredme a hundred times, and that is the only advantage I have of thee.""That was only reasonable," replied Sancho, "for, by what your worshipsays, misfortunes belong more properly to knights-errant than to theirsquires.""Thou art mistaken, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "according to the maximquando caput dolet, etc.""I don't understand any language but my own," said Sancho."I mean to say," said Don Quixote, "that when the head suffers all themembers suffer; and so, being thy lord and master, I am thy head, andthou a part of me as thou art my servant; and therefore any evil thataffects or shall affect me should give thee pain, and what affects theegive pain to me.""It should be so," said Sancho; "but when I was blanketed as a member, myhead was on the other side of the wall, looking on while I was flyingthrough the air, and did not feel any pain whatever; and if the membersare obliged to feel the suffering of the head, it should be obliged tofeel their sufferings.""Dost thou mean to say now, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "that I did notfeel when they were blanketing thee? If thou dost, thou must not say soor think so, for I felt more pain then in spirit than thou didst in body.But let us put that aside for the present, for we shall haveopportunities enough for considering and settling the point; tell me,Sancho my friend, what do they say about me in the village here? What dothe common people think of me? What do the hidalgos? What do thecaballeros? What do they say of my valour; of my achievements; of mycourtesy? How do they treat the task I have undertaken in reviving andrestoring to the world the now forgotten order of chivalry? In short,Sancho, I would have thee tell me all that has come to thine ears on thissubject; and thou art to tell me, without adding anything to the good ortaking away anything from the bad; for it is the duty of loyal vassals totell the truth to their lords just as it is and in its proper shape, notallowing flattery to add to it or any idle deference to lessen it. And Iwould have thee know, Sancho, that if the naked truth, undisguised byflattery, came to the ears of princes, times would be different, andother ages would be reckoned iron ages more than ours, which I hold to bethe golden of these latter days. Profit by this advice, Sancho, andreport to me clearly and faithfully the truth of what thou knowesttouching what I have demanded of thee.""That I will do with all my heart, master," replied Sancho, "providedyour worship will not be vexed at what I say, as you wish me to say itout in all its nakedness, without putting any more clothes on it than itcame to my knowledge in.""I will not be vexed at all," returned Don Quixote; "thou mayest speakfreely, Sancho, and without any beating about the bush.""Well then," said he, "first of all, I have to tell you that the commonpeople consider your worship a mighty great madman, and me no less afool. The hidalgos say that, not keeping within the bounds of yourquality of gentleman, you have assumed the 'Don,' and made a knight ofyourself at a jump, with four vine-stocks and a couple of acres of land,and never a shirt to your back. The caballeros say they do not want tohave hidalgos setting up in opposition to them, particularly squirehidalgos who polish their own shoes and darn their black stockings withgreen silk.""That," said Don Quixote, "does not apply to me, for I always go welldressed and never patched; ragged I may be, but ragged more from the wearand tear of arms than of time.""As to your worship's valour, courtesy, accomplishments, and task, thereis a variety of opinions. Some say, 'mad but droll;' others, 'valiant butunlucky;' others, 'courteous but meddling,' and then they go into such anumber of things that they don't leave a whole bone either in yourworship or in myself.""Recollect, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "that wherever virtue exists in aneminent degree it is persecuted. Few or none of the famous men that havelived escaped being calumniated by malice. Julius Caesar, the boldest,wisest, and bravest of captains, was charged with being ambitious, andnot particularly cleanly in his dress, or pure in his morals. OfAlexander, whose deeds won him the name of Great, they say that he wassomewhat of a drunkard. Of Hercules, him of the many labours, it is saidthat he was lewd and luxurious. Of Don Galaor, the brother of Amadis ofGaul, it was whispered that he was over quarrelsome, and of his brotherthat he was lachrymose. So that, O Sancho, amongst all these calumniesagainst good men, mine may be let pass, since they are no more than thouhast said.""That's just where it is, body of my father!""Is there more, then?" asked Don Quixote."There's the tail to be skinned yet," said Sancho; "all so far is cakesand fancy bread; but if your worship wants to know all about thecalumnies they bring against you, I will fetch you one this instant whocan tell you the whole of them without missing an atom; for last nightthe son of Bartholomew Carrasco, who has been studying at Salamanca, camehome after having been made a bachelor, and when I went to welcome him,he told me that your worship's history is already abroad in books, withthe title of THE INGENIOUS GENTLEMAN DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA; and hesays they mention me in it by my own name of Sancho Panza, and the ladyDulcinea del Toboso too, and divers things that happened to us when wewere alone; so that I crossed myself in my wonder how the historian whowrote them down could have known them.""I promise thee, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "the author of our historywill be some sage enchanter; for to such nothing that they choose towrite about is hidden.""What!" said Sancho, "a sage and an enchanter! Why, the bachelor SamsonCarrasco (that is the name of him I spoke of) says the author of thehistory is called Cide Hamete Berengena.""That is a Moorish name," said Don Quixote."May be so," replied Sancho; "for I have heard say that the Moors aremostly great lovers of berengenas.""Thou must have mistaken the surname of this 'Cide'--which means inArabic 'Lord'--Sancho," observed Don Quixote."Very likely," replied Sancho, "but if your worship wishes me to fetchthe bachelor I will go for him in a twinkling.""Thou wilt do me a great pleasure, my friend," said Don Quixote, "forwhat thou hast told me has amazed me, and I shall not eat a morsel thatwill agree with me until I have heard all about it.""Then I am off for him," said Sancho; and leaving his master he went inquest of the bachelor, with whom he returned in a short time, and, allthree together, they had a very droll colloquy.