PART II - CHAPTER LI.

by Miguel de Cervantes

　　OF THE PROGRESS OF SANCHO'S GOVERNMENT, AND OTHER SUCH ENTERTAININGMATTERSDay came after the night of the governor's round; a night which thehead-carver passed without sleeping, so were his thoughts of the face andair and beauty of the disguised damsel, while the majordomo spent whatwas left of it in writing an account to his lord and lady of all Sanchosaid and did, being as much amazed at his sayings as at his doings, forthere was a mixture of shrewdness and simplicity in all his words anddeeds. The senor governor got up, and by Doctor Pedro Recio's directionsthey made him break his fast on a little conserve and four sups of coldwater, which Sancho would have readily exchanged for a piece of bread anda bunch of grapes; but seeing there was no help for it, he submitted withno little sorrow of heart and discomfort of stomach; Pedro Recio havingpersuaded him that light and delicate diet enlivened the wits, and thatwas what was most essential for persons placed in command and inresponsible situations, where they have to employ not only the bodilypowers but those of the mind also.By means of this sophistry Sancho was made to endure hunger, and hungerso keen that in his heart he cursed the government, and even him who hadgiven it to him; however, with his hunger and his conserve he undertookto deliver judgments that day, and the first thing that came before himwas a question that was submitted to him by a stranger, in the presenceof the majordomo and the other attendants, and it was in these words:"Senor, a large river separated two districts of one and the samelordship--will your worship please to pay attention, for the case is animportant and a rather knotty one? Well then, on this river there was abridge, and at one end of it a gallows, and a sort of tribunal, wherefour judges commonly sat to administer the law which the lord of river,bridge and the lordship had enacted, and which was to this effect, 'Ifanyone crosses by this bridge from one side to the other he shall declareon oath where he is going to and with what object; and if he swearstruly, he shall be allowed to pass, but if falsely, he shall be put todeath for it by hanging on the gallows erected there, without anyremission.' Though the law and its severe penalty were known, manypersons crossed, but in their declarations it was easy to see at oncethey were telling the truth, and the judges let them pass free. Ithappened, however, that one man, when they came to take his declaration,swore and said that by the oath he took he was going to die upon thatgallows that stood there, and nothing else. The judges held aconsultation over the oath, and they said, 'If we let this man pass freehe has sworn falsely, and by the law he ought to die; but if we hang him,as he swore he was going to die on that gallows, and therefore swore thetruth, by the same law he ought to go free.' It is asked of your worship,senor governor, what are the judges to do with this man? For they arestill in doubt and perplexity; and having heard of your worship's acuteand exalted intellect, they have sent me to entreat your worship on theirbehalf to give your opinion on this very intricate and puzzling case."To this Sancho made answer, "Indeed those gentlemen the judges that sendyou to me might have spared themselves the trouble, for I have more ofthe obtuse than the acute in me; but repeat the case over again, so thatI may understand it, and then perhaps I may be able to hit the point."The querist repeated again and again what he had said before, and thenSancho said, "It seems to me I can set the matter right in a moment, andin this way; the man swears that he is going to die upon the gallows; butif he dies upon it, he has sworn the truth, and by the law enacteddeserves to go free and pass over the bridge; but if they don't hang him,then he has sworn falsely, and by the same law deserves to be hanged.""It is as the senor governor says," said the messenger; "and as regards acomplete comprehension of the case, there is nothing left to desire orhesitate about.""Well then I say," said Sancho, "that of this man they should let passthe part that has sworn truly, and hang the part that has lied; and inthis way the conditions of the passage will be fully complied with.""But then, senor governor," replied the querist, "the man will have to bedivided into two parts; and if he is divided of course he will die; andso none of the requirements of the law will be carried out, and it isabsolutely necessary to comply with it.""Look here, my good sir," said Sancho; "either I'm a numskull or elsethere is the same reason for this passenger dying as for his living andpassing over the bridge; for if the truth saves him the falsehood equallycondemns him; and that being the case it is my opinion you should say tothe gentlemen who sent you to me that as the arguments for condemning himand for absolving him are exactly balanced, they should let him passfreely, as it is always more praiseworthy to do good than to do evil;this I would give signed with my name if I knew how to sign; and what Ihave said in this case is not out of my own head, but one of the manyprecepts my master Don Quixote gave me the night before I left to becomegovernor of this island, that came into my mind, and it was this, thatwhen there was any doubt about the justice of a case I should lean tomercy; and it is God's will that I should recollect it now, for it fitsthis case as if it was made for it.""That is true," said the majordomo; "and I maintain that Lycurgushimself, who gave laws to the Lacedemonians, could not have pronounced abetter decision than the great Panza has given; let the morning'saudience close with this, and I will see that the senor governor hasdinner entirely to his liking.""That's all I ask for--fair play," said Sancho; "give me my dinner, andthen let it rain cases and questions on me, and I'll despatch them in atwinkling."The majordomo kept his word, for he felt it against his conscience tokill so wise a governor by hunger; particularly as he intended to havedone with him that same night, playing off the last joke he wascommissioned to practise upon him.It came to pass, then, that after he had dined that day, in opposition tothe rules and aphorisms of Doctor Tirteafuera, as they were taking awaythe cloth there came a courier with a letter from Don Quixote for thegovernor. Sancho ordered the secretary to read it to himself, and ifthere was nothing in it that demanded secrecy to read it aloud. Thesecretary did so, and after he had skimmed the contents he said, "It maywell be read aloud, for what Senor Don Quixote writes to your worshipdeserves to be printed or written in letters of gold, and it is asfollows."DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA'S LETTER TO SANCHO PANZA, GOVERNOR OF THE ISLANDOF BARATARIA.When I was expecting to hear of thy stupidities and blunders, friendSancho, I have received intelligence of thy displays of good sense, forwhich I give special thanks to heaven that can raise the poor from thedunghill and of fools to make wise men. They tell me thou dost govern asif thou wert a man, and art a man as if thou wert a beast, so great isthe humility wherewith thou dost comport thyself. But I would have theebear in mind, Sancho, that very often it is fitting and necessary for theauthority of office to resist the humility of the heart; for the seemlyarray of one who is invested with grave duties should be such as theyrequire and not measured by what his own humble tastes may lead him toprefer. Dress well; a stick dressed up does not look like a stick; I donot say thou shouldst wear trinkets or fine raiment, or that being ajudge thou shouldst dress like a soldier, but that thou shouldst arraythyself in the apparel thy office requires, and that at the same time itbe neat and handsome. To win the good-will of the people thou governestthere are two things, among others, that thou must do; one is to be civilto all (this, however, I told thee before), and the other to take carethat food be abundant, for there is nothing that vexes the heart of thepoor more than hunger and high prices. Make not many proclamations; butthose thou makest take care that they be good ones, and above all thatthey be observed and carried out; for proclamations that are not observedare the same as if they did not exist; nay, they encourage the idea thatthe prince who had the wisdom and authority to make them had not thepower to enforce them; and laws that threaten and are not enforced cometo be like the log, the king of the frogs, that frightened them at first,but that in time they despised and mounted upon. Be a father to virtueand a stepfather to vice. Be not always strict, nor yet always lenient,but observe a mean between these two extremes, for in that is the aim ofwisdom. Visit the gaols, the slaughter-houses, and the market-places; forthe presence of the governor is of great importance in such places; itcomforts the prisoners who are in hopes of a speedy release, it is thebugbear of the butchers who have then to give just weight, and it is theterror of the market-women for the same reason. Let it not be seen thatthou art (even if perchance thou art, which I do not believe) covetous, afollower of women, or a glutton; for when the people and those that havedealings with thee become aware of thy special weakness they will bringtheir batteries to bear upon thee in that quarter, till they have broughtthee down to the depths of perdition. Consider and reconsider, con andcon over again the advices and the instructions I gave thee before thydeparture hence to thy government, and thou wilt see that in them, ifthou dost follow them, thou hast a help at hand that will lighten forthee the troubles and difficulties that beset governors at every step.Write to thy lord and lady and show thyself grateful to them, foringratitude is the daughter of pride, and one of the greatest sins weknow of; and he who is grateful to those who have been good to him showsthat he will be so to God also who has bestowed and still bestows so manyblessings upon him.My lady the duchess sent off a messenger with thy suit and anotherpresent to thy wife Teresa Panza; we expect the answer every moment. Ihave been a little indisposed through a certain scratching I came in for,not very much to the benefit of my nose; but it was nothing; for if thereare enchanters who maltreat me, there are also some who defend me. Let meknow if the majordomo who is with thee had any share in the Trifaldiperformance, as thou didst suspect; and keep me informed of everythingthat happens thee, as the distance is so short; all the more as I amthinking of giving over very shortly this idle life I am now leading, forI was not born for it. A thing has occurred to me which I am inclined tothink will put me out of favour with the duke and duchess; but though Iam sorry for it I do not care, for after all I must obey my callingrather than their pleasure, in accordance with the common saying, amicusPlato, sed magis amica veritas. I quote this Latin to thee because Iconclude that since thou hast been a governor thou wilt have learned it.Adieu; God keep thee from being an object of pity to anyone.Thy friend, DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA.Sancho listened to the letter with great attention, and it was praisedand considered wise by all who heard it; he then rose up from table, andcalling his secretary shut himself in with him in his own room, andwithout putting it off any longer set about answering his master DonQuixote at once; and he bade the secretary write down what he told himwithout adding or suppressing anything, which he did, and the answer wasto the following effect.SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA.The pressure of business is so great upon me that I have no time toscratch my head or even to cut my nails; and I have them so long-God senda remedy for it. I say this, master of my soul, that you may not besurprised if I have not until now sent you word of how I fare, well orill, in this government, in which I am suffering more hunger than when wetwo were wandering through the woods and wastes.My lord the duke wrote to me the other day to warn me that certain spieshad got into this island to kill me; but up to the present I have notfound out any except a certain doctor who receives a salary in this townfor killing all the governors that come here; he is called Doctor PedroRecio, and is from Tirteafuera; so you see what a name he has to make medread dying under his hands. This doctor says of himself that he does notcure diseases when there are any, but prevents them coming, and themedicines he uses are diet and more diet until he brings one down to barebones; as if leanness was not worse than fever.In short he is killing me with hunger, and I am dying myself of vexation;for when I thought I was coming to this government to get my meat hot andmy drink cool, and take my ease between holland sheets on feather beds, Ifind I have come to do penance as if I was a hermit; and as I don't do itwillingly I suspect that in the end the devil will carry me off.So far I have not handled any dues or taken any bribes, and I don't knowwhat to think of it; for here they tell me that the governors that cometo this island, before entering it have plenty of money either given tothem or lent to them by the people of the town, and that this is theusual custom not only here but with all who enter upon governments.Last night going the rounds I came upon a fair damsel in man's clothes,and a brother of hers dressed as a woman; my head-carver has fallen inlove with the girl, and has in his own mind chosen her for a wife, so hesays, and I have chosen youth for a son-in-law; to-day we are going toexplain our intentions to the father of the pair, who is one Diego de laLlana, a gentleman and an old Christian as much as you please.I have visited the market-places, as your worship advises me, andyesterday I found a stall-keeper selling new hazel nuts and proved her tohave mixed a bushel of old empty rotten nuts with a bushel of new; Iconfiscated the whole for the children of the charity-school, who willknow how to distinguish them well enough, and I sentenced her not to comeinto the market-place for a fortnight; they told me I did bravely. I cantell your worship it is commonly said in this town that there are nopeople worse than the market-women, for they are all barefaced,unconscionable, and impudent, and I can well believe it from what I haveseen of them in other towns.I am very glad my lady the duchess has written to my wife Teresa Panzaand sent her the present your worship speaks of; and I will strive toshow myself grateful when the time comes; kiss her hands for me, and tellher I say she has not thrown it into a sack with a hole in it, as shewill see in the end. I should not like your worship to have anydifference with my lord and lady; for if you fall out with them it isplain it must do me harm; and as you give me advice to be grateful itwill not do for your worship not to be so yourself to those who haveshown you such kindness, and by whom you have been treated so hospitablyin their castle.That about the scratching I don't understand; but I suppose it must beone of the ill-turns the wicked enchanters are always doing your worship;when we meet I shall know all about it. I wish I could send your worshipsomething; but I don't know what to send, unless it be some very curiousclyster pipes, to work with bladders, that they make in this island; butif the office remains with me I'll find out something to send, one way oranother. If my wife Teresa Panza writes to me, pay the postage and sendme the letter, for I have a very great desire to hear how my house andwife and children are going on. And so, may God deliver your worship fromevil-minded enchanters, and bring me well and peacefully out of thisgovernment, which I doubt, for I expect to take leave of it and my lifetogether, from the way Doctor Pedro Recio treats me.Your worship's servantSANCHO PANZA THE GOVERNOR.The secretary sealed the letter, and immediately dismissed the courier;and those who were carrying on the joke against Sancho putting theirheads together arranged how he was to be dismissed from the government.Sancho spent the afternoon in drawing up certain ordinances relating tothe good government of what he fancied the island; and he ordained thatthere were to be no provision hucksters in the State, and that men mightimport wine into it from any place they pleased, provided they declaredthe quarter it came from, so that a price might be put upon it accordingto its quality, reputation, and the estimation it was held in; and hethat watered his wine, or changed the name, was to forfeit his life forit. He reduced the prices of all manner of shoes, boots, and stockings,but of shoes in particular, as they seemed to him to run extravagantlyhigh. He established a fixed rate for servants' wages, which werebecoming recklessly exorbitant. He laid extremely heavy penalties uponthose who sang lewd or loose songs either by day or night. He decreedthat no blind man should sing of any miracle in verse, unless he couldproduce authentic evidence that it was true, for it was his opinion thatmost of those the blind men sing are trumped up, to the detriment of thetrue ones. He established and created an alguacil of the poor, not toharass them, but to examine them and see whether they really were so; formany a sturdy thief or drunkard goes about under cover of a make-believecrippled limb or a sham sore. In a word, he made so many good rules thatto this day they are preserved there, and are called The constitutions ofthe great governor Sancho Panza.