PART II - CHAPTER XLIII.

by Miguel de Cervantes

　　OF THE SECOND SET OF COUNSELS DON QUIXOTE GAVE SANCHO PANZAWho, hearing the foregoing discourse of Don Quixote, would not have sethim down for a person of great good sense and greater rectitude ofpurpose? But, as has been frequently observed in the course of this greathistory, he only talked nonsense when he touched on chivalry, and indiscussing all other subjects showed that he had a clear and unbiassedunderstanding; so that at every turn his acts gave the lie to hisintellect, and his intellect to his acts; but in the case of these secondcounsels that he gave Sancho he showed himself to have a lively turn ofhumour, and displayed conspicuously his wisdom, and also his folly.Sancho listened to him with the deepest attention, and endeavoured to fixhis counsels in his memory, like one who meant to follow them and bytheir means bring the full promise of his government to a happy issue.Don Quixote, then, went on to say:"With regard to the mode in which thou shouldst govern thy person and thyhouse, Sancho, the first charge I have to give thee is to be clean, andto cut thy nails, not letting them grow as some do, whose ignorance makesthem fancy that long nails are an ornament to their hands, as if thoseexcrescences they neglect to cut were nails, and not the talons of alizard-catching kestrel--a filthy and unnatural abuse."Go not ungirt and loose, Sancho; for disordered attire is a sign of anunstable mind, unless indeed the slovenliness and slackness is to be setdown to craft, as was the common opinion in the case of Julius Caesar."Ascertain cautiously what thy office may be worth; and if it will allowthee to give liveries to thy servants, give them respectable andserviceable, rather than showy and gay ones, and divide them between thyservants and the poor; that is to say, if thou canst clothe six pages,clothe three and three poor men, and thus thou wilt have pages for heavenand pages for earth; the vainglorious never think of this new mode ofgiving liveries."Eat not garlic nor onions, lest they find out thy boorish origin by thesmell; walk slowly and speak deliberately, but not in such a way as tomake it seem thou art listening to thyself, for all affectation is bad."Dine sparingly and sup more sparingly still; for the health of the wholebody is forged in the workshop of the stomach."Be temperate in drinking, bearing in mind that wine in excess keepsneither secrets nor promises."Take care, Sancho, not to chew on both sides, and not to eruct inanybody's presence.""Eruct!" said Sancho; "I don't know what that means.""To eruct, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "means to belch, and that is one ofthe filthiest words in the Spanish language, though a very expressiveone; and therefore nice folk have had recourse to the Latin, and insteadof belch say eruct, and instead of belches say eructations; and if somedo not understand these terms it matters little, for custom will bringthem into use in the course of time, so that they will be readilyunderstood; this is the way a language is enriched; custom and the publicare all-powerful there.""In truth, senor," said Sancho, "one of the counsels and cautions I meanto bear in mind shall be this, not to belch, for I'm constantly doingit.""Eruct, Sancho, not belch," said Don Quixote."Eruct, I shall say henceforth, and I swear not to forget it," saidSancho."Likewise, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "thou must not mingle such aquantity of proverbs in thy discourse as thou dost; for though proverbsare short maxims, thou dost drag them in so often by the head andshoulders that they savour more of nonsense than of maxims.""God alone can cure that," said Sancho; "for I have more proverbs in methan a book, and when I speak they come so thick together into my mouththat they fall to fighting among themselves to get out; that's why mytongue lets fly the first that come, though they may not be pat to thepurpose. But I'll take care henceforward to use such as befit the dignityof my office; for 'in a house where there's plenty, supper is sooncooked,' and 'he who binds does not wrangle,' and 'the bell-ringer's in asafe berth,' and 'giving and keeping require brains.'""That's it, Sancho!" said Don Quixote; "pack, tack, string proverbstogether; nobody is hindering thee! 'My mother beats me, and I go on withmy tricks.' I am bidding thee avoid proverbs, and here in a second thouhast shot out a whole litany of them, which have as much to do with whatwe are talking about as 'over the hills of Ubeda.' Mind, Sancho, I do notsay that a proverb aptly brought in is objectionable; but to pile up andstring together proverbs at random makes conversation dull and vulgar."When thou ridest on horseback, do not go lolling with thy body on theback of the saddle, nor carry thy legs stiff or sticking out from thehorse's belly, nor yet sit so loosely that one would suppose thou wert onDapple; for the seat on a horse makes gentlemen of some and grooms ofothers."Be moderate in thy sleep; for he who does not rise early does not getthe benefit of the day; and remember, Sancho, diligence is the mother ofgood fortune, and indolence, its opposite, never yet attained the objectof an honest ambition."The last counsel I will give thee now, though it does not tend to bodilyimprovement, I would have thee carry carefully in thy memory, for Ibelieve it will be no less useful to thee than those I have given theealready, and it is this--never engage in a dispute about families, atleast in the way of comparing them one with another; for necessarily oneof those compared will be better than the other, and thou wilt be hatedby the one thou hast disparaged, and get nothing in any shape from theone thou hast exalted."Thy attire shall be hose of full length, a long jerkin, and a cloak atrifle longer; loose breeches by no means, for they are becoming neitherfor gentlemen nor for governors."For the present, Sancho, this is all that has occurred to me to advisethee; as time goes by and occasions arise my instructions shall follow,if thou take care to let me know how thou art circumstanced.""Senor," said Sancho, "I see well enough that all these things yourworship has said to me are good, holy, and profitable; but what use willthey be to me if I don't remember one of them? To be sure that about notletting my nails grow, and marrying again if I have the chance, will notslip out of my head; but all that other hash, muddle, and jumble--I don'tand can't recollect any more of it than of last year's clouds; so it mustbe given me in writing; for though I can't either read or write, I'llgive it to my confessor, to drive it into me and remind me of it wheneverit is necessary.""Ah, sinner that I am!" said Don Quixote, "how bad it looks in governorsnot to know how to read or write; for let me tell thee, Sancho, when aman knows not how to read, or is left-handed, it argues one of twothings; either that he was the son of exceedingly mean and lowly parents,or that he himself was so incorrigible and ill-conditioned that neithergood company nor good teaching could make any impression on him. It is agreat defect that thou labourest under, and therefore I would have theelearn at any rate to sign thy name." "I can sign my name well enough,"said Sancho, "for when I was steward of the brotherhood in my village Ilearned to make certain letters, like the marks on bales of goods, whichthey told me made out my name. Besides I can pretend my right hand isdisabled and make some one else sign for me, for 'there's a remedy foreverything except death;' and as I shall be in command and hold thestaff, I can do as I like; moreover, 'he who has the alcalde for hisfather-,' and I'll be governor, and that's higher than alcalde. Only comeand see! Let them make light of me and abuse me; 'they'll come for wooland go back shorn;' 'whom God loves, his house is known to Him;' 'thesilly sayings of the rich pass for saws in the world;' and as I'll berich, being a governor, and at the same time generous, as I mean to be,no fault will be seen in me. 'Only make yourself honey and the flies willsuck you;' 'as much as thou hast so much art thou worth,' as mygrandmother used to say; and 'thou canst have no revenge of a man ofsubstance.'""Oh, God's curse upon thee, Sancho!" here exclaimed Don Quixote; "sixtythousand devils fly away with thee and thy proverbs! For the last hourthou hast been stringing them together and inflicting the pangs oftorture on me with every one of them. Those proverbs will bring thee tothe gallows one day, I promise thee; thy subjects will take thegovernment from thee, or there will be revolts among them. Tell me, wheredost thou pick them up, thou booby? How dost thou apply them, thoublockhead? For with me, to utter one and make it apply properly, I haveto sweat and labour as if I were digging.""By God, master mine," said Sancho, "your worship is making a fuss aboutvery little. Why the devil should you be vexed if I make use of what ismy own? And I have got nothing else, nor any other stock in trade exceptproverbs and more proverbs; and here are three just this instant comeinto my head, pat to the purpose and like pears in a basket; but I won'trepeat them, for 'sage silence is called Sancho.'""That, Sancho, thou art not," said Don Quixote; "for not only art thounot sage silence, but thou art pestilent prate and perversity; still Iwould like to know what three proverbs have just now come into thymemory, for I have been turning over mine own--and it is a good one--andnone occurs to me.""What can be better," said Sancho, "than 'never put thy thumbs betweentwo back teeth;' and 'to "get out of my house" and "what do you want withmy wife?" there is no answer;' and 'whether the pitcher hits the stove,or the stove the pitcher, it's a bad business for the pitcher;' all whichfit to a hair? For no one should quarrel with his governor, or him inauthority over him, because he will come off the worst, as he does whoputs his finger between two back and if they are not back teeth it makesno difference, so long as they are teeth; and to whatever the governormay say there's no answer, any more than to 'get out of my house' and'what do you want with my wife?' and then, as for that about the stoneand the pitcher, a blind man could see that. So that he 'who sees themote in another's eye had need to see the beam in his own,' that it benot said of himself, 'the dead woman was frightened at the one with herthroat cut;' and your worship knows well that 'the fool knows more in hisown house than the wise man in another's.'""Nay, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "the fool knows nothing, either in hisown house or in anybody else's, for no wise structure of any sort canstand on a foundation of folly; but let us say no more about it, Sancho,for if thou governest badly, thine will be the fault and mine the shame;but I comfort myself with having done my duty in advising thee asearnestly and as wisely as I could; and thus I am released from myobligations and my promise. God guide thee, Sancho, and govern thee inthy government, and deliver me from the misgiving I have that thou wiltturn the whole island upside down, a thing I might easily prevent byexplaining to the duke what thou art and telling him that all that fatlittle person of thine is nothing else but a sack full of proverbs andsauciness.""Senor," said Sancho, "if your worship thinks I'm not fit for thisgovernment, I give it up on the spot; for the mere black of the nail ofmy soul is dearer to me than my whole body; and I can live just as well,simple Sancho, on bread and onions, as governor, on partridges andcapons; and what's more, while we're asleep we're all equal, great andsmall, rich and poor. But if your worship looks into it, you will see itwas your worship alone that put me on to this business of governing; forI know no more about the government of islands than a buzzard; and ifthere's any reason to think that because of my being a governor the devilwill get hold of me, I'd rather go Sancho to heaven than governor tohell.""By God, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "for those last words thou hastuttered alone, I consider thou deservest to be governor of a thousandislands. Thou hast good natural instincts, without which no knowledge isworth anything; commend thyself to God, and try not to swerve in thepursuit of thy main object; I mean, always make it thy aim and fixedpurpose to do right in all matters that come before thee, for heavenalways helps good intentions; and now let us go to dinner, for I think mylord and lady are waiting for us."