PART II - CHAPTER XLVII.

by Miguel de Cervantes

　　WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE ACCOUNT OF HOW SANCHO PANZA CONDUCTED HIMSELF INHIS GOVERNMENTThe history says that from the justice court they carried Sancho to asumptuous palace, where in a spacious chamber there was a table laid outwith royal magnificence. The clarions sounded as Sancho entered the room,and four pages came forward to present him with water for his hands,which Sancho received with great dignity. The music ceased, and Sanchoseated himself at the head of the table, for there was only that seatplaced, and no more than one cover laid. A personage, who it appearedafterwards was a physician, placed himself standing by his side with awhalebone wand in his hand. They then lifted up a fine white clothcovering fruit and a great variety of dishes of different sorts; one wholooked like a student said grace, and a page put a laced bib on Sancho,while another who played the part of head carver placed a dish of fruitbefore him. But hardly had he tasted a morsel when the man with the wandtouched the plate with it, and they took it away from before him with theutmost celerity. The carver, however, brought him another dish, andSancho proceeded to try it; but before he could get at it, not to saytaste it, already the wand had touched it and a page had carried it offwith the same promptitude as the fruit. Sancho seeing this was puzzled,and looking from one to another asked if this dinner was to be eatenafter the fashion of a jugglery trick.To this he with the wand replied, "It is not to be eaten, senor governor,except as is usual and customary in other islands where there aregovernors. I, senor, am a physician, and I am paid a salary in thisisland to serve its governors as such, and I have a much greater regardfor their health than for my own, studying day and night and makingmyself acquainted with the governor's constitution, in order to be ableto cure him when he falls sick. The chief thing I have to do is to attendat his dinners and suppers and allow him to eat what appears to me to befit for him, and keep from him what I think will do him harm and beinjurious to his stomach; and therefore I ordered that plate of fruit tobe removed as being too moist, and that other dish I ordered to beremoved as being too hot and containing many spices that stimulatethirst; for he who drinks much kills and consumes the radical moisturewherein life consists.""Well then," said Sancho, "that dish of roast partridges there that seemsso savoury will not do me any harm."To this the physician replied, "Of those my lord the governor shall noteat so long as I live.""Why so?" said Sancho."Because," replied the doctor, "our master Hippocrates, the polestar andbeacon of medicine, says in one of his aphorisms omnis saturatio mala,perdicis autem pessima, which means 'all repletion is bad, but that ofpartridge is the worst of all.""In that case," said Sancho, "let senor doctor see among the dishes thatare on the table what will do me most good and least harm, and let me eatit, without tapping it with his stick; for by the life of the governor,and so may God suffer me to enjoy it, but I'm dying of hunger; and inspite of the doctor and all he may say, to deny me food is the way totake my life instead of prolonging it.""Your worship is right, senor governor," said the physician; "andtherefore your worship, I consider, should not eat of those stewedrabbits there, because it is a furry kind of food; if that veal were notroasted and served with pickles, you might try it; but it is out of thequestion.""That big dish that is smoking farther off," said Sancho, "seems to me tobe an olla podrida, and out of the diversity of things in such ollas, Ican't fail to light upon something tasty and good for me.""Absit," said the doctor; "far from us be any such base thought! There isnothing in the world less nourishing than an olla podrida; to canons, orrectors of colleges, or peasants' weddings with your ollas podridas, butlet us have none of them on the tables of governors, where everythingthat is present should be delicate and refined; and the reason is, thatalways, everywhere and by everybody, simple medicines are more esteemedthan compound ones, for we cannot go wrong in those that are simple,while in the compound we may, by merely altering the quantity of thethings composing them. But what I am of opinion the governor should catnow in order to preserve and fortify his health is a hundred or so ofwafer cakes and a few thin slices of conserve of quinces, which willsettle his stomach and help his digestion."Sancho on hearing this threw himself back in his chair and surveyed thedoctor steadily, and in a solemn tone asked him what his name was andwhere he had studied.He replied, "My name, senor governor, is Doctor Pedro Recio de Aguero Iam a native of a place called Tirteafuera which lies between Caracuel andAlmodovar del Campo, on the right-hand side, and I have the degree ofdoctor from the university of Osuna."To which Sancho, glowing all over with rage, returned, "Then let DoctorPedro Recio de Malaguero, native of Tirteafuera, a place that's on theright-hand side as we go from Caracuel to Almodovar del Campo, graduateof Osuna, get out of my presence at once; or I swear by the sun I'll takea cudgel, and by dint of blows, beginning with him, I'll not leave adoctor in the whole island; at least of those I know to be ignorant; foras to learned, wise, sensible physicians, them I will reverence andhonour as divine persons. Once more I say let Pedro Recio get out of thisor I'll take this chair I am sitting on and break it over his head. Andif they call me to account for it, I'll clear myself by saying I servedGod in killing a bad doctor--a general executioner. And now give mesomething to eat, or else take your government; for a trade that does notfeed its master is not worth two beans."The doctor was dismayed when he saw the governor in such a passion, andhe would have made a Tirteafuera out of the room but that the sameinstant a post-horn sounded in the street; and the carver putting hishead out of the window turned round and said, "It's a courier from mylord the duke, no doubt with some despatch of importance."The courier came in all sweating and flurried, and taking a paper fromhis bosom, placed it in the governor's hands. Sancho handed it to themajordomo and bade him read the superscription, which ran thus: To DonSancho Panza, Governor of the Island of Barataria, into his own hands orthose of his secretary. Sancho when he heard this said, "Which of you ismy secretary?" "I am, senor," said one of those present, "for I can readand write, and am a Biscayan." "With that addition," said Sancho, "youmight be secretary to the emperor himself; open this paper and see whatit says." The new-born secretary obeyed, and having read the contentssaid the matter was one to be discussed in private. Sancho ordered thechamber to be cleared, the majordomo and the carver only remaining; sothe doctor and the others withdrew, and then the secretary read theletter, which was as follows:It has come to my knowledge, Senor Don Sancho Panza, that certain enemiesof mine and of the island are about to make a furious attack upon it somenight, I know not when. It behoves you to be on the alert and keep watch,that they surprise you not. I also know by trustworthy spies that fourpersons have entered the town in disguise in order to take your life,because they stand in dread of your great capacity; keep your eyes openand take heed who approaches you to address you, and eat nothing that ispresented to you. I will take care to send you aid if you find yourselfin difficulty, but in all things you will act as may be expected of yourjudgment. From this place, the Sixteenth of August, at four in themorning.Your friend,THE DUKESancho was astonished, and those who stood by made believe to be so too,and turning to the majordomo he said to him, "What we have got to dofirst, and it must be done at once, is to put Doctor Recio in thelock-up; for if anyone wants to kill me it is he, and by a slow death andthe worst of all, which is hunger.""Likewise," said the carver, "it is my opinion your worship should noteat anything that is on this table, for the whole was a present from somenuns; and as they say, 'behind the cross there's the devil.'""I don't deny it," said Sancho; "so for the present give me a piece ofbread and four pounds or so of grapes; no poison can come in them; forthe fact is I can't go on without eating; and if we are to be preparedfor these battles that are threatening us we must be well provisioned;for it is the tripes that carry the heart and not the heart the tripes.And you, secretary, answer my lord the duke and tell him that all hiscommands shall be obeyed to the letter, as he directs; and say from me tomy lady the duchess that I kiss her hands, and that I beg of her not toforget to send my letter and bundle to my wife Teresa Panza by amessenger; and I will take it as a great favour and will not fail toserve her in all that may lie within my power; and as you are about ityou may enclose a kiss of the hand to my master Don Quixote that he maysee I am grateful bread; and as a good secretary and a good Biscayan youmay add whatever you like and whatever will come in best; and now takeaway this cloth and give me something to eat, and I'll be ready to meetall the spies and assassins and enchanters that may come against me or myisland."At this instant a page entered saying, "Here is a farmer on business, whowants to speak to your lordship on a matter of great importance, hesays.""It's very odd," said Sancho, "the ways of these men on business; is itpossible they can be such fools as not to see that an hour like this isno hour for coming on business? We who govern and we who are judges--arewe not men of flesh and blood, and are we not to be allowed the timerequired for taking rest, unless they'd have us made of marble? By Godand on my conscience, if the government remains in my hands (which I havea notion it won't), I'll bring more than one man on business to order.However, tell this good man to come in; but take care first of all thathe is not some spy or one of my assassins.""No, my lord," said the page, "for he looks like a simple fellow, andeither I know very little or he is as good as good bread.""There is nothing to be afraid of," said the majordomo, "for we are allhere.""Would it be possible, carver," said Sancho, "now that Doctor Pedro Reciois not here, to let me eat something solid and substantial, if it wereeven a piece of bread and an onion?""To-night at supper," said the carver, "the shortcomings of the dinnershall be made good, and your lordship shall be fully contented.""God grant it," said Sancho.The farmer now came in, a well-favoured man that one might see a thousandleagues off was an honest fellow and a good soul. The first thing he saidwas, "Which is the lord governor here?""Which should it be," said the secretary, "but he who is seated in thechair?""Then I humble myself before him," said the farmer; and going on hisknees he asked for his hand, to kiss it. Sancho refused it, and bade himstand up and say what he wanted. The farmer obeyed, and then said, "I ama farmer, senor, a native of Miguelturra, a village two leagues fromCiudad Real.""Another Tirteafuera!" said Sancho; "say on, brother; I know Miguelturravery well I can tell you, for it's not very far from my own town.""The case is this, senor," continued the farmer, "that by God's mercy Iam married with the leave and licence of the holy Roman Catholic Church;I have two sons, students, and the younger is studying to becomebachelor, and the elder to be licentiate; I am a widower, for my wifedied, or more properly speaking, a bad doctor killed her on my hands,giving her a purge when she was with child; and if it had pleased Godthat the child had been born, and was a boy, I would have put him tostudy for doctor, that he might not envy his brothers the bachelor andthe licentiate.""So that if your wife had not died, or had not been killed, you would notnow be a widower," said Sancho."No, senor, certainly not," said the farmer."We've got that much settled," said Sancho; "get on, brother, for it'smore bed-time than business-time.""Well then," said the farmer, "this son of mine who is going to be abachelor, fell in love in the said town with a damsel called ClaraPerlerina, daughter of Andres Perlerino, a very rich farmer; and thisname of Perlerines does not come to them by ancestry or descent, butbecause all the family are paralytics, and for a better name they callthem Perlerines; though to tell the truth the damsel is as fair as anOriental pearl, and like a flower of the field, if you look at her on theright side; on the left not so much, for on that side she wants an eyethat she lost by small-pox; and though her face is thickly and deeplypitted, those who love her say they are not pits that are there, but thegraves where the hearts of her lovers are buried. She is so cleanly thatnot to soil her face she carries her nose turned up, as they say, so thatone would fancy it was running away from her mouth; and with all this shelooks extremely well, for she has a wide mouth; and but for wanting tenor a dozen teeth and grinders she might compare and compete with thecomeliest. Of her lips I say nothing, for they are so fine and thin that,if lips might be reeled, one might make a skein of them; but being of adifferent colour from ordinary lips they are wonderful, for they aremottled, blue, green, and purple--let my lord the governor pardon me forpainting so minutely the charms of her who some time or other will be mydaughter; for I love her, and I don't find her amiss.""Paint what you will," said Sancho; "I enjoy your painting, and if I haddined there could be no dessert more to my taste than your portrait.""That I have still to furnish," said the farmer; "but a time will comewhen we may be able if we are not now; and I can tell you, senor, if Icould paint her gracefulness and her tall figure, it would astonish you;but that is impossible because she is bent double with her knees up toher mouth; but for all that it is easy to see that if she could stand upshe'd knock her head against the ceiling; and she would have given herhand to my bachelor ere this, only that she can't stretch it out, forit's contracted; but still one can see its elegance and fine make by itslong furrowed nails.""That will do, brother," said Sancho; "consider you have painted her fromhead to foot; what is it you want now? Come to the point without all thisbeating about the bush, and all these scraps and additions.""I want your worship, senor," said the farmer, "to do me the favour ofgiving me a letter of recommendation to the girl's father, begging him tobe so good as to let this marriage take place, as we are not ill-matchedeither in the gifts of fortune or of nature; for to tell the truth, senorgovernor, my son is possessed of a devil, and there is not a day but theevil spirits torment him three or four times; and from having once falleninto the fire, he has his face puckered up like a piece of parchment, andhis eyes watery and always running; but he has the disposition of anangel, and if it was not for belabouring and pummelling himself he'd be asaint.""Is there anything else you want, good man?" said Sancho."There's another thing I'd like," said the farmer, "but I'm afraid tomention it; however, out it must; for after all I can't let it be rottingin my breast, come what may. I mean, senor, that I'd like your worship togive me three hundred or six hundred ducats as a help to my bachelor'sportion, to help him in setting up house; for they must, in short, liveby themselves, without being subject to the interferences of theirfathers-in-law.""Just see if there's anything else you'd like," said Sancho, "and don'thold back from mentioning it out of bashfulness or modesty.""No, indeed there is not," said the farmer.The moment he said this the governor started to his feet, and seizing thechair he had been sitting on exclaimed, "By all that's good, youill-bred, boorish Don Bumpkin, if you don't get out of this at once andhide yourself from my sight, I'll lay your head open with this chair. Youwhoreson rascal, you devil's own painter, and is it at this hour you cometo ask me for six hundred ducats! How should I have them, you stinkingbrute? And why should I give them to you if I had them, you knave andblockhead? What have I to do with Miguelturra or the whole family of thePerlerines? Get out I say, or by the life of my lord the duke I'll do asI said. You're not from Miguelturra, but some knave sent here from hellto tempt me. Why, you villain, I have not yet had the government half aday, and you want me to have six hundred ducats already!"The carver made signs to the farmer to leave the room, which he did withhis head down, and to all appearance in terror lest the governor shouldcarry his threats into effect, for the rogue knew very well how to playhis part.But let us leave Sancho in his wrath, and peace be with them all; and letus return to Don Quixote, whom we left with his face bandaged anddoctored after the cat wounds, of which he was not cured for eight days;and on one of these there befell him what Cide Hamete promises to relatewith that exactitude and truth with which he is wont to set fortheverything connected with this great history, however minute it may be.