PART II - CHAPTER XXXI.

by Miguel de Cervantes

　　WHICH TREATS OF MANY AND GREAT MATTERSSupreme was the satisfaction that Sancho felt at seeing himself, as itseemed, an established favourite with the duchess, for he looked forwardto finding in her castle what he had found in Don Diego's house and inBasilio's; he was always fond of good living, and always seized by theforelock any opportunity of feasting himself whenever it presenteditself. The history informs us, then, that before they reached thecountry house or castle, the duke went on in advance and instructed allhis servants how they were to treat Don Quixote; and so the instant hecame up to the castle gates with the duchess, two lackeys or equerries,clad in what they call morning gowns of fine crimson satin reaching totheir feet, hastened out, and catching Don Quixote in their arms beforehe saw or heard them, said to him, "Your highness should go and take mylady the duchess off her horse."Don Quixote obeyed, and great bandying of compliments followed betweenthe two over the matter; but in the end the duchess's determinationcarried the day, and she refused to get down or dismount from her palfreyexcept in the arms of the duke, saying she did not consider herselfworthy to impose so unnecessary a burden on so great a knight. At lengththe duke came out to take her down, and as they entered a spacious courttwo fair damsels came forward and threw over Don Quixote's shoulders alarge mantle of the finest scarlet cloth, and at the same instant all thegalleries of the court were lined with the men-servants andwomen-servants of the household, crying, "Welcome, flower and cream ofknight-errantry!" while all or most of them flung pellets filled withscented water over Don Quixote and the duke and duchess; at all which DonQuixote was greatly astonished, and this was the first time that hethoroughly felt and believed himself to be a knight-errant in reality andnot merely in fancy, now that he saw himself treated in the same way ashe had read of such knights being treated in days of yore.Sancho, deserting Dapple, hung on to the duchess and entered the castle,but feeling some twinges of conscience at having left the ass alone, heapproached a respectable duenna who had come out with the rest to receivethe duchess, and in a low voice he said to her, "Senora Gonzalez, orhowever your grace may be called-""I am called Dona Rodriguez de Grijalba," replied the duenna; "what isyour will, brother?" To which Sancho made answer, "I should be glad ifyour worship would do me the favour to go out to the castle gate, whereyou will find a grey ass of mine; make them, if you please, put him inthe stable, or put him there yourself, for the poor little beast israther easily frightened, and cannot bear being alone at all.""If the master is as wise as the man," said the duenna, "we have got afine bargain. Be off with you, brother, and bad luck to you and him whobrought you here; go, look after your ass, for we, the duennas of thishouse, are not used to work of that sort.""Well then, in troth," returned Sancho, "I have heard my master, who isthe very treasure-finder of stories, telling the story of Lancelot whenhe came from Britain, say that ladies waited upon him and duennas uponhis hack; and, if it comes to my ass, I wouldn't change him for SenorLancelot's hack.""If you are a jester, brother," said the duenna, "keep your drolleriesfor some place where they'll pass muster and be paid for; for you'll getnothing from me but a fig.""At any rate, it will be a very ripe one," said Sancho, "for you won'tlose the trick in years by a point too little.""Son of a bitch," said the duenna, all aglow with anger, "whether I'm oldor not, it's with God I have to reckon, not with you, you garlic-stuffedscoundrel!" and she said it so loud, that the duchess heard it, andturning round and seeing the duenna in such a state of excitement, andher eyes flaming so, asked whom she was wrangling with."With this good fellow here," said the duenna, "who has particularlyrequested me to go and put an ass of his that is at the castle gate intothe stable, holding it up to me as an example that they did the same Idon't know where--that some ladies waited on one Lancelot, and duennas onhis hack; and what is more, to wind up with, he called me old.""That," said the duchess, "I should have considered the greatest affrontthat could be offered me;" and addressing Sancho, she said to him, "Youmust know, friend Sancho, that Dona Rodriguez is very youthful, and thatshe wears that hood more for authority and custom sake than because ofher years.""May all the rest of mine be unlucky," said Sancho, "if I meant it thatway; I only spoke because the affection I have for my ass is so great,and I thought I could not commend him to a more kind-hearted person thanthe lady Dona Rodriguez."Don Quixote, who was listening, said to him, "Is this proper conversationfor the place, Sancho?""Senor," replied Sancho, "every one must mention what he wants whereverhe may be; I thought of Dapple here, and I spoke of him here; if I hadthought of him in the stable I would have spoken there."On which the duke observed, "Sancho is quite right, and there is noreason at all to find fault with him; Dapple shall be fed to his heart'scontent, and Sancho may rest easy, for he shall be treated like himself."While this conversation, amusing to all except Don Quixote, wasproceeding, they ascended the staircase and ushered Don Quixote into achamber hung with rich cloth of gold and brocade; six damsels relievedhim of his armour and waited on him like pages, all of them prepared andinstructed by the duke and duchess as to what they were to do, and howthey were to treat Don Quixote, so that he might see and believe theywere treating him like a knight-errant. When his armour was removed,there stood Don Quixote in his tight-fitting breeches and chamoisdoublet, lean, lanky, and long, with cheeks that seemed to be kissingeach other inside; such a figure, that if the damsels waiting on him hadnot taken care to check their merriment (which was one of the particulardirections their master and mistress had given them), they would haveburst with laughter. They asked him to let himself be stripped that theymight put a shirt on him, but he would not on any account, saying thatmodesty became knights-errant just as much as valour. However, he saidthey might give the shirt to Sancho; and shutting himself in with him ina room where there was a sumptuous bed, he undressed and put on theshirt; and then, finding himself alone with Sancho, he said to him, "Tellme, thou new-fledged buffoon and old booby, dost thou think it right tooffend and insult a duenna so deserving of reverence and respect as thatone just now? Was that a time to bethink thee of thy Dapple, or are thesenoble personages likely to let the beasts fare badly when they treattheir owners in such elegant style? For God's sake, Sancho, restrainthyself, and don't show the thread so as to let them see what a coarse,boorish texture thou art of. Remember, sinner that thou art, the masteris the more esteemed the more respectable and well-bred his servants are;and that one of the greatest advantages that princes have over other menis that they have servants as good as themselves to wait on them. Dostthou not see--shortsighted being that thou art, and unlucky mortal that Iam!--that if they perceive thee to be a coarse clown or a dull blockhead,they will suspect me to be some impostor or swindler? Nay, nay, Sanchofriend, keep clear, oh, keep clear of these stumbling-blocks; for he whofalls into the way of being a chatterbox and droll, drops into a wretchedbuffoon the first time he trips; bridle thy tongue, consider and weighthy words before they escape thy mouth, and bear in mind we are now inquarters whence, by God's help, and the strength of my arm, we shall comeforth mightily advanced in fame and fortune."Sancho promised him with much earnestness to keep his mouth shut, and tobite off his tongue before he uttered a word that was not altogether tothe purpose and well considered, and told him he might make his mind easyon that point, for it should never be discovered through him what theywere.Don Quixote dressed himself, put on his baldric with his sword, threw thescarlet mantle over his shoulders, placed on his head a montera of greensatin that the damsels had given him, and thus arrayed passed out intothe large room, where he found the damsels drawn up in double file, thesame number on each side, all with the appliances for washing the hands,which they presented to him with profuse obeisances and ceremonies. Thencame twelve pages, together with the seneschal, to lead him to dinner, ashis hosts were already waiting for him. They placed him in the midst ofthem, and with much pomp and stateliness they conducted him into anotherroom, where there was a sumptuous table laid with but four covers. Theduchess and the duke came out to the door of the room to receive him, andwith them a grave ecclesiastic, one of those who rule noblemen's houses;one of those who, not being born magnates themselves, never know how toteach those who are how to behave as such; one of those who would havethe greatness of great folk measured by their own narrowness of mind; oneof those who, when they try to introduce economy into the household theyrule, lead it into meanness. One of this sort, I say, must have been thegrave churchman who came out with the duke and duchess to receive DonQuixote.A vast number of polite speeches were exchanged, and at length, takingDon Quixote between them, they proceeded to sit down to table. The dukepressed Don Quixote to take the head of the table, and, though herefused, the entreaties of the duke were so urgent that he had to acceptit.The ecclesiastic took his seat opposite to him, and the duke and duchessthose at the sides. All this time Sancho stood by, gaping with amazementat the honour he saw shown to his master by these illustrious persons;and observing all the ceremonious pressing that had passed between theduke and Don Quixote to induce him to take his seat at the head of thetable, he said, "If your worship will give me leave I will tell you astory of what happened in my village about this matter of seats."The moment Sancho said this Don Quixote trembled, making sure that he wasabout to say something foolish. Sancho glanced at him, and guessing histhoughts, said, "Don't be afraid of my going astray, senor, or sayinganything that won't be pat to the purpose; I haven't forgotten the adviceyour worship gave me just now about talking much or little, well or ill.""I have no recollection of anything, Sancho," said Don Quixote; "say whatthou wilt, only say it quickly.""Well then," said Sancho, "what I am going to say is so true that mymaster Don Quixote, who is here present, will keep me from lying.""Lie as much as thou wilt for all I care, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "forI am not going to stop thee, but consider what thou art going to say.""I have so considered and reconsidered," said Sancho, "that thebell-ringer's in a safe berth; as will be seen by what follows.""It would be well," said Don Quixote, "if your highnesses would orderthem to turn out this idiot, for he will talk a heap of nonsense.""By the life of the duke, Sancho shall not be taken away from me for amoment," said the duchess; "I am very fond of him, for I know he is verydiscreet.""Discreet be the days of your holiness," said Sancho, "for the goodopinion you have of my wit, though there's none in me; but the story Iwant to tell is this. There was an invitation given by a gentleman of mytown, a very rich one, and one of quality, for he was one of the Alamosof Medina del Campo, and married to Dona Mencia de Quinones, the daughterof Don Alonso de Maranon, Knight of the Order of Santiago, that wasdrowned at the Herradura--him there was that quarrel about years ago inour village, that my master Don Quixote was mixed up in, to the best ofmy belief, that Tomasillo the scapegrace, the son of Balbastro the smith,was wounded in.--Isn't all this true, master mine? As you live, say so,that these gentlefolk may not take me for some lying chatterer.""So far," said the ecclesiastic, "I take you to be more a chatterer thana liar; but I don't know what I shall take you for by-and-by.""Thou citest so many witnesses and proofs, Sancho," said Don Quixote,"that I have no choice but to say thou must be telling the truth; go on,and cut the story short, for thou art taking the way not to make an endfor two days to come.""He is not to cut it short," said the duchess; "on the contrary, for mygratification, he is to tell it as he knows it, though he should notfinish it these six days; and if he took so many they would be to me thepleasantest I ever spent.""Well then, sirs, I say," continued Sancho, "that this same gentleman,whom I know as well as I do my own hands, for it's not a bowshot from myhouse to his, invited a poor but respectable labourer-""Get on, brother," said the churchman; "at the rate you are going youwill not stop with your story short of the next world.""I'll stop less than half-way, please God," said Sancho; "and so I saythis labourer, coming to the house of the gentleman I spoke of thatinvited him--rest his soul, he is now dead; and more by token he died thedeath of an angel, so they say; for I was not there, for just at thattime I had gone to reap at Tembleque-""As you live, my son," said the churchman, "make haste back fromTembleque, and finish your story without burying the gentleman, unlessyou want to make more funerals.""Well then, it so happened," said Sancho, "that as the pair of them weregoing to sit down to table--and I think I can see them now plainer thanever-"Great was the enjoyment the duke and duchess derived from the irritationthe worthy churchman showed at the long-winded, halting way Sancho had oftelling his story, while Don Quixote was chafing with rage and vexation."So, as I was saying," continued Sancho, "as the pair of them were goingto sit down to table, as I said, the labourer insisted upon thegentleman's taking the head of the table, and the gentleman insisted uponthe labourer's taking it, as his orders should be obeyed in his house;but the labourer, who plumed himself on his politeness and good breeding,would not on any account, until the gentleman, out of patience, puttinghis hands on his shoulders, compelled him by force to sit down, saying,'Sit down, you stupid lout, for wherever I sit will be the head to you;and that's the story, and, troth, I think it hasn't been brought in amisshere."Don Quixote turned all colours, which, on his sunburnt face, mottled ittill it looked like jasper. The duke and duchess suppressed theirlaughter so as not altogether to mortify Don Quixote, for they sawthrough Sancho's impertinence; and to change the conversation, and keepSancho from uttering more absurdities, the duchess asked Don Quixote whatnews he had of the lady Dulcinea, and if he had sent her any presents ofgiants or miscreants lately, for he could not but have vanquished a goodmany.To which Don Quixote replied, "Senora, my misfortunes, though they had abeginning, will never have an end. I have vanquished giants and I havesent her caitiffs and miscreants; but where are they to find her if sheis enchanted and turned into the most ill-favoured peasant wench that canbe imagined?""I don't know," said Sancho Panza; "to me she seems the fairest creaturein the world; at any rate, in nimbleness and jumping she won't give in toa tumbler; by my faith, senora duchess, she leaps from the ground on tothe back of an ass like a cat.""Have you seen her enchanted, Sancho?" asked the duke."What, seen her!" said Sancho; "why, who the devil was it but myself thatfirst thought of the enchantment business? She is as much enchanted as myfather."The ecclesiastic, when he heard them talking of giants and caitiffs andenchantments, began to suspect that this must be Don Quixote of LaMancha, whose story the duke was always reading; and he had himself oftenreproved him for it, telling him it was foolish to read such fooleries;and becoming convinced that his suspicion was correct, addressing theduke, he said very angrily to him, "Senor, your excellence will have togive account to God for what this good man does. This Don Quixote, or DonSimpleton, or whatever his name is, cannot, I imagine, be such ablockhead as your excellence would have him, holding out encouragement tohim to go on with his vagaries and follies." Then turning to address DonQuixote he said, "And you, num-skull, who put it into your head that youare a knight-errant, and vanquish giants and capture miscreants? Go yourways in a good hour, and in a good hour be it said to you. Go home andbring up your children if you have any, and attend to your business, andgive over going wandering about the world, gaping and making alaughing-stock of yourself to all who know you and all who don't. Where,in heaven's name, have you discovered that there are or ever wereknights-errant? Where are there giants in Spain or miscreants in LaMancha, or enchanted Dulcineas, or all the rest of the silly things theytell about you?"Don Quixote listened attentively to the reverend gentleman's words, andas soon as he perceived he had done speaking, regardless of the presenceof the duke and duchess, he sprang to his feet with angry looks and anagitated countenance, and said--But the reply deserves a chapter toitself.