PART II - CHAPTER XXXIII.

by Miguel de Cervantes

　　OF THE DELECTABLE DISCOURSE WHICH THE DUCHESS AND HER DAMSELS HELD WITHSANCHO PANZA, WELL WORTH READING AND NOTINGThe history records that Sancho did not sleep that afternoon, but inorder to keep his word came, before he had well done dinner, to visit theduchess, who, finding enjoyment in listening to him, made him sit downbeside her on a low seat, though Sancho, out of pure good breeding,wanted not to sit down; the duchess, however, told him he was to sit downas governor and talk as squire, as in both respects he was worthy of eventhe chair of the Cid Ruy Diaz the Campeador. Sancho shrugged hisshoulders, obeyed, and sat down, and all the duchess's damsels andduennas gathered round him, waiting in profound silence to hear what hewould say. It was the duchess, however, who spoke first, saying:"Now that we are alone, and that there is nobody here to overhear us, Ishould be glad if the senor governor would relieve me of certain doubts Ihave, rising out of the history of the great Don Quixote that is now inprint. One is: inasmuch as worthy Sancho never saw Dulcinea, I mean thelady Dulcinea del Toboso, nor took Don Quixote's letter to her, for itwas left in the memorandum book in the Sierra Morena, how did he dare toinvent the answer and all that about finding her sifting wheat, the wholestory being a deception and falsehood, and so much to the prejudice ofthe peerless Dulcinea's good name, a thing that is not at all becomingthe character and fidelity of a good squire?"At these words, Sancho, without uttering one in reply, got up from hischair, and with noiseless steps, with his body bent and his finger on hislips, went all round the room lifting up the hangings; and this done, hecame back to his seat and said, "Now, senora, that I have seen that thereis no one except the bystanders listening to us on the sly, I will answerwhat you have asked me, and all you may ask me, without fear or dread.And the first thing I have got to say is, that for my own part I hold mymaster Don Quixote to be stark mad, though sometimes he says things that,to my mind, and indeed everybody's that listens to him, are so wise, andrun in such a straight furrow, that Satan himself could not have saidthem better; but for all that, really, and beyond all question, it's myfirm belief he is cracked. Well, then, as this is clear to my mind, I canventure to make him believe things that have neither head nor tail, likethat affair of the answer to the letter, and that other of six or eightdays ago, which is not yet in history, that is to say, the affair of theenchantment of my lady Dulcinea; for I made him believe she is enchanted,though there's no more truth in it than over the hills of Ubeda."The duchess begged him to tell her about the enchantment or deception, soSancho told the whole story exactly as it had happened, and his hearerswere not a little amused by it; and then resuming, the duchess said, "Inconsequence of what worthy Sancho has told me, a doubt starts up in mymind, and there comes a kind of whisper to my ear that says, 'If DonQuixote be mad, crazy, and cracked, and Sancho Panza his squire knows it,and, notwithstanding, serves and follows him, and goes trusting to hisempty promises, there can be no doubt he must be still madder and sillierthan his master; and that being so, it will be cast in your teeth, senoraduchess, if you give the said Sancho an island to govern; for how will hewho does not know how to govern himself know how to govern others?'""By God, senora," said Sancho, "but that doubt comes timely; but yourgrace may say it out, and speak plainly, or as you like; for I know whatyou say is true, and if I were wise I should have left my master longago; but this was my fate, this was my bad luck; I can't help it, I mustfollow him; we're from the same village, I've eaten his bread, I'm fondof him, I'm grateful, he gave me his ass-colts, and above all I'mfaithful; so it's quite impossible for anything to separate us, exceptthe pickaxe and shovel. And if your highness does not like to give me thegovernment you promised, God made me without it, and maybe your notgiving it to me will be all the better for my conscience, for fool as Iam I know the proverb 'to her hurt the ant got wings,' and it may be thatSancho the squire will get to heaven sooner than Sancho the governor.'They make as good bread here as in France,' and 'by night all cats aregrey,' and 'a hard case enough his, who hasn't broken his fast at two inthe afternoon,' and 'there's no stomach a hand's breadth bigger thananother,' and the same can be filled 'with straw or hay,' as the sayingis, and 'the little birds of the field have God for their purveyor andcaterer,' and 'four yards of Cuenca frieze keep one warmer than four ofSegovia broad-cloth,' and 'when we quit this world and are putunderground the prince travels by as narrow a path as the journeyman,'and 'the Pope's body does not take up more feet of earth than thesacristan's,' for all that the one is higher than the other; for when wego to our graves we all pack ourselves up and make ourselves small, orrather they pack us up and make us small in spite of us, and then--goodnight to us. And I say once more, if your ladyship does not like to giveme the island because I'm a fool, like a wise man I will take care togive myself no trouble about it; I have heard say that 'behind the crossthere's the devil,' and that 'all that glitters is not gold,' and thatfrom among the oxen, and the ploughs, and the yokes, Wamba the husbandmanwas taken to be made King of Spain, and from among brocades, andpleasures, and riches, Roderick was taken to be devoured by adders, ifthe verses of the old ballads don't lie.""To be sure they don't lie!" exclaimed Dona Rodriguez, the duenna, whowas one of the listeners. "Why, there's a ballad that says they put KingRodrigo alive into a tomb full of toads, and adders, and lizards, andthat two days afterwards the king, in a plaintive, feeble voice, criedout from within the tomb--They gnaw me now, they gnaw me now,

　　There where I most did sin.And according to that the gentleman has good reason to say he wouldrather be a labouring man than a king, if vermin are to eat him."The duchess could not help laughing at the simplicity of her duenna, orwondering at the language and proverbs of Sancho, to whom she said,"Worthy Sancho knows very well that when once a knight has made a promisehe strives to keep it, though it should cost him his life. My lord andhusband the duke, though not one of the errant sort, is none the less aknight for that reason, and will keep his word about the promised island,in spite of the envy and malice of the world. Let Sancho he of goodcheer; for when he least expects it he will find himself seated on thethrone of his island and seat of dignity, and will take possession of hisgovernment that he may discard it for another of three-bordered brocade.The charge I give him is to be careful how he governs his vassals,bearing in mind that they are all loyal and well-born.""As to governing them well," said Sancho, "there's no need of charging meto do that, for I'm kind-hearted by nature, and full of compassion forthe poor; there's no stealing the loaf from him who kneads and bakes;'and by my faith it won't do to throw false dice with me; I am an old dog,and I know all about 'tus, tus;' I can be wide-awake if need be, and Idon't let clouds come before my eyes, for I know where the shoe pinchesme; I say so, because with me the good will have support and protection,and the bad neither footing nor access. And it seems to me that, ingovernments, to make a beginning is everything; and maybe, after havingbeen governor a fortnight, I'll take kindly to the work and know moreabout it than the field labour I have been brought up to.""You are right, Sancho," said the duchess, "for no one is born readytaught, and the bishops are made out of men and not out of stones. But toreturn to the subject we were discussing just now, the enchantment of thelady Dulcinea, I look upon it as certain, and something more thanevident, that Sancho's idea of practising a deception upon his master,making him believe that the peasant girl was Dulcinea and that if he didnot recognise her it must be because she was enchanted, was all a deviceof one of the enchanters that persecute Don Quixote. For in truth andearnest, I know from good authority that the coarse country wench whojumped up on the ass was and is Dulcinea del Toboso, and that worthySancho, though he fancies himself the deceiver, is the one that isdeceived; and that there is no more reason to doubt the truth of this,than of anything else we never saw. Senor Sancho Panza must know that wetoo have enchanters here that are well disposed to us, and tell us whatgoes on in the world, plainly and distinctly, without subterfuge ordeception; and believe me, Sancho, that agile country lass was and isDulcinea del Toboso, who is as much enchanted as the mother that boreher; and when we least expect it, we shall see her in her own properform, and then Sancho will be disabused of the error he is under atpresent.""All that's very possible," said Sancho Panza; "and now I'm willing tobelieve what my master says about what he saw in the cave of Montesinos,where he says he saw the lady Dulcinea del Toboso in the very same dressand apparel that I said I had seen her in when I enchanted her all toplease myself. It must be all exactly the other way, as your ladyshipsays; because it is impossible to suppose that out of my poor wit such acunning trick could be concocted in a moment, nor do I think my master isso mad that by my weak and feeble persuasion he could be made to believea thing so out of all reason. But, senora, your excellence must nottherefore think me ill-disposed, for a dolt like me is not bound to seeinto the thoughts and plots of those vile enchanters. I invented all thatto escape my master's scolding, and not with any intention of hurtinghim; and if it has turned out differently, there is a God in heaven whojudges our hearts.""That is true," said the duchess; "but tell me, Sancho, what is this yousay about the cave of Montesinos, for I should like to know."Sancho upon this related to her, word for word, what has been saidalready touching that adventure, and having heard it the duchess said,"From this occurrence it may be inferred that, as the great Don Quixotesays he saw there the same country wench Sancho saw on the way from ElToboso, it is, no doubt, Dulcinea, and that there are some very activeand exceedingly busy enchanters about.""So I say," said Sancho, "and if my lady Dulcinea is enchanted, so muchthe worse for her, and I'm not going to pick a quarrel with my master'senemies, who seem to be many and spiteful. The truth is that the one Isaw was a country wench, and I set her down to be a country wench; and ifthat was Dulcinea it must not be laid at my door, nor should I be calledto answer for it or take the consequences. But they must go nagging at meat every step--'Sancho said it, Sancho did it, Sancho here, Sanchothere,' as if Sancho was nobody at all, and not that same Sancho Panzathat's now going all over the world in books, so Samson Carrasco told me,and he's at any rate one that's a bachelor of Salamanca; and people ofthat sort can't lie, except when the whim seizes them or they have somevery good reason for it. So there's no occasion for anybody to quarrelwith me; and then I have a good character, and, as I have heard my mastersay, 'a good name is better than great riches;' let them only stick meinto this government and they'll see wonders, for one who has been a goodsquire will be a good governor.""All worthy Sancho's observations," said the duchess, "are Catoniansentences, or at any rate out of the very heart of Michael Verinohimself, who florentibus occidit annis. In fact, to speak in his ownstyle, 'under a bad cloak there's often a good drinker.'""Indeed, senora," said Sancho, "I never yet drank out of wickedness; fromthirst I have very likely, for I have nothing of the hypocrite in me; Idrink when I'm inclined, or, if I'm not inclined, when they offer it tome, so as not to look either strait-laced or ill-bred; for when a frienddrinks one's health what heart can be so hard as not to return it? But ifI put on my shoes I don't dirty them; besides, squires to knights-errantmostly drink water, for they are always wandering among woods, forestsand meadows, mountains and crags, without a drop of wine to be had ifthey gave their eyes for it.""So I believe," said the duchess; "and now let Sancho go and take hissleep, and we will talk by-and-by at greater length, and settle how hemay soon go and stick himself into the government, as he says."Sancho once more kissed the duchess's hand, and entreated her to let goodcare be taken of his Dapple, for he was the light of his eyes."What is Dapple?" said the duchess."My ass," said Sancho, "which, not to mention him by that name, I'maccustomed to call Dapple; I begged this lady duenna here to take care ofhim when I came into the castle, and she got as angry as if I had saidshe was ugly or old, though it ought to be more natural and proper forduennas to feed asses than to ornament chambers. God bless me! what aspite a gentleman of my village had against these ladies!""He must have been some clown," said Dona Rodriguez the duenna; "for ifhe had been a gentleman and well-born he would have exalted them higherthan the horns of the moon.""That will do," said the duchess; "no more of this; hush, Dona Rodriguez,and let Senor Panza rest easy and leave the treatment of Dapple in mycharge, for as he is a treasure of Sancho's, I'll put him on the apple ofmy eye.""It will be enough for him to be in the stable," said Sancho, "forneither he nor I are worthy to rest a moment in the apple of yourhighness's eye, and I'd as soon stab myself as consent to it; for thoughmy master says that in civilities it is better to lose by a card too manythan a card too few, when it comes to civilities to asses we must mindwhat we are about and keep within due bounds.""Take him to your government, Sancho," said the duchess, "and there youwill be able to make as much of him as you like, and even release himfrom work and pension him off.""Don't think, senora duchess, that you have said anything absurd," saidSancho; "I have seen more than two asses go to governments, and for me totake mine with me would be nothing new."Sancho's words made the duchess laugh again and gave her fresh amusement,and dismissing him to sleep she went away to tell the duke theconversation she had had with him, and between them they plotted andarranged to play a joke upon Don Quixote that was to be a rare one andentirely in knight-errantry style, and in that same style they practisedseveral upon him, so much in keeping and so clever that they form thebest adventures this great history contains.