XXII. Lady Susan to Mrs. Johnson

by Jane Austen

　　Churchhill.This is insufferable! My dearest friend, I was never so enraged before,and must relieve myself by writing to you, who I know will enter into allmy feelings. Who should come on Tuesday but Sir James Martin! Guess myastonishment, and vexation--for, as you well know, I never wished him to beseen at Churchhill. What a pity that you should not have known hisintentions! Not content with coming, he actually invited himself to remainhere a few days. I could have poisoned him! I made the best of it, however,and told my story with great success to Mrs. Vernon, who, whatever might beher real sentiments, said nothing in opposition to mine. I made a pointalso of Frederica's behaving civilly to Sir James, and gave her tounderstand that I was absolutely determined on her marrying him. She saidsomething of her misery, but that was all. I have for some time been moreparticularly resolved on the match from seeing the rapid increase of heraffection for Reginald, and from not feeling secure that a knowledge ofsuch affection might not in the end awaken a return. Contemptible as aregard founded only on compassion must make them both in my eyes, I felt byno means assured that such might not be the consequence. It is true thatReginald had not in any degree grown cool towards me; but yet he has latelymentioned Frederica spontaneously and unnecessarily, and once saidsomething in praise of her person. He was all astonishment at theappearance of my visitor, and at first observed Sir James with an attentionwhich I was pleased to see not unmixed with jealousy; but unluckily it wasimpossible for me really to torment him, as Sir James, though extremelygallant to me, very soon made the whole party understand that his heart wasdevoted to my daughter. I had no great difficulty in convincing De Courcy,when we were alone, that I was perfectly justified, all things considered,in desiring the match; and the whole business seemed most comfortablyarranged. They could none of them help perceiving that Sir James was noSolomon; but I had positively forbidden Frederica complaining to CharlesVernon or his wife, and they had therefore no pretence for interference;though my impertinent sister, I believe, wanted only opportunity for doingso. Everything, however, was going on calmly and quietly; and, though Icounted the hours of Sir James's stay, my mind was entirely satisfied withthe posture of affairs. Guess, then, what I must feel at the suddendisturbance of all my schemes; and that, too, from a quarter where I hadleast reason to expect it. Reginald came this morning into my dressing-roomwith a very unusual solemnity of countenance, and after some prefaceinformed me in so many words that he wished to reason with me on theimpropriety and unkindness of allowing Sir James Martin to address mydaughter contrary to her inclinations. I was all amazement. When I foundthat he was not to be laughed out of his design, I calmly begged anexplanation, and desired to know by what he was impelled, and by whomcommissioned, to reprimand me. He then told me, mixing in his speech a fewinsolent compliments and ill-timed expressions of tenderness, to which Ilistened with perfect indifference, that my daughter had acquainted himwith some circumstances concerning herself, Sir James, and me which hadgiven him great uneasiness. In short, I found that she had in the firstplace actually written to him to request his interference, and that, onreceiving her letter, he had conversed with her on the subject of it, inorder to understand the particulars, and to assure himself of her realwishes. I have not a doubt but that the girl took this opportunity ofmaking downright love to him. I am convinced of it by the manner in whichhe spoke of her. Much good may such love do him! I shall ever despise theman who can be gratified by the passion which he never wished to inspire,nor solicited the avowal of. I shall always detest them both. He can haveno true regard for me, or he would not have listened to her; and she, withher little rebellious heart and indelicate feelings, to throw herself intothe protection of a young man with whom she has scarcely ever exchanged twowords before! I am equally confounded at her impudence and his credulity.How dared he believe what she told him in my disfavour! Ought he not tohave felt assured that I must have unanswerable motives for all that I haddone? Where was his reliance on my sense and goodness then? Where theresentment which true love would have dictated against the person defamingme--that person, too, a chit, a child, without talent or education, whom hehad been always taught to despise? I was calm for some time; but thegreatest degree of forbearance may be overcome, and I hope I was afterwardssufficiently keen. He endeavoured, long endeavoured, to soften myresentment; but that woman is a fool indeed who, while insulted byaccusation, can be worked on by compliments. At length he left me, asdeeply provoked as myself; and he showed his anger more. I was quite cool,but he gave way to the most violent indignation; I may therefore expect itwill the sooner subside, and perhaps his may be vanished for ever, whilemine will be found still fresh and implacable. He is now shut up in hisapartment, whither I heard him go on leaving mine. How unpleasant, onewould think, must be his reflections! but some people's feelings areincomprehensible. I have not yet tranquillised myself enough to seeFrederica. She shall not soon forget the occurrences of this day; she shallfind that she has poured forth her tender tale of love in vain, and exposedherself for ever to the contempt of the whole world, and the severestresentment of her injured mother.Your affectionateS. VERNON.