XXIX. Lady Susan Vernon to Mrs. Johnson

by Jane Austen

　　Upper Seymour Street.My dear Alicia,--There needed not this last fit of the gout to make medetest Mr. Johnson, but now the extent of my aversion is not to beestimated. To have you confined as nurse in his apartment! My dear Alicia,of what a mistake were you guilty in marrying a man of his age! just oldenough to be formal, ungovernable, and to have the gout; too old to beagreeable, too young to die. I arrived last night about five, had scarcelyswallowed my dinner when Mainwaring made his appearance. I will notdissemble what real pleasure his sight afforded me, nor how strongly I feltthe contrast between his person and manners and those of Reginald, to theinfinite disadvantage of the latter. For an hour or two I was evenstaggered in my resolution of marrying him, and though this was too idleand nonsensical an idea to remain long on my mind, I do not feel very eagerfor the conclusion of my marriage, nor look forward with much impatience tothe time when Reginald, according to our agreement, is to be in town. Ishall probably put off his arrival under some pretence or other. He mustnot come till Mainwaring is gone. I am still doubtful at times as tomarrying; if the old man would die I might not hesitate, but a state ofdependance on the caprice of Sir Reginald will not suit the freedom of myspirit; and if I resolve to wait for that event, I shall have excuse enoughat present in having been scarcely ten months a widow. I have not givenMainwaring any hint of my intention, or allowed him to consider myacquaintance with Reginald as more than the commonest flirtation, and he istolerably appeased. Adieu, till we meet; I am enchanted with my lodgings.Yours ever,S. VERNON.